I Saw the New Resident Evil... Unfortunately

 

Perhaps I should finally give up on Modern Horror in general… for certain, I will give up on Zach Cregger for good.

After not viewing any films Sunday night, a double-header was held at a cinema last night; Wednesday night will be the review for the other picture-one I hated even more than this! For the newer followers: most modern horror does nothing for me. This includes Obsession and Backrooms, which I both strongly disliked on a fundamental level. Also, I’ve grown more and more tired of foul language, and how it’s incessant in most R-rated movies for at least the past few years. Now, I skipped Weapons but the first two acts of Barbarian were entertaining… until the final act started poorly & it fell apart until an awful final 10 minutes.

I still have never played any Resident Evil game, so that has no bearing on my opinion. The rave reviews for this fooled me; Lord, I’ve been fooled WAY too often when it comes to “popular modern horror” that’s beloved by most on Letterboxd. No offense to anyone, but that is on me as I should learn my lesson and just avoid these stupid Gen-Z films (horror or otherwise) starring an insufferable, idiotic, incompetent protagonist--Johnny Dumb**** in this case, or whatever his name was. Johnny is a courier who has to deliver something to a hospital in Raccoon City.

Johnny constantly screws up and can’t perform simple tasks correctly. He can’t even speak correctly, given his constant cursing, especially the torrent of F-bombs that never cease, which is just like the stupid inane comments this emasculated dork says to himself that never cease. Am I supposed to LIKE this loser? As the viewer follows only him throughout, that was a huge problem for me. So was not liking anyone else we see.

And also, another huge issue was that this almost constantly has “comedy”… not only was it unnecessary, most of it made me groan rather than laugh. It was all just so stupid and not enjoyable; I’ve long since grown tired of unnecessary “humor” in modern cinema. Let’s not even get started on some of the all-time terrible bits of dialogue or blatant ripoffs/homages of moments from actual great horror of the 80’s. Yes, there were OOT gross gory moments but I need more than that. The film is not lit poorly, the snowy landscape is cool and the synth score from Hays & Ryan Holladay was delightful. Otherwise, this is yet another piece of modern horror that failed on a vital level, at least according to my tastes.

It stinks that for years, most Modern Horror is anathemic to my brain, requiring more effort to track down films I enjoy-which I tend to enjoy more than the majority of Letterboxd users. As hated at this comment will be, the goofy 2002 Resident Evil movie was a better time; at least the characters weren’t imbecilic idiots, incompetent jackasses that never shut up.

If you think I went Scorched Earth on Resident Evil 2026, wait until you read the review I’ll post about 24 hours from now!

The Transporter

The Transporter (2002)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: Corey Yuen… and Louis Leterrier

Starring: Jason Statham, Shu Qi, Francois Bereland, Matt Schulze, Ric Young

From: Several European companies, including Eurocorp

 I had a STATHAM SATURDAY by revisiting The Transporter, not viewed in many years. The sequels have never been viewed full-stop (including The Transporter Refueled; who even remembers that was a thing?) yet 2026 seemed like a good time to discuss this nonsense here. Yes, the movie is flashy, absurd, bold… like either the Hong Kong pictures of old or Indian films of recent times.

Now, I can appreciate such things more than at the time. Statham is Frank Martin, former Special Forces dudes who transports people or items in a sweet 1999 BMW 7-series. He has a list of rules… first is “never change the terms of the deal.” Trouble begins once he discovers the contents of a duffel bag is a young lady, Shu Qi. Yes, he does start breaking his rules; the plot isn’t complex but it did not need to be one.

Monsieur Frank was an entertaining badass, wrecking dudes in a fun fashion. I recently mentioned that it’d be nice for Statham to be in more films that were comedic, or at least were light in time… The Transporter is the latter. Now, Americans can only experience comedic Statham… by seeing him in Discover credit card commercials! Shu Qi was fun in her role, as was Francois Bereland as the police Inspector Frank is pals with. It was also nice seeing reliable faces like Ric Young & Matt Schulze. 

These days, I have more respect for the early 21st century action as presented here-perhaps it was a bit TOO flashy at times but it feels fresh in ’26 between the editing, funky score from Stanley Clarke, and the slippery final act. The action beats still satisfy. This was fun poppycock set & filmed in the south of France. Luc Besson as a person evidently has a terrible flaw or two; him in cinema has created distinctive films, whether as a director, writer, or producer—he has the latter two roles here.

Perhaps one day in the far-future the sequels will finally be given a shot by me. On its own, The Transporter is a fun slice of Euro-action, barely over an hour and a half.

Martin

Martin (1977)

Runtime: 95 minutes

Directed by: George A. Romero

Starring: John Amplas, Lincoln Maazel, Christine Forrest,  Elayne Nadeau, Tom Savini

From: Laurel Productions

As I plan on viewing a few George A. Romero movies from now until Halloween, perhaps the first film should have been viewed & reviewed before the latter half of September. Regardless, I’m glad to have “found a copy” of Martin awhile ago. I don’t know if producer Richard Rubinstein is responsible for there not being a copy of the movie available for streaming like he famously does w/ Americans not being able to domestically stream or own a physical media HD release of Dawn of the Dead unless you import it, but…

The titular Martin is a gangly youth who believes he’s a vampire. He sexually assaults then kills a lady on a train as he travels to Pittsburgh. That’s awful, but tragic is that Martin behaves this way as his elderly relative TATA CUDA not only believes in the old tradition of vampires, but that it runs in the family & Martin is one, often referring to him as Nosferatu! What misfortune then that Martin is now living w/ Tata and his relative Christina.

