Runtime:
116 minutes
Directed
by: 9 different guys! This is a horror anthology
Starring:
A bunch of low-budget or microbudget actors most people would not
have heard of before
From:
The Collective
I
have had an Xbox 360 since the last few days of last year. Yet, it
wasn't until late Thursday night I decided to explore the Xbox Video
area on the Dashboard. I had no idea they offered up so many
different movies. Sure, a lot of them are low budget or even lower
and there's probably a lot of crap not worth watching, but this is
still a service I'll be using at least once in awhile. It's not a one
month flat rate thing like Netflix or Hulu. You rent one movie at a
time for a few bucks each (or what that equals in Microsoft Points),
or you can even purchase it and have it saved on your hard drive.
There
were some interesting options but I decided to go with this horror
anthology as I've heard a lot about it in recent months, and talk
about a divisive film. Some like most of it, some only like a segment
or two, and there are even some that hated it all. I was curious to
check it out, and they also have the newer horror anthology The ABC's
of Death, where they have 26(!) different short films that only last
a few minutes long each (it's a little over 2 hours; it's not like this is 5 hours or anything), and I figured I should see it in
chronological order, so this one first. There's also an S-VHS that
got rushed into production real quickly, not giving me much
confidence considering the rushed production aspect.
The
plot, stolen from the IMDb: “When
a group of misfits is hired by an unknown third party to burglarize a
desolate house and acquire a rare VHS tape, they discover more found
footage than they bargained for.” Yes. The tapes are unlabeled so
they have to go through them, resulting in the short films that make
up the meat of the sandwich while the bread is the story of these
misfits going through the tapes.
“Misfits”
is putting it lightly. I've used the term “asstagonists” before
to describe protagonists who turn out to be loathsome human beings;
THESE guys are asstagonists. To say they are hoodlums is insulting to
hoodlums everywhere. They vandalize an abandoned house, and that's
the nicest thing they do. They sexually assault a woman in a parking
garage and they film her topless! Charming. The problem is, all the
other short films except the last one is FULL of other asstagonists!
Oh, and the fate of those misfits... it was presented in a
non-satisfying manner. Let me break it down one by one:
The
first sketch is a pair of college fratboy douche types who go into
the big city to party and they look to score with some chicks. Their
nerdy pal is with them as he has on magical glasses that films the
action. Things end up going really awry. Sure, they were douches but
at times their drunken buffoonery was rather amusing; one of them
humps the side of the bed apparently because he's really horny! There
are legit frights and chilling moments, too. I can't say that for
much of what I saw after this.
A
sketch directed by Ti West (the most famous director here) about a
young couple on their “second honeymoon”. A few months ago I
watched House of the Devil. I was not a fan of it. When even Ti West
fans do not like this... this was just SO boring, pointless, and once
you find out what it's all about, it doesn't make much sense and I
thought, “That's it?”
A
sketch set out in the woods: I think this was the worst one of them
all! Yes, even worse than the preceding short. All of these
characters were REALLY horrible from beginning to end. I mean, a
major turn-off. Then, once you find out what the big bad is...
nothing is explained, and not everything has to be spoonfed to you,
but what it is makes zero sense and maybe if this was a full feature
and it had decent characters and the time to explain a little of what
it was and the mythology, then maybe you'd have something. But here,
it was pretty horrific and horrifying, and I mean that in the way of
punishing the audience due to its badness.
A
Skype short: Yes, Skype. On a Mac. Was a computer screen filmed on a
VHS tape? It looked a lot clearer than the other footage... sure,
there were creepy moments but what the plot ended up being was lame
and unpleasant and a waste of time.
A
short set on Halloween night, 1998: This was definitely the best one.
The young male characters were actually tolerable or better. There
were plenty of spooky moments (they weren't elaborate by any means
but at least they worked; I heard it compared to Evil Dead and that
seems at least somewhat appropriate). The ending was memorable. Bravo
to Radio Silence, the quartet who did this. I'd like to see more from
them. At least the best was saved for last.
Overall,
aside from moments in the college douche short and the entirety of
the ending short, this was a massive disappointment, especially
considering that it's gotten real strong praise from horror sites and
even many horror fans rate this at least a little higher than I did,
if not a lot more. I am baffled by its popularity.
I'll be back Monday night.
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