Runtime:
93 minutes
Directed
by: Scott Marshall (the son of Garry, believe it or not)
Starring:
Jessica Simpson (unfortunately), Luke Wilson, Andy Dick (really
unfortunately), Penelope Ann Miller, Rachael Leigh Cook
From:
Millennium Films
Yes, I
watched a romantic comedy. I've covered many genres while I've been
doing this; that particular genre, though... no. Those just aren't
for me, to be honest. However, I managed to find this (nevermind how)
and I was curious to watch what I heard was a really bad movie,
released only in 8 theatres in Texas and grossing a TOTAL of 1,132
dollars; that is mind-boggingly awful. It did much better overseas,
as least comparatively speaking. I laugh that it's from the company
that later gave us such movies as The Expendables and Conan the
Barbarian. I chuckle that this was a vanity production for Jessica
and her incredibly creepy dad, who helped produce the damn thing.
As you
can tell already, I am not a fan of either Simpson nor Andy Dick, and
they didn't do anything here to make me think any better of them. In
fact, they pissed me off! I mean, Jesus H., this film... while there
are some lines that were amusing, overal this is a slog.
The
plot: a country bumpkin girl ends up in New York, lives with her
cousin (Cook), and through some wacky circumstances ends up being
used by her co-workers at her new job, and she also romances Ben (a
dissheveled Wilson, but would you want to look your best for this
sort of movie?)
Where
do I start... the story is rather terrible. It utterly fails in being
funny and romantic. And you'd think that the makeup department would
want to make their big star look fantastic. Well... she usually has
on way too much makeup, as if she's playing a circus clown.
Thankfully the rest of the ladies weren't painted so harshly so they
looked better. I'd always take Ms. Cook 10 out of 10 times just based
on looks alone, and her worked or real persona alone is enough to
make me avoid Ms. Simpson at all costs. Besides, I'd have to fight
off her fighter for the love of his daughter... and oh yes, this is
one of those movies where characters lie for no real good reason and
bad things happen because they are unwilling to say the simplest
things to each other.
I hope
that all the people who had to appear in this dreck at least were
paid well. Besides Rachael and the other people I listed above
there's Willie Nelson (!), Larry Miller, Penny Marshall (not exactly
a surprise given that the director is her nephew) and not that I have
ever liked him, but Ryan Dunn has a brief appearance. I never thought
he was funny or amusing and it goes with the rest of the Jackass
guys. The fact that he killed himself and unfortunately killed his
pal while drunk driving in his fancy car did not make me suddenly
like him, let me put it that way. So of course a bunch of people were
saddened that he passed away and seemingly did not care at all about
the passenger and I rightly said that he was an ass who killed an
innocent person due to his actions, and boy did some people get
pissed at me; figures. I still stand by what I said, though.
Anyhow,
I say that you REALLY should avoid this unless you're a Rachael Leigh
Cook completist, you want to see a really unsubtle and stupid film,
you enjoy the lead character complusively brushing their teeth (?!),
you enjoy goofy and lame slapstick, lame office politics are your
thing, or you want to see some guys playing priests from Norway
singing Baby Got Back and getting wasted at karaoke.
I'll be back Wednesday night.
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