Miami Connection

Miami Connection (1987)

Runtime: 87 minutes

Directed by: Y.K. Kim, Woo-sang Park

Starring: Y.K. Kim, Vincent Hirsch, Joseph Diamand, Maurice Smith, Angelo Janotti

From: Manson International

Yes, I have found the movie that until recently was incredibly obscure. Then, someone associated with the Alamo Drafthouse set of cinemas found a print of it on eBay by happenstance for 50 bucks and bought it. It got screened a few times and the audience went wild for it. That is understandable, especially if you aren't used to watching films quite like this. Amazingly it's getting released this fall in at least a few small independent theatres (but of course none of them are in Florida, at least not yet) and it's getting a DVD/Blu-Ray release too. As most of the film is actually filmed and set in Orlando-despite the title-I will be befudded if it doesn't get shown in my neck of the woods. Anyhow, I found a copy of it on YouTube, but shhh on that.

The plot, if you can call it that: you find out that there's a group of NINJA BIKERS who do business in Miami. You mainly see them in the climax. Most of the movie revolves around both a band of regular bikers and their buddies, some scumbags who used to work at a club in Orlando as the house band but they got replaced by a new wave band of taekwondo practicioners known as DRAGON SOUND (I swear this is true); the regulars bikers are mad at Dragon Sound because the sister of the leader (who looks like Ellis from Die Hard) is going out with a member of the band and even sometimes sings with them. That sister looks like Linda Blair and has a singing voice almost exactly like that of Pat Benatar. The band... a Korean who can barely speak English (Kim, whose child this is and he's a master at martial arts), an Italian, a black guy with a high-pitched voice, a guy who is just a terrible actor, and a dude who looks like John Oates of Hall & Oates.

The movie really IS as amazing as advertised. Sure, there are slow moments where you'll want to fast-forward but I found them to be hilarious too. I'll list some of the highlights:

• The two songs you hear from the band... the first is about how they love being friends with each other. The second has a lead vocal from the girl and appropriately enough music-wise it DOES sound like a Pat Benatar song.... so you can laugh uproariously thinking of old Pat singing about being “Against The Ninja” and warbling about how great taekwondo is.
• I did recognize some of the filming locations. Some scenes were set and filmed at the University of Central Florida (UCF) campus. I laughed at that because I've been there a handful of times before and I instantly recognized it. Another scene was set at Church Street Station, which was a lot more popular back then but now I've been there many times to visit the clubs... well, usually just one club there.
• The Korean uncle of the guy in the band (he was the other director) appears in a few scenes and he has a short fight with a band of ruffians... while wearing a Mickey & Minnie Mouse chef's robe.
• There's a pointless scene of the guys at Daytona Beach. It provides much comedy as the band acts like total goofs, flexing their non-muscles and unsuccessfully picking up the chicks in bikinis as they made dopey comments and just act like fools.
• The music is thankfully the synth goodness you would expect from the era.
• When the guys have to do acting... whoo boy, it is amateur hour.
• Also, whoo boy to the one bit of nudity you get. It's from females, but they are haggard middle-aged biker girls and needless to say it is not the type of nudity that you would want to see, even if you are the horniest guy.

Overall, this is technically rather atrocious, but hey these guys at least try their hardest, and I hope the guys involved are able to laugh with us rather than us laughing AT them for making something that is a camp classic now. If you love watching bad action films from the past and how ridiculous a lot of that stuff is now in modern times, this is a MUST see. If you are able to see it on the big screen with a big crowd, I imagine that would be an incredible experience.

I'll be back tomorrow night.