Magnificent Warriors

Magnificent Warriors (Zhong Hua Zhan Shi)  (1987)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: David Chung

Starring: Michelle Yeoh, Richard Ng, Tung-Shing Ye, Lowell Lo, Chindy Lau

From: D&B Films Co. Ltd.

A movie starring Academy Award winner Michelle Yeoh I actually like. To clarify, I typically do enjoy what she’s in (well, the older films anyhow); I sure as hell did not enjoy the motion picture she just won an Oscar for. Late Sunday night perhaps at least one or two people were wondering what my reaction would be to that picture I dare not name winning all the awards on Sunday night. This would be because in June I wrote a rather passionate review where I explained in detail why I HATED the motion picture that almost everyone else in the world loved.

I don’t want to simply copy and pate that review here but to be brief, the “humor” was a massive turn-off as was the cacophony of noise and messiness that was the plot—and the story just dragged on for what seemed like countless hours. Me rejecting a popular modern film isn’t a first by any means, but even more now than before, why the general public love a movie full of gross vulgarities and juvenile crap or why the critics feel the same is just so incredibly baffling; it’s like I’m stuck in another universe where such things are suddenly normal now.

That existential crisis stated, Magnificent Warriors is MUCH better and much more entertaining for me. There are no butt-plugs, dildos, basic Hallmark sentiments that kill a gnat with a sledgehammer, black bagels, stupid references to Pixar movies or hot dog fingers. Instead, this is an adventure full of fun which was partially inspired by Indiana Jones. After all, Yeoh dresses like him in the first act and even is a master with a whip. After that though, this does its own thing and there are actually some stirring moments and this is actually about Yeoh trying to rescue someone who is being held captive by the Japanese where Japan was occupying China during the late 1930’s. It’s not quite so simple… not only does a petty thief-a real scoundrel-get involved, those oppressed Chinese rise up against the oppression.

There is a lull or two and also more than one moment I thought was pretty dumb; even with that noted, Magnificent Warriors was a lot of fun for me. There are rousing scenes where we see underdogs rise up and fight although most important to genre fans are the action scenes… and there are plenty here, almost all of which deliver in spades. The plentiful martial arts are the highlight although the rest is also delightful. To reiterate, this is a fun adventure that ends with a bang.

 

Design for Living

Design for Living (1933)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: Ernst Lubistch

Starring: Fredric March, Gary Cooper, Miriam Hopkins, Edward Everett Horton, Franklin Pangborn

From: Paramount

Instead of watching the Oscars this was my entertainment on the television for the night. No, I’d rather not discuss the big winner of the night or how I’m one of the few people on the planet who doesn’t think it’s a masterpiece-I WILL say a bit about that tomorrow, though-as instead I’d rather talk about this comedy that actually did make me laugh and entertained me for about an hour and a half. This is based on a Noel Coward play… incredibly loosely, so I understand. That means nothing to me as not even a word of said play has been read or seen by me.

You see, pals Fredric March and Gary Cooper meet Miriam Hopkins and fall in love with her. She is a pretty blonde and a commercial artist so that would be appealing to many. She likes both suitors so she decides… to have a “platonic relationship” with them both! As this is a Pre-Code movie she actually gets to say that this partnership involves “no sex”. Of course it’s funny to imagine it as a full-fledged polyamorous relationship with all sorts of wild moments and hot steamy action… or that Cooper (an artist) and March (a playwright) were more than just heterosexual buddies. However, in actuality she was more a muse and gave them both encouragement. That doesn’t mean there weren’t risqué moments or rather suggestive hints of sexuality.

Of course there are complications and of course her boss Edward Everett Horton has unsuccessfully try to woo her; the joy of this movie is not just all the funny moments that typically hit their mark perfectly and made me laugh. It’s also the direction from Lubistch and the performances of the four actors previously mentioned which helped make me believe this rather improbable scenario. The fact that the director made movies even better than this is more a credit to Lubistch than a slight on this movie where one character is successfully presented as someone with a rather dark side without that being explicitly stated. Thank goodness this is currently on the Criterion Channel as otherwise it is hard to track down, streaming-wise.

Earth vs the Spider

Earth vs. the Spider (1958)

Runtime: 73 minutes

Directed by: Bert I. Gordon (RIP)

Starring: Ed Kemmer, June Kenney, Eugene Persson, Gene Roth, Hal Torey

From: AIP

RIP Bert I. Gordon

He’s a director who I’ve only seen three movies of-including this one-yet as I happen to note his 100th birthday in a review of his Necromancy this past September, it wouldn’t feel right not to note his passing away several days ago. Even if his entire output was B-movie schlock, that output did well enough in terms of earning money where he made films off and on for about 3 ½ decades. This film was chosen in part because I hadn’t experienced one of his 50’s pictures before.

