Drive Angry: Shot In 3D

Drive Angry: Shot In 3D (2011)

47% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 97 reviews)

Runtime: 104 minutes

Directed by: Patrick Lussier

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard, William Fitchner, Billy Burke

From: Summit Entertainment

Here’s a genre movie which is doing worse at the box office than expected, and that’s a damn shame. It’s not a surprise, as this sort of film in the past few years haven’t done well at the box office; for example, Grindhouse, Piranha 3D, Machete, and so on and so forth. Like I said, it’s a shame.

Going in, I wasn’t sure about the whole supernatural aspect of the movie; the ads on TV seemed to neglect the whole aspect that Nic Cage literally escaped from Hell and Fitchner was dispatched to hunt him down and bring him back. Yet, after watching it, everything somehow worked.

As you probably understand from seeing the trailers, Nic Cage (playing Milton) literally escapes from Hell in order to save his granddaughter (not daughter, as you probably inferred from said trailers); he connects up with Amber Heard in a sweet ’69 Dodge Charger, and they go after the Satanists who wish to do harm to the granddaughter; the leader of the Satanists is the charismatic Jonah King (Burke). And, as I said already, The Accountant (Fitchner) is on a mission to bring Milton back to Hell.

Not that I’ve seen too many films from the 70’s that have the trashy Grindhouse motif. The one that I did review was Race With The Devil, back in November of ’09. I wish I would have said more about it at the time, but alas. That film dealt with Satanists also, and various people have compared Race with Drive Angry. With this movie, the 3D looks pretty nice, there are attractive and often busty women (including Heard and Katy Mixon, who definitely fills the “busty” requirement), entertaining and often graphic violence, and there’s dark humor too.

The highlight of the movie is a scene lasting a few minutes which is all done in slow motion. I won’t give more away than that, but it’s SO out there, it’s genius. The story is not something you want to spend a lot of time thinking about, but that’s fine. As long as you ignore some logical points, you should really enjoy this. Heard is not some whimpering sidekick who gets in the way; she’s a tough chick who’ll probably kick your ass. It’s touches like that (and some things that happen in the climax) which especially made me enjoy this.

I'll be back Monday night with a new review.

One Tough Bastard

One Tough Bastard (1996)

Runtime: 100 minutes

Directed by: Kurt Wimmer (yeah, the guy who directed Equilibrium)

Starring: Brian Bosworth, Bruce Payne, Jeff Kober, M.C. Hammer

From: Live Entertainment

The fact is, it wasn’t until recently that I had even heard of this obscure 90's action flick. It wasn’t long ago that I was on IMDb and I was looking up a film. I scrolled down and noticed that a film entitled One Tough Bastard (no kidding) was linked to it. They had a DVD cover of it for the image, and the guy looked like Dolph Lundgren so of course I was intrigued. I went to the movie’s page and saw that it was actually Brian Bosworth* and the movie was otherwise known as One Man’s Justice, although from here on out I’ll call it One Tough Bastard, as that is a great title. It's from 1996. Besides The Boz, there was M.C. Gainey (in a cameo), Bruce Payne-the villain in Passenger 57-and most hilariously of all, M.C. HAMMER. Suddenly, I needed to find this movie to watch it. Even better, it was directed by Kurt Wimmer. Yeah, the guy who gave us Equilibrium, but also Ultraviolet.

• If you don’t recognize the name, he was a highly regarded college football player in the 80’s who was full of charisma and he was supposed to be a big star in the NFL, but he didn’t live up to expectations there. He starred in a few movies, as he’s not a bad-looking guy and he’s in shape.

I watched it online (hey, I’m being honest; someone uploaded it to YouTube, so why not?) and while it’s wacky at times, it’s no Stone Cold, which is Bosworth’s most famous (or infamous) film in action circles.