There is ambiguity… black-and-white footage is seen; after it’s used the first time as a fantasy, the rest is either other fantasies or Martin’s actual flashbacks. Whether he’s actually a vampire (one not in a traditional sense… he walks in the daytime and consumes food & drink) who was born in the 1890’s or a youth losing his battle w/ mental illness, his drugging victims, sexually assaulting women, slicing their wrists, & murdering them is utterly horrifying, totally monstrous behavior from him. Also certain is that Martin is socially awkward, a lonely isolated person wishing to connect, to have normal relationships with human beings.

This is a unique take on the vampire mythos-unromantic-where the gritty low-budget filmmaking was an asset, presenting the gritty Pittsburgh suburb of Braddock as a dreary, depressed area. The cast of locals all did fine, especially John Amplas as the title character, Lincoln Maazel as Tata, & Elyane Nadeau as bored housewife Abbie, who Martin develops a relationship with. Tom Savini also had an acting role which coincided w/ the effects he provided for the film, early in his career.

Martin’s a downbeat, somber 70’s film concerning a depressed character. I never wavered in my interest concerning the plot; the attack scenes plus the potent ending made this journey a rewarding one. More than one Romero zombie picture will be reviewed in the upcoming weeks; I was happy to finally check out a movie that will be different from the others that will be on this year’s Spooky Season list.

Used Cars

Used Cars (1980)

Runtime: 113 minutes

Directed by: Robert Zemeckis

Starring: Kurt Russell, Jack Warden, Gerrit Graham (RIP), Frank McRae, Deborah Harmon

From: Columbia 

RIP Gerrit Graham

I did not view any films last night; nothing was planned for this afternoon so a planned watch was set up… until looking at Twitter & seeing the announcement that he passed away on Tuesday at the age of 76. Some of his films have been viewed over the years; it was always a delight to see him in a Child’s Play 2 or a Demon Seed. Personally, him as BEEF in Phantom of the Paradise was hysterical. Despite knowing of Used Cars for years, it had never been seen by me. However, the movie’s free for me on Prime so it seemed an apt choice as Graham had a major role.

This is a rather dark comedy concerning feuding used car dealers that are across the street from each other in the Phoenix, Arizona region. Roy Fuchs (Jack Warden) is a high-end sleazy dealer while his brother Luke (also Warden) is more honest but their cars are piles of junk so his employees-Kurt Russell… no relation & Graham-are sleazy. There’s unethical behavior from the beginning, which increases tenfold after a major event. Roy is obsessed w/ acquiring his brother’s land while Russell’s Rudy Russo really wants the cash to enter an even more dishonest profession.

Used Cars is absurd, vulgar, crass… and often hysterical in its absurdity. It was a delight to see these disreputable characters engage in increasingly outrageous scenarios. The important detail is that these characters are all enjoyable rather than irritating A-holes that you can’t stand… even during the picture’s most off-color moments. The quality of cast happens: Russell, Graham & his superstitious character, Jack Warden, the foul-mouthed Frank McRae, Joe Flaherty, Michael McKean, Michael Talbott, Dub Taylor, & others. There’s an awesome dog named Toby, + a cameo from a beloved cult actor.

It's wild that the film is from Robert Zemeckis. He and Bob Gale learned of a script about used cars from John Milius; they modified it to this insanity. That’s why the two executive producers were Milius… and Spielberg! This is the type of comedy that of course we haven’t seen made in many years. The charm of Russell and the yelling of McRae were of course great assets but so was the crazy character Graham brought to life. He’s someone who was on screen, on stage, wrote scripts, and even co-authored the song Victim or the Crime, which appeared on the 1989 Grateful Dead album Built to Last. He knew Bob Weir for years, you see.

While I’m bummed he passed away, this was a great way to tip my cap to the late Gerrit Graham. I recommend you do so if you aren’t allergic to vulgar comedies.

 

Onslaught

Onslaught (2026)

59% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 128 reviews) 

Runtime: 95 minutes

Directed by: Adam Wingard

Starring: Adria Arjona, Reginald VelJohnson, Eric Wareheim, Drew Starkey, Dan Stevens

From: A24 

Those that don’t live in America… no, they don’t have official green signs on the highway telling you how far you are from a trailer park!

While Blair Witch wasn’t too good, I’ve enjoyed Adam Wingard’s You’re Next, The Guest, & his wacky Godzilla films. Thus, I was hopeful for Onslaught; the one time I saw a trailer, I was non-plussed but trailers don’t always accurately convey a film’s quality anyhow.

My opinion: boy, did they try REALLY hard to create a motion picture in the style of an 80’s cult classic. Don’t get me wrong, that is preferable to the glut of bland, flavorless films released on the big screen or (especially) streaming for years now; however, the strangest moments and oddest character quirks felt incredibly try-hard. A major problem is that I never warmed up to the lead character; it’s not the performance of Adria Arjona but rather the bad parent/stereotypically damaged soldier character that just wasn’t likable or enjoyable.

