Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
55% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 391 reviews)
Runtime: 142 minutes
Directed by: J.J. Abrams
Starring: The usual people from this new trilogy, some old names from the past and even some new characters
From: You know who
I apologize for this being posted here a few days late but things were hectic for me then starting on Sunday I have been on vacation. At the very end of the year I am sure I will get back on schedule but for now:
Well, it was better than The Last Jedi, BUT...
This will be one of those reviews the length of a dissertation as there is plenty to say even with only having one paragraph that has minor spoilers and no major plot points are brought up. I have mentioned before how as a kid (and I am uncomfortably close to 40 now) I watched the original movies on VHS and this was made easy when my parents bought them in a 1990 box set release. The prequels, none of them are good-this includes Revenge of the Sith-and this new trilogy, I had a blast with The Force Awakens... even if it is a remake of A New Hope. The Last Jedi I know many love to death, and I'll never comprehend why. At the time I was awfully kind and gave it an average rating; if I ever were to see it again, I have a feeling the rating would be lower. The plot made zero sense when it came to logic and all the “humor” was not only unfunny and stupid, it ruined multiple scenes and was NOT needed in Star Wars. IMO, all that Canto Bright stuff was a waste of time and to list one of MANY examples, how exactly was The First Order in control of things shortly after the events of The Force Awakens if at that time, they were just revealed... it was like many months had passed between the end of Force and the beginning of Last and we know that can't be true as Rey wasn't waiting there for months waiting to hand Luke his lightsaber... and Lord did that movie ruin Luke.
I realize those online that complain about TLJ the most are the type that bullied Kelly Marie Tran off the Internet (as if she was the reason Rose was a character that many hated) and even now whine and bellow about it on YouTube... to millions of views, so no surprise many jumped on that bandwagon. I am not one of those loonies or obsessive people; I just thought TLJ was not a joy at all to sit through and to be blunt, it was stupid that Rian Johnson tossed away the plot points set up in The Force Awakens in order to “be cute” or “subvert expectations” or whatever the hell. Then again, I can't entirely blame him as I never looked into how much of the script came from him versus other people and of course, people like Kathleen Kennedy ultimately had to approve the story.
Anyhow, I enjoyed this more than TLJ, and even then I can admit this has its issues. The opening act wasn't as convoluted as others have said, at least to me... but overly busy, hurried and jumping right into action in media res... yes. The story I had plenty of issues with and there are stupid moments; thankfully they were not stupid swerves or characters not sharing information for no reason like in The Last Jedi. Unfortunately, the other thing I was hoping wouldn't be in this movie... it was. OF COURSE there is way too much humor that is not only pointless but ruined multiple scenes, and I was not happy about it. Looking at the reviews of people I follow on Letterboxd and a few other places, that aspect is rarely brought up but I understand there is too much humor in a typical Marvel movie and I've only seen a few of those (as I don't care about comic book movies in general and never will) so maybe that's why it bothers me more than most. I'd like to think I am not a joyless curmudgeon, anyway!
This is the sort of movie where the plotting made it difficult to judge how much time has elapsed... I'll just state that the first hour and a half or so I did not love due to the “humor” thing and various plot problems. The last hour, once they got serious & focused & hardly had any jokes present, magically it was much more enjoyable for me as there's the big showdown; I never bring up such things and if anyone reading this had photosensitive epilepsy, but even I noticed there was part of the finale w/ plenty of strobing lights. Some chains have noted this to people but not all of them, so... a word of warning. Anyhow, right as I left the auditorium I was not mad at the movie overall because the final act was exciting (the final scene, that can be debated) and there was no issue w/ The Last Jedi mostly being ignored. Plus, the cast tries its best and naturally, such things as the production design and musical score were top notch.
(This paragraph contains minor spoilers) In the hours after the movie, though... my enthusiasm has died down. The mainly flaws with the final chapter of this nine movie saga became more apparent the longer I thought about it. I then got mad at this new trilogy in general and how Finn should have had more of an arc due to setup that was rich with possibilities... or the various problems with Rey or how various new/returning characters are short-changed (I am looking at Tran and Keri Russell-no relation) or needing to have Palpatine return with little explanation of how he survived the ending of RotJ or various conveniences or how “14 hours” is brought up as a plot point then is forgotten or how Finn is about to make a revelation to someone on two occasions but it doesn't happen and it's never brought up again or how in a flabbergasting moment, Abrams ripped off a horrible plot point from STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS and used it here, and it's just as bad an idea.
I am not like the segment of YouTube which has already made rage-filled diatribes concerning this (one of which is almost as long as the movie itself); instead, I am just disappointed they did not have a set plan for Episode IX before they started with Episode VII and instead they winged it. In addition, this following the modern movie trends that I don't like is a shame. Three last things:
Eventually I will subscribe to Disney + and at that time I'll finally check out The Mandalorian. Hopefully it's more to my tastes and it is more than just Baby Yoda.
No matter what you think of Rise, at least it is not Cats. Of course I am only judging this based on the horrifying trailer from a few months ago and the amazingly bad word of mouth it has from both critics & fans, but discovering that they originally sent out the movie with RENDERING ERRORS and it played before new copies had to be downloaded by the cinemas. As bold as it was to apparently go all-in on such a risky idea-even if it was a popular musical decades ago-the CG failing spectacularly and there not being much of a plot means that I will presume Cats is a poor movie.
Starting tomorrow I will be out of town for about a week (as is customary) and I probably won't have time for any movie-watching as I will be with family. In any case, a Happy Holidays to everyone.
Tuesday, December 24, 2019
Wednesday, December 18, 2019
Stuber
Stuber (2019)
42% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 212 reviews)
Runtime: 93 minutes
Directed by: Michael Dowse
Starring: David Bautista, Kumail Nanjiani, Natalie Morales, Iko Uwais, Mira Sorvino
From: 20th Century Fox
Another movie I can thank an online discount for.
As has happened before, an online entity I am a member of and I pay money to offers me a one time only discount on something; the last time that happened before this, I got to see The Fanatic; at least Stuber was better than that but it being a new release that I could see for cheap was a reason why I saw something that did not impress me from the trailers. That said, most trailers aren't good in general and I heard there were a few bloody moments. That was true, although of course it was all digital blood and the action scenes had its share of issues.
Much to my dismay, this used a shaky-cam nauseating style that made the action not pleasing to watch at all, and that is hogwash when the villain is-a blonde-haired-Iko Uwais; then again, you only see him in the opening and deep in the final act. Another problem with me and this action/comedy... I rarely laughed. Often in the past, my opinions on humor and modern comedies have been brought up. In short, my sense of humor is different from a lot of people and what is modern “comedy” now has little interest to me; this movie has plenty of that. What I mean is... rude abrasive people all over the place, rambling improv BS, thinking that vulgarity on its own is great, thinking that ironic juxtaposition on its own is great, etc. This movie is all about that, along with an incredibly predictable plot where the plot twists are the opposite of shocking and all the characters are one note stereotypes.
It's a shame as while the plot is a gimmick, at least the concept of ride sharing services being the crux of the plot is a fresh idea and the idea of a wimpy Nissan Leaf having to drive around a hulking brute police officer because he had Lasik surgery... it COULD have been funny. Unfortunately, this only got some chuckles from me. I can admit that there were some odd song choices I could never have imagined action setpieces set to and Bautista managed to be pretty charming. Kumail Nanjiani, this is the first thing I've seen him in and well... I will try and avoid most of his movies; that's how unfunny I found him to be most of the time and I'll presume this is the “humor” he uses in those other modern comedies.
I am sure this will work better for many other people; me, I think it will be best to be awfully choosy in a genre that lost me a long while ago.
42% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 212 reviews)
Runtime: 93 minutes
Directed by: Michael Dowse
Starring: David Bautista, Kumail Nanjiani, Natalie Morales, Iko Uwais, Mira Sorvino
From: 20th Century Fox
Another movie I can thank an online discount for.
As has happened before, an online entity I am a member of and I pay money to offers me a one time only discount on something; the last time that happened before this, I got to see The Fanatic; at least Stuber was better than that but it being a new release that I could see for cheap was a reason why I saw something that did not impress me from the trailers. That said, most trailers aren't good in general and I heard there were a few bloody moments. That was true, although of course it was all digital blood and the action scenes had its share of issues.
Much to my dismay, this used a shaky-cam nauseating style that made the action not pleasing to watch at all, and that is hogwash when the villain is-a blonde-haired-Iko Uwais; then again, you only see him in the opening and deep in the final act. Another problem with me and this action/comedy... I rarely laughed. Often in the past, my opinions on humor and modern comedies have been brought up. In short, my sense of humor is different from a lot of people and what is modern “comedy” now has little interest to me; this movie has plenty of that. What I mean is... rude abrasive people all over the place, rambling improv BS, thinking that vulgarity on its own is great, thinking that ironic juxtaposition on its own is great, etc. This movie is all about that, along with an incredibly predictable plot where the plot twists are the opposite of shocking and all the characters are one note stereotypes.
It's a shame as while the plot is a gimmick, at least the concept of ride sharing services being the crux of the plot is a fresh idea and the idea of a wimpy Nissan Leaf having to drive around a hulking brute police officer because he had Lasik surgery... it COULD have been funny. Unfortunately, this only got some chuckles from me. I can admit that there were some odd song choices I could never have imagined action setpieces set to and Bautista managed to be pretty charming. Kumail Nanjiani, this is the first thing I've seen him in and well... I will try and avoid most of his movies; that's how unfunny I found him to be most of the time and I'll presume this is the “humor” he uses in those other modern comedies.
I am sure this will work better for many other people; me, I think it will be best to be awfully choosy in a genre that lost me a long while ago.
Monday, December 16, 2019
Black Christmas (Unfortunately, The New One)
Runtime: 92 minutes
Directed by: Sophia Takal
Starring: Imogen Poots,
Cary Elwes, and a bunch of actresses who are relative unknowns but
they all deserved something better than this awful movie
From: Universal/Blumhouse
Originally
I thought I had a way of seeing the unrated version of the '06 Black
Christmas last night so that review would have gone up today and
tomorrow would be this review. Regrettably, that did not work out-don't
ask why; I just know that is supposed to be far superior to the easier
to find theatrical cut so I do not want to bother with that. Alas, that
will have to wait until sometime in 2020; I may actually have to buy the
old DVD... in any case, the original Black Christmas is very good as it
is quite chilling throughout (not to mention intense) and there are
memorable kills. By the time I saw this remake a few hours ago, I had
already heard rumblings of BC '19 being terrible, and even an
explanation as to why.
I hate having to bag on a movie starring a group of young women, directed by a woman and written by the director along with another woman. After you read what I say, some could consider it invalid because I am a random white man who is uncomfortably close to the age of 40. If someone feels that way, I will not object; maybe this will play better if you are a young adult woman. You see, I thought the trailers revealed too much (and they did), but it did not show that this went HEAVILY into being for the “SJW” and “woke” crowd. If this would have been more nuanced and not so laughably preposterous, I would have been hunky-dory with a tale where ladies have to navigate university life and because men are being stereotypically bad or chauvinistic or just plain dumb, they don't believe it when a female hater or haters are killing them.
