Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022)

93% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 254 reviews)

Runtime: 140 minutes

Directed by: My “favorite”, Rian Johnson

Starring: Daniel Craig and an all-star cast

From: Netflix, although of course I saw it theatrically

2022: the year where movies don’t know when or how to end.

Yes, I went and saw this movie theatrically despite me not liking The Last Jedi (if I ever mustered the courage to see that and The Rise of Skywalker again, both most likely will be rated MUCH lower); sure, I enjoyed the OG Knives Out but that was only watched once, the alleged plot holes may be spotted by me upon a second viewing and the MVP of the movie-Ana de Armas-really was an asset. My willingness to see this theatrically (the last night it was available before it pops up on Netflix in a few weeks) is partially due the AMC A-List app and partially due to the high-profile cast.

To its credit, Glass Onion is different from the original; this time some seemingly unrelated people (except they all have money) are invited to the mansion on a private island of a billionaire. While Richard Branson is famous for having a private island, the billionaire-Elo… excuse me, Miles Bron-is clearly based on a certain someone who has been hated by many for a long time now but is now about as popular as COVID the past few weeks. Speaking of that, the movie is set May of ’20 so there are Zoom calls and a few gags related to quarantine then that disappears once everyone’s on the island.

I’d complain about misplaced humor, but that is not only expected with the director, that’s been a Hollywood problem for years now; as it only happened a few times that is not even my biggest complaint with the movie—there are some rather irritating running gags. What is: a more modern Hollywood problem of a movie not wrapping up at the right time/knowing how to wrap up the story. That’s happened a few times with 2022 movies and this may be the most flagrant example of that.

My entire rating went down a bit because the final 10 or so minutes before the credits ran were pretty bad. Talk about trite and eye-rolling sentiments wrapped up in a resolution that was lame instead of cute or clever or rousing. There was even an obvious point where it should have wrapped up and it didn’t; “subverting expectations” is probably an infamous phrase to some-including me-and I have to legit use it here instead of yet another troll-job done on my part against The Last Jedi.

Despite all that, the movie still will receive a “good” rating from me. After all, there were laughs, deserved criticisms against the out of touch elites, and a great cast. Amongst all the talent, Janelle Monae was the highlight, the reasons why I won’t reveal. An interesting mystery was presented and it had a nice soundtrack of 70’s songs, some of which I hadn’t even heard before; the highlight for me was the movie bringin’ the funk early on w/ a tune I was well familiar with. In addition, Beatles fans will be happy that their song Glass Onion is played during the end credits.

Even if I don’t love the movie like many do, no regrets in the theatrical experience. It was nice to hear a crowd laugh at the funny moments and the random young woman right by me was a delight. There were gasps at a few of the plentiful cameos and she actually snorted a few times at bits she found to be hilarious. If only I could see more movies with her… in hindsight, dammit why didn’t I make a move?

Mean Guns

Mean Guns (1997)

Runtime: 110 minutes

Directed by: Albert Pyun (RIP)

Starring: Christopher Lambert, Ice-T, Michael Halsley, Deborah Van Valkenbergh, Thom Mathews

From: Filmwerks

RIP Albert Pyun

Believe it or not this was the first Pyun I’ve seen in full. Sure, in the past I was befuddled that someone who spent time w/ both Mifune and Kurosawa would have a career filled with such goofy schlock. Now, I am more mature and can note that he was able to be successful for years due to filming on the cheap, doing so fast while trying to make the production look at least somewhat skilled. Heck, his first movie (The Sword and the Sorcerer) made more money at the box office than Tron and Blade Runner! I’ll say more about him at the end but while I am “meh” on Mean Guns it is still sad that an original character like him as passed away after being ill for many years. As for how I saw the picture, it was from what I often call “the bowels of the Internet”, where 

What a B-movie plot it has: many people have burrs under the saddle for “The Syndicate” so Ice-T greases some palms and even though I’m sure all the carnage damaged a prison set to open the next day, a bunch of mostly reprobates are gathered together so they can kill each other with guns & baseball bats… the winners getting millions of dollars?! The plot doesn’t make much sense, needless to say. At least all the action present was (mostly) satisfactory, the lack of squibs aside; it was more consistent than the “humor”, a portion of which was pretty rotten. The almost 2 hour length does it no favors.