The character I disliked the most, though, was the stereotypical incompetent cop portrayed by Eric of Tim & Eric fame. My belief that drinking bleach is a more pleasant experience than watching even a minute of Tim & Eric’s anti-humor is irrelevant; it’s the irritating buffoon character that was a turn-off. I couldn’t believe when the lead noted his faults but concluded by proclaiming, “…but you’re a good man.” What? No, he wasn’t!

That, the rampant cursing, and a conclusion that was at least a little underwhelming are valid gripes. Even so, I didn’t hate Onslaught. The synth score was awesome; a highlight was the opening-featuring text in what I call “the Carpenter font”-and a tune that sounded like the opening song from Morricone’s score for The Thing. As expected from the director, the soundtrack featured uncommon songs you don’t hear in films. The trio of super-soldiers that invaded the trailer park are part of the film’s most “aura farming moments,” to paraphrase a line from others.

They at least attempted mood & atmosphere; some images did look swell. So did the bloody action scenes. Getting to see both Michael Biehn and Reginald VelJohnson is always a treat. When 2026 has had too many bad movies seen theatrically, I can’t be too disappointed that this movie was a letdown in parts when fun was still had.

Doctor Who: Terror of the Autons

This is the 1971 serial from the Jon Pertwee era: 

In this special late Wednesday posting, I’ll admit that one thing new to me this Spooky Season is having more than one Doctor Who serial on the list. Besides Autons coming as a recommendation, I knew from a cursory search that this had a bit of a reputation at the time for causing “kindertrauma”… i.e. containing moments that were frightening to children. That is understandable… there’s an inflatable chair that kills (long story), plastic daffodils that also kill, an evil troll doll, plastic men, and other men with giant fake heads.

It was nice to be introduced to the renegade Time Lord known as The Master-serving as the main foil-the introduction of Jo Grant as the Doctor’s companion, and the first time Captain Mike Yates of U.N.I.T. appeared in the show. I was happy to learn about The Master, the titular autons, and the non-corporeal entities known as the Nestenes. The Master enacts a plan to have the autons bring the Nestenes onto Earth and he’ll destroy all of humanity, because he’s a villain.

There is a thing or two I could nitpick about-including the denouement-yet overall I still had fun. As mentioned before, Jon Pertwee was entertaining as The Doctor; he even admitted to his at-times childish behavior. Katy Manning was swell as Jo, as was Roger Delgado as The Master. The typical action I expect from the franchise (which I’ve now seen a grand total of three serials of) was present. There’s some fine action, the standard cliffhangers between each chapter, and a tremendous roll down a hill by a stuntman.

I know there are other Doctor serials which are more horror-coded; research has told me which way to go to view one starring Tom Baker between now and Halloween.

Ghostkeeper

Ghostkeeper (1981)

Runtime: 87 minutes

Directed by: Jim Makichuk

Starring: Riva Spier, Murray Ord, Sheri McFadden, Georgie Collins, Les Kimber

From: Badland Pictures

This motion picture played last night on one of the five streaming channels on the Eternal Family platform. It was characters on a pair of snowmobiles in the Canadian wilderness. As that snowy landscape was resplendent, I was intrigued to watch Ghostkeeper-which is also a great title-in full.

The platform’s description compared it to The Shining. While it’s an apt comparison (for reasons I can’t reveal), it also is writing a check the movie couldn’t possibly cash. Ghostkeeper isn’t an all-time genre classic, after all. That doesn’t mean this is not a cozy, chilling motion picture where a couple (that have a contentious relationship) and a lady friend leave their friends in a cabin to ride around the wilderness before two of the three decide to trespass on private property despite the third being the voice of reason & protesting the decision.

Of course, a snowmobile breaks down right by an abandoned deer lodge… only they meet an older lady caretaker, and there’s others… oh, and I almost forgot: there’s an opening blurb which reveals that this motion picture features a Wendigo.

I understand why there are many who feel this is lacking in incident, a pace too languid, that they’d prefer a certain type of horror thrill which isn’t what this movie is offering. Evidently, the production ran out of money so that resulted in an ending that had to be modified. At the same time, for those that enjoy slowly-paced spooky moody tales, this could be satisfying for you. The creepy vibes are strong, the lodge setting providing an evocative mood, the snowy landscape providing a pastoral beauty.

A critical asset: the Paul Zaza score. The frequent Bob Clark collaborator (also scoring Prom Night and My Bloody Valentine) presented a chilling violin-based score.

For a certain segment of Letterboxd, they will love Ghostkeeper even more than I did, a journey quite rewarding for them.

Bananas

Bananas (1971)

Runtime: 82 minutes

Directed by: Woody Allen

Starring: Allen, Louise Lasser, Carlos Montalban, Nati Asbacal, Jacobo Morales

From: United Artists

It’s been awhile since viewing any Woody Allen; an apology for doing so probably isn’t necessary on Letterboxd when people still view his films, they’re still on television, and other controversial figures haven’t been banished either. Of course, I’m separating the art from the artist whenever viewing one of Allen’s pictures… some have been reviewed here and Bananas was seen by me once—like 20 years ago. Time for a revisit, right?