This movie's biggest issue is not the PG-13 rating resulting in kills without any blood. The setup to the kills are lame and forgettable... basically, someone appears from the shadows and grabs the girl... that's it! No, the worst problem is how incredibly blunt the movie is and how the approach is sledgehammer-like and clumsy in addressing various social issues and a horrible event that happens to lead girl Imogen Poots. Honestly, Poots tries her hardest and she was the standout; the cast as a whole was not bad but this would have been even worse if not for her. I do wish the cast did not have to try and make such a bad plot and atrocious on the nose dialogue work-they all deserved better. Note that this portrays all men as being pretty terrible, and OF COURSE “not all men” is brought up and in fact results in a heated argument.
It seemed like there was no point to this and instead it will just stir people up by bringing up so many buzzwords and concepts from #metoo and women empowerment without being entertaining or sending any sort of worthwhile message to the audience. Instead, this still has a “dumb woman” character and another is Super Feminist and is like a garish stereotype of the most SJW lady you'll ever come across... wanting an English literature class to have more minorities and women in curriculum and wanting the college to fire the professor (Cary Elwes!) when he objects. Honestly, the movie is that unsubtle throughout; it becomes exhausting how blunt it attempts-and fails-to present its themes. And then the third act happens... holy cow. Of course I won't spoil anything; even if I did, I imagine no one would believe me if I gave away the explanation for what's going on! I'll just say that it makes the whole thing a joke and not a realistic look at serious modern issues. As the movie is not supposed to be a parody or satire... no wonder this is getting brutalized everywhere that I have looked. Heck, there is some amazingly obvious ADR work done and I usually can't spot such things.
While I've never seen director Sophia Takal's Never Shine, but I know it has its fans and it has to be MUCH better than this dreck that amazingly missed its mark so badly. IMO, Hollywood has done a piss-poor job trying to create “modern” woman characters that are supposed to be empowering or has strong beliefs. What I've seen, it's been incredibly grating characters like that one girl from Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom or that one robot sidekick of Lando from Solo: A Star Wars Story. This, however, takes the cake in that besides all the horrible stereotyping, the women in general act pretty incompetent until suddenly... they're not! Even if this did not have the Black Christmas name attached to it, it would be an appallingly bad horror movie-which hardly has any horror in it to begin with-but the fact that it taints a genre classic... like I said, I wish I did not have to tear apart something involving so many women and it having the germ of interesting ideas that are relevant in today's world. That said, I have to be honest here and while I am not the target demographic, I can still say this was more rotten than a Christmas goose sitting in the garbage that hasn't been picked up for collection yet.
I hate having to bag on a movie starring a group of young women, directed by a woman and written by the director along with another woman. After you read what I say, some could consider it invalid because I am a random white man who is uncomfortably close to the age of 40. If someone feels that way, I will not object; maybe this will play better if you are a young adult woman. You see, I thought the trailers revealed too much (and they did), but it did not show that this went HEAVILY into being for the “SJW” and “woke” crowd. If this would have been more nuanced and not so laughably preposterous, I would have been hunky-dory with a tale where ladies have to navigate university life and because men are being stereotypically bad or chauvinistic or just plain dumb, they don't believe it when a female hater or haters are killing them.
This movie's biggest issue is not the PG-13 rating resulting in kills without any blood. The setup to the kills are lame and forgettable... basically, someone appears from the shadows and grabs the girl... that's it! No, the worst problem is how incredibly blunt the movie is and how the approach is sledgehammer-like and clumsy in addressing various social issues and a horrible event that happens to lead girl Imogen Poots. Honestly, Poots tries her hardest and she was the standout; the cast as a whole was not bad but this would have been even worse if not for her. I do wish the cast did not have to try and make such a bad plot and atrocious on the nose dialogue work-they all deserved better. Note that this portrays all men as being pretty terrible, and OF COURSE “not all men” is brought up and in fact results in a heated argument.
It seemed like there was no point to this and instead it will just stir people up by bringing up so many buzzwords and concepts from #metoo and women empowerment without being entertaining or sending any sort of worthwhile message to the audience. Instead, this still has a “dumb woman” character and another is Super Feminist and is like a garish stereotype of the most SJW lady you'll ever come across... wanting an English literature class to have more minorities and women in curriculum and wanting the college to fire the professor (Cary Elwes!) when he objects. Honestly, the movie is that unsubtle throughout; it becomes exhausting how blunt it attempts-and fails-to present its themes. And then the third act happens... holy cow. Of course I won't spoil anything; even if I did, I imagine no one would believe me if I gave away the explanation for what's going on! I'll just say that it makes the whole thing a joke and not a realistic look at serious modern issues. As the movie is not supposed to be a parody or satire... no wonder this is getting brutalized everywhere that I have looked. Heck, there is some amazingly obvious ADR work done and I usually can't spot such things.
While I've never seen director Sophia Takal's Never Shine, but I know it has its fans and it has to be MUCH better than this dreck that amazingly missed its mark so badly. IMO, Hollywood has done a piss-poor job trying to create “modern” woman characters that are supposed to be empowering or has strong beliefs. What I've seen, it's been incredibly grating characters like that one girl from Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom or that one robot sidekick of Lando from Solo: A Star Wars Story. This, however, takes the cake in that besides all the horrible stereotyping, the women in general act pretty incompetent until suddenly... they're not! Even if this did not have the Black Christmas name attached to it, it would be an appallingly bad horror movie-which hardly has any horror in it to begin with-but the fact that it taints a genre classic... like I said, I wish I did not have to tear apart something involving so many women and it having the germ of interesting ideas that are relevant in today's world. That said, I have to be honest here and while I am not the target demographic, I can still say this was more rotten than a Christmas goose sitting in the garbage that hasn't been picked up for collection yet.
Saturday, December 14, 2019
Black Gunn
Runtime: 96 minutes
Directed by: Robert
Hartford-Davis
Starring: Jim Brown,
Martin Landau, Brenda Sykes, Luciana Paluzzi, Bruce Glover
From: Columbia
I recently realized I have barely watched any blaxploitation in 2019;
shame on me. At least I picked one which I figured would go right as it
starred Jim Brown, and I was correct.
Naturally, his character is only known as Gunn; he is successful to the point of driving around in a vintage Rolls Royce and owning a club. Unfortunately, his brother gets involved w/ revolutionaries and they think that ripping off the Mob and stealing their ledgers is a good idea. His fate is what you'd expect it to be, so Gunn is looking for revenge. This is typical for the genre: funky clothing, funky music, and a general over the top nature. Martin Landau is the main villain but there are long stretches where he is not present. Instead, the audience sees his underling Bruce Glover trying to find those ledgers, then Gunn trying to track him down. It's always nice seeing Bruce and as I suspected, he does a swell job of being a pretty despicable human being, uttering many racial insults... none of which I will repeat here.
Some aspects could be nitpicked; I won't be playing that game. For me, this was a grand old time where Brown is as much a badass as he typically is on screen, and this B-movie is never boring. Whether it's the dialogue or the action, it was not dull. Some familiar names do appear: baseball great Vida Blue in his one acting role, a cameo from football great Deacon Jones as himself, Brenda Sykes, Bernie Casey, and Luciana Paluzzi in a supporting role. The action was fun and while the location of the ultimate showdown is cliché, at least there is plenty of firepower and there were guffaws from me when one character had some lines OBVIOUSLY dubbed as it did not sound like the actor at all. Anyhow, 2020 I will go more in-depth on exploring this genre, I do promise that.
Naturally, his character is only known as Gunn; he is successful to the point of driving around in a vintage Rolls Royce and owning a club. Unfortunately, his brother gets involved w/ revolutionaries and they think that ripping off the Mob and stealing their ledgers is a good idea. His fate is what you'd expect it to be, so Gunn is looking for revenge. This is typical for the genre: funky clothing, funky music, and a general over the top nature. Martin Landau is the main villain but there are long stretches where he is not present. Instead, the audience sees his underling Bruce Glover trying to find those ledgers, then Gunn trying to track him down. It's always nice seeing Bruce and as I suspected, he does a swell job of being a pretty despicable human being, uttering many racial insults... none of which I will repeat here.
Some aspects could be nitpicked; I won't be playing that game. For me, this was a grand old time where Brown is as much a badass as he typically is on screen, and this B-movie is never boring. Whether it's the dialogue or the action, it was not dull. Some familiar names do appear: baseball great Vida Blue in his one acting role, a cameo from football great Deacon Jones as himself, Brenda Sykes, Bernie Casey, and Luciana Paluzzi in a supporting role. The action was fun and while the location of the ultimate showdown is cliché, at least there is plenty of firepower and there were guffaws from me when one character had some lines OBVIOUSLY dubbed as it did not sound like the actor at all. Anyhow, 2020 I will go more in-depth on exploring this genre, I do promise that.
Friday, December 13, 2019
The Eiger Sanction
The Eiger Sanction (2019)
Runtime: 129 minutes
Directed by: Clint Eastwood
Starring: Eastwood, George Kennedy, Vonetta McGee, Jack Cassidy, Heidi Bruhl
From: Universal
Runtime: 129 minutes
Directed by: Clint Eastwood
Starring: Eastwood, George Kennedy, Vonetta McGee, Jack Cassidy, Heidi Bruhl
From: Universal
Those that are mad at Eastwood's latest movie... do NOT watch The Eiger Sanction.
Despite what some may think, this was not chosen on the spot because of the controversy surrounding Richard Jewell; rather, this was brought up in a messageboard thread a month ago, I rented it and I waited until the last minute to finally view the movie. What fortuitous timing then that my viewing of Eiger came up right as outrage began over how in Richard Jewell, real life Atlanta reporter Kathy Scruggs was portrayed as a floozy who offered to sleep with an FBI agent in order to get a scoop. That is not a great trope of women in the news industry and Scruggs has been dead for 18 years now... without having seen the movie, it doesn't sound great. Then again, I am not surprised that with Eastwood's political beliefs, that he would choose a project where-as the trailer made patently obvious-it is an attack on the media & its practices. All this controversy is a shame as I've always felt bad for Richard Jewell the person as he found a bomb during the 1996 Atlanta Olympic Games and likely saved many lives... only to be accused of planting it himself and have his personality & physical appearance lambasted by the media and federal government before later being exonerated.
I say all that here as those who are upset at Eastwood for having a negative portrayal of a woman in his latest picture, you really do not want to watch The Eiger Sanction. I was warned about it beforehand but Sanction-based on a novel by Trevanian... more on him later-has several qualities that are “questionable” by 2019 standards; this includes the obvious detail that all the women characters in the movie were portrayed as either sex objects or evil conniving b******. There's also shocking “jokes” made about offensive topics, a “total albino” who “needs a complete blood transfusion a few times a year” (I will presume that this detail is total poppycock), and oh yes... there is a homosexual character who was flamboyant and besides being one of the side villains, he has a dog named... well, it's the most common slur used against gay people. If that is not bad enough, Vonetta McGee is in this, as a woman named JEMIMA; the characters do acknowledge this, but yikes. Many people today would have problems if they saw this for the first time, in other words.
