I’ll quickly mention two films I saw recently and also plug a store to get cheap movies that I hadn’t even heard of before until a few weeks ago. It will stand in for my usual review of a film.
First, MovieStop. It’s related to GameStop. There, they have a huge variety of DVD’s and Blu-Rays available, both new and used. In the past few weeks I’ve gotten a decent number of DVD’s there, including stuff hard to find for purchase anywhere else, like the Briana Evigan-starring Burning Bright, and even something long out of print, which is the original 1998 Criterion DVD version of Akira Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai. Sure, it was released again in later years, but to stumble upon something that was out of print for years and I only had to pay a little less than 20 dollars for it… what a hell of a steal.
The first movie I saw recently was (500) Days of Summer. Yes, I did rent it because I knew that Minka Kelly had a brief role in it, and the movie seemed to be highly rated. Well, I couldn’t even finish it! It was a “quirky indy comedy”, and I’m rarely a fan of those. That’s why I’ve never seen Garden State. When real early on I see the main guy demonstrate that he’s in a bad mood by slowly breaking the dishes in his kitchen… no, just no. Sure, some interesting ideas were there in the way it was presented (except for the fact that the chronology was jumbled… because Tarantino did it first, I guess) or that it was filled with music I didn’t care about (because Tarantino did it first, I guess… although with him I usually like the music he picks), but overall I did not like a lot of what I saw at all. I did end up seeing the last scene, as I had it accidentally spoiled awhile back; plus, I got to see who I wanted to see. Yep, she looked nice but even that made me mad, as she revealed what her name was… not to give anything away, but the movie has the title it does as the lead guy dates a girl named Summer for 500 days. Well, Ms. Kelly’s character’s name is Autumn! What an insult. If you want a quirky romantic comedy with odd touches with it that’s actually good, stick with Annie Hall.
The second movie I saw recently was The Thaw. Basically, it was similar in a few ways to The Thing, except that, you know, The Thing is actually good… no wait, it’s a great film. This, however, instead ended up being a preachy film (that can be a problem) about global warming (that’s always a problem with me, personally) where characters end up doing really stupid things just because the script told them to do so when a few words could have solved some of their problems. Mainly, I saw it not because I wanted to see Val Kilmer sleepwalk through another role but rather because the girl I’ll probably always refer to as Becca from Superbad (i.e. Martha Macisaac) was in it too. Sure, it has some decent moments and a male character apparently got infected in his Johnson, but otherwise this is not a film you should ever check out; just stupid with The Thing instead.
I’ll be back Wednesday and this time it’ll be an actual review, and it’ll likely be of an actual classic film.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
The Roommate
The Roommate (2011)
5% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 55 reviews)
Runtime: 91 minutes
Directed by: Christian E. Christiansen
Starring: Minka Kelly, Leighton Meester, Cam Gigandet, Billy Zane
From: Screen Gems
Yep, I went and saw a movie to gawk at some pretty girls on the big screen.
I’ve heard about this movie for a few years now, way back to the point that the two lovely leads were signed for the movie; they were selected as hey, many people have said they look awfully a lot like each other, which is true. You can also say the same about the comparison between this movie and Single White Female. I’ve never seen that flick, but I generally know what it’s about, and it sounds awfully similar to this movie… except that this movie is PG-13. Go figure.
I knew going in that the movie got some pretty bad reviews. That’s why I didn’t go see it at first, even though I find both of the leads to be rather easy on the eyes, especially Minka Kelly. In terms of celebrities and looks, I think she ranks right at the top for me. I haven’t really seen her act, but with those looks… my heart is a-flutter with looking at pictures of her on the Internet and elsewhere. The fact that she doesn’t come off as a fame whore (to put it bluntly) and doesn’t end up in the tabloids like Britney or Lindsay or Paris or the Kardashians is a big plus. And, she doesn’t seem to have a bad personality either or act stupid/ignorant. Sounds like the perfect lady for me! But, I have a feeling she’ll stick with baseball star Derek Jeter instead.
Anyhow, the movie is about Midwestern girl Sara (Kelly) moving out to LA for college. Her roommate ends up being local girl Rebecca (Meester). At first things seem fine; but, then Rebecca seems awfully clingy… and then odd things begin to happen. Sara mentions some things to Rebecca that are bothering her, such as an ex-boyfriend who keeps on calling her, or a fashion class professor (Zane, who looks like pro wrestler/Olympian Kurt Angle after about a 3 day bender) who flirts and then kisses Sara. Rebecca decides to get revenge, but in a hilarious way; at least I found it to be hilarious. Sara leaves her phone in the room one night and Rebecca answers when he calls. She plays along, pretending to be her roommate (and he’s too dumb to know the difference) and “her hands go down South”, to state it in a clean manner. She then tells him never to call back. She sets up Billy Zane in a compromising position in order to get him fired and he ends up getting kneed in the groin. Poor Billy Zane. However, Rebecca is just plain crazy and more demented than just someone who goes to extremes to help out a pal.