Woody portrays… yes, the standard Woody Allen character w/ the great name Fielding Mellish. He tests products for a conglomeration, including a multi-faceted setup at a desk which looks like something that’d be marketed today. Heck, there’s a potshot at the National Rifle Association that many would agree with… anyhow, he meets Louise Lasser-as mentioned a few months ago, RIP to her-who is an activist. They break up but he decides to visit the fictional South American country of San Marcos. 

An overthrow of the government occurred, a dictatorship now ruling. Mellish meets both them & rebels looking to overthrow the dictatorship. Bananas was a comedy featuring satire, pratfalls, absurd moments, the tragic humor of banana republics, sight gags & wordplay. While not my favorite from Allen, I was still entertained by his brand of comedy. Spoofing major events in the film by having sportscaster Howard Cosell (I won’t dwell on him or how he’s best known for his interactions w/ Muhammad Ali. I imagine many would know him from Michael Mann’s Ali) commentate on them as if they were sporting events… those were a highlight. 

Some moments I did not recall from that first viewing. In the latter half, there’s a scene which is comparable to the whole “55 burgers, 55 fries, 55 tacos…” thing I’ve never seen but know is a meme. Much more horrifying is a reprise of a shocking moment that was in Hannan and her Sisters. Early on, Allen mentioned… CHILD MOLESTATION. 

This is a detail worth mentioning for both movies lest someone would react poorly to being blindsided by that comment for whatever reasons. That does make it difficult to separate the art from the artist; otherwise, I was happy with this second viewing; it was done on YouTube rather than the copy that is on Amazon and is a few minutes shorter. The assumption is that a scene early on featuring adult magazines was excised for whatever reasons, if other scenes weren’t also trimmed or excised. 

I imagine the one scene featuring Sylvester Stallone as a thug wasn't removed.

Penny Lane is Dead

Penny Lane is Dead (2025)

Runtime: 88 minutes

Directed by: Mia'Kate Russell

Starring: Sophia Wright-Mendelsohn, Tahlee Fereday, Ben O'Toole, Bailey Spalding, Steve Le Marquand

From: Many different Australian companies 

A viewing that occurred due to discussion elsewhere. This was on a messageboard (technically, Discord) that has been obliquely mentioned by me in the past. Someone asked about Shudder’s recently exclusive releases, including Penny Lane. As the title intrigued & I knew this was an Aussie flick set in 1986…

In fact, Penny Lane is the name of a lead. She, her secret lesbian lover Toni, and their pal Amy are teens who spend one night in a beach house… where there isn’t a banker on the corner with a motorcar. Suddenly arrives Penny’s psychotic cousin Kat, who soon then brings her even more psychotic boyfriend Angus and his ruffian friends; deaths, bloodshed, yelling, revenge, and the usage of 80’s Aussie songs occurred.

I could quibble, undoubtedly. The tone was OOT, absurd, preposterous. This does attempt to echo the exploitation films of old-especially Ozploitation-which does include plenty of time viewing loathsome characters perform horrific acts on our heroes—even if the most upsetting moment was heard rather than shown. There are dumb moments-don’t scrutinize the plot too hard. As I figured, it’s about as foolish to criticize the language in an Australian movie as it is one from the UK, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t excessive.

On that note, recently some stranger commented on my review for a recent modern film I didn’t like & thought me a hypocrite because I complained about F-bombs there yet one of my favorites is Goodfellas. Some movies from the past before I grew frustrated with this issue are grandfathered in plus if I am a fan of the story and characters… regardless, I still enjoyed Penny Lane & would have rated it the same even if the constant vulgarities would have been less frequent. Speaking of language, Aussies will be amused that via this film, I now know what a dunny is!

Regardless, the movie was successful at making you despise the villains, especially Kat… the performance of Sophia Wright-Mendelsohn was one of the highlights. Yes, her father actually IS who you think it is. The revenge was satisfying-bloody and gruesome. There are fun moments, the pitch-black comedy was amusing rather than the irritating wink-at-the-camera crap that’s ruined cinema in recent years. The leading trio were all easy to root for, especially Tahlee Fereday as Toni. The score was good & there is something to be said about a modern picture where the nighttime scenes outdoors feature lighting that isn’t bad.

To echo a criticism of others elsewhere, they perhaps didn’t stick the landing. Even so, I still enjoyed this retro-flavored stew which at least wasn’t pretentious or smug. Penny Lane is instead big dumb fun—after the viewer is riled up for a long bit by the heels. For those that are fans of inclusion, plenty on the crew were females, as was director Mia’Kate Russell… no relation. Again, that doesn’t impact my rating but Dead still feels like the films of old, including its mean streak.

The Guest, Revisited

Knowing that Onslaught is in the same universe as The Guest means that it was time for me to revisit this picture; judging by how many less screens Onslaught is on in just its second week, it’s now a priority to check that out before the 18th.

I’m not as over the moon as I was that theatrical viewing almost 12 (!) years ago already; that doesn’t mean I did not have a very good time last night. Dan Stevens-in an awesome performance-portrays David, a soldier who was friends w/ the late soldier son in the Peterson family. He suddenly shows up at their doorstep one day and while mom is happy to welcome him w/ open arms, the rest of the family were various degrees of wary. As he ingratiates himself, we see that the overly polite David is a badass who beats up-and worseSOB’s; they deserved it, at least at first…

The film is wildly entertaining, the Carpenter inspirations obvious even if you don’t factor in the astonishing synth/synthwave soundtrack & songs. David seems awesome at first-he wants to help nerdy loner Luke Peterson battle his loathsome bullies. Dudes Get Wrecked ™ in a way I was happy to view again. However, David makes oddball comments, e.g. “Cash is easy to get,” concerning how loaded w/ dollars he is. I dare not spoil the rest.