To discuss the actual plot, star Eastwood (who also directed) portrayed Jonathan Hemlock, your typical art professor/mountaineer/retired assassin. He is asked by an albino named Dragon to eliminate a pair of targets; as one of them killed an old friend of Hemlock and “a germ warfare formula” is stolen, this is how our hero accepts the job... oh and cash-plenty of cash. This requires him to climb a treacherous mountain that he almost died twice on before. I have never read the novel but I understand it was meant to be satirical, which not everyone got. I presume Trevanian made that clearer as its follow-up was called The Loo Sanction. The movie, it was not played as satire yet there is more humor than you'd expect and those odd elements-such as the albino or the flamboyantly gay character-made me not treat this all that seriously.
Even with the dated ideas and beliefs present in the movie, I can still say that overall it was fine. No matter what you think of Eastwood the person, Eastwood the director and Eastwood the actor is a hell of a talent. The plot is nonsense but still provided enough entertainment for my tastes; furthermore, John Williams provided a nice score and George Kennedy is also here, playing the sort of character you'd probably expect him to play. Yet naturally, the highlight was all the scenery (either of the American Southwest, which is seen in the first half as Hemlock prepares for the climb, or the second half in Switzerland, where the Eiger is climbed... yes, it is a real mountain and it is actually a dangerous climb. All the mountain climbing footage is still impressive today, as they actually did it, and a few times Old Clint did dangerous stunts himself, all in the sake of being authentic. Unfortunately, one climber did pass away during filming due to an accident. That material did help make this pulp nonsense-which is rather peculiar-fun, at least for me.
For years I've known of the novel, movie and author; hopefully I am not the only one who back in the day read the Secrets books from William Poundstone (Big, Bigger and Biggest). In Biggest, it was revealed that Trevanian-who wrote in a variety of genres over the years and his true identity was made a secret-was actually a random film professor named Rodney Whitaker. This was true, although not confirmed until years after the fact. Then again, considering that “Rod Whitaker” is in the credits as one of the people who wrote the screenplay... perhaps this should not have been such a mystery.
Despite what some may think, this was not chosen on the spot because of the controversy surrounding Richard Jewell; rather, this was brought up in a messageboard thread a month ago, I rented it and I waited until the last minute to finally view the movie. What fortuitous timing then that my viewing of Eiger came up right as outrage began over how in Richard Jewell, real life Atlanta reporter Kathy Scruggs was portrayed as a floozy who offered to sleep with an FBI agent in order to get a scoop. That is not a great trope of women in the news industry and Scruggs has been dead for 18 years now... without having seen the movie, it doesn't sound great. Then again, I am not surprised that with Eastwood's political beliefs, that he would choose a project where-as the trailer made patently obvious-it is an attack on the media & its practices. All this controversy is a shame as I've always felt bad for Richard Jewell the person as he found a bomb during the 1996 Atlanta Olympic Games and likely saved many lives... only to be accused of planting it himself and have his personality & physical appearance lambasted by the media and federal government before later being exonerated.
I say all that here as those who are upset at Eastwood for having a negative portrayal of a woman in his latest picture, you really do not want to watch The Eiger Sanction. I was warned about it beforehand but Sanction-based on a novel by Trevanian... more on him later-has several qualities that are “questionable” by 2019 standards; this includes the obvious detail that all the women characters in the movie were portrayed as either sex objects or evil conniving b******. There's also shocking “jokes” made about offensive topics, a “total albino” who “needs a complete blood transfusion a few times a year” (I will presume that this detail is total poppycock), and oh yes... there is a homosexual character who was flamboyant and besides being one of the side villains, he has a dog named... well, it's the most common slur used against gay people. If that is not bad enough, Vonetta McGee is in this, as a woman named JEMIMA; the characters do acknowledge this, but yikes. Many people today would have problems if they saw this for the first time, in other words.
To discuss the actual plot, star Eastwood (who also directed) portrayed Jonathan Hemlock, your typical art professor/mountaineer/retired assassin. He is asked by an albino named Dragon to eliminate a pair of targets; as one of them killed an old friend of Hemlock and “a germ warfare formula” is stolen, this is how our hero accepts the job... oh and cash-plenty of cash. This requires him to climb a treacherous mountain that he almost died twice on before. I have never read the novel but I understand it was meant to be satirical, which not everyone got. I presume Trevanian made that clearer as its follow-up was called The Loo Sanction. The movie, it was not played as satire yet there is more humor than you'd expect and those odd elements-such as the albino or the flamboyantly gay character-made me not treat this all that seriously.
Even with the dated ideas and beliefs present in the movie, I can still say that overall it was fine. No matter what you think of Eastwood the person, Eastwood the director and Eastwood the actor is a hell of a talent. The plot is nonsense but still provided enough entertainment for my tastes; furthermore, John Williams provided a nice score and George Kennedy is also here, playing the sort of character you'd probably expect him to play. Yet naturally, the highlight was all the scenery (either of the American Southwest, which is seen in the first half as Hemlock prepares for the climb, or the second half in Switzerland, where the Eiger is climbed... yes, it is a real mountain and it is actually a dangerous climb. All the mountain climbing footage is still impressive today, as they actually did it, and a few times Old Clint did dangerous stunts himself, all in the sake of being authentic. Unfortunately, one climber did pass away during filming due to an accident. That material did help make this pulp nonsense-which is rather peculiar-fun, at least for me.
For years I've known of the novel, movie and author; hopefully I am not the only one who back in the day read the Secrets books from William Poundstone (Big, Bigger and Biggest). In Biggest, it was revealed that Trevanian-who wrote in a variety of genres over the years and his true identity was made a secret-was actually a random film professor named Rodney Whitaker. This was true, although not confirmed until years after the fact. Then again, considering that “Rod Whitaker” is in the credits as one of the people who wrote the screenplay... perhaps this should not have been such a mystery.
Wednesday, December 11, 2019
Ice Age
Runtime: 81 minutes
Directed by: Chris Wedge
Starring: Vocal talent
like Ray Romano, John Legiuzamo, Denis Leary, Cedric the Entertainer,
& Jack Black
From: 20th
Century Fox
In the review below that I copied and pasted from Letterboxd, I somehow did not bring up Scrat; that was an amusing side character, although I understand in the sequels they went too far in the direction of showing him:
It was not the plan to talk about this movie; however, someone I know
had it on the television so I viewed it on a cable channel. Not ideal
for me, but at least I have something to talk about tonight. Believe it
or not, this is my second time with the movie; the first was soon after
it came out on video, as a parent is a big fan of the entire franchise.
The plot is the oft-told 3 Godfathers tale, which is of course inspired by the Three Wise Men. In this case, a woolly mammoth, a sloth are forced to team up, have to deliver a baby to a human settlement and also meet a saber-toothed tiger that they warily befriend along the way. The story is not revolutionary but thankfully it is not cloying and low-brow dreck which would only be appealing to kids and the experience for adults is a punishing ordeal. It was perfectly fine for a dude like me who has no children and is on the doorstep of being middle-aged. There were moments that made me laugh and I do appreciate how there were some melancholy or poignant moments. Furthermore, there is some entertaining animated action to boot.
In 2019, the computer animation does look basic and not fancy; it's not to slag on how the movie looks as it's still acceptable now. It's just that this field has taken a quantum leap since then. Thankfully all three of the lead characters are interesting on their own and with each other without ever becoming annoying. As for the sequels, I've only seen parts of one (I couldn't even tell you which one it was) and as it's a sequel I will presume it is inferior to the original.
The plot is the oft-told 3 Godfathers tale, which is of course inspired by the Three Wise Men. In this case, a woolly mammoth, a sloth are forced to team up, have to deliver a baby to a human settlement and also meet a saber-toothed tiger that they warily befriend along the way. The story is not revolutionary but thankfully it is not cloying and low-brow dreck which would only be appealing to kids and the experience for adults is a punishing ordeal. It was perfectly fine for a dude like me who has no children and is on the doorstep of being middle-aged. There were moments that made me laugh and I do appreciate how there were some melancholy or poignant moments. Furthermore, there is some entertaining animated action to boot.
In 2019, the computer animation does look basic and not fancy; it's not to slag on how the movie looks as it's still acceptable now. It's just that this field has taken a quantum leap since then. Thankfully all three of the lead characters are interesting on their own and with each other without ever becoming annoying. As for the sequels, I've only seen parts of one (I couldn't even tell you which one it was) and as it's a sequel I will presume it is inferior to the original.
Tuesday, December 10, 2019
Gremlins In 4DX Is Neat
Sunday night, I went to the nearest Regal Cinemas to me that has a 4DX screen. That is where the seats move around and there are various effects used in the auditorium... smoke, simulated snow, water spritzing on you (that can be turned off via pressing a button on the armrest), puffs of air, scents, etc. It is a wacky gimmick more than anything else but I've seen Gremlins a few times in my life-and this wasn't my first theatrical experience-so why not? It was an amusing time. Besides the seats slowly gliding a few times for no real reason, I can't complain about the presentation. Of course, the scene with Billy's mom doing battle with a few gremlins in the house was the busiest when it came to various effects being used.
Saturday, December 7, 2019
I Saw National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Theatrically Yesterday...
and it is still a very funny movie, even if the crowd at the screening wasn't as large as I was expecting. That said, I am glad that some AMC locations are playing it for the upcoming week.
Memories Of Murder
Runtime: 131 minutes
Directed by: Bong Joon-Ho
Starring: Song Kang-Ho,
Kim Sang-Kyung, Kim Roi-Ha, Song Jae-Ho, Byun Hee-Bong
From: Several Korean
companies
It's the return of Hot Take Blair.
Last month I viewed Parasite and thought it great; in the past I have viewed The Host (which was odd yet still very good) and Snowpiercer, which I thought was a confused mess with an illogical story, characters I couldn't stand, and the opening act is so bad it sunk the whole thing; also, until I saw the even worse Suspiria remake, Snowpiercer contained the most baffling Tilda Swinton performance. I am not as mad at Memories of Murder... just disappointed.
I've seen this often compared to Zodiac (by the end, I realized why) and while I haven't viewed that yet and I don't love Fincher like most people do, I will presume that is better and more enjoyable than this. I am not asking for a film about South Korea's first serial killer-who killed more than a few women from 1986 to 1991-to be cheery and upbeat. But the one thing that ruined the movie for me... the three main cops we follow are all A-holes! Did this also occur in the stage play I understand this was based on?
No matter, they horribly abuse multiple suspects; the treatment of a mentally handicapped man-who is also scarred facially-was the worst. I mean, was I supposed to be entertained by their atrocious behavior? Amused? Sympathetic to the suspects? If that wasn't bad enough, those idiots bicker with each other to the point that their fighting causes the murderer to claim his latest victim. If I would have liked these jokers then the movie would be rated higher, yes... the general filmmaking, the cinematography, the suspense, the performances of the cast (especially Kang-Ho Song), those are elements that I cannot complain about.
I do regret not loving this like everyone else does. However, I am more disappointed by the experience rather than hating the finished product.