The movie is just not that good at all. It seems like it was edited with a chainsaw (especially during the final half hour or so) and things are brought up and dropped. I wonder if there were reshoots involved. It seemed like that was the case on a few occasions. I also wondered about a few glaring plot holes. For example, there’s a subplot involving a cute little animal. Not to give more away than I have already, but Rebecca puts the cute animal into the dryer at what I presume was the dorm’s laundry room. According to that movie, when someone eventually finds the animal in there, it doesn’t become news around there and Sara doesn’t discover what happened to that cute animal. It’s that kind of movie.
Yet, with this suspenseful thriller that wasn’t suspenseful or thrilling, I managed to be entertained, if only because I was able to laugh at how bad it was and how it missed the mark. Sure, I guess it didn’t miss the mark of showing off the two leading ladies, as it managed to do that pretty well. They both looked very nice in how they looked and what they wore. So, at least now I can say I’ve seen Ms. Kelly on the big screen, even if it’s something that should have been better. It isn’t so awful that you want to stop watching it; it’s just that it’s easy to laugh at it. But, I will admit that while Minka was fine as the lead (and I’m not just talking about her appearance; rather, I’m talking about her performance), I thought that Leighton was good as the psycho lady, even though not much was given to explain just WHY she was so crazy, aside from some basic diagnosis that a click on a Wikipedia page (no joke) gives. Also, I do have to mention that I found it rather intriguing that a supporting character sings a song in the shower (no, there’s no nudity involved) and the tune is… Crimson & Clover. Yeah, the 60’s song by Tommy James & The Shondells. I have no idea why; maybe someone was a fan of the Joan Jett version, or maybe it was a rib. I just found it odd, that’s all.
I’ll be back Monday night with a new review.
5% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 55 reviews)
Runtime: 91 minutes
Directed by: Christian E. Christiansen
Starring: Minka Kelly, Leighton Meester, Cam Gigandet, Billy Zane
From: Screen Gems
Yep, I went and saw a movie to gawk at some pretty girls on the big screen.
I’ve heard about this movie for a few years now, way back to the point that the two lovely leads were signed for the movie; they were selected as hey, many people have said they look awfully a lot like each other, which is true. You can also say the same about the comparison between this movie and Single White Female. I’ve never seen that flick, but I generally know what it’s about, and it sounds awfully similar to this movie… except that this movie is PG-13. Go figure.
I knew going in that the movie got some pretty bad reviews. That’s why I didn’t go see it at first, even though I find both of the leads to be rather easy on the eyes, especially Minka Kelly. In terms of celebrities and looks, I think she ranks right at the top for me. I haven’t really seen her act, but with those looks… my heart is a-flutter with looking at pictures of her on the Internet and elsewhere. The fact that she doesn’t come off as a fame whore (to put it bluntly) and doesn’t end up in the tabloids like Britney or Lindsay or Paris or the Kardashians is a big plus. And, she doesn’t seem to have a bad personality either or act stupid/ignorant. Sounds like the perfect lady for me! But, I have a feeling she’ll stick with baseball star Derek Jeter instead.
Anyhow, the movie is about Midwestern girl Sara (Kelly) moving out to LA for college. Her roommate ends up being local girl Rebecca (Meester). At first things seem fine; but, then Rebecca seems awfully clingy… and then odd things begin to happen. Sara mentions some things to Rebecca that are bothering her, such as an ex-boyfriend who keeps on calling her, or a fashion class professor (Zane, who looks like pro wrestler/Olympian Kurt Angle after about a 3 day bender) who flirts and then kisses Sara. Rebecca decides to get revenge, but in a hilarious way; at least I found it to be hilarious. Sara leaves her phone in the room one night and Rebecca answers when he calls. She plays along, pretending to be her roommate (and he’s too dumb to know the difference) and “her hands go down South”, to state it in a clean manner. She then tells him never to call back. She sets up Billy Zane in a compromising position in order to get him fired and he ends up getting kneed in the groin. Poor Billy Zane. However, Rebecca is just plain crazy and more demented than just someone who goes to extremes to help out a pal.
The movie is just not that good at all. It seems like it was edited with a chainsaw (especially during the final half hour or so) and things are brought up and dropped. I wonder if there were reshoots involved. It seemed like that was the case on a few occasions. I also wondered about a few glaring plot holes. For example, there’s a subplot involving a cute little animal. Not to give more away than I have already, but Rebecca puts the cute animal into the dryer at what I presume was the dorm’s laundry room. According to that movie, when someone eventually finds the animal in there, it doesn’t become news around there and Sara doesn’t discover what happened to that cute animal. It’s that kind of movie.