It's always nice seeing familiar faces like Leland Orser, Joel David Moore, & Lance Reddick. However, thankfully the highlights were the three main performances… David, Anna, and Luke, as portrayed by Stevens, Maika Monroe, and Brendan Meyer. The plot isn’t complex—not every motion picture needs to be complex like the Bergman film I viewed the previous day. The Guest was done well between the plot, the characters, the entertaining action beats, the retro vibes. There are some admittedly contrived bits or silly moments-that does not ruin the experience for me.

Onslaught hasn’t had reviews as strong as The Guest; that said, concerning my peculiar modern movie tastes, I might swoon over that picture as well. Whether Guest is an action-horror or an action-thriller w/ a bit of horror elements can be debated; more undeniable is the October setting, Halloween decorations in the background. In the foreground is the climax held in a holiday setting; this is a fine movie to watch during the month of October, in other words.

Shame

Shame (Skammen) (1968)

Runtime: 103 minutes

Directed by:Ingmar Bergman

Starring: Max von Sydow, Liv Ullmann, Sigge Furst, Gunnar Bjornstrand, Birgitta Valberg

From: SF Studios/Cinematograph AB

Rumors of Liv Ullmann’s death have been greatly exaggerated. I didn’t see this scuttlebutt on Twitter last month-it was someone responding to this rumor… if someone was just mistaken or were truly malicious claiming she passed away is unknown. If she is in ill health, I’ll be happy to give her props right now. Besides, it’s been awhile since viewing an Ingmar Bergman picture. I’ve seen Ullmann in Persona, Autumn Sonata, Cries and Whispers, & Hour of the Wolf. This is more than enough evidence to present what a great actor she was during her career. 

This is a downbeat (even by Bergman standards) film starring Ullmann & Max von Sydow as a married couple who live isolated on an island in the midst of their country experiencing a civil war. They attempt to be like Switzerland-i.e. not become involved whatsoever-but eventually the war comes to them & naturally, the stress of this conflict has a negative impact on what was a flawed relationship to begin with. They can’t even have children as long as this lengthy conflict-the war and their partnership-continues.

Clearly, this journey is not the easiest to take due to the turmoil the leads experience in a difficult situation—yet it was a rewarding journey. I likely don’t need to spend much time detailing what a masterful job Bergman was as a director, or the expert cinematography from Sven Nykvist. The complex performances from Ullmann and von Sydow were excellent. The war is merely a backdrop to the deterioration of their relationship, decisions they both made driving a wedge between the two.

The ”worst” I’ve thought of a Bergman movie was that it was pretty good; he thankfully has not missed with me so far. Shame adroitly handled its anti-war message without providing details concerning that conflict—the conflict between the two leads and more broadly, war’s impact on everyone no matter their involvement was the focus instead. Ullmann will turn 88 in December; hopefully she’ll live for many years to come but I was glad to give her some praise today.

Sh! The Octopus

Sh! The Octopus (1937)

Runtime: Only 54 minutes

Directed by: William C. McGann

Starring: Hugh Herbert, Allen Jenkins, Marcia Ralston, John Eldredge, George Rosener

From: Warner Bros.

A movie as strange as its title. I’ve known of this for years due to the title; that was even before a special effect during the finale went viral. More on that later in the review. This combined two different plays; that might explain how baffling the plot was.

A painter decides to live at an abandoned lighthouse; it is owned by a Captain Hook who does in fact have a hook for a right hand, The leads are a pair of goofball detectives portrayed by Hugh Herbert and Allen Jenkins; to echo the thoughts of others, they were like a low-rent version of Abbott & Costello.

At the lighthouse, there’s a criminal mastermind known as The Octopus, an actual octopus is seen, some horror tropes are older than I suspected (the arms of the villain are about to grab an unknowing victim, drops of blood from above reveal a victim), one of the characters-Marcia Ralston-I can describe as a Temu Joan Crawford-although her performance was fine-an iridium ray, and more.

A little bit of the detectives go a long way; Herbert loves going, “whoo-oooh!” often, to list an example. The humor I can sometimes describe as “humor,” in a sarcastic sense. Yet, this was all so bizarre. It’s a comedic mystery horror picture that has absurdist moments, slapstick, submarines, a tortoise… and this was only 54 minutes in length. Who knows what audiences in ’37 thought of Octopus; could they make heads or tails of it? What would they think of Herbert going “ribbit!” right back at a pair of frogs?

I couldn’t always make heads or tails of this… I’ll still say it was “fine.” Sometimes I did laugh & I was never bored by this insanity. Plus, the special effect used during the finale is a “holy crap” even in 2026. You don’t need CG or AI to have a sudden transformation. There are explanations elsewhere how they achieved it but in short… color theory, makeup, and optical effects were combined to create a transition that caused a stir in ’22 when it briefly went viral online, people GOBSMACKED this was from a late 30’s picture unknown to most youths on the social media.