All that said, Mean Guns is not a film I hated. Besides the general goofiness, it has some familiar faces-Mercy from The Warriors, Tommy Jarvis from the 6th Friday the 13th, Chozen from the second Karate Kid, the guy sometimes referred to as CHRISTOPHE LAMBEAR-and some inspired decisions that if nothing else made this memorable and not as cookie-cutter as we get from most movies in modern times. The keystone example there: why is the movie full of MAMBO music? Besides the genre playing a large round in creating the soundscape of the soundtrack, it is diegetic, meaning that it’s heard by the characters in the movie. Ice-T is the one who plays it more than once-seeing action scenes to those tunes is rather surreal.

As I earlier mentioned, he was ill for years due to MS then dementia. As he’s someone who I’ve never heard anything bad about when it comes to him as a human being, it is a shame he suffered for so long. Sometime in the future I’ll check out more from him and with any luck will be movies closer to my personal tastes.

The Giant Spider Invasion

The Giant Spider Invasion (1975)

Runtime: 79 minutes

Directed by: Bill Rebane

Starring: Steve Brodie, Alan Hale, Jr., Barbara Hale (no relation), Robert Easton, Leslie Parrish

From: Cinema Group 75/Transcentury Productions

Well, at least it made for a great MST3K episode…

In the past I saw that episode from the 8th season yet until last night hadn’t experience the film on its own. Bill Rebane’s reputation perhaps isn’t great due to all the schlock he made during his career. Yet, I won’t hate on him for establishing a career as a regional filmmaker in Wisconsin, the place he emigrated to from Latvia-heck, this apparently earned quite a profit. While I’d rather watch this all the time than experience a modern version of “interdimensional spiders from outer space land in Wisconsin and deal with rednecks” filled with putrid CG, that don’t make this great.

Those not familiar, in fact this does feature meteorites landing in rural Wisconsin which actually hatch space spiders-and somehow that is connected to black holes and what sounds like The Breach from Pacific Rim… yes, the science is rather questionable-one of which grows to the size of a Volkswagen Beetle, because that prop was made with a Beetle as its base. There are also rednecks in a trashy little town; I’ve known forever that there is white trash all over the place, not just the South. After all, they were present in the Northern Illinois area I grew up, northwest about 90 miles from Chicago. The “highlight” of the white trash spectacle is the main family we follow… a gross man who is abusive and has affairs, his alcoholic wife, and his sister-in-law who is either 17 or 18 who he hits on—and there is a cousin who resembles Charles Manson does the same! The movie does ramp up the repulsion.

I’m not sure why Rebane portrayed his home area in such a fashion yet this does have plenty of campy charm, especially when the titular creature shows up. It’s not scary-unless you have arachnophobia-but this does provide a modicum of entertainment which at least has some familiar faces: Steve Brodie, Alan Hale, Jr., and Barbara Hale (no relation). Unfortunately, there are plotting issues and while the huge spider itself doesn’t look horrible for the miniscule budget, the ending is a wet fart which ends this on a sour note. I understand the production was troubled but even then, a shame.

Honestly, the best way to see this is the MST3K version; while it was a surprise to discover that this had a topless scene, hearing some Minnesotans eviscerate Wisconsin… even though there are also scummy people like this in the Land of 10,000 Lakes.

The Scarlet Hour

The Scarlet Hour (1956)

Runtime: 95 minutes

Directed by: Michael Curtiz

Starring: Carol Ohmart, Tom Tryon, Jody Lawrence, James Gregory, E.G. Marshall, Elaine Stritch

From: Paramount

Not a bad way to conclude my Noirvember. During this month I’ve watched a few film noirs and enjoyed them all. There’s still a vast selection for me to choose from; what inspired the decision to check this out: not only was it mentioned on the Pure Cinema Podcast episode from a few weeks ago discussing deep cuts for the genre, a mutual just gave this a rave review hours ago. It featured various people I knew, from Carol Ohmart of House on Haunted Hill fame to James Gregory and E.G. Marshall to “that guy” actors like Edward Binns to even Elaine Stritch.

A plot surrounding a jewel heist also tickled my fancy. Specifically, the heist is done at a mansion, and a poor sap is dragged into a gigantic mess by a blonde femme fatale. It is more detailed than it first sounds or that I’ll reveal, but the relationship between the poor sap and the blonde femme fatale is an affair, so for the time you can probably guess their fate… but what a fun ride it is. The husband is a class-A jerk so the illicit relationship is at least understandable.

I could nitpick several aspects of the plot (especially in the back half) but overall this was a pretty good time. It has all the hallmarks you expect from a dark tale filled w/ sleazy characters. Director Michael Curtiz could be a jerk himself-including allegedly to Ohmart-yet no doubt he knew how to direct and this has the shadowy cinematography that’s in all worthwhile film noirs. Stritch’s character and the relationship w/ her husband provided some nice chuckles, although the most memorable scene was seeing Nat King Cole perform the song Never Let Me Go in a nightclub scene.