Yet, with this suspenseful thriller that wasn’t suspenseful or thrilling, I managed to be entertained, if only because I was able to laugh at how bad it was and how it missed the mark. Sure, I guess it didn’t miss the mark of showing off the two leading ladies, as it managed to do that pretty well. They both looked very nice in how they looked and what they wore. So, at least now I can say I’ve seen Ms. Kelly on the big screen, even if it’s something that should have been better. It isn’t so awful that you want to stop watching it; it’s just that it’s easy to laugh at it. But, I will admit that while Minka was fine as the lead (and I’m not just talking about her appearance; rather, I’m talking about her performance), I thought that Leighton was good as the psycho lady, even though not much was given to explain just WHY she was so crazy, aside from some basic diagnosis that a click on a Wikipedia page (no joke) gives. Also, I do have to mention that I found it rather intriguing that a supporting character sings a song in the shower (no, there’s no nudity involved) and the tune is… Crimson & Clover. Yeah, the 60’s song by Tommy James & The Shondells. I have no idea why; maybe someone was a fan of the Joan Jett version, or maybe it was a rib. I just found it odd, that’s all.
I’ll be back Monday night with a new review.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Road Games
Road Games (1981)
Runtime: 101 minutes
Directed by: Richard Franklin
Starring: Jamie Lee Curtis, Stacy Keach, Marion Edward, Grant Page
From: Quest
Here’s an Oz-ploitation film I heard about from the movie Not Quite Hollywood. In terms of Australian films, all I’ve reviewed is Mad Max and its sequel, and Crocodile Dundee, and I don’t recall seeing much more than that in my entire life. In the future I hope to rectify that, even if I only see a few more films from that country. Via TCM Underground showing this movie late Friday night, I was able to watch it this way without using “unethical” means. As some people on a messageboard had praise for the movie, I especially figured I should check this out. It turned out to be the right decision.
In Not Quite Hollywood, this movie is brought up and clips are shown. The main thing I got was that various people in the production and out of it weren’t happy that the otherwise all-Australian movie starred two famous Americans in an attempt to get attention. Think of that how you will.
The movie is about an American truck driver, Quid (Keach) who has traveled the world and ended up in the Land Down Under. He thinks highly of himself, quoting poetry often. The only companion he has on those long trips is his dingo, who he often speaks to in order to cure the boredom of traveling across a country as large as Australia. Early in the movie, he comes across the suspicious act of someone at 5 AM observing the garbage being taken out (and that the dingo is pawing at). Not to give anything away, but the movie makes it clear that the someone is a killer who has killed before. Quid runs into him as they both go from the eastern part of the country towards Perth. Through acts that the someone does and Quid’s quirky nature, suspicion comes across his way that HE is the killer. Along the way he meets up with another American, Pam, who is a hitchhiker he picks up.
The movie-quite a bit like Rear Window, actually-deals with people having trouble believing Quid is telling the truth about the killer he has seen driving an ugly green van. He runs into characters he sees earlier in the movie and later on he seems them again and sometimes interacts with them. There’s a lot of suspense as characters sneak around. There’s also quite a bit of flair from native-born director Franklin. He was a big fan of Hitchcock and it showed, from the obvious (there’s a magazine cover you see with Alfred on the cover) to the way it was shot. Franklin ended up making Psycho II, which was much better than you’d expect from a sequel to a classic film made 23 years later. Also, he made Cloak & Dagger, which is another Hitchcock homage but involves Dabney Coleman as an action hero (!) and an Atari cartridge being an important plot point. I remember watching that on TV when I was real young. Just a few years ago I watched it for the first time in more than 15 years and it held up pretty well. Sad to say, Franklin didn’t do too much after that and he died a few years ago of prostate cancer; what a shame.
As for this movie, sure it’s a little odd at times and the ending was more flat than I expected, but otherwise it was an entertaining thriller. A lot of the movie is hearing Keach talk to himself, but it manages never to be boring or grating. Stacy does a nice job as the lead. That helps make the movie enjoyable to watch.
I do have to mention two tidbits. First, in the outback of Australia, apparently the way to distinguish the men’s restroom from the women’s restroom… use a picture of Fred Flintstone! No kidding. Secondly, I solved a mystery that I’ve been wanting to know for many years. A long while ago I heard a voice sounding like Keach stating, “Sex! I’m talking about sex!” I don’t remember where I first heard it, but I know I have heard it in more than one clip. It turns out, it did come from Stacy and it was a soundbite from this movie. What a thing to stumble upon.
I’ll be back Thursday night. It won’t be another movie from Australia (although in the future I’ll try to track one or two down, even if it’s by less than ethical means) but rather it will likely be a movie on the big screen. It may be a wacky one, so at least there should be some laughs.