Props to those that created this effect; for some, that might be the only part of Sh! The Octopus worth watching.

 

Winnetou and the Crossbreed

Winnetou and the Crossbreed (Winnetou Und Das Halbblut Apanatschi) (1966)

Runtime: The version I saw was 85 minutes

Directed by: Harald Philipp

Starring: Lex Barker, Pierre Brice, Gotz George, Uschi Glas, Walter Barnes

From: Rialto Film/Jadran Film

In this special late-night Wednesday posting… my discovery of a streaming channel new to me (and some of the movies they play are also on its YouTube channel) last night determined that I’d see a Winnetou film new to me. Thanks, Grjingo. For the newer followers, a mutual on Letterboxd wrote reviews of these movies long ago-this was how I discovered there was an industry of Westerns made in what was then West Germany. 

For the newer followers, let me explain. Based on novels from Karl May, OLD SHATTERHAND-a name you’d expect from a Jaeger in Pacific Rim-is a white dude who has an Apache friend, the titular Winnetou. They have quite the bromance as they dealt with both dumb white people and other Native Americans.

This installment is devoted to dumb white people. Yes, “crossbreed” is a slightly less offensive term than “half-breed,” although you shouldn’t use either; Uschi Glas portrayed the young Apanatschi (what a name), who has a white father and Native American mother, along w/ a younger brother. Dad informs her that he has a claim on a gold mine; various white people are greedy bastards who can’t contain themselves and kidnap the siblings. Thankfully, there are our two heroes, the white b/f of Apanatschi, the wacky sidekick Sam Hawkens that’s in all those films, and the denizens of a town that wish to rid themselves of the villains.

The bad guys aren’t the most memorable in the series; otherwise, I had a pretty good time. They filmed in what is now Croatia; this provided a different sort of scenery from the American West or the Spanish desert seen in hundreds of Spaghetti Westerns. There’s some dusty areas but the viewer also sees some rocky lands, mountain peaks, and lush green areas; earlier movies included multiple waterfalls. The lead family here lived in a green area right by a river.

There’s fire, explosions, shootouts involving a large group of people, a fair for the time portrayal of Native Americans, actual stunts performed by Gotz George-the other name I imagine some European members would know-and moments you’d expect from Westerns originating from America or other European countries. The Grjingo YouTube channel now have those movies available-sure, they’re the dubbed versions and judging by runtime they don’t appear to be original release length… but I’m glad they’re still available for adventurous Western fans willing to try a different flavor of this genre.

In Search of Darkness: 1990-1994

This is a 2024 documentary from the people that did the very good In Search of Darkness docs concerning 80's horror: 

I had nothing better to do on Labor Day than view all six hours of this documentary. I’ve checked out the three Darkness documentaries covering 80’s horror, and enjoyed them all. The format in that trio & here: a cornucopia of movies covered-whether famous or not-featuring commentary from a wide variety of well-known genre figures, along with breaks between each year concerning major topics related to horror.

After an opening establishing how different the 90's were compared to the preceding decade-and how this impacted the particular films that were released-a wide variety of horror from the first half of the decade were discussed. This ranges from Tremors and Nekromantik 2 to Bram Stoker's Dracula and The Stand. As always, which guests they were able to interview determined what was covered. Charles Band meant that some of his Full Moon features were discussed; the same goes for Jorg Buttgereit.

As 90's horror I am not as well-versed in as its 80's counterpart, it was nice to learn more about pictures I knew little to even nothing about. How many of those movies I'll check out from now until Halloween is undetermined. It's always great hearing from the likes of Clancy Brown, John Carpenter, & Heather Langenkamp, among many others. Between years, the topics discussed include microbudget horror and the rise of CG.

This installment of Darkness addressed some nitpicks that I-and apparently others-had... several TV films were brought up (including Stephen King's It & Ghostwatch) and a larger percentage of films were foreign. This made the documentary especially informative. Shout-out to CreatorVC Studios and director David A. Weiner for these horror documentaries, plus the 80's sci-fi In Search of Tomorrow. It might not be until next year that I check out In Search of Darkness: 1995-1999.

The Mummy (Unfortunately, The One w/ Tom Cruise)

The Mummy (2017)

Runtime: 110 minutes

Directed by: Alex Kurtzman

Starring: Tom Cruise, Annabelle Wallis, Sofia Boutella, Jake Johnson, Russell Crowe

From: Universal

The Dark Universe is especially funny now, almost a decade later. How badly this movie flopped at the time and it killing off a franchise after just one movie is an incredible failure. So is releasing an IMAX trailer that accidentally only included a vocal track and not any of the other audio tracks (score, sound effects, etc.), resulting in a hysterical video that everyone guffawed at. In 2026, I have long been fed up with shared universes, or the attempts to start a shared universe, needless sequels, etc. The Mummy popping up on Prime was the main reason why I even gave this a shot, almost a decade after the fact.

Not even Tom Cruise could save this; I enjoy him as a movie star… him as a person, not as much. They tried to make this an adventure in exotic Middle Eastern locations with horror elements and end-of-the-world implications… this is a mixed bag at best. Cruise and odious comic relief pal Jake Johnson are military men who are in Iraq and they sell antiquities on the black market. Well, they uncover an Egyptian tomb (actually, a prison) and release the supernatural Sofia Boutella.