Last month I viewed Parasite and thought it great; in the past I have viewed The Host (which was odd yet still very good) and Snowpiercer, which I thought was a confused mess with an illogical story, characters I couldn't stand, and the opening act is so bad it sunk the whole thing; also, until I saw the even worse Suspiria remake, Snowpiercer contained the most baffling Tilda Swinton performance. I am not as mad at Memories of Murder... just disappointed.
I've seen this often compared to Zodiac (by the end, I realized why) and while I haven't viewed that yet and I don't love Fincher like most people do, I will presume that is better and more enjoyable than this. I am not asking for a film about South Korea's first serial killer-who killed more than a few women from 1986 to 1991-to be cheery and upbeat. But the one thing that ruined the movie for me... the three main cops we follow are all A-holes! Did this also occur in the stage play I understand this was based on?
No matter, they horribly abuse multiple suspects; the treatment of a mentally handicapped man-who is also scarred facially-was the worst. I mean, was I supposed to be entertained by their atrocious behavior? Amused? Sympathetic to the suspects? If that wasn't bad enough, those idiots bicker with each other to the point that their fighting causes the murderer to claim his latest victim. If I would have liked these jokers then the movie would be rated higher, yes... the general filmmaking, the cinematography, the suspense, the performances of the cast (especially Kang-Ho Song), those are elements that I cannot complain about.
I do regret not loving this like everyone else does. However, I am more disappointed by the experience rather than hating the finished product.
Kriminal
Runtime: 96 minutes
Directed by: Umberto Lenzi
Starring: Glenn Saxon,
Helga Line, Andrea Bosic, Ivano Staccioli, Esmeralda Ruspoli
From: Several European
companies
Here's an obscure yet interesting Euro mystery thriller sort of thing from the 60's:
La Parka as a movie villain.
I reference the Mexican wrestling
(lucha libre) star who is best known for wrestling in WCW during the
late 90's as the titular Kriminal here is a suave-looking gentleman who
happens to be a master thief and just because, he sometimes wears a
skeleton bodysuit w/ matching mask. Actually, this is based off of an
Italian comic book character, so that is the reason why. Also, this is
from Umberto Lenzi and that is why a few days beforehand, I created a
list on Letterboxd of his movies that I've seen; including this one it's
now at a tally of 11.
This spends more time with La Parka feelin' like a criminal and him eluding capture or dealing w/ fellow miscreants rather than Inspector Milton at Scotland Yard or any other law enforcement trying to arrest him. That manages to work well-enough here to where this was a silly yet fine yarn. It is in general a little ludicrous... then again, it's based on a comic so to me that is to be expected. There is plenty of intrigue as we get to see how Kriminal is able to outsmart and outmaneuver a variety of different people... and in a variety of locations: Italy, London, Madrid, Istanbul, & a few others. Note that shaving cream manages to provide one of the most unforgettable moments. He does kill some people, but they're usually A-holes so I guess that's alright, right? Unfortunately, he doesn't hit anyone with a steel chair.
Naturally, people will compare this with Danger: Diabolik. This is not as good as that (this is uneven at times) but it doesn't mean that you won't be entertained by this swingin' adventure that has the 60's era cool to it, especially with its groovy jazz score and animated credits.
This spends more time with La Parka feelin' like a criminal and him eluding capture or dealing w/ fellow miscreants rather than Inspector Milton at Scotland Yard or any other law enforcement trying to arrest him. That manages to work well-enough here to where this was a silly yet fine yarn. It is in general a little ludicrous... then again, it's based on a comic so to me that is to be expected. There is plenty of intrigue as we get to see how Kriminal is able to outsmart and outmaneuver a variety of different people... and in a variety of locations: Italy, London, Madrid, Istanbul, & a few others. Note that shaving cream manages to provide one of the most unforgettable moments. He does kill some people, but they're usually A-holes so I guess that's alright, right? Unfortunately, he doesn't hit anyone with a steel chair.
Naturally, people will compare this with Danger: Diabolik. This is not as good as that (this is uneven at times) but it doesn't mean that you won't be entertained by this swingin' adventure that has the 60's era cool to it, especially with its groovy jazz score and animated credits.
Friday, December 6, 2019
Friday Proper I Will Catch Up Here, But In The Meanwhile...
For now, I'll mention that earlier in the week I revisited Dial Code Santa Claus on Shudder; this time I saw the movie properly instead of illegally streaming it... to be honest. I had to even download subtitles for it; thankfully the print on Shudder is much better than what I initially viewed last December. My original review (it's not any different from how I feel about it now) is here.
Tuesday, December 3, 2019
Knives Out
Knives Out (2019)
97% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 333 reviews)
Runtime: 130 minutes
Directed by: Rian Johnson
Starring: A tremendous cast, although who was the standout surprised me
From: Lionsgate
I saw this Sunday afternoon and thankfully this screening came off w/ no complications... just barely:
This movie did in fact... subvert my expectations.
I suspect I'll discuss this further after I view Episode IX but as of late I have made allusions to The Last Jedi and how it seems like every time I think about it, my opinion of the film drops; if I viewed it tomorrow, I have a feeling my rating would be one that is below average... maybe much below so. This was why I was apprehensive about viewing Knives Out, even with the great cast. As mentioned the previous weekend, I tried to see this before, but the AMC I went to had a power outage. I did go back to that place to see it yesterday, as the power going out couldn't possibly happen two weekends in a row... right?
I will not reveal much about its plot as (at least for me) the story went in directions I was not expecting, and was for certain not revealed by the trailers. Filthy rich author Christopher Plummer passes away and his entire family is incredibly greedy... it don't matter if someone is liberal or “an alt-right troll”, avarice is a trait that they all share. Thus, everyone is a suspect when master sleuth Benoit Blanc-what a name Daniel Craig is given-believes that what looks like a suicide was actually a murder.
I'll be honest here, at times I wasn't sure about the movie while watching it and not all of the humor works; something involving “regurgitation” I was not a fan of... even if this was a send-up of the genre and I can't say that mysteries can't have the piss taken out of them as they can be on the preposterous side. Yet I can't say I did not enjoy this as there still were plenty of amusing moments (it just happened that some of them which made me laugh the most did not do much for the crowd at large), this was well-made w/ a nice score & camerawork, and by the end I realized what the story actually was and overall it was quite enjoyable. It went in unexpected directions without having way too much humor or the story itself making zero logical sense, which is what I'll always first think of when The Last Jedi comes to mind.
I cannot carp about anyone in the cast, no matter how much time they did or did not have on screen. Craig was undoubtedly memorable in his role due to his over the top accent but I was not expecting the highlight to be Ana de Armas. I only knew her from Blade Runner 2049 and she did a good job here, but in Knives Out (where she plays a caretaker and she is a Hispanic of indeterminate origin) she was a real revelation. If it wasn't for her and her performance, I am pretty confident in saying I would not have enjoyed this or rated it so high.
After the early stylized portion of the end credits, I left and went into the men's room, as I always do; what resulted was quite a coda for the late afternoon screening. While looking for an open spot in there... the power went out. It sounds like I am fibbing but I am stone cold serious here. If this had happened during the movie-”irate” wouldn't even begin to describe my attitude. This time, I know for certain it will be a long while before I return there; instead, I will use my AMC A-List app at Disney Springs. It's a blessing that this only happened once the end credits were rolling and I won't worry about being at that location.
97% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 333 reviews)
Runtime: 130 minutes
Directed by: Rian Johnson
Starring: A tremendous cast, although who was the standout surprised me
From: Lionsgate
I saw this Sunday afternoon and thankfully this screening came off w/ no complications... just barely:
This movie did in fact... subvert my expectations.
I suspect I'll discuss this further after I view Episode IX but as of late I have made allusions to The Last Jedi and how it seems like every time I think about it, my opinion of the film drops; if I viewed it tomorrow, I have a feeling my rating would be one that is below average... maybe much below so. This was why I was apprehensive about viewing Knives Out, even with the great cast. As mentioned the previous weekend, I tried to see this before, but the AMC I went to had a power outage. I did go back to that place to see it yesterday, as the power going out couldn't possibly happen two weekends in a row... right?
I will not reveal much about its plot as (at least for me) the story went in directions I was not expecting, and was for certain not revealed by the trailers. Filthy rich author Christopher Plummer passes away and his entire family is incredibly greedy... it don't matter if someone is liberal or “an alt-right troll”, avarice is a trait that they all share. Thus, everyone is a suspect when master sleuth Benoit Blanc-what a name Daniel Craig is given-believes that what looks like a suicide was actually a murder.
I'll be honest here, at times I wasn't sure about the movie while watching it and not all of the humor works; something involving “regurgitation” I was not a fan of... even if this was a send-up of the genre and I can't say that mysteries can't have the piss taken out of them as they can be on the preposterous side. Yet I can't say I did not enjoy this as there still were plenty of amusing moments (it just happened that some of them which made me laugh the most did not do much for the crowd at large), this was well-made w/ a nice score & camerawork, and by the end I realized what the story actually was and overall it was quite enjoyable. It went in unexpected directions without having way too much humor or the story itself making zero logical sense, which is what I'll always first think of when The Last Jedi comes to mind.
I cannot carp about anyone in the cast, no matter how much time they did or did not have on screen. Craig was undoubtedly memorable in his role due to his over the top accent but I was not expecting the highlight to be Ana de Armas. I only knew her from Blade Runner 2049 and she did a good job here, but in Knives Out (where she plays a caretaker and she is a Hispanic of indeterminate origin) she was a real revelation. If it wasn't for her and her performance, I am pretty confident in saying I would not have enjoyed this or rated it so high.
After the early stylized portion of the end credits, I left and went into the men's room, as I always do; what resulted was quite a coda for the late afternoon screening. While looking for an open spot in there... the power went out. It sounds like I am fibbing but I am stone cold serious here. If this had happened during the movie-”irate” wouldn't even begin to describe my attitude. This time, I know for certain it will be a long while before I return there; instead, I will use my AMC A-List app at Disney Springs. It's a blessing that this only happened once the end credits were rolling and I won't worry about being at that location.
Saturday, November 30, 2019
Cinerama Holiday
Cinerama Holiday (1955)
Runtime: 129 minutes
Directed by: Robert L. Bendick/Philipe De Lacy
From: Cinerama Productions Corp.
Note that I posted this review on Letterboxd Thanksgiving night:
Runtime: 129 minutes
Directed by: Robert L. Bendick/Philipe De Lacy
From: Cinerama Productions Corp.
Note that I posted this review on Letterboxd Thanksgiving night:
As it is Thanksgiving in the United States today, why not view this last night for the purpose of talking about something w/ “Holiday” in its title on a holiday night? I've viewed some of these Cinerama productions before and even if “cheesiness” is an accusation that can't be denied, all are charming, offer gorgeous vistas along with a snapshot of life in the past, and the Smilebox simulation done by Flicker Alley enables people today to see those three different images stitched together and the screen is curved artificially.