The film is the typical revenge story about The Boz-who plays a Sergeant in the Army-going after the people responsible for killing his ex-wife and their young daughter. As the main dude involved is a member of the FBI, that's quite the pickle. Bruce Payne (sporting some tremendous long flowing locks) is the heel FBI dude. Would YOU believe an FBI agent with long flowing locks and a nose ring? Then again, for reasons unknown for me, sometimes he’s referred to as a cop! I have no idea why either.

Besides what I mentioned at the time, the highlights include:

• So, the plot revolves around “superguns”. Trust me, it’s not really important.

• A guy who got kicked right in the dick pukes due to this action.

• One of Bruce Payne’s henchmen looks a lot like pro wrestler Mick Foley.

• One of those picture books filled with tattoos that you find at a tattoo
parlor… that can be used as a weapon to knock someone on their ass! Also, it’s normal to drink a 40 while you’re getting inked.

• It’s very easy to break into an FBI agent’s office.

• M.C. Hammer tries to be Nino Brown (Wesley Snipes's character in New Jack City); it doesn’t work.

• So, the Boz’s buddy to help him along… a 12 year old gangbanger wannabe who gets used by The Boz to “spread rumors” to help him in his mission. No kidding.

• Apparently, lighting the nozzle end of a gas dispenser at a gas station won’t cause a wild out of control thing where you likely light your ass on fire. Rather, you can easily dispense the fire on some chump you want to burn, literally.

The movie sounds like cheese of the highest order, and I can’t deny it, it’s true. Yet I was so perplexed by the overtly-convoluted plot that I couldn’t get that much enjoyment out of it, even though the action stuff was acceptable-enough and Payne hammed it up as if his name was Porky Pig with his acting and odd one-liners. Eh, oh well. You should watch Stone Cold instead; it's also on YouTube. It's just unfortunate that a great title like One Tough Bastard was given to this movie instead of something from the likes of Steven Seagal or Dolph Lundgren during their best days.

I'll be back on Friday night.

Randomness

Well, no review tonight. Instead, some random tidbits.

I am not watching the Oscars tonight. I have better things to do. It's overblown pompous hype, so I'd rather not waste 3 plus hours with that nonsense. Given how I've heard from my pals on Twitter how awful the presentation has been this year, it seems like I've made the right choice. I usually like to watch a total trainwreck, but like I said, the arrogant nature of it all is not for me.

Way back when in March of '10 I found a copy and reviewed a movie called The Phynx, a movie best known for being a huge bomb. It has an astounding and bizarre cast of celebrities and it has never gotten even a VHS release, let alone DVD. It only aired on TV a few times back in the day. Well, between then and now someone put the film on Veoh. You have to download and install their player in order to view it all, but I've done it and no harm will come from doing that. It's the easiest way to see an extremely rare film.

I mean, I'd say The Phynx is better than Cop Out, which I tried to watch a few days ago. I rented it for someone I know, who saw it on the big screen last year and they and their friends loved it. I was surprised, as I didn't think they were the types to enjoy a Kevin Smith film. Then again, I only sometimes enjoy a Kevin Smith film myself! So, I tried to watch it, even though I heard it was God-awful from most reliable sources and I've never enjoyed Tracy Morgan at all. Well, I only made it 15 minutes in, and if it wasn't for the fact I was eating dinner at the time, I would have turned it off 5 minutes in. No joke. It was AWFUL. I couldn't even manage to watch more than that. The entire movie was just stupid as hell and not entertaining at all. I chuckled once or twice but that was it. Tracy Morgan's performance... that SO turned me off. I thought I've gotten mad at characters like Justin Hammer in Iron Man 2, but this takes the cake. I don't know if I have *ever* been so aggravated with a character, as a matter of that. That opening scene with Tracy interrogating a suspect via quoting movie lines... that was a travesty. All he did was yell as loud as he can and act like a crackhead. Yep, he'll never be funny in my eyes. Avoid this at all costs.

This week I plan on seeing at least one film on the big screen, so you can look forward to that. My next review will be up Tuesday night.