The titular spider is in fact the size of about a city bus; it’s found in a cave by some youths. In a moment that only became creepy years after the fact, the gas DDT (not just an awesome pro wrestling maneuver) is used to kill the astronomical arachnid. DDT was a pesticide which was effective… of course, cancer was also an effect and it is believed that almost caused the bald eagle to be extinct. It wasn’t until 1972 that it was in essence banned.

The creature (which actually isn’t from outer space so why it’s sometimes called Earth vs. The Spider is a little strange when the spider only rampages across a small California town) transported to the high school so the carcass can later be transported to the appropriate scientists. As this is a popular MST3K episode, revealing that the spider is revived by some teens practicing their rock and roll will be revealed by me; besides, that plot point is hilarious.

There is as much silliness, contrivances and plot points barely addressed as you’d expect from a 1950’s genre B-movie. Yet, despite that and easily figuring out most of the time how the photographic effects were done where a tarantula was made to look gigantic (the defining director’s trope for Gordon), at least this B-movie wasn’t bad. The teens looked rather old for their alleged age-no kidding, one of the “teenagers” was THIRTY FIVE years old!-yet were (mostly) tolerable while there weren’t too many stupid adults; even the sheriff quickly figured out not to doubt what sounded like poppycock once he saw some evidence & actually acted competently instead of a stupid villain. Plus, there are even a few gruesome moments by late 50’s standards.

It's the sort of movie where the town’s cinema shows two other Bert I. Gordon movies (Attack of the Puppet People & The Amazing Colossal Man), some meme-worthy “right before impending death” faces, the spider often makes loud noises, the “starring” credit is spelled as “starrring”, and the main heroes are the likes of a high school science teacher & a power line foreman… the last part is mentioned as a compliment instead of a diss. Point is, while not great and this was an AIP production clearly meant as cheap fare for teenagers to see at a drive-in, the end product could have been FAR worse or intolerable. It was an easy watch of less than 75 minutes and not the worst day to tip my cap to a director from the past who used to specialize in a unique genre of its time who made it until early 2023.

Cry of the City

Cry of the City (1948)

Runtime: 95 minutes

Directed by: Robert Sidomak

Starring: Victor Mature, Richard Conte, Fred Clark, Shelley Winters, Debra Paget

From: 20^th Century Fox

It was time to clear even more from my DVR and see some film noir so I went with something recorded two months ago from the FXM channel… specifically, during their off-hours when they are in Retro mode, meaning older movies shown unedited & commercial-free. It’s a noir directed by Robert Sidomak starring Victor Mature, Richard Conte, Shelley Winters & Debra Paget where Mature is a cop yet for much of his life has been friends with the Rome family, even though a member of that family, Marty (played by Conte) is a criminal who is in the hospital because he got involved in a shootout where he killed a cop.

One bizarre detail is that this was Paget’s movie debut and played the girlfriend of Conte, even though she was FOURTEEN at the time. Uh… did people know what her real age was? She was described by Conte’s character as “a child” and I know she was in other films in the next few years where she played someone presumably of adult age but it’s really weird. After all, early on she and Conte kissed on the lips early on and as she looked quite young, it was all “ewwww” to me. Then again, both Winters and Paget ended up having small roles in this anyhow.

Even with that rather irregular element, this was a very good film noir. What performances from the main cast, although an amusing part was played by Betty Garde as a middle-aged nurse who was on the gruff side yet was more than competent at her job. However, THE favorite was from Hope Emerson as someone who was part of the scheme. She was a very tall actress at 6 foot 2 (188 centimeters) and was at least 220 pounds (100 KG) so talk about an imposing figure-and that was the sort of lady she portrayed here. She definitely was a gruff dame.

The plot involves plenty of intrigue involving a jewel robbery along with the relationship between the two lead characters that were part of the same Italian-American neighborhood. This had many of the hallmarks of the genre yet the family aspect and how Marty is still close to his blood despite how some loathe how he turned out-although his younger brother Tony idolizes him-helps make this stand out. Yet don’t think that the inclusion of family means this isn’t a tough and dark noir, as it actually is.

There are some high-quality setpieces directed rather well and this did make me regret not streaming this when it was on the Criterion Channel late last year. As of now it’s only available for those that have DirecTV or Fubo, at least legally… otherwise it isn’t that hard to track down if you want to go that route. It’s not one of the must-see genre examples yet is one to keep in mind for those that have at least an interest in noir.