Runtime: 101 minutes
Directed by: Richard Franklin
Starring: Jamie Lee Curtis, Stacy Keach, Marion Edward, Grant Page
From: Quest
Here’s an Oz-ploitation film I heard about from the movie Not Quite Hollywood. In terms of Australian films, all I’ve reviewed is Mad Max and its sequel, and Crocodile Dundee, and I don’t recall seeing much more than that in my entire life. In the future I hope to rectify that, even if I only see a few more films from that country. Via TCM Underground showing this movie late Friday night, I was able to watch it this way without using “unethical” means. As some people on a messageboard had praise for the movie, I especially figured I should check this out. It turned out to be the right decision.
In Not Quite Hollywood, this movie is brought up and clips are shown. The main thing I got was that various people in the production and out of it weren’t happy that the otherwise all-Australian movie starred two famous Americans in an attempt to get attention. Think of that how you will.
The movie is about an American truck driver, Quid (Keach) who has traveled the world and ended up in the Land Down Under. He thinks highly of himself, quoting poetry often. The only companion he has on those long trips is his dingo, who he often speaks to in order to cure the boredom of traveling across a country as large as Australia. Early in the movie, he comes across the suspicious act of someone at 5 AM observing the garbage being taken out (and that the dingo is pawing at). Not to give anything away, but the movie makes it clear that the someone is a killer who has killed before. Quid runs into him as they both go from the eastern part of the country towards Perth. Through acts that the someone does and Quid’s quirky nature, suspicion comes across his way that HE is the killer. Along the way he meets up with another American, Pam, who is a hitchhiker he picks up.
The movie-quite a bit like Rear Window, actually-deals with people having trouble believing Quid is telling the truth about the killer he has seen driving an ugly green van. He runs into characters he sees earlier in the movie and later on he seems them again and sometimes interacts with them. There’s a lot of suspense as characters sneak around. There’s also quite a bit of flair from native-born director Franklin. He was a big fan of Hitchcock and it showed, from the obvious (there’s a magazine cover you see with Alfred on the cover) to the way it was shot. Franklin ended up making Psycho II, which was much better than you’d expect from a sequel to a classic film made 23 years later. Also, he made Cloak & Dagger, which is another Hitchcock homage but involves Dabney Coleman as an action hero (!) and an Atari cartridge being an important plot point. I remember watching that on TV when I was real young. Just a few years ago I watched it for the first time in more than 15 years and it held up pretty well. Sad to say, Franklin didn’t do too much after that and he died a few years ago of prostate cancer; what a shame.
As for this movie, sure it’s a little odd at times and the ending was more flat than I expected, but otherwise it was an entertaining thriller. A lot of the movie is hearing Keach talk to himself, but it manages never to be boring or grating. Stacy does a nice job as the lead. That helps make the movie enjoyable to watch.
I do have to mention two tidbits. First, in the outback of Australia, apparently the way to distinguish the men’s restroom from the women’s restroom… use a picture of Fred Flintstone! No kidding. Secondly, I solved a mystery that I’ve been wanting to know for many years. A long while ago I heard a voice sounding like Keach stating, “Sex! I’m talking about sex!” I don’t remember where I first heard it, but I know I have heard it in more than one clip. It turns out, it did come from Stacy and it was a soundbite from this movie. What a thing to stumble upon.
I’ll be back Thursday night. It won’t be another movie from Australia (although in the future I’ll try to track one or two down, even if it’s by less than ethical means) but rather it will likely be a movie on the big screen. It may be a wacky one, so at least there should be some laughs.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Drive Angry: Shot In 3D
Drive Angry: Shot In 3D (2011)
47% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 97 reviews)
Runtime: 104 minutes
Directed by: Patrick Lussier
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard, William Fitchner, Billy Burke
From: Summit Entertainment
Here’s a genre movie which is doing worse at the box office than expected, and that’s a damn shame. It’s not a surprise, as this sort of film in the past few years haven’t done well at the box office; for example, Grindhouse, Piranha 3D, Machete, and so on and so forth. Like I said, it’s a shame.
Going in, I wasn’t sure about the whole supernatural aspect of the movie; the ads on TV seemed to neglect the whole aspect that Nic Cage literally escaped from Hell and Fitchner was dispatched to hunt him down and bring him back. Yet, after watching it, everything somehow worked.
As you probably understand from seeing the trailers, Nic Cage (playing Milton) literally escapes from Hell in order to save his granddaughter (not daughter, as you probably inferred from said trailers); he connects up with Amber Heard in a sweet ’69 Dodge Charger, and they go after the Satanists who wish to do harm to the granddaughter; the leader of the Satanists is the charismatic Jonah King (Burke). And, as I said already, The Accountant (Fitchner) is on a mission to bring Milton back to Hell.