Man and Boy

Man and Boy (1971)

Runtime: 98 minutes

Directed by: The greatly named E.W. Swackhamer (real name, Egbert Warnderink Swackhamer Jr., which is even greater)

Starring: Bill Cosby, Gloria Foster, Henry Silva, Yaphet Kotto

From: Columbia

Now, here’s another dip into the obscure files. I stumbled upon this movie somewhere (nevermind how) and I decided to get it as hey, it’s BILL COSBY in a “starkly dramatic role” in a western set in the late 1800’s; judging by its low vote total on IMDb, it shows how obscure the film is now. That just sounds strange... the fact that Cosby stared in a serious role. Not that he hasn’t done roles with drama involved in his career (I’ve seen Uptown Saturday Night before back in my college days and I’ve seen Mother, Jugs & Speed a few times) but a role where it’s no clowning around, and that just strikes me as being odd.

The story is about how Caleb Revers (Cosby), a Civil War veteran who moved out West with his family afterwards, has his horse stolen and he and his young son (George Spell) have to go and retrieve the horse. That’s about it for the basic plot, but the rest of it is the encounters they have while looking for the horse. The trailer pretty much explains it all, although as it’s a trailer, it gives quite a bit away. Yes, even back then they sometimes did that sort of thing.

The highlight is about halfway through; a bearded Cosby gets mad at Nate Hodges (Kotto), an old rival from the past, and they get into a 2 ½ minute fight. It’s wonky at times but it looked like those two men did a lot of it on their own without stunt people, so that’s pretty cool. It’s entertaining and plus, it’s Bill Cosby brawling with Yaphet Kotto! He also almost beds a widow, which is another thing you may not expect from Cosby.

The movie is a little wacky and improbable at times (like in the fact that they try to find a horse that could be anywhere in the desert) but it managed to be fine overall. Despite some action stuff like the aforementioned fistfight and some gunplay, it’s mostly a serious drama revolved around the son learning to become a man, racism, and that sort of jazz. It was an interesting way to spend an hour and a half, at least; the villain (Douglas Turner Ward) sort of looks like an older Danny Glover and sounds sort of like Samuel L. Jackson, so that amused me. But yeah, the movie isn’t an undiscovered gem or anything… it’s still fine and not a bad hour and a half time-waster. The score having a contribution from Quincy Jones means that of course it was pretty funky, which I enjoyed.

I’ll be back Sunday night with a new review.

Out For Justice

Out For Justice (1991)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: John Flynn

Starring: Steven Seagal, William Forsythe, Jerry Orbach, Gina Gershon

From: Warner Brothers

These days, Steven Seagal is often thought of in a negative fashion, with his lawsuits, legal problems, his weight gain, and what have you*. Yet, back in the day he was pretty awesome and was popular for good reason. I’ve seen some of his flicks in the past, so I figured I would talk about them here. Here is one that some say is his best. Before that, though…

• Although, at the two UFC shows he’s appeared at the past few months, people in the sports bars I saw the shows at marked out for him.

I’ll mention his first three movies, as I have seen them before. I won’t describe them as well as the awesome book Seagalogy does, where his oeuvre is discussed in a mostly serious manner; besides, I can’t really quote the book as it’s lost somewhere in my room. Above The Law was a nice debut for him. It had a busy plot but it was a lot of fun seeing him as an Italian cop who had to deal with corruption. Hard To Kill is a cop film with the gimmick that Seagal ends up in a coma for seven years and suddenly he wakes up and in little time he gets his revenge. It’s entertaining. Marked For Death has the Sensei as a former DEA agent who deals with Jamaican drug dealers. It’s wacky at times but it’s fun as hell, and he spends some time teaming up with the great Keith David, and they do make a fine team.

Now, onto this film. It’s another movie where Seagal plays an Italian cop; this time he has the hilarious name of Gino Felino. However, this one stands out for a few reasons, besides the entertaining action you get to see (which has some martial arts but there’s also a car chase and some nice shootouts). It’s set during the course of an afternoon and evening. It’s in a neighborhood in Brooklyn. And, the villain is just plain evil and has little to any redeeming qualities. That villain is Richie Madano and is played to scenery-chewing greatness by Forsythe. He kills people in cold blood out in the open. He smokes crack, which explains why he’s so out of control. And, as I’ve heard one person describe him, it’s as if Scorsese directed Yosemite Sam. But, that’s what makes things so tremendous.