Scream VI

Scream VI (2023)

77% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 196 reviews)

Runtime: 123 minutes

Directed by: Radio Silence

Starring: The quartet that led the 5^th Scream, along with Courteney Cox and Dermot Mulroney

From: Paramount

Yes, the movie did reference Letterboxd in a pejorative way; I won’t spoil the comment & there was no offense taken… at least not by me. Whether or not people are joking around here, some are saying that they WERE offended!

As mentioned in the past, the Scream series as a whole is one I like more than love; there’s a list I made here where you can read all those reviews if you wish. At least this hasn’t had an entry that I thought was bad, which is a rare feat for a horror franchise w/ this many entries. As the 5th movie was watched theatrically, might as well do the same for this newest entry that at least has a different setting in NYC… even though much of it was actually filmed in Montreal.

To be vague the rest of the way, the main quartet from Scream V all relocated to New York City, mainly to attend university. Woodsboro is established as being in California so perhaps it’s surprising the school is not in Los Angeles-although perhaps they wanted to go with the 8th Friday the 13th reference-but nevertheless it was nice to see them attempt to deal with tragedy together, even if some have trouble dealing with the trauma. Of course there is a new villain (or is it villains?) who is portraying Ghostface and at least some of the same beats are present. There are differences-and a memorable opening-although how much of this is different would IMO be stating too much.

To mention the negatives first, the bad guy & the motivations I did not love; in fact, not going in a different direction is unfortunate. There were some grating moments and various plot issues present. And, this was another example in the franchise where credulity at times was strained. Thankfully there are also positives: those that love gruesome kills should be happy—there are some nice setpieces and most importantly, the half-sister leads who helped anchor the fifth film were both even better here in terms of character & performances from the actors.

Perhaps it’s just me that has in recent years felt more “eh” about recent releases thus many are “only” good to me instead of great like many others do… maybe I just prefer how they used to make movies in the past rather than now. I have a feeling this will be another example of that and many (especially franchise fans) will love this more than I do. One major problem that I only realized today after contemplation and criticisms from others: this is yet another big release modern film where the script and its logic crumples apart the more and more you scrutinize the plot. To steal a line from a Letterboxd mutual, this could have used… another STAB at the script.

Also, to clarify, my opinion has nothing to do with how the studios treated Neve Campbell and her subsequent refusal to appear in this unless she was appropriately compensated. Is it insulting how she was treated… oh, undeniably.

The Lair

The Lair (2022)

Runtime: 97 unfortunate minutes

Directed by: Neil Marshall, which is disappointing

Starring: Neil's muse Charlotte Kirk, along with various actors unfamiliar with me.

From: A number of production companies... including one known as Pretty Good Films. Note that this is FAR worse than "a pretty good film."

What the heck happened with Neil Marshall?

To clarify, I haven't experienced Dog Soldiers (yet; the 4K print out there is a marked improvement over the Blu-ray judging by screenshots I've seen so I should pick that up one day) but The Descent is a blast and for how hilarious derivative it was, Doomsday still entertained me. Centurion didn't blow me away, and apparently a lot of people felt that way too as he was stuck in TV hell for years until the Hellboy reboot... as I haven't seen the Ron Perlman Hellboys no way would I check out something that had such a legendarily bad production history Marshall disowned the end product.

I won't blame his muse/girlfriend Charlotte Kirk for the downfall. Kirk is perhaps best known for her role in bringing down TWO Hollywood executives because of Me Too, but I won't be touching that with a 39 foot pole... besides, a lot of what happened there is still confidential so who knows what happened. All the bad reviews kept me away from their first collaboration together (The Reckoning) and it was only a mix of curiosity and possibly taking the bullet for many others that made me stream this on Shudder.

Ooof, was this ever rotten. Immediately, we see Royal Air Force member Kirk crash her plane in Afghanistan due to “insurgents”, she escapes in an old Soviet bunker that hosts “half-human, half-alien hybrids”, she escapes, they later escape, and they all end up at a military base which is not only full of irritating constantly cursing bellends, but also bellends that are literally incompetent as they were moved out of other regiments for egregious mistakes. Can you blame me for not liking any of those clowns? Kirk as a badass comparable to Sarah Connor in T2... not believable in the least. All of this is delivered with dialogue that was lousy at best and gross/crass at worst.

This wasn't scary and if you were expecting the action to deliver, prepare to be discouraged. Heck, this F Troop of morons contained several nationalities and thus a few accents were heard which HAD to be caricatures of those countries rather than that person's native tongue. Really, they were that bad; we never really got to know these characters, although most of them I did not WANT to know much more. It's such a stupid plot where the film would have ended much sooner except for the characters making boneheaded decision after baffling contrivance.

The synth score isn't bad, Marshall made his Carpenter fandom once again apparent and there are some practical effects-which are leagues better than the CG