The story they came up for this is pure hokum: a couple from Switzerland and a couple from Missouri switch places. They are said to stay on the others' continent “for months” but there are long stretches of footage where they aren't seen... on the other side of the coin, that is me nitpicking as the real draw is hearing a nice stereo soundtrack matched to a wide variety of different images... county fairs, various sites in cities on both continents like New Orleans/Las Vegas/Paris/St. Moritz, Switzerland... and performances that range from dances (a Cinerama staple) of all sorts to a Dixieland jazz song... and there is also skiing, which is another staple in this format. There's everything from a brief fashion show to Native American cowboys, who-and I understand this was a different time-were called “Red Indians” and in 1955, it was OK to say that “Rain In The Face” was a “typical Indian name”.
To quote someone else here, at times it is obviously stagey and not realistic as a legit documentary where two random couples actually get to hang out on another continent for months on end... the footage looks great remastered and the highlights include Holidays on Ice outdoors in Switzerland right by a mountain lodge (not to mention a mountain itself), footage from a fighter jet both taking off and landing... getting to see downtown Las Vegas-including the Pioneer Club and the iconic Vegas Vic sign-before glitz totally went into overdrive, part of a choir's performance inside the Notre-Dame Cathedral, and even a ride down a bobsled course, which was greatly impressive considering how huge those cameras were... as I mentioned, this is a nice time capsule of life back in the past and what was the entertainment of the time, although of course what is “interesting” and what is “dull” is up to the viewer.
That is why these films (which I am glad Flicker Alley saved from oblivion & obscurity) tickle me pink.
The Pyramid
The Pyramid (1976)
Runtime: 94 minutes
Directed by: Gary Kent
Starring: Charley Brown, Tomi Barrett, Ira Hawkins, Michael Ashe, John Parker
From: I don't recall who is credited as releasing this... I can tell you the print is from the AGFA company, which is one of those niche offerings that put out all sorts of genre obscurities on Blu-ray.
Well, this is not a typical review for me. I have to discuss a movie that I not only had never heard of before, but it is obscure to the point there is a deficiency of information on what this is if you do a Google search... and yet the way I was able to see this: it played on Turner Classic Movies Underground late last night. I know they've aired some real obscurities... something this unknown was surprising. When I watched it and saw AGFA's logo at the beginning, it made a little more sense; it's not the first time they've aired something from their archives. Also, I imagine that one day they'll release this on Blu.
I'll provide more backstory later but I'll explain the plot now: Chris Lowe-who works at a TV station in the news department-is fed up with how negative his field is and how the local news is always so damned negative... either that, or mindless fluff is shown in puff pieces. Well, thank heavens that is not the case now... anyhow, Lowe is axed when he makes positive stories, which of course are rejected and has constant arguments with is superior. Now on his own, he freelances and ends up falling into the New Age hippie movement. I mean, the “pyramid” in question is a wooden structure built where flower children do flower children things.
This is the brainchild of Gary Kent, a person who has had various guises throughout many decades in the film industry... stunts (including Bubba Ho-Tep), production manager, rare acting gigs, etc. This was set & filmed in Texas, although for distributor reasons it never got released outside the Lone Star State & in fact until now could only be seen if you ordered the DVD from Kent himself. Unfortunately The Pyramid does meander quite a bit as it attempts to cover various aspects of the 1970's & why at times it could be quite miserable. For me the vast majority of New Age topics & ideas are trite & harebrained at best so the final act's devotion to the topic meant that this really petered out until it sputtered into an ending. “Hippy dippie” is a phrase I've seen attached to this, and it's fair. I know some will appreciate that this is pro-animal (more than one, it is said that “animals have feelings, too” and one side character is upset that his “unsightly” hog farm was ordered to be closed down, and he does not raise those critters for food.
That is a shame as I don't want to slag a low-budget passion project which has its heart in the right place and covers a topic which I also have an issue with. The local news is never watched by me as for eons I have felt is is either full of schlock or is incredibly downbeat. It shows that the reporting beat is not an easy one even for those that are popular in the city due to being on camera constantly; as competing movies were released a few years ago, I'd be remiss if I did not mention that one character in this commits suicide & it was clearly based on Christine Chubbuck, a moment that happened soon before this was filmed.
The movie does have some unflinching moments-the opening minutes feature someone having a heart attack, causing him to crash his car into a SCHOOL BUS, which then rolls over-and it does have some solid ideas. Much to my regret, The Pyramid's take on the media is even more relevant now than when the film was made. At least the production and acting was acceptable overall; I know others will get more out of this than I did and in any case I am glad that something unknown to even most people on Letterboxd was resurrected by a niche Blu-ray label and it was shown on basic cable to the entire United States late last night.
Runtime: 94 minutes
Directed by: Gary Kent
Starring: Charley Brown, Tomi Barrett, Ira Hawkins, Michael Ashe, John Parker
From: I don't recall who is credited as releasing this... I can tell you the print is from the AGFA company, which is one of those niche offerings that put out all sorts of genre obscurities on Blu-ray.
Well, this is not a typical review for me. I have to discuss a movie that I not only had never heard of before, but it is obscure to the point there is a deficiency of information on what this is if you do a Google search... and yet the way I was able to see this: it played on Turner Classic Movies Underground late last night. I know they've aired some real obscurities... something this unknown was surprising. When I watched it and saw AGFA's logo at the beginning, it made a little more sense; it's not the first time they've aired something from their archives. Also, I imagine that one day they'll release this on Blu.
I'll provide more backstory later but I'll explain the plot now: Chris Lowe-who works at a TV station in the news department-is fed up with how negative his field is and how the local news is always so damned negative... either that, or mindless fluff is shown in puff pieces. Well, thank heavens that is not the case now... anyhow, Lowe is axed when he makes positive stories, which of course are rejected and has constant arguments with is superior. Now on his own, he freelances and ends up falling into the New Age hippie movement. I mean, the “pyramid” in question is a wooden structure built where flower children do flower children things.
This is the brainchild of Gary Kent, a person who has had various guises throughout many decades in the film industry... stunts (including Bubba Ho-Tep), production manager, rare acting gigs, etc. This was set & filmed in Texas, although for distributor reasons it never got released outside the Lone Star State & in fact until now could only be seen if you ordered the DVD from Kent himself. Unfortunately The Pyramid does meander quite a bit as it attempts to cover various aspects of the 1970's & why at times it could be quite miserable. For me the vast majority of New Age topics & ideas are trite & harebrained at best so the final act's devotion to the topic meant that this really petered out until it sputtered into an ending. “Hippy dippie” is a phrase I've seen attached to this, and it's fair. I know some will appreciate that this is pro-animal (more than one, it is said that “animals have feelings, too” and one side character is upset that his “unsightly” hog farm was ordered to be closed down, and he does not raise those critters for food.
That is a shame as I don't want to slag a low-budget passion project which has its heart in the right place and covers a topic which I also have an issue with. The local news is never watched by me as for eons I have felt is is either full of schlock or is incredibly downbeat. It shows that the reporting beat is not an easy one even for those that are popular in the city due to being on camera constantly; as competing movies were released a few years ago, I'd be remiss if I did not mention that one character in this commits suicide & it was clearly based on Christine Chubbuck, a moment that happened soon before this was filmed.
The movie does have some unflinching moments-the opening minutes feature someone having a heart attack, causing him to crash his car into a SCHOOL BUS, which then rolls over-and it does have some solid ideas. Much to my regret, The Pyramid's take on the media is even more relevant now than when the film was made. At least the production and acting was acceptable overall; I know others will get more out of this than I did and in any case I am glad that something unknown to even most people on Letterboxd was resurrected by a niche Blu-ray label and it was shown on basic cable to the entire United States late last night.
I Discuss Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
I revisited this a few days ago, and it's still totally meh for me overall:
Way back in early 2017 I revisited the original Pirates of the Caribbean film; I never got around to giving the sequels another shot (or in the case of the 5th, see it for the first time) as they all paled in comparison to the OG product... and having to experience an awful almost 3 hour disaster is something I really don't want to do but I'll struggle through At World's End; at least it should lead to a colorful review, if a little hostile.
This movie is still as disappointing as the first time, way back in the summer of '06 theatrically. The biggest problem: it is a two and a half hour movie which felt like it was at least three and a half. Adjacent to that: bloat. Entire scenes should have been cut out, along with some of the subplots. This being streamlined would have been much better than the mess we got here. Captain Jack Sparrow started to turn into a caricature and that was a shame as in the first movie they unexpectedly struck gold with that wacky over the top character; after that it turned into something not as charming as they went in the wrong directions with him. The humor is also hit or miss... it can be argued if there needed to be so much of it, which is
I wish there wouldn't have been needless plot threads (such as Elizabeth Swan and Jack suddenly having the hots for each other?!) and the tone wildly swinging back and forth like a pendulum and a villain who is aggravating in all the worst ways -Beckett, not Davy Jones; IIRC, Beckett was FAR worse in At World's End-as the general idea seems fine concerning the titular Dead Man's Chest and why various people are interested in it and/or Sparrow, not to mention the irony of who Will's dad is. That all should have been fine, along with the development of the relationship between Will and Elizabeth.
There are reasons why I can say this is at least average. The cast does try their best, first off. Considering how much this cost, it'd be a real problem if it did not look great or the effects were dodgy... thankfully I had little issue visually with the finished product. The fact that Hans Zimmer contributed another quality score was a benefit, but the asset that kept me invested was... the action beats are still thrilling today & they do provide plenty of entertainment. That is why it is especially disheartening that the plot was so convoluted, and needlessly so. I am not saying that blockbuster movies should be incredibly simplistic, yet the plot here was like a tangled mess of wires, only to get even more knotted up w/ At World's End. One day I'll stop procrastinating and endure the next movie for review.
Way back in early 2017 I revisited the original Pirates of the Caribbean film; I never got around to giving the sequels another shot (or in the case of the 5th, see it for the first time) as they all paled in comparison to the OG product... and having to experience an awful almost 3 hour disaster is something I really don't want to do but I'll struggle through At World's End; at least it should lead to a colorful review, if a little hostile.
This movie is still as disappointing as the first time, way back in the summer of '06 theatrically. The biggest problem: it is a two and a half hour movie which felt like it was at least three and a half. Adjacent to that: bloat. Entire scenes should have been cut out, along with some of the subplots. This being streamlined would have been much better than the mess we got here. Captain Jack Sparrow started to turn into a caricature and that was a shame as in the first movie they unexpectedly struck gold with that wacky over the top character; after that it turned into something not as charming as they went in the wrong directions with him. The humor is also hit or miss... it can be argued if there needed to be so much of it, which is
I wish there wouldn't have been needless plot threads (such as Elizabeth Swan and Jack suddenly having the hots for each other?!) and the tone wildly swinging back and forth like a pendulum and a villain who is aggravating in all the worst ways -Beckett, not Davy Jones; IIRC, Beckett was FAR worse in At World's End-as the general idea seems fine concerning the titular Dead Man's Chest and why various people are interested in it and/or Sparrow, not to mention the irony of who Will's dad is. That all should have been fine, along with the development of the relationship between Will and Elizabeth.
