Black Belly Of The Tarantula

Black Belly of the Tarantula (La Tarantola Dal Ventre Nero) (1971)  

Runtime: 89 minutes

Directed by: Paolo Cavara

Starring: Giancarlo Gianni, Claudine Auger, Barbara Bouchet, Silvano Tranquilli, Stefania Sandrelli

From: A few different Italian and French companies

Featuring COCAINE SPIDERS

The plan is to hopefully watch at least two giallos during the month of October; this one in particular was selected not just due to its title or the unique gimmick of the killer. It was also because a mutual here recently saw this and noted how straightforward it was by giallo standards… they were right.

Spider wasps will sting a spider to paralyze it then lay eggs in its still-alive carcass until they hatch then the larvae will eat the carcass; there’s a horrifying scenario which should be used by someone for a creature feature. The murderer here uses acupuncture needles to paralyze women then he stabs them to death. A police inspector investigates the case and has self-doubt after struggling; thankfully he has a wife he supports her. It’s especially rare for me to admit it in a giallo but it actually was a nice relationship. Wackiness of wife Anna selling their furniture before they purchased new furniture aside, it was a charming pairing where she motivates him to not give up and continue working the difficult case.

It's not my favorite of the genre by any means and it’s more a mystery than horror movie-as sometimes happens in this genre. Be that as it may, the characters, scenario-there is some fascinating subtext if you dwell on it for even a bit-kills and Morricone score are all fine. The most noteworthy aspects are a nice foot chase, a crappy-looking spa where **of course** a blind employee (vision impairment in any Italian genre effort of the 70’s is about as ubiquitous as a bottle of J&B) works, a quality moment where someone says “F it!” and raises hell, & the novelty of this having three Bond girls-appropriate for Bond Day being yesterday-as long as you count the original Casino Royale: Claudine Auger, Barbara Bouchet, and Barbara Bach.

There is one scene involving a very minor plot point of a victim being involved in the drug trade. A scientist who provides an exposition dump on the spider wasp scenario turns out to be running drugs by… disguising cocaine as sand in small glass boxes holding tarantulas?! It made me wish to have the power to be a great or even good screenwriter. Besides the creature feature I mentioned earlier on, there needs to be an OOT picture named COCAINE SPIDERS that hopefully would prove to be B-movie gold.

 

Rumble In The Bronx

Rumble in the Bronx (Hung Fan Kui) (1995)

Runtime: I saw the United States edit, which is 89 minutes long

Directed by: Stanley Tong

Starring: Jackie Chan, Francoise Yip, Anita Mui, Marc Akerstream, Bill Tung

From: New Line Cinema/Golden Harvest

As typical, a messageboard discussion sparked my viewing choice for last night. A thread has mentioned Jackie Chan more than once as of late and this time, the late Cantonese singer Anita Mui was also mentioned; she was in a few Chan films but this had been the only one I had ever seen, the last viewing more than 20 years ago. Thus, it made sense to choose this film, the one that finally allowed Chan to become a star in North America. It is the truncated version put out by New Line Cinema; the official Hong Kong cut may be impossible for me to find streaming so I had no choice here. Indeed, it won’t exclusively be creepy, crawly films for me during the month of October.

The plot is simple: Jackie visits his uncle in New York City. Uncle marries a local in the Bronx so they go off on honeymoon while Jackie stays in town and runs into nefarious characters, stolen diamonds, a boy in a wheelchair, and Mui as a lady who purchases uncle’s Chinese market. To be frank, the movie is better than my faint memories suggested it was. Just why I felt this way is unclear; the action is pretty rad between the martial arts scenes that blew my mind in the mid-90’s, all the carnage that transpires throughout and the uniquely destructive finale.

The story itself is not revolutionary although at least there are laughs that coincide with the A-hole heels & a surprisingly genuine optimistic viewpoint on humanity—friendship & forgiveness is actually a plot point. It’s not the best Chan I’ve ever seen yet it was still a lot of fun, even w/ dubbing that wasn’t the best nor most convincing. Mui’s role-albeit small-at least brought the biggest laughs, especially the final few minutes she was on screen.