Overall, this is a noir I was glad received recent publicity which allowed me to know of its existence; its current availability on YouTube also helped… I realize this isn’t great on my part but I know the print is from a recent Blu release by the Australian label Imprint Films. I’d feel less guilty-and you may also-if you like the movie after you see it for free then legally purchase it from Imprint… although it IS currently out of stock as of now.

Daffy Duck's Movie: Fantastic Island

Yep, I revisited that 78 minute movie on Friday night. I explain what it is below: 

First off, I am now back on my typical schedule; yesterday I returned from time spent out of town at another person’s house for Thanksgiving. Good times were had, although nothing was actually watched during that entire day. ‘tis OK, as I’ll catch up sometime in December.

As you might suspect, this was something from my childhood; the VHS was rented by mom way back when more than once. At the time Looney Tunes was on each Saturday morning so that was watched by me, along with various compilations of various Classic Merrie Melodies shorts that were also on VHS. Fantastic Island was one of several compilations that Warner Brothers did in the 70’s through the 80’s which were tied together various classic cartoons via a bridging sequence; in this case it was a spoof of Fantasy Island, a popular show at the time which I have the faintest memories of via reruns at the same time of youth I first watched Fantastic Island.

Daffy Duck and Speedy Gonzalez spoof Mr. Roarke and Tattoo; Gonzalez was a character that got canceled WAY before that become a common part of our lives. As I haven’t watched any classic media involving him in decades, there’s no personal comments on whether or not that stereotypical character is “grossly offensive” or not; thus, I can laugh at Speedy spoofing Herve Villechaize. The duo find a wishing well on a deserted island and being good capitalists, create a lush tropical resort where old cartoons are shown as people’s desires coming true.

It is easy to spot what animation is new and what isn’t; despite that and all the old shorts being edited down at least a bit, overall this end product isn’t bad. Some of the OG material may be hard to track down (at least legally)—nostalgia may also be playing a role here. Heck, from what I understand the other movies like this-which I don’t remember as well, if I even saw them all-featured better classic cartoons. Yet I was amused enough where there are no regrets in this journey back a few decades to my early youth.

The Menu

The Menu (2022) 

89% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 213 reviews)

Runtime: 106 minutes

Directed by: Mark Mylod

Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Anya Taylor-Joy, Hong Chau, Nicholas Hoult, John Leguizamo

From: Searchlight Pictures

A meal that had some sour bites, but was still a cheeseburgers & fries sort of fine.

Tuesday night I went and saw this movie at the AMC located at Disney Springs. About 3 months ago that location installed laser projectors in all their auditoriums, not just their Dolby Cinema screen. Due to circumstance and other things I hadn't had a chance to see anything there until now to experience the difference. As expected, the picture does look as bright & vibrant as expected; the place isn't perfect but that element is enough of a draw to influence what I see where.

It only made perfect sense for me to post a review of this film on Thanksgiving in the United States... I'll give salutations to everyone in America. The trailer was seen by me a few times yet what swayed me to check it out was all the glowing reviews here on Letterboxd; like what happens sometimes, I wasn't as blown away w/ a movie as this site was. At least it did not infuriate me like that one metaverse movie from The Daniels... by now people probably not only know the general plot outline of “rich tools go to an exclusive culinary experience on an island, only head chef Ralph Fiennes is a lunatic”, but that it was funnier & darker than the trailer let on.

The movie did have its share of laughs-the movie worked relatively well for the crowd-so there are no regrets in the theatrical experience. It had a nice cast where Fiennes and Anya Taylor-Joy were the standouts, and the rich or otherwise “elites” were skewered. It wasn't tremendously sophisticated but the biggest problem for me was that some of the food offered-meaning a plot twist or just a plot point in general-were not tasty to me—in fact, I sighed a few times. Furthermore, I don't think it quite nailed the ending either, or even should have gone w/ such an ending.

Yet I don't want to sound too negative here, as I'm still giving this a “good” rating-no raging out a la Gordon Ramsay in a filthy restaurant. The Menu offered enough morsels that were satisfying where I was often entertained by many dark moments-although the tone was sometimes cruel to the point of not being fun. All that said, it's not a dish I'd send back as among other things, it does poke fun at the most pretentious “the phone eats first” foodies out there. The fact that this was an original plate instead of a rehash was also a plus. For many people-at least on Letterboxd-they will find this to be a tasty treat.