Not that I’ve seen too many films from the 70’s that have the trashy Grindhouse motif. The one that I did review was Race With The Devil, back in November of ’09. I wish I would have said more about it at the time, but alas. That film dealt with Satanists also, and various people have compared Race with Drive Angry. With this movie, the 3D looks pretty nice, there are attractive and often busty women (including Heard and Katy Mixon, who definitely fills the “busty” requirement), entertaining and often graphic violence, and there’s dark humor too.
The highlight of the movie is a scene lasting a few minutes which is all done in slow motion. I won’t give more away than that, but it’s SO out there, it’s genius. The story is not something you want to spend a lot of time thinking about, but that’s fine. As long as you ignore some logical points, you should really enjoy this. Heard is not some whimpering sidekick who gets in the way; she’s a tough chick who’ll probably kick your ass. It’s touches like that (and some things that happen in the climax) which especially made me enjoy this.
I'll be back Monday night with a new review.
47% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 97 reviews)
Runtime: 104 minutes
Directed by: Patrick Lussier
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard, William Fitchner, Billy Burke
From: Summit Entertainment
Here’s a genre movie which is doing worse at the box office than expected, and that’s a damn shame. It’s not a surprise, as this sort of film in the past few years haven’t done well at the box office; for example, Grindhouse, Piranha 3D, Machete, and so on and so forth. Like I said, it’s a shame.
Going in, I wasn’t sure about the whole supernatural aspect of the movie; the ads on TV seemed to neglect the whole aspect that Nic Cage literally escaped from Hell and Fitchner was dispatched to hunt him down and bring him back. Yet, after watching it, everything somehow worked.
As you probably understand from seeing the trailers, Nic Cage (playing Milton) literally escapes from Hell in order to save his granddaughter (not daughter, as you probably inferred from said trailers); he connects up with Amber Heard in a sweet ’69 Dodge Charger, and they go after the Satanists who wish to do harm to the granddaughter; the leader of the Satanists is the charismatic Jonah King (Burke). And, as I said already, The Accountant (Fitchner) is on a mission to bring Milton back to Hell.
Not that I’ve seen too many films from the 70’s that have the trashy Grindhouse motif. The one that I did review was Race With The Devil, back in November of ’09. I wish I would have said more about it at the time, but alas. That film dealt with Satanists also, and various people have compared Race with Drive Angry. With this movie, the 3D looks pretty nice, there are attractive and often busty women (including Heard and Katy Mixon, who definitely fills the “busty” requirement), entertaining and often graphic violence, and there’s dark humor too.
The highlight of the movie is a scene lasting a few minutes which is all done in slow motion. I won’t give more away than that, but it’s SO out there, it’s genius. The story is not something you want to spend a lot of time thinking about, but that’s fine. As long as you ignore some logical points, you should really enjoy this. Heard is not some whimpering sidekick who gets in the way; she’s a tough chick who’ll probably kick your ass. It’s touches like that (and some things that happen in the climax) which especially made me enjoy this.
I'll be back Monday night with a new review.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
One Tough Bastard
One Tough Bastard (1996)
Runtime: 100 minutes
Directed by: Kurt Wimmer (yeah, the guy who directed Equilibrium)
Starring: Brian Bosworth, Bruce Payne, Jeff Kober, M.C. Hammer
From: Live Entertainment
The fact is, it wasn’t until recently that I had even heard of this obscure 90's action flick. It wasn’t long ago that I was on IMDb and I was looking up a film. I scrolled down and noticed that a film entitled One Tough Bastard (no kidding) was linked to it. They had a DVD cover of it for the image, and the guy looked like Dolph Lundgren so of course I was intrigued. I went to the movie’s page and saw that it was actually Brian Bosworth* and the movie was otherwise known as One Man’s Justice, although from here on out I’ll call it One Tough Bastard, as that is a great title. It's from 1996. Besides The Boz, there was M.C. Gainey (in a cameo), Bruce Payne-the villain in Passenger 57-and most hilariously of all, M.C. HAMMER. Suddenly, I needed to find this movie to watch it. Even better, it was directed by Kurt Wimmer. Yeah, the guy who gave us Equilibrium, but also Ultraviolet.
• If you don’t recognize the name, he was a highly regarded college football player in the 80’s who was full of charisma and he was supposed to be a big star in the NFL, but he didn’t live up to expectations there. He starred in a few movies, as he’s not a bad-looking guy and he’s in shape.
I watched it online (hey, I’m being honest; someone uploaded it to YouTube, so why not?) and while it’s wacky at times, it’s no Stone Cold, which is Bosworth’s most famous (or infamous) film in action circles.