Madano has mob ties but isn’t officially tied in with him. Neither is Felino, but he chats with them a few times; both he and they are on the hunt for Richie after he kills Gino’s cop partner; they both run into him and chaos happens. The shooting appeared to be totally random, an act from a drugged-out man, but as the hunt continues, the truth reveals itself. To reveal more would ruin things.

If you’re an old-school action film and you haven’t seen this, you must correct this mistake as soon as you can, as this is a grand old time, where you can laugh at some of Seagal’s victims howling in pain for an extended amount of time after they get hurt by the Sensei. You even get to see that SS is an animal fan and he saves an abandoned dog, which ends up resulting in a great gag.

I’ll be back tomorrow night with a new review.

I'll Be Back Wednesday Night

Well, unfortunately the past few days have been busier for me than expected (and my birthday is tomorrow) so my next review won't be until Wednesday night.

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia (2009)


Runtime: 86 minutes

Directed by: Julien Nitzberg

Starring: The title characters, the White family

From: Dickhouse

Yep, I’m reviewing a documentary AND one from the guys responsible for that brilliant bit of cultural nourishment known as Jackass (i.e. a show I loathe for being so lowest common denominator); but, I had heard about it for awhile and it looked to be pretty wacky.

Wacky doesn’t explain half of it.

The White family of Boone County, West Virginia (not to be confused with my old home of Boone County, Illinois, even though there were enough bucolic people there too; I’ve known enough of them and they’re good people, if a little wild at times; not as wild as what you see in this movie by any means, though) are the most (in)famous residents of that rural coalmining area of West Virginia. The old patriarch, D. Ray White, was an expert at what is known as “mountain tap dancing” but he was killed long ago; the movie focuses on son Jesco, who inherited his dad’s fancy feet (and he himself has had a variety of TV programs done about him, and has become something of a cult figure, with mentions in various songs) but he and all of his relatives are happy to break all the laws, engaging in fighting, cussing, drug abuse, drinking, and what have you. This trailer pretty much shows their character. They’re admitted white trash and rednecks.

Through D. Ray taking advantage of the system and getting his kin classified as mentally incompetent so that they’d get state aid (something that still goes on today, although I wish the movie would have taken more time to explain that curious situation), they are able to not work at all and engage in all that debauchery.

To be honest, it was hard to feel sympathy for much of them due to the wild way they act. Sure, you can talk about life in a county that is based on something like coalmining, but the movie doesn’t spend too much time talking about it, so why should I do the same thing? Point is, they can change their ways but don’t so it’s hard to feel sympathy for most of the clan that you get to see in action. Having a drug-fueled (and clothing optional) party at what is supposed to be the birthday party of your octogenarian mother and grandmother (D. Ray’s wife)? Snorting prescription drugs at the hospital soon after you give birth? It’s tough to feel much love for them. It’s mainly just gawking at their wild ways, although there’s enough drama with them having to deal with various legal issues.

While you have Hank Williams III appear in the movie and praise the Whites for being “true rebels” (and man, he sounds so much like his grandfather), I say that it’s no surprise given who produced it that it seems like exploitation. Yet, I still managed to enjoy the flick. You’ll be appalled often and yet you’ll also laugh at the Whites. Sure, they seem to be having a good time often, but there’s a lot of sad moments too so I guess that most people who see this can feel better about themselves. To think that there are probably a lot of people in the U.S. who live similar lifestyles. Not that I’m saying all or even a decent number of “good old boys” are disgusting white trash like this. As I’ve said before, I’ve known that type of person before and they don’t act like that, and even when I’ve been out and about at places like wrestling shows, the biggest rednecks I come across have more self-respect than these individuals.

No matter what, the movie is fascinating to watch.

I’ll be back Monday night with a new review.