The Mummy is forgettable nonsense; a modern blockbuster in the most pejorative sense… mindless, disposable crap. They attempted to add more horror to the adventure than was in the ’99 Mummy (however, they ended up with a mummy version of a Mission: Impossible picture, to mention a frequent complaint) yet this has failed attempts at “humor”, little of the charm, bad ideas, wasn't scary at all, & bombastic spectacle that is tiresome… and I’m someone who’s avoided most of those superhero films.

The fact that they blatantly ripped off an 80’s horror movie (from Universal, as a matter of fact) and probably were inspired by a cult 80’s horror movie didn’t help either, nor did the time wasted establishing a cinematic universe that never occurred. Russell Crowe and Annabelle Wallis were fine, I guess, although the former as Dr. Jekyll (!) was quite wacky. I didn’t hate everything, re: The Mummy. They tried for atmosphere at times, and that wasn’t bad. The plane crash sequence was cool, although it should have been in a Mission: Impossible or a similar Cruise action film.

Instead of what many proclaim is Cruise’s worst film-a movie so lousy that something starring him flopped worldwide-I would have vastly preferred a 70’s Hammer movie involving a mummy, knights from the Crusades, and havoc across London. That at least would have been FAR more memorable than this poppycock.

Fall 2: Deadpoint

Fall 2: Deadpoint (2026)

55% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 31 reviews)

Runtime: 98 minutes

Directed by: Michael & Peter Spierig

Starring: The majority of the film is just Harriet Slater & Arsema Thomas but there’s also the likes of Tom Brittney

From: Lionsgate

For those that thought the first Fall wasn't dumb enough...

I made the climb in '22 & saw Fall theatrically. Despite the plot and characters possessing an intelligence comparable to a pet rock, I didn't hate the movie. At least the effects were solid and you believed they were stuck on top of an extremely tall tower. If you have acrophobia, Fall would be a nightmare for you. Curiosity got the best of me & I checked out the sequel. This is actually my first film from brothers Michael & Peter Spierig; don't worry, eventually I'll see a second from them.

Fall 2 was tackled Friday night before I went & saw the Indian movie Veerana. It was only last night that a Twitter post was viewed—in short, a purported picture from the end credits of Deadpoint reveals that... the movie used AI. I'm sure it's true; one of the producers (Scott Mann) has his own AI company, after all. Indeed, one shot didn't look quite right; it was... of an airplane wheel landing on the ground, which wasn't needed anyway as the viewer saw the plane land on the ground—talk about unnecessary. That will be a deal-breaker for some so do what you wish w/ that information.

Fall 2 is extraordinarily stupid! Virginia Gardner from the first Fall has a sister; I'd say that she looked either like a Temu Sadie Sink or a Temu Emma Stone, but that'd be too harsh. Plus, the character name JAX HUNTER was great. Harriet Slater was fine in the role-she was devastated by the events of the first movie. Hysterically, a random stranger met her one day and... inspired Jax to “honor” her daredevil sister by doing something even stupider than what her sister did... walk the old planks on the side of a Thai mountain (they were built my monks centuries ago, as established in a throwaway line of dialogue) when there's no railing and the only “safety measure” is a chain hanging a few feet above said planks.

Even worse, they did no preparation for this illegal hike, and relied on a sketchy guy in a random Thai bar to guide them. If this wasn't dopey enough, there are many other moments I dare not reveal, because spoilers. At least I was able to laugh AT Deadpoint for its illogic, its attempts to have epic moments that either were heart-wrenching or inspiring... instead they made me AND at least one other person in this sparsely-attended guffaw and scoff at what the movie was trying to do.

While not as successful in presenting the constant danger in someone stuck at such a perilous location, there are still thrills in this particular scenario. Arsema Thomas and Tom Brittney were also fine as the random stranger & sketchy guy Jon, respectively. Fall 2: Deadpoint is OK in a brainless way; I imagine it'll do as well on streaming as the first one did, nevermind the first bombing and this sequel destined to do so. There will be a third one; it is uncertain as of now I'll check out Fall 3: The Droppening (or whatever they'll title it) on the big screen as well.

Veerana

Veerana (1988)

Runtime: The version I saw was 135 minutes

Directed by: Shyam Ramsey/Tulsi Ramsey

Starring: Jasmin, Hemant Birje, Sahila Chaddha, Kulbhushan Kharbanda, Satish Shah

From: Sai Om Productions

I got to see an old Indian horror movie on the big screen last night. The experience (at Orlando's arthouse cinema, the Enzian) wasn't the best-more on that at the end-but I was still happy to view something else from the Ramsay family. For years they made Hindi horror films; in the past, I also had fun w/ their Purana Mandir and their Freddy Krueger ripoff Mahakaal. Getting to view one restored on the big screen was a rare treat.

Veerana concerns a cult that lives in the woods; their leader is a Rasputin type. They have a witch which is basically a Deadite; a dude finds & hangs the witch. Well, the witch's spirit is transferred to that of the dude's 10-year-old daughter, who grows up to be a sexpot that seduces then kills dumb men. Of course, this is cinema from India so there is wacky humor that is rather broad & sometimes alien to a dopey white guy like myself, tonal shifts, and at least a bit of melodrama.