Carry On Up The Jungle

Carry On Up the Jungle (1970)

Runtime: 89 minutes

Directed by: Gerald Thomas

Starring: Most of the expected Carry On crew

From: The Rank Organisation

How has it been an entire year since I've seen a Carry On movie? It's been a few days more than a year since the last one; to be honest, a reason why this was selected was the presence of Valerie Leon... before I carry on, due to the Thanksgiving holiday I'll be posting during different times than usual and it may not happen every day but come the weekend, things will be back to normal. During Thanksgiving itself will be a review of what I feel is an appropriate movie.

As for this installment, it's exactly what you expect from this franchise. Those unaware, expect juvenile hijinks which feature plenty of horny men who rarely have the chance to actually get laid, plenty of bawdy puns & wordplay, and often busty women leered at. In this film was something regrettable. There is a Black tribe which is as primitive as expected, to the point that they're cannibals. Sure, there are other Black characters who aren't like that yet it's still a hoary stereotype. If that isn't bad enough, series regular Bernard Bresslaw was in BLACKFACE as an assistant to the character played by Sid James. Him speaking gibberish that was supposed to be a native language only made it worse.

Only due to my generosity does this not get docked major points for such a plot element. I know that attitudes were different back then and opinions in England were different anyhow than in the United States. Otherwise, your enjoyment of this will depend on your tolerance for this sort of randy humor, such saucy innuendo... or how you have such character names as Inigo Tinkle & Upsidasi. The series regulars played exactly who I expected them to, yet that's alright as they all portrayed those stereotypes rather well. Thus, I can enjoy this silly motion picture even if the gorilla suit you see is rather cheap or this movie's Tarzan (known only as “Ug”) wants frequent sex from the Jane stand-in. You can't go wrong w/ that gorilla using a pair of binoculars... although using it to spy on Joan Sims showering is quite a bit dicier.

 

The Red Snowball Tree

The Red Snowball Tree (Kalina Krasnaya) (1974)

Runtime: 110 minutes

Directed by: Vasilly Shukshin

Starring: Shukshin, Lidiya Fedoseeva-Shukshin, Ivan Ryzhov, Mariya Skvortsova, Aleksky Vanin

From: Mosfilm

It’s no Goncharov but this is the most popular movie ever made in the Soviet Union. It’d take too long to explain why this became a meme on Tumblr but because reasons, the users on that platform went buckwild and created an entire lore to a fictional 1973 movie called Goncharov, which had Scorsese’s involvement in some way-the lore isn’t always exact.

It was about Russian gangsters in Naples which had a cast that included De Niro, Pacino, Hackman, Keitel, Cybill Shepherd and John Cazale-I do wish the movie was an actual thing; there’s homoeroticism, a fascination with clocks & an ice pick killer. There is a LOT created, whether it be fanart, quotes, or footage that’s actually taken from 70’s movies involving those actors. Allegedly, some think this meme is a spoof on people like us talking about obscure films but they’re probably reading WAY too much into it to try and rationalize something that’s a goof.

Sorry for this long opening but I have to explain why I saw a movie that’s obscure to many; a few months ago during time spent in a rabbit hole, I was at the Wiki page of the most popular movies in the history of the Soviet Union. Besides Russian films the list also has some Hollywood films then that well must have dried up as films from India then appear. Well, in all the times it’s been released, this is the most popular-an estimated 140 million tickets. Thankfully for everyone, it is on Mosfilm’s official YouTube channel; it’s not the first time I’ve taken advantage of all the movies they have, only some of which has English subtitles but there’s still enough where I can’t complain… plus, they have a selection of 4K video to boot, including this.

To tie it all together, the plot of this revolves around criminals; specifically, a felon is released from prison and he’s thinking of laying low before returning to his former life… but his lady pen pal friend Lyuba is able to sway him otherwise. Him trying to be an Average Joe (or I suppose in this case, Average Ivan) is quite the struggle although eventually he earns the trust of Lyuba, her family and even the small village they live in. You can probably guess what happens in the final act…

To state the obvious, I don’t fully understand Soviet life-especially during the last few decades it was a thing-so its enduring popularity is somewhat still a mystery to me. Then again, its writer/director/star Vasily Shukshin died shortly after this came out so perhaps him passing away in his mid-40’s was part of it… either way it was a very good movie which managed to be pretty moving as eventually I sympathized w/ the protagonist despite his thief past. As Lyuba was played by Vasily’s real-life wife Lidiya, it wasn’t too surprising that they had quality chemistry with each other. It was well-made and none other than Fassbinder said that this was one of his favorites. I’m glad that a movie which has many elements that work in the West can easily be watched.

By the by, a Red Snowball tree is a shrub known as a guelder rose; that’s the plant shown on the current poster for the film. Its meaning is revealed near the very end.