There are reasons why I can say this is at least average. The cast does try their best, first off. Considering how much this cost, it'd be a real problem if it did not look great or the effects were dodgy... thankfully I had little issue visually with the finished product. The fact that Hans Zimmer contributed another quality score was a benefit, but the asset that kept me invested was... the action beats are still thrilling today & they do provide plenty of entertainment. That is why it is especially disheartening that the plot was so convoluted, and needlessly so. I am not saying that blockbuster movies should be incredibly simplistic, yet the plot here was like a tangled mess of wires, only to get even more knotted up w/ At World's End. One day I'll stop procrastinating and endure the next movie for review.
Friday, November 29, 2019
Tomorrow I'll Play Catch-Up
Expect three different reviews tomorrow; it will be three movies that are wildly different... at least after that I'll finally fix the problem that laziness created in me being behind.
Wednesday, November 27, 2019
The Seventh Curse
The Seventh Curse (Yuen Chun Hap Yu Wai See Lee) (1986)
Runtime: 81 minutes
Directed by: Ngai Choi Lam
Starring: Chin Siu-Ho, Dick Wei, Maggie Cheung, Elvis Tsui... and Chow Yun-Fat!
From: Golden Harvest
Like Indiana Jones... on mescaline.
I cannot recall the first time I had heard of this “only in Hong Kong” movie; however, the impetus of me seeing this last night was (as sometimes happens) a messageboard conversation. It is now on Prime and as I discovered, the print not only looks real good, but it is subtitled.
The plot revolves around a young doctor who has to return to Thailand as the “blood spell” he received a year ago is finally coming to fruition. That is my greatly simplifying what actually occurred. Let me give you some bulletpoints as to what occurred:
* This doctor (named CHESTER) is first seen assisting the police with a hostage situation in an abandoned building. As it's a Hong Kong movie, the action starts right away as there is plenty of gunfire and martial arts as their version of a SWAT team storms the building.
* There is wackiness involving a female reporter and someone taking a pratfall into a swimming pool. Yet a little later I realized that this has some quite graphic, gory moments as if Fulci was the director. In hindsight, it should not have been a surprise, as the director was also the one who gave us... Riki-Oh!
* Chester receives the curse when he unwisely gets involved in a sacrifice involving The Worm Tribe in northern Thailand; while he saves a young woman, he is caught and a guy who speaks with a Michael Jackson voice is not happy. Note that sometimes this guy (a sorcerer) unleashes a fetus-like worm creature that mauls everything in its path. This sacrifice was to “Old Ancestor”, a skeleton w/ glowing blue eyes who does change after consuming blood... into a creature I've seen not inaccurately described as a cross between Rodan and a xenomorph.
* A giant stone Buddha statue is climbed, and suddenly orange-robed kung-fu monks appear.
* Amongst all this lunacy, the doctor is assisted by Wisely (or Wesley), a character from a long-running series of Hong Kong novels, and portrayed here by... CHOW YUN-FAT. To be honest, another draw for me watching this lunacy was that Fat was in such a bonkers picture. His role was rather small yet that is alright as this is only 80 minutes long so the pacing is lightning-quick and that does excuse how the narrative is all over the place and you do not want to examine the plot too closely.
The action and special effects are both cheesy and well-done in equal measure; the print is so good that sometimes “you can see the wires”, which in this case only adds to its charm. Honestly there is plenty I have not spoiled and this was a gas to watch, especially the finale; now that is absolutely berserk. I am not familiar with the entirety of Chow Yun-Fat's filmography by any means but I suppose this is the closest he has come to appearing in a ripoff of Indiana Jones. A missed opportunity was him being the lead in such an adventure... something like the serials of the 30's which inspired Lucas & Spielberg to create such a legendary character.
Anyhow, those that love those insane Hong Kong pictures of old, this is a must-see.
Runtime: 81 minutes
Directed by: Ngai Choi Lam
Starring: Chin Siu-Ho, Dick Wei, Maggie Cheung, Elvis Tsui... and Chow Yun-Fat!
From: Golden Harvest
Like Indiana Jones... on mescaline.
I cannot recall the first time I had heard of this “only in Hong Kong” movie; however, the impetus of me seeing this last night was (as sometimes happens) a messageboard conversation. It is now on Prime and as I discovered, the print not only looks real good, but it is subtitled.
The plot revolves around a young doctor who has to return to Thailand as the “blood spell” he received a year ago is finally coming to fruition. That is my greatly simplifying what actually occurred. Let me give you some bulletpoints as to what occurred:
* This doctor (named CHESTER) is first seen assisting the police with a hostage situation in an abandoned building. As it's a Hong Kong movie, the action starts right away as there is plenty of gunfire and martial arts as their version of a SWAT team storms the building.
* There is wackiness involving a female reporter and someone taking a pratfall into a swimming pool. Yet a little later I realized that this has some quite graphic, gory moments as if Fulci was the director. In hindsight, it should not have been a surprise, as the director was also the one who gave us... Riki-Oh!
* Chester receives the curse when he unwisely gets involved in a sacrifice involving The Worm Tribe in northern Thailand; while he saves a young woman, he is caught and a guy who speaks with a Michael Jackson voice is not happy. Note that sometimes this guy (a sorcerer) unleashes a fetus-like worm creature that mauls everything in its path. This sacrifice was to “Old Ancestor”, a skeleton w/ glowing blue eyes who does change after consuming blood... into a creature I've seen not inaccurately described as a cross between Rodan and a xenomorph.
* A giant stone Buddha statue is climbed, and suddenly orange-robed kung-fu monks appear.
* Amongst all this lunacy, the doctor is assisted by Wisely (or Wesley), a character from a long-running series of Hong Kong novels, and portrayed here by... CHOW YUN-FAT. To be honest, another draw for me watching this lunacy was that Fat was in such a bonkers picture. His role was rather small yet that is alright as this is only 80 minutes long so the pacing is lightning-quick and that does excuse how the narrative is all over the place and you do not want to examine the plot too closely.
The action and special effects are both cheesy and well-done in equal measure; the print is so good that sometimes “you can see the wires”, which in this case only adds to its charm. Honestly there is plenty I have not spoiled and this was a gas to watch, especially the finale; now that is absolutely berserk. I am not familiar with the entirety of Chow Yun-Fat's filmography by any means but I suppose this is the closest he has come to appearing in a ripoff of Indiana Jones. A missed opportunity was him being the lead in such an adventure... something like the serials of the 30's which inspired Lucas & Spielberg to create such a legendary character.
Anyhow, those that love those insane Hong Kong pictures of old, this is a must-see.
Tuesday, November 26, 2019
The Irishman
The Irishman (2019)
96% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 301 reviews)
Runtime: 209 minutes, although it did not feel that long
Directed by: A guy who I agree with when it comes to his superhero movie comments
Starring: A great cast
From: Netflix
Yep, I got to see this theatrically and it's one of the best movies of 2019:
On other corners of the Internet I have carped about the stresses of living in Florida, from the traffic to all the stupid people that live or visit the state, the incompetence of too many businesses, etc. All that said, there is the benefit of there being dozens of movie theatres in the central region of Florida alone so there were several locations that were playing this despite the movie not being booked at any of the major chains. For me it wouldn't be the same viewing this on a laptop screen or even having it play on the TV via an app on the Blu-ray player; the fact that much of what they have on Netflix is not too appealing to my interests (and their layout seems to become worse and worse each time I subscribe for a month) meant that it was worth making the drive and spending the night viewing something of epic length.
Thank heavens this was a movie I have no regrets about seeing, & its epic length was not to The Irishman's detriment. I've never read Charles Brandt's book I've Heard You've Paint Houses but before I saw the movie I did hear a few things concerning the life of Frank Sheeran, who claimed late in life to be a Mafia hitman and was the person who murdered Jimmy Hoffa. Who knows for certain if everything portrayed in the film was accurate to the truth, but it was a hell of a yarn and it just seemed appropriate that it would have such a director and main cast. For me it was a big draw to see De Niro and Pacino in multiple scenes together and the movie be great (unlike Righteous Kill, which I did see theatrically also), not to mention Joe Pesci back on the big screen after all that time. Thankfully, except for a moment or two, the de-aging effect is convincing & I was happy to see all those old faces in scenes where they appear to be a bit younger.
As others have accurately noted, this is starkly different from Goodfellas despite the presence of Scorsese, De Niro and Pesci. That-one of my personal favorites-is loud and excessive as Henry Hill had a lavish lifestyle for awhile & the main players lived pretty well in their positions, not to mention the general pace being pretty fast. This is the other side of the coin as the movie takes it time & there are plenty of quiet, contemplative moments; furthermore, there are plenty of disagreements and feuding between various people in the Mafia & those in the periphery of those individuals. Hoffa was a loose cannon and he stirred up so much trouble, it does seem clear that organized crime had him silenced, permanently. There are many theories as to who ended his life or where he was buried; a popular canard is that it was under a sports stadium in New Jersey but that likely is poppycock. Anyway, I do mention the movie is subdued, yet there are still over the top moments and this includes moments w/ Pacino engaging in much yelling. Thankfully that role doesn't have Old Al constantly at 11, as seems to typically be the case in recent history.
I don't even need to elaborate on the excellence of the direction, editing or music choices. Nor will I say too much else of the story considering many still haven't had the chance to see this as of the time the review is posted and it will be on Netflix itself come tomorrow. However, I do have to bring up a kerfuffle spotted on Twitter right before I made the drive yesterday to check this out. To be honest, it was only at this time that I heard Anna Paquin was in The Irishman, and some were not happy she hardly had any dialogue in her limited role, and compared it to Margot Robbie as Sharon Tate. After seeing the movie, it is not an apples to apples comparison.
Unfortunately, Robbie's role in QT's latest seemed superfluous and a waste of Margot's talents, although she did her best with her role. Here, Paquin played one of De Niro's daughters and while wishing for more of this subplot is a valid criticism, she delivered a quality performance in her few scenes just from her stating her negative opinions of her father's life nonverbally... as I stated, not a fair comparison. Of course, I'd be happy with both of those talented actresses receiving plenty of high profile roles in the future.
I do not wish to belabor the point I've made recently concerning the overall poor quality of movies this year; this not being disappointing and in fact would be my movie of 2019 if not for Parasite... those two would rank very highly on lists I have or would do when it comes to the best of any year in the 21st century. No matter your take on Scorsese's dismissal of comic book pictures, it is a testament to him that in his late 70's he can still craft a piece of work so gripping and so noteworthy... and also something that has to be self-reflective, a meditation on several individuals dealing with the twilight of their lives.
96% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 301 reviews)
Runtime: 209 minutes, although it did not feel that long
Directed by: A guy who I agree with when it comes to his superhero movie comments
Starring: A great cast
From: Netflix
Yep, I got to see this theatrically and it's one of the best movies of 2019:
On other corners of the Internet I have carped about the stresses of living in Florida, from the traffic to all the stupid people that live or visit the state, the incompetence of too many businesses, etc. All that said, there is the benefit of there being dozens of movie theatres in the central region of Florida alone so there were several locations that were playing this despite the movie not being booked at any of the major chains. For me it wouldn't be the same viewing this on a laptop screen or even having it play on the TV via an app on the Blu-ray player; the fact that much of what they have on Netflix is not too appealing to my interests (and their layout seems to become worse and worse each time I subscribe for a month) meant that it was worth making the drive and spending the night viewing something of epic length.
