Dark Ride

Dark Ride (2006)

Runtime: 94 minutes

Directed by: Craig Singer

Staring: Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Patrick Renna, David Clayton Rogers, Alex Solowitz, Andrea Bogart

From: Lionsgate 

Does everyone else remember After Dark Horrorfest? Yesterday, a discussion about this was held between me and a Letterboxd mutual in the comment section of a review. From 2006 to 2008, then 2010 then 2015, Lionsgate would distribute independent horror films theatrically in a group of 8 at the same time. After the fact I saw Dying Breed (a bad movie), Frontier(s), an insufferable movie I hated but many seem to like, and this was how Lake Mungo debuted in the United States. That film is only OK in my eyes. However, this of all films was the only one I saw theatrically. Yeah, shame on me for not checking out more on the big screen… perhaps it would have lasted longer then. I was gonna wait to revisit but the person I was talking with recommended a pair of After Dark movies which can be watched during Spooky Season.

The reason WHY this was a theatrical experience was forgotten long ago. After an opening where a pair of twin girls were murdered on the titular dark ride in Asbury Park, New Jersey back in ’89, the rest of the film is college asstagonists on their way to New Orleans for Spring Break but via circumstances, end up at the dark ride a few nights before it reopens while riding in their 70’s van. Yes, it opened again even after those murders done by a serial killer. This killer escapes from the mental health facility; this is one of many familiar horror plot points. The killer as a vegetarian (!) at least gives him Vegan Points which some will appreciate…

The two names in the cast: Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Patrick Renna. The latter is not only implied to be on the spectrum (although that doesn’t explain how he is handed a condom and DOESN’T KNOW WHAT IT IS) but the film’s “humor” is that he loves making movie references to the disgust of his buddies—everything from Cimino’s Heaven’s Gate and Midnight Cowboy to The Deer Hunter & Psycho. I hope Renna’s character does NOT resemble anyone on Letterboxd reading this review!

Note that those goofs decide to spend the night at the dark ride so they don’t have to pay for a motel-no, really. Before the killer targets them, expect plenty of putrid dialogue, humor that usually doesn’t land well-if at all-and buffoonish behavior—including someone taking ‘shrooms while they’re driving. Now, the unnamed dark ride itself was pretty cool; I have no info on if it was an actual ride or not. All I know is that they filmed at the Santa Monica pier in California.

There are gory kills early on-the girls then the disorderly orderlies in the mental health facility-yet it is a LONG time before our villain starts going after the asstagonists to deliver more bloody deaths; while the movie doesn’t look bad visually (including the occasional use of bold colors) the plot and characters just stink so the ride isn’t an enjoyable experience.

Actual spooky dark rides are FAR more entertaining than Dark Ride. Watch 2018’s Hell Fest if you want to see a small segment of a horror movie devoted to a dark ride (I like it more than most but it’s undoubtedly better than this film)-heck, Tobe Hooper’s The Funhouse is far more fun if you want a carnival sort of setting. Plenty of time is spent w/ the characters--they were far more interesting than the tools here. I can’t even recommend this to the gorehounds.

I’ll be happy in the future to recommend a film from the After Dark Horrorfest; to reiterate, at least two are expected to be viewed in the upcoming months.