She is someone I hardly know anything about, except that she died from cancer way too young. There is a recent biographical film about her… which is not legally available for streaming in the United States. Perhaps one day, but regardless, Rumble in the Bronx was a journey I was happy to have made.

The Return Of Doctor X

The Return of Doctor X (1939)

Runtime: 62 minutes

Directed by: Vincent Sherman

Starring: Wayne Morris, Rosemary Lane, Humphrey Bogart, Dennis Morgan, John Litel

From: Warner Bros.

“Humphrey Bogart in a horror movie” is the draw here. As it was the only genre effort he ever participated in and this short 62 minute effort showed on TCM last month, it was recorded for DVR viewing. Way back 8 years ago I saw 1932’s Doctor X, a creepy effort involving cannibalism (yes, it was the Pre-Code era) which I liked but have hazy memories of now. Moot point, as the two films have nothing to do w/ each other.

The tale involves a newspaper reporter who originally was from Wichita-a fact The Return of Doctor X won’t let you forget-and doctor teaming up; the former is fired from his job after he discovers a murdered actress who shows up alive the next day. Subsequently, we get a macabre tale involving blood, a Dr. Xavier-not Charles, an attractive nurse, & an unforgettable role for Bogie. Get this: he’s sweaty, wears one black glove, has a shock of white hair, has some sort of obsession with white rabbits—although there’s no hookah-smoking caterpillars around.

As it’s 1939 and horror had fallen out of favor compared to earlier in the decade; subsequently, the movie is a mystery at the forefront, which contrasted with the original Doctor X. It’s not until early in the second act that Bogie makes his initial appearance. Please understand that rating this movie as average is not due to that and rather because this production was average in every circumstance-with the morbid elements and seeing a Hollywood legend in a bizarre role not enough for me to recommend it. Bogart wasn’t happy with the B movie/supporting roles he got at Warner Brothers so he raised hell about it-thankfully he soon then got roles in pictures like They Drive by Night and High Sierra. After that, the duo of The Maltese Falcon and Casablanca was a catapult to stardom.

Next Of Kin (The Australian Film)

Next of Kin (1982)

Runtime: 89 minutes

Directed by: Tony Williams

Starring: Jacki Kerin, John Jarratt, Alex Scott, Gerda Nicolson, Charles McCallum

From: Several different Australian & New Zealand companies

Yes, I did have myself a Klaus Schulze weekend. Already I’ve seen some mutual watch films that are part of the Criterion Channel’s 80’s Horror collection. While I’ve seen a decent number of those already, this might not be the only time I dip my toes into the well of 29 films that feature plenty of familiar times, whether they are well-known or deeper cuts like this Ozploitation movie. On Saturday night I experienced The Keep, which had a killer Tangerine Dream score; Next of Kin was scored by Klaus Schulze, the drummer and percussionist for Tangerine Dream who could of course play other instruments such as the synthesizer. He had a number of solo albums but I’ve only scratched the surface of that while I’ve heard several different TD albums. I’ll say more about him later.

In short, a young lady known as Linda inherits land owned by her late mother-they had a frosty relationship. She returns to the rural area to manage that-you see, the land includes a fancy retirement home located in an old mansion. I’d rather keep the mystery as to the spooky goings-on so I’ll be vague. It’s important to note that the movie has a measured pace & takes its time, yet for me was never dull in setting up the story & getting to know the characters. The score from Schulze-evocative and foreboding, never loud or bombastic-sets the mood as there are rainy nights, dreams of Linda as a young child, John Jarratt having a key role as a past love but the fire is rekindled, mum’s old diary, and various bathroom-related mishaps.

The Aussie flavor of these Ozploitation movies always tickles my fancy. Of course you hear words like “oi!”, “mate” and “bloody” but something new for me last night was discovering what a dunny was-that’s Australian slang for toilet! It’s a movie not full of laugh out loud moments-rather, it’s a serious tale w/ some chuckles that manages to be a chiller and even before I read some mutuals note that it had an Argento vibe, I thought “giallo” at points during the film.

It had a corker of an ending and overall was pretty solid between the cast & crew. Color me surprised that lead girl Jacki Kerin mainly did
Australian television shows and somehow director Tony Williams never did another fictional movie after this despite making three documentaries in the past decade. Anyhow, the film is well worth watching if you enjoyed some of the keywords I mentioned in the review.