The film is the typical revenge story about The Boz-who plays a Sergeant in the Army-going after the people responsible for killing his ex-wife and their young daughter. As the main dude involved is a member of the FBI, that's quite the pickle. Bruce Payne (sporting some tremendous long flowing locks) is the heel FBI dude. Would YOU believe an FBI agent with long flowing locks and a nose ring? Then again, for reasons unknown for me, sometimes he’s referred to as a cop! I have no idea why either.
Besides what I mentioned at the time, the highlights include:
• So, the plot revolves around “superguns”. Trust me, it’s not really important.
• A guy who got kicked right in the dick pukes due to this action.
• One of Bruce Payne’s henchmen looks a lot like pro wrestler Mick Foley.
• One of those picture books filled with tattoos that you find at a tattoo
parlor… that can be used as a weapon to knock someone on their ass! Also, it’s normal to drink a 40 while you’re getting inked.
• It’s very easy to break into an FBI agent’s office.
• M.C. Hammer tries to be Nino Brown (Wesley Snipes's character in New Jack City); it doesn’t work.
• So, the Boz’s buddy to help him along… a 12 year old gangbanger wannabe who gets used by The Boz to “spread rumors” to help him in his mission. No kidding.
• Apparently, lighting the nozzle end of a gas dispenser at a gas station won’t cause a wild out of control thing where you likely light your ass on fire. Rather, you can easily dispense the fire on some chump you want to burn, literally.
The movie sounds like cheese of the highest order, and I can’t deny it, it’s true. Yet I was so perplexed by the overtly-convoluted plot that I couldn’t get that much enjoyment out of it, even though the action stuff was acceptable-enough and Payne hammed it up as if his name was Porky Pig with his acting and odd one-liners. Eh, oh well. You should watch Stone Cold instead; it's also on YouTube. It's just unfortunate that a great title like One Tough Bastard was given to this movie instead of something from the likes of Steven Seagal or Dolph Lundgren during their best days.
I'll be back on Friday night.
Runtime: 100 minutes
Directed by: Kurt Wimmer (yeah, the guy who directed Equilibrium)
Starring: Brian Bosworth, Bruce Payne, Jeff Kober, M.C. Hammer
From: Live Entertainment
The fact is, it wasn’t until recently that I had even heard of this obscure 90's action flick. It wasn’t long ago that I was on IMDb and I was looking up a film. I scrolled down and noticed that a film entitled One Tough Bastard (no kidding) was linked to it. They had a DVD cover of it for the image, and the guy looked like Dolph Lundgren so of course I was intrigued. I went to the movie’s page and saw that it was actually Brian Bosworth* and the movie was otherwise known as One Man’s Justice, although from here on out I’ll call it One Tough Bastard, as that is a great title. It's from 1996. Besides The Boz, there was M.C. Gainey (in a cameo), Bruce Payne-the villain in Passenger 57-and most hilariously of all, M.C. HAMMER. Suddenly, I needed to find this movie to watch it. Even better, it was directed by Kurt Wimmer. Yeah, the guy who gave us Equilibrium, but also Ultraviolet.
• If you don’t recognize the name, he was a highly regarded college football player in the 80’s who was full of charisma and he was supposed to be a big star in the NFL, but he didn’t live up to expectations there. He starred in a few movies, as he’s not a bad-looking guy and he’s in shape.
I watched it online (hey, I’m being honest; someone uploaded it to YouTube, so why not?) and while it’s wacky at times, it’s no Stone Cold, which is Bosworth’s most famous (or infamous) film in action circles.
The film is the typical revenge story about The Boz-who plays a Sergeant in the Army-going after the people responsible for killing his ex-wife and their young daughter. As the main dude involved is a member of the FBI, that's quite the pickle. Bruce Payne (sporting some tremendous long flowing locks) is the heel FBI dude. Would YOU believe an FBI agent with long flowing locks and a nose ring? Then again, for reasons unknown for me, sometimes he’s referred to as a cop! I have no idea why either.
Besides what I mentioned at the time, the highlights include:
• So, the plot revolves around “superguns”. Trust me, it’s not really important.
• A guy who got kicked right in the dick pukes due to this action.
• One of Bruce Payne’s henchmen looks a lot like pro wrestler Mick Foley.
• One of those picture books filled with tattoos that you find at a tattoo
parlor… that can be used as a weapon to knock someone on their ass! Also, it’s normal to drink a 40 while you’re getting inked.
• It’s very easy to break into an FBI agent’s office.
• M.C. Hammer tries to be Nino Brown (Wesley Snipes's character in New Jack City); it doesn’t work.
• So, the Boz’s buddy to help him along… a 12 year old gangbanger wannabe who gets used by The Boz to “spread rumors” to help him in his mission. No kidding.