Thank heavens this was a movie I have no regrets about seeing, & its epic length was not to The Irishman's detriment. I've never read Charles Brandt's book I've Heard You've Paint Houses but before I saw the movie I did hear a few things concerning the life of Frank Sheeran, who claimed late in life to be a Mafia hitman and was the person who murdered Jimmy Hoffa. Who knows for certain if everything portrayed in the film was accurate to the truth, but it was a hell of a yarn and it just seemed appropriate that it would have such a director and main cast. For me it was a big draw to see De Niro and Pacino in multiple scenes together and the movie be great (unlike Righteous Kill, which I did see theatrically also), not to mention Joe Pesci back on the big screen after all that time. Thankfully, except for a moment or two, the de-aging effect is convincing & I was happy to see all those old faces in scenes where they appear to be a bit younger.
As others have accurately noted, this is starkly different from Goodfellas despite the presence of Scorsese, De Niro and Pesci. That-one of my personal favorites-is loud and excessive as Henry Hill had a lavish lifestyle for awhile & the main players lived pretty well in their positions, not to mention the general pace being pretty fast. This is the other side of the coin as the movie takes it time & there are plenty of quiet, contemplative moments; furthermore, there are plenty of disagreements and feuding between various people in the Mafia & those in the periphery of those individuals. Hoffa was a loose cannon and he stirred up so much trouble, it does seem clear that organized crime had him silenced, permanently. There are many theories as to who ended his life or where he was buried; a popular canard is that it was under a sports stadium in New Jersey but that likely is poppycock. Anyway, I do mention the movie is subdued, yet there are still over the top moments and this includes moments w/ Pacino engaging in much yelling. Thankfully that role doesn't have Old Al constantly at 11, as seems to typically be the case in recent history.
I don't even need to elaborate on the excellence of the direction, editing or music choices. Nor will I say too much else of the story considering many still haven't had the chance to see this as of the time the review is posted and it will be on Netflix itself come tomorrow. However, I do have to bring up a kerfuffle spotted on Twitter right before I made the drive yesterday to check this out. To be honest, it was only at this time that I heard Anna Paquin was in The Irishman, and some were not happy she hardly had any dialogue in her limited role, and compared it to Margot Robbie as Sharon Tate. After seeing the movie, it is not an apples to apples comparison.
Unfortunately, Robbie's role in QT's latest seemed superfluous and a waste of Margot's talents, although she did her best with her role. Here, Paquin played one of De Niro's daughters and while wishing for more of this subplot is a valid criticism, she delivered a quality performance in her few scenes just from her stating her negative opinions of her father's life nonverbally... as I stated, not a fair comparison. Of course, I'd be happy with both of those talented actresses receiving plenty of high profile roles in the future.
I do not wish to belabor the point I've made recently concerning the overall poor quality of movies this year; this not being disappointing and in fact would be my movie of 2019 if not for Parasite... those two would rank very highly on lists I have or would do when it comes to the best of any year in the 21st century. No matter your take on Scorsese's dismissal of comic book pictures, it is a testament to him that in his late 70's he can still craft a piece of work so gripping and so noteworthy... and also something that has to be self-reflective, a meditation on several individuals dealing with the twilight of their lives.
Sunday, November 24, 2019
I Talk A Laurel & Hardy Short
In particular, 1929's Big Business:
The story of a man who turned the other cheek-and got punched in the nose.
I only felt like watching a silent short to talk about tonight, so I found one at random from a legendary comedy duo, but it's one which technically is appropriate for the holiday season. You see, Laurel & Hardy sell Christmas trees door to door (was that ever a thing?) in Southern California, to no success. They run into a grumpy balding mustached middle-aged man & because of circumstances, things escalate and both parties do increasingly destructive damage to both his house and their 1920's automobile.
The comedy is that the feud spirals out of control to an absurd degree due to someone really not wanting a Christmas tree and items accidentally getting stuck in his door. The three main players plus the rotund barrister of the law that shows up-played by Stanley Sandford of Modern Times fame & amusingly billing himself as Tiny Sandford here-all provide great physical humor with their body language, not to mention their facial expressions. It was a nice way to spend 20 minutes; co-director Leo McCarey of course later went on to direct legendary movies from the Golden Age of Hollywood such as An Affair to Remember, Love Story & Going My Way.
I only felt like watching a silent short to talk about tonight, so I found one at random from a legendary comedy duo, but it's one which technically is appropriate for the holiday season. You see, Laurel & Hardy sell Christmas trees door to door (was that ever a thing?) in Southern California, to no success. They run into a grumpy balding mustached middle-aged man & because of circumstances, things escalate and both parties do increasingly destructive damage to both his house and their 1920's automobile.
The comedy is that the feud spirals out of control to an absurd degree due to someone really not wanting a Christmas tree and items accidentally getting stuck in his door. The three main players plus the rotund barrister of the law that shows up-played by Stanley Sandford of Modern Times fame & amusingly billing himself as Tiny Sandford here-all provide great physical humor with their body language, not to mention their facial expressions. It was a nice way to spend 20 minutes; co-director Leo McCarey of course later went on to direct legendary movies from the Golden Age of Hollywood such as An Affair to Remember, Love Story & Going My Way.
Saturday, November 23, 2019
I TRIED To Watch Knives Out
But there were complications... circumstances beyond my control:
Well, I WAS gonna have a review of this, but...
Considering my negative reaction to The Last Jedi and how not only did it not feel like Star Wars at all, but the story was atrocious and made zero sense... it will be surprising to hear that I'd have anything to do w/ Rian Johnson ever again. The tremendous cast was enough to get me interested, so the plan was to see this last night during its early access screening, at the same AMC which had my disastrous viewing of Joker where if things escalated, I would have been physically assaulted by a band of punks.
I now realize it should be a long while before I return to that AMC; the screening was outright canceled... because of a power outage! I was not happy about this, as my decision to see this was sort of last minute and this place was the one that still had a decent seat available. I did not feel like watching anything last night after this fiasco-I was peeved-and staying in this weekend was preferable to trying and see the movie tonight (probably from a bad seat to boot) so instead the movie will be viewed sometime early December; maybe by then the black cloud over my head will dissipate. OK, so last night also included a tasty shrimp dinner, but a screening being outright canceled for this reason was a first for me.
Considering my negative reaction to The Last Jedi and how not only did it not feel like Star Wars at all, but the story was atrocious and made zero sense... it will be surprising to hear that I'd have anything to do w/ Rian Johnson ever again. The tremendous cast was enough to get me interested, so the plan was to see this last night during its early access screening, at the same AMC which had my disastrous viewing of Joker where if things escalated, I would have been physically assaulted by a band of punks.
I now realize it should be a long while before I return to that AMC; the screening was outright canceled... because of a power outage! I was not happy about this, as my decision to see this was sort of last minute and this place was the one that still had a decent seat available. I did not feel like watching anything last night after this fiasco-I was peeved-and staying in this weekend was preferable to trying and see the movie tonight (probably from a bad seat to boot) so instead the movie will be viewed sometime early December; maybe by then the black cloud over my head will dissipate. OK, so last night also included a tasty shrimp dinner, but a screening being outright canceled for this reason was a first for me.
Candyman
Runtime: 99 minutes
Directed by: Bernard Rose
Starring: Virginia Madsen,
Tony Todd, Xander Berkley, Kasi Lemmons, Vanessa Williams
From: Tristar/PolyGram
I would have viewed this during the Halloween season... had it
been readily available at the time. I mean sure it could be found in the
nether regions of the Internet but such places are full of spyware and
other malicious program-at least I understand that to be the case... as I
was able to rent it last night and discuss this in 2019. As a new movie
is coming out next year which is a “spiritual sequel” and has the
involvement of Jordan Peele, this seemed like a good time for a
review anyhow.
Virginia Madsen discovered that saying “Candyman” into the mirror five times was a grave mistake, even if she is a graduate student at the University of Illinois-Chicago and her thesis is on the urban legend & its impact on the Cabrini-Green housing project; that has mostly been demolished now but at the time it was where many poor black people lived and unfortunately, it was so riddled with neglect and gang crime, it looked like something from a third world country, as shown in the movie. Turns out, the legend is actually true and things become REAL bad for Old Virginia.
The first half of the movie definitely takes its time setting up the story and presenting how deplorable conditions are in Cabrini-Green & its effect on those innocent people who are just trying to raise an infant. It's never boring, even with there are obvious fake jump scares present to ensure no one becomes bored. The second half, things pick up-as the movie takes a left turn-there are some gruesome scenes and everyone gets to see the powers of the guy known in his life as Daniel Robitaille. Among a cast that is fine overall (especially Madsen), Tony Todd stood out the most as Candyman, being both hypnotically charming and utterly terrifying, usually in the same scene.
The movie touches upon subjects like racial prejudice and white privilege, ensuring it was never boring. Then again, I never found the story dull and even if I had, I would have been entranced by the hypnotic score from Philip Glass; that was a nice get on the movie's part. No surprise this became a cult hit and its reputation only will rise with next year's big theatrical release of the sequel.
Virginia Madsen discovered that saying “Candyman” into the mirror five times was a grave mistake, even if she is a graduate student at the University of Illinois-Chicago and her thesis is on the urban legend & its impact on the Cabrini-Green housing project; that has mostly been demolished now but at the time it was where many poor black people lived and unfortunately, it was so riddled with neglect and gang crime, it looked like something from a third world country, as shown in the movie. Turns out, the legend is actually true and things become REAL bad for Old Virginia.
The first half of the movie definitely takes its time setting up the story and presenting how deplorable conditions are in Cabrini-Green & its effect on those innocent people who are just trying to raise an infant. It's never boring, even with there are obvious fake jump scares present to ensure no one becomes bored. The second half, things pick up-as the movie takes a left turn-there are some gruesome scenes and everyone gets to see the powers of the guy known in his life as Daniel Robitaille. Among a cast that is fine overall (especially Madsen), Tony Todd stood out the most as Candyman, being both hypnotically charming and utterly terrifying, usually in the same scene.
The movie touches upon subjects like racial prejudice and white privilege, ensuring it was never boring. Then again, I never found the story dull and even if I had, I would have been entranced by the hypnotic score from Philip Glass; that was a nice get on the movie's part. No surprise this became a cult hit and its reputation only will rise with next year's big theatrical release of the sequel.
Wednesday, November 20, 2019
I Talk Something Called Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny!
Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972)
Runtime: 96 LONG minutes
Directed by: Some dude named R. Winer... and also Barry Mahon
Starring: A bunch of non-actors you've never heard of
From: R&S Film Enterprises Inc.
Another bizarre oddity I've actually seen more than once now.
As people start celebrating Christmas even before Thanksgiving arrives (which isn't something I do myself), it gave me the impetus to finally revisit something I had watched years ago. Once again this was a movie I first discovered via a website doing a detailed review and being blown away by how strange it all sounded. Yes, it was long before Rifftrax did their review.