A shame that the crowd for this laughed at everything; of course there's intended & unintended comedy, feel free to chuckle at that. However, laughing at serious moments or just random moments in general where I couldn't comprehend WHAT they were guffawing about... disappointing. Yes, much of the crowd was dumb white people but some South Asians were also present. Lord only know what they thought of that reaction.

The plot is uniquely Hindi yet I was still entertained, and not in an ironic fashion. Jasmin was quite alluring as the possessed girl; there's also chilling moments throughout that coincide w/ the catchy song and dance numbers, the humor (the blatant comedic character was a chubby dude who... wants to be a director. Hopefully no one here sees themselves in him!), the horror scenes that echo Hammer, the action scenes that at first were comparable to Dolemite but later were more competent, a giant of a man that resembled a 1980's version of The Great Khali, footage stolen from two famous Hollywood horror movies, more crash zooms than in any Tarantino film... there are effective horror elements mixed into this tasty stew.

Naturally I could be pedantic and nitpick certain aspects, such as the world's dumbest father & how his naivete was needed for the plot. However, this won't occur; entertainment was had by this horror picture w/ a unique, spicy flavor. I had fun, even with a bad crowd and even at a place that used to have a nice, chill outdoor bar attached to the cinema but last night was blasting horrid deafening modern music... having to eviscerate a local cinema devoted to independent film is not ideal but I am crestfallen the Enzian has fallen off so badly in not that many years.

Blondie Johnson

Blondie Johnson (1933)

Runtime: 67 minutes

Directed by: Ray Enright

Starring: Joan Blondell, Chester Morris, Allen Jenkins, Earle Foxe, Claire Dodd

From: Warner Bros.

Not only was it Pre-Code time for me, but time to clear space off the DVR. I made this recording off of TCM way back in May, you see. The premise of “Joan Blondell is a poor lady during the Great Depression who hustles her way into ruling a crime ring” greatly intrigued.

Indeed, she was a poor lady looking for assistance who was thrown out of housing (along w/ her mother) by an A-hole landlord, she quit her job due to sexual harassment… mom gets sick and dies. Little wonder then she decides to give avarice a try and does whatever to become successful. She runs various con games, all of which entertained me. This is how she meets gangsters, including Danny. In a twist from the norm, she wants their relationship to be strictly professional and despite her having feelings, she rejects his advances… and he actually respects her wishes. She rises in importance although of course she experiences the same sort of problems you get in other genre examples.

In other ways, this felt progressive-heck, Blondie even has lady friends (including Japanese-American actress Toshia Mori) who she doesn’t later feud with. The gangster theatrics aren’t revolutionary but of course the presence of Blondell’s character-strong yet not infallible-was the highlight, Joan’s portrayal a delight. The direction from Ray Enright was solid, the supporting players-studio regulars I’ve seen in other pictures-were all at least fine, including Chester Morris as Danny. As this was a Warner Bros. B-movie, the expectations were meant concerning how competent the production was.

The final scene perhaps wasn’t the best conclusion for the picture; otherwise, this was an enjoyable gangster B-movie from the Pre-Code era that is more than just one with a memorable gimmick.

Necessary Roughness

Necessary Roughness (1991)

Runtime: 108 minutes

Directed by: Stan Dragoti

Starring: Scott Bakula, Harley Jane Kozak, Hector Elizondo, Robert Loggia, Sinbad

From: Paramount

An appropriate movie to view as the college football season is about to start for most teams. Necessary Roughness is another movie watched in the 90’s when I was a kid but not as an adult until last night. College football now is far different than it was 35 years ago-not all the changes have been good, IMO-but I don’t want to be a curmudgeon here.

Texas State (not the school now known as Texas State; back in ’91, they were known as Southwest Texas State) is a successful program but everyone on the team was kicked out due to rampant corruption. That was based on SMU, a successful program that was so dirty, they were banned for a year; that was so devastating they took another year to restart their team. They now are pretty good again. Here the premise was more absurd; the school instead took random students already enrolled without recruiting any high school football stars. They were the ultimate misfits and underdogs, clearly. The QB is 34-year-old Scott Bakula, a high school star turned farmer.

This is not the most realistic depiction of college football by any regards. Be that as it may, there wasn’t as much football action as I recalled. Instead, this is the archetypical outsider movie; the focus is them coming together as a team despite struggles w/ themselves and others. Major League was an obvious inspiration; Rob Schneider’s announcer was no Bob Uecker’s Harry Doyle but he wasn’t terrible either. If you know his Richardmeister character from Saturday Night Live, think that.

A cast full of familiar faces was a quality asset; Scott Bakula as the lead was likable. He stopped playing football as his father died so “taking over the family farm” took over priority. He probably shouldn’t try to date one of his professors, but… there’s also Robert Loggia (perfect for the role) as an assistant coach, Hector Elizondo as the head coach, Sinbad (star of 90’s hit Shazaam lol j/k), Fred Dalton Thompson, Kathy Ireland in a small yet memorable role, Jason Bateman, and Larry Miller as exactly the sort of smarmy college dean you’d expect Larry Miller to portray, a role I know he played in a few other pictures.

I was relieved that Necessary Roughness was still watchable as a middle-aged adult, still providing laughs and still presenting an inspiring ending. What surprised me: the first game these misfits played was against… Southwest Texas State, who remember is now known as Texas State. True story.