• Apparently, lighting the nozzle end of a gas dispenser at a gas station won’t cause a wild out of control thing where you likely light your ass on fire. Rather, you can easily dispense the fire on some chump you want to burn, literally.
The movie sounds like cheese of the highest order, and I can’t deny it, it’s true. Yet I was so perplexed by the overtly-convoluted plot that I couldn’t get that much enjoyment out of it, even though the action stuff was acceptable-enough and Payne hammed it up as if his name was Porky Pig with his acting and odd one-liners. Eh, oh well. You should watch Stone Cold instead; it's also on YouTube. It's just unfortunate that a great title like One Tough Bastard was given to this movie instead of something from the likes of Steven Seagal or Dolph Lundgren during their best days.
I'll be back on Friday night.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Randomness
Well, no review tonight. Instead, some random tidbits.
I am not watching the Oscars tonight. I have better things to do. It's overblown pompous hype, so I'd rather not waste 3 plus hours with that nonsense. Given how I've heard from my pals on Twitter how awful the presentation has been this year, it seems like I've made the right choice. I usually like to watch a total trainwreck, but like I said, the arrogant nature of it all is not for me.
Way back when in March of '10 I found a copy and reviewed a movie called The Phynx, a movie best known for being a huge bomb. It has an astounding and bizarre cast of celebrities and it has never gotten even a VHS release, let alone DVD. It only aired on TV a few times back in the day. Well, between then and now someone put the film on Veoh. You have to download and install their player in order to view it all, but I've done it and no harm will come from doing that. It's the easiest way to see an extremely rare film.
I mean, I'd say The Phynx is better than Cop Out, which I tried to watch a few days ago. I rented it for someone I know, who saw it on the big screen last year and they and their friends loved it. I was surprised, as I didn't think they were the types to enjoy a Kevin Smith film. Then again, I only sometimes enjoy a Kevin Smith film myself! So, I tried to watch it, even though I heard it was God-awful from most reliable sources and I've never enjoyed Tracy Morgan at all. Well, I only made it 15 minutes in, and if it wasn't for the fact I was eating dinner at the time, I would have turned it off 5 minutes in. No joke. It was AWFUL. I couldn't even manage to watch more than that. The entire movie was just stupid as hell and not entertaining at all. I chuckled once or twice but that was it. Tracy Morgan's performance... that SO turned me off. I thought I've gotten mad at characters like Justin Hammer in Iron Man 2, but this takes the cake. I don't know if I have *ever* been so aggravated with a character, as a matter of that. That opening scene with Tracy interrogating a suspect via quoting movie lines... that was a travesty. All he did was yell as loud as he can and act like a crackhead. Yep, he'll never be funny in my eyes. Avoid this at all costs.
This week I plan on seeing at least one film on the big screen, so you can look forward to that. My next review will be up Tuesday night.
I am not watching the Oscars tonight. I have better things to do. It's overblown pompous hype, so I'd rather not waste 3 plus hours with that nonsense. Given how I've heard from my pals on Twitter how awful the presentation has been this year, it seems like I've made the right choice. I usually like to watch a total trainwreck, but like I said, the arrogant nature of it all is not for me.
Way back when in March of '10 I found a copy and reviewed a movie called The Phynx, a movie best known for being a huge bomb. It has an astounding and bizarre cast of celebrities and it has never gotten even a VHS release, let alone DVD. It only aired on TV a few times back in the day. Well, between then and now someone put the film on Veoh. You have to download and install their player in order to view it all, but I've done it and no harm will come from doing that. It's the easiest way to see an extremely rare film.
I mean, I'd say The Phynx is better than Cop Out, which I tried to watch a few days ago. I rented it for someone I know, who saw it on the big screen last year and they and their friends loved it. I was surprised, as I didn't think they were the types to enjoy a Kevin Smith film. Then again, I only sometimes enjoy a Kevin Smith film myself! So, I tried to watch it, even though I heard it was God-awful from most reliable sources and I've never enjoyed Tracy Morgan at all. Well, I only made it 15 minutes in, and if it wasn't for the fact I was eating dinner at the time, I would have turned it off 5 minutes in. No joke. It was AWFUL. I couldn't even manage to watch more than that. The entire movie was just stupid as hell and not entertaining at all. I chuckled once or twice but that was it. Tracy Morgan's performance... that SO turned me off. I thought I've gotten mad at characters like Justin Hammer in Iron Man 2, but this takes the cake. I don't know if I have *ever* been so aggravated with a character, as a matter of that. That opening scene with Tracy interrogating a suspect via quoting movie lines... that was a travesty. All he did was yell as loud as he can and act like a crackhead. Yep, he'll never be funny in my eyes. Avoid this at all costs.