Despite the title, not only do the Santa and Ice Cream Bunny segments only serve as bookends to another story, but Bunny does not appear until the final 10 or so minutes. Instead, a full hour of this is something previously filmed by the “legendary” Barry Mahon*. I realize I shouldn't dog too hard on someone who served in World War II and actually was in the camp where the real life events that inspired The Great Escape happened, but he was not the best filmmaker. Mahon's segment (complete w/ its own credits!) was filmed at Pirates World, a low-rent theme park in Dania, Florida that went out of business in '75 and amazingly had plenty of rock concerts from the likes of Bowie, Santana, The Grateful Dead (!) and... Led Zeppelin!! What Barry filmed in the park was much less exciting: a version of Thumbelina that was accurate to Hans Christian Andersen's story-at least according to Wikipedia-but the budget was zero dollars so the set looks cheap and the youths they have in the story all appear to be various stages of being stoned the entire time.
That occurs as a story Santa tells to a group of random kids in Florida; you see, he gets his sled stuck in sand (although “stuck” is being generous, as it's only like two inches of sand) and somehow he has the magical powers to call all the children in the neighborhood so they all scamper on over to him... this includes a young boy who just JUMPED OFF HIS ROOF while holding only a lawn furniture umbrella! They also somehow get random animals and a guy in a gorilla suit to try and pull the suit out, to no avail. Oh, and Santa keeps on his trademark outfit, despite developing obvious “swamp ass”! I mean, he had massive sweat stains on the back of his pants.
I'll be real here: this time I did not watch the movie on its own; rather, it was a YouTube video where some random guys did their own commentary and only one of them had seen this before. The rest were in disbelief over how wacky this was and they were howling when the Ice Cream Bunny finally shows up... in a fire truck that appeared to be from the 1930's... overloaded w/ all the kids that were not restrained in any way while on such a huge vehicle (this was even worse than the boy jumping off the roof) and the vehicle has to drive slow as the guy in the costume can barely see and yet he still operates it as if he is highly intoxicated... and the outfit itself looks so cheap and ghetto it becomes frightening. Of course, this bunny has no ice cream in the truck or anywhere else, so I do not know what an Ice Cream Bunny is even supposed to be. I'll stick with Blue Bunny Ice Cream, thank you very much.
The hilarity of the finale meant that this does not receive the lowest possible rating. Most of this is a slog to get through (w/ shots that go on for about twice as long as they should, to steal a line) but at least there is some tremendous unintentional humor which makes it worthwhile. Honestly, most people should only see this if there is commentary from Rifftrax or someone else.
* To clarify, not all the prints of this movie have the Thumbelina segment. Some (including the version used for Rifftrax) instead substitute Mahon's Jack and the Beanstalk, which is of similar length. I've never seen that print, although I understand it is the one available on Amazon Prime.
Runtime: 96 LONG minutes
Directed by: Some dude named R. Winer... and also Barry Mahon
Starring: A bunch of non-actors you've never heard of
From: R&S Film Enterprises Inc.
Another bizarre oddity I've actually seen more than once now.
As people start celebrating Christmas even before Thanksgiving arrives (which isn't something I do myself), it gave me the impetus to finally revisit something I had watched years ago. Once again this was a movie I first discovered via a website doing a detailed review and being blown away by how strange it all sounded. Yes, it was long before Rifftrax did their review.
Despite the title, not only do the Santa and Ice Cream Bunny segments only serve as bookends to another story, but Bunny does not appear until the final 10 or so minutes. Instead, a full hour of this is something previously filmed by the “legendary” Barry Mahon*. I realize I shouldn't dog too hard on someone who served in World War II and actually was in the camp where the real life events that inspired The Great Escape happened, but he was not the best filmmaker. Mahon's segment (complete w/ its own credits!) was filmed at Pirates World, a low-rent theme park in Dania, Florida that went out of business in '75 and amazingly had plenty of rock concerts from the likes of Bowie, Santana, The Grateful Dead (!) and... Led Zeppelin!! What Barry filmed in the park was much less exciting: a version of Thumbelina that was accurate to Hans Christian Andersen's story-at least according to Wikipedia-but the budget was zero dollars so the set looks cheap and the youths they have in the story all appear to be various stages of being stoned the entire time.
That occurs as a story Santa tells to a group of random kids in Florida; you see, he gets his sled stuck in sand (although “stuck” is being generous, as it's only like two inches of sand) and somehow he has the magical powers to call all the children in the neighborhood so they all scamper on over to him... this includes a young boy who just JUMPED OFF HIS ROOF while holding only a lawn furniture umbrella! They also somehow get random animals and a guy in a gorilla suit to try and pull the suit out, to no avail. Oh, and Santa keeps on his trademark outfit, despite developing obvious “swamp ass”! I mean, he had massive sweat stains on the back of his pants.
I'll be real here: this time I did not watch the movie on its own; rather, it was a YouTube video where some random guys did their own commentary and only one of them had seen this before. The rest were in disbelief over how wacky this was and they were howling when the Ice Cream Bunny finally shows up... in a fire truck that appeared to be from the 1930's... overloaded w/ all the kids that were not restrained in any way while on such a huge vehicle (this was even worse than the boy jumping off the roof) and the vehicle has to drive slow as the guy in the costume can barely see and yet he still operates it as if he is highly intoxicated... and the outfit itself looks so cheap and ghetto it becomes frightening. Of course, this bunny has no ice cream in the truck or anywhere else, so I do not know what an Ice Cream Bunny is even supposed to be. I'll stick with Blue Bunny Ice Cream, thank you very much.
The hilarity of the finale meant that this does not receive the lowest possible rating. Most of this is a slog to get through (w/ shots that go on for about twice as long as they should, to steal a line) but at least there is some tremendous unintentional humor which makes it worthwhile. Honestly, most people should only see this if there is commentary from Rifftrax or someone else.
* To clarify, not all the prints of this movie have the Thumbelina segment. Some (including the version used for Rifftrax) instead substitute Mahon's Jack and the Beanstalk, which is of similar length. I've never seen that print, although I understand it is the one available on Amazon Prime.
Night Of Horror
Runtime: 76 of the longest
minutes you'll ever endure
Directed by: Tony
Malanowski
“Starring”: A bunch of
random people who can't act
From: Little Warsaw
Productions
“This film is designed to be entertaining”... well, there's rather blatant false advertising.
A
few weeks ago I revisited an obscure early 80's horror movie titled
Curse of the Cannibal Confederates (at least when Troma put it out)
which is a lame and mostly boring picture where the titular confederates
rise up to kill a group of irritating friends, all just because one of
them stole a diary they found. Two Thousand Maniacs! this is not. The
only notable aspect is that for a few minutes the content goes from
0-100 as out of nowhere it suddenly becomes like a Fulci film and
features graphic gore.
Well, Tony Malanowski essentially created Cannibal as a Night of Horror remake. Those having seen that but not this... if you think Cannibal Confederates is bad (and it is) then... whoo boy... you will want to stay far the F away from Night of Horror. I've known of this for many years-due to a website review; this was long before even The Cinema Snob covered it-and it was only seen by me once before, on YouTube. I do know that recently some of those uploads were taken down but one still does remain, for those wanting to see this for free. I'll be frank here: that was how I viewed this again. No offense to the filmmakers, but honestly now...
There is an opening crawl which had the gall to portray the events in the movie as real... along with the inclusion of the phrase “this film is designed to be entertaining”; they failed in all regards with that promise. The movie's print is all washed-out but that's the least of its problems. It was a one camera shoot so there are long static shots, and one character will be focused on even if a scene has multiple characters and someone else is talking. The sound is terrible, making the dialogue hard to hear; perhaps that is a blessing, considering the acting is poor and there are plenty of flubbed lines that are left in instead of doing a better take. Then again, this is a production where during the process of creating the final print, there is a giant black smudge of... something on the bottom of the picture and it doesn't go away for almost 5 minutes!
The most “horrifying” aspect of this movie is how damn boring it is. There are long scenes of dialogue between characters that are impossible to give a damn about... long scenes of driving that will remind you of Manos (and THERE is something you want to be compared to!), a long scene of a woman pencil-sketching, something like 5 minutes of a Civil War reenactment battle, and an interminable conversation between the leads and the “ghosts”; just having ghosts does not a horror movie make, and all they do is ask the leads to do a task that proves to be relatively easy & simple... the end. Really. Cannibal having Confederates rise up from the dead to eat people was an invention only done for that movie.
The music is either a mediocre 70's country song or a piano riff which wouldn't be bad on its own... but becomes so if you have to hear it constantly through the movie; of course this is what Night of Horror chooses to do. Overall, this does not have the charm of Birdemic, The Room or even Manos, which at least had Torgo. Night of Horror is a mind-numbing slog where not even the idea of Malanowski sometimes using the credit of TONY STARK to hide the fact that he had multiple roles in this production (including a small part on screen) provides any amusement and this is better left not seen once, let alone twice like my foolish self did.
Well, Tony Malanowski essentially created Cannibal as a Night of Horror remake. Those having seen that but not this... if you think Cannibal Confederates is bad (and it is) then... whoo boy... you will want to stay far the F away from Night of Horror. I've known of this for many years-due to a website review; this was long before even The Cinema Snob covered it-and it was only seen by me once before, on YouTube. I do know that recently some of those uploads were taken down but one still does remain, for those wanting to see this for free. I'll be frank here: that was how I viewed this again. No offense to the filmmakers, but honestly now...
There is an opening crawl which had the gall to portray the events in the movie as real... along with the inclusion of the phrase “this film is designed to be entertaining”; they failed in all regards with that promise. The movie's print is all washed-out but that's the least of its problems. It was a one camera shoot so there are long static shots, and one character will be focused on even if a scene has multiple characters and someone else is talking. The sound is terrible, making the dialogue hard to hear; perhaps that is a blessing, considering the acting is poor and there are plenty of flubbed lines that are left in instead of doing a better take. Then again, this is a production where during the process of creating the final print, there is a giant black smudge of... something on the bottom of the picture and it doesn't go away for almost 5 minutes!
The most “horrifying” aspect of this movie is how damn boring it is. There are long scenes of dialogue between characters that are impossible to give a damn about... long scenes of driving that will remind you of Manos (and THERE is something you want to be compared to!), a long scene of a woman pencil-sketching, something like 5 minutes of a Civil War reenactment battle, and an interminable conversation between the leads and the “ghosts”; just having ghosts does not a horror movie make, and all they do is ask the leads to do a task that proves to be relatively easy & simple... the end. Really. Cannibal having Confederates rise up from the dead to eat people was an invention only done for that movie.
The music is either a mediocre 70's country song or a piano riff which wouldn't be bad on its own... but becomes so if you have to hear it constantly through the movie; of course this is what Night of Horror chooses to do. Overall, this does not have the charm of Birdemic, The Room or even Manos, which at least had Torgo. Night of Horror is a mind-numbing slog where not even the idea of Malanowski sometimes using the credit of TONY STARK to hide the fact that he had multiple roles in this production (including a small part on screen) provides any amusement and this is better left not seen once, let alone twice like my foolish self did.
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