Klaus Schulze passed away this past April; I am glad then that his score fit this movie like a glove… or perhaps a beret…

The Keep

The Keep (1983)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Directed by: Michael Mann

Starring: Scott Glenn, Alberta Watson, Jurgen Prochnow, Ian McKellan, Gabriel Byrne, Robert Prosky

From: Paramount

Attention Letterboxd: this movie is now on the Criterion Channel… in the same terrible SD quality that is available everywhere else. Dammit. I still wanted to send out that alert even if it was rather foolish to think that the service wouldn’t stream something at 540p and we’d finally be able to experience the film in HD. At least the rest of the films in the 29 movie collection of 80’s Horror now on the channel is popular or deep cut genre efforts (many I have already seen & liked or should go and see due to reputation) in presumably good quality-and I’ll watch more than one of those. Another alert I have to make:

On Archive.org is a 35mm rip (!) of The Keep. It’s been there almost two full years. While the print is worn & beat up, the image is far less blurry than what’s legally available. I actually found that same print at another location, a site that hosts thousands of different videos of all sorts that I’d rather not reveal. PERHAPS this is not something I should be broadcasting as it could bring unwanted attention but…

Of course it’s the movie that many would think is the most disappointing in Michael Mann’s oeuvre, or at least the most frustrating due to various production issues greatly hampering the shoot-not to mention apparently half of the movie being cut. No wonder this was so incoherent at times. As is, the setting is 1941 Romania and Nazi SOB’s take over a town which holds the titular keep.

It contains an entity that is unwittingly unleashed. Then it becomes sort of cluttered… there’s Jewish Ian McKellan & his daughter, who was brought in from a concentration camp as the former’s a historian who grew up in the village, Scott Glenn waltzes in as he has some sort of powers (including glowing eyes), and Nazi’s Jurgen Prochnow & Gabriel Byrne often bicker w/ each other as the former has humanity while the latter is stereotypically evil. Intriguing and worthy ideas do appear-including a villain attempting to trick someone for their gain-as strands throughout a story that’s muddled too often.

The Keep is something I really wanted to like; it has a talented director, a cast full of familiar faces and an AWESOME Tangerine Dream score. It would be delusion, though, to not note the flaws that this has; how much of that was the original source novel from F. Paul Wilson and what was the end result of what was released on film is unknown to me. It would be unfair to criticize a novel I haven’t read so instead I’ll note that Wilson himself didn’t like the movie. Just from reading the Wikipedia summation of the plot I learned some things that were brought up on screen but never adequately addressed. All the excised footage was obvious—characters vanish out of nowhere or suddenly appear elsewhere, things suddenly happen, a romance suddenly begins, the finale was underwhelming… the worst fate came to Glenn’s character-he just came off as baffling. Concerning his role in the story, that’s a big problem.

Compounding what I just mentioned was such problems as Mann not solidifying right away his opinion on the villain’s appearance, reshoots, and VFX supervisor Wally Veevers passing away right after post-production began-no one knew how the finished effects were supposed to be constructed so there’s a massive headache. That and the shoot running way long meant that the finale was so limp instead of an epic effects-laden battle that would have been a hoot. All of it is a shame-there are some strong scenes still present & the quarry they filmed at in Wales provided for a unique scenic setting, even if at other times The Keep is rather loud and I’m not decided if the picture should be so blunt.

It is a shame we’ll never experience a longer version of the film. Heck, many would love to (legally) experience it in HD quality. I’ll just shrug my shoulders and at least be glad that I got to see the movie in a way that is tantamount to tasting some forbidden fruit.

Antoine & Colette

Antoine & Colette (1962)

Runtime: 30 minutes

Directed by: Francois Truffaut

Starring: Jean-Pierre Leaud, Marie-France Pisier, Patrick Auffay, Jean-Francois Adam, Francois Darbon

From: Les Films Du Carrosse

Yes, this was watched because it was only a half hour long. Having to assist my dad in picking up tree branches downed during Hurricane Ian (the worst damage that was done) really took it out of me; henceforth, I went to the Criterion Channel and checked out something originally made for an anthology known as Love at Twenty, the title rather self-explanatory as to the age of the lovers in each segment. I could actually watch the whole movie via the bowels of the Internet if I wanted to but even though another segment was directed by Andrzej Wajda, something a half hour in length was perfect for me.

The Antoine in question is Doinel, the lead character in The 400 Blows; no longer a juvenile delinquent, he now works in a record company and meets a potential love interest in Colette. In contrast she has a nice loving family and her parents seem to like him… but she sees more him as a friend. Thankfully the short doesn’t demonize her or try to suggest what would be known in the early 21st century as “being put in the friendzone” before the popularity of that concept was put out to pasture. As with The 400 Blows, the plot presented here is based in part on the experiences that Truffaut had earlier in life.

As music is a key component, therefore that aspect was nailed. Then again, many other aspects were also nailed rather well whether it be the story, the performances or just how darn charming this is. I was happy to see Antoine and his pal Rene again, nevermind him attempting to hook up w/ the pretty Colette or how he’s improved his life and now is able to have discussions concerning Victor Hugo and the merit of his authorship-and I learned who Herve Bazin was.

I’m not sure why Tarantino thinks of Truffaut so poorly that he compares him to ED WOOD but I’m never 100% in lockstep with him (I don’t even like all of QT’s films) so that won’t change my stance of really liking the few Truffaut pictures I’ve viewed in my life.

 

Dracula 3000

Dracula 3000 (2004)

Runtime: 86 interminable minutes

Directed by: Darrell Roodt

Starring: Casper Van Dien, Erika Eleniak, Coolio (RIP), Alexandra Kemp, Grant Swansby

From: Various companies that I hope were embarrassed they released such sludge

RIP Coolio. I realize this isn’t the most respectful way to pay tribute to someone-noting an infamously terrible motion picture they had a prominent role in. However, hopefully he was able to laugh at some of the ludicrous things they had him say and do (hopefully not some of the extreme sexist material… more on that later); no matter his acting skills, he had some popular rap songs in the 90’s. The memories of how popular Gangsta’s Paradise was for a bit in ’95 have only barely faded from my memory banks. Most of the movies he acted in were of poor quality (at least as far as I reckon) but this may be the worst one-I’d rather not experience ones even more terrible than this.

It's the standard Bram Stoker tale transposed to the year 3000 on a spaceship; the names are familiar-Van Helsing, Demeter, Mina, Carpathian, etc.-yet what this movie does is rather putrid. A crew of a salvage ship (little was changed to mask another huge inspiration) stumbles upon a ship that was full of vampire corpses; Dracula is accidentally awaked and… not a lot of havoc occurs. Drac is hardly ever shown until the final minutes, which is probably for the best as he comes off as such an assclown! He does have a meme-worthy reaction to a major injury, but that only reinforces how pitiful the character was.

The God-awful script, the putrid plot, the performances in general, the befuddling ending… if that wasn’t enough demerits, the bad is only buttressed by a few things we can all agree are bad: racism and sexism. The crew of the ship is only a half-dozen and two are women. I don’t even want to repeat the demeaning comments and mansplaining directed their way, let alone the incredibly vulgar dialogue they are subjected to that’s directed their way. I don’t want to read too much into this, but it doesn’t smell great that Tiny Lister, Jr.’s character is described as “all brawn, no brains” or that Coolio’s character is named “187” & he’s addicted to weed.

It's those ugly elements which make it feel warranted to give this the lowest-possible rating. That is rarely handed out by me but it felt right on this occasion. Not even Coolio’s bizarre performance once he’s a vampire (sorry for the spoiler) or seeing Udo Kier on screen for a small amount of time delivering exposition dumps while sitting down could salve the wounds that was the rest of the film. Somehow, the director of this (South African Darrell Roodt) also had the same role in a few highly-regarded pictures-including Yesterday from the same year, which received a Best Foreign Film Oscar nomination!-but after 3000 went on to do a bunch of pictures I’ve never heard of, along w/ the presumably awful Lake Placid: Legacy. I’ll blame his career going down the toilet on the disaster Dracula 3000 was.