This week I plan on seeing at least one film on the big screen, so you can look forward to that. My next review will be up Tuesday night.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Man and Boy
Man and Boy (1971)
Runtime: 98 minutes
Directed by: The greatly named E.W. Swackhamer (real name, Egbert Warnderink Swackhamer Jr., which is even greater)
Starring: Bill Cosby, Gloria Foster, Henry Silva, Yaphet Kotto
From: Columbia
Now, here’s another dip into the obscure files. I stumbled upon this movie somewhere (nevermind how) and I decided to get it as hey, it’s BILL COSBY in a “starkly dramatic role” in a western set in the late 1800’s; judging by its low vote total on IMDb, it shows how obscure the film is now. That just sounds strange... the fact that Cosby stared in a serious role. Not that he hasn’t done roles with drama involved in his career (I’ve seen Uptown Saturday Night before back in my college days and I’ve seen Mother, Jugs & Speed a few times) but a role where it’s no clowning around, and that just strikes me as being odd.
The story is about how Caleb Revers (Cosby), a Civil War veteran who moved out West with his family afterwards, has his horse stolen and he and his young son (George Spell) have to go and retrieve the horse. That’s about it for the basic plot, but the rest of it is the encounters they have while looking for the horse. The trailer pretty much explains it all, although as it’s a trailer, it gives quite a bit away. Yes, even back then they sometimes did that sort of thing.
The highlight is about halfway through; a bearded Cosby gets mad at Nate Hodges (Kotto), an old rival from the past, and they get into a 2 ½ minute fight. It’s wonky at times but it looked like those two men did a lot of it on their own without stunt people, so that’s pretty cool. It’s entertaining and plus, it’s Bill Cosby brawling with Yaphet Kotto! He also almost beds a widow, which is another thing you may not expect from Cosby.
The movie is a little wacky and improbable at times (like in the fact that they try to find a horse that could be anywhere in the desert) but it managed to be fine overall. Despite some action stuff like the aforementioned fistfight and some gunplay, it’s mostly a serious drama revolved around the son learning to become a man, racism, and that sort of jazz. It was an interesting way to spend an hour and a half, at least; the villain (Douglas Turner Ward) sort of looks like an older Danny Glover and sounds sort of like Samuel L. Jackson, so that amused me. But yeah, the movie isn’t an undiscovered gem or anything… it’s still fine and not a bad hour and a half time-waster. The score having a contribution from Quincy Jones means that of course it was pretty funky, which I enjoyed.
I’ll be back Sunday night with a new review.
Runtime: 98 minutes
Directed by: The greatly named E.W. Swackhamer (real name, Egbert Warnderink Swackhamer Jr., which is even greater)
Starring: Bill Cosby, Gloria Foster, Henry Silva, Yaphet Kotto
From: Columbia
Now, here’s another dip into the obscure files. I stumbled upon this movie somewhere (nevermind how) and I decided to get it as hey, it’s BILL COSBY in a “starkly dramatic role” in a western set in the late 1800’s; judging by its low vote total on IMDb, it shows how obscure the film is now. That just sounds strange... the fact that Cosby stared in a serious role. Not that he hasn’t done roles with drama involved in his career (I’ve seen Uptown Saturday Night before back in my college days and I’ve seen Mother, Jugs & Speed a few times) but a role where it’s no clowning around, and that just strikes me as being odd.
The story is about how Caleb Revers (Cosby), a Civil War veteran who moved out West with his family afterwards, has his horse stolen and he and his young son (George Spell) have to go and retrieve the horse. That’s about it for the basic plot, but the rest of it is the encounters they have while looking for the horse. The trailer pretty much explains it all, although as it’s a trailer, it gives quite a bit away. Yes, even back then they sometimes did that sort of thing.
The highlight is about halfway through; a bearded Cosby gets mad at Nate Hodges (Kotto), an old rival from the past, and they get into a 2 ½ minute fight. It’s wonky at times but it looked like those two men did a lot of it on their own without stunt people, so that’s pretty cool. It’s entertaining and plus, it’s Bill Cosby brawling with Yaphet Kotto! He also almost beds a widow, which is another thing you may not expect from Cosby.
The movie is a little wacky and improbable at times (like in the fact that they try to find a horse that could be anywhere in the desert) but it managed to be fine overall. Despite some action stuff like the aforementioned fistfight and some gunplay, it’s mostly a serious drama revolved around the son learning to become a man, racism, and that sort of jazz. It was an interesting way to spend an hour and a half, at least; the villain (Douglas Turner Ward) sort of looks like an older Danny Glover and sounds sort of like Samuel L. Jackson, so that amused me. But yeah, the movie isn’t an undiscovered gem or anything… it’s still fine and not a bad hour and a half time-waster. The score having a contribution from Quincy Jones means that of course it was pretty funky, which I enjoyed.
I’ll be back Sunday night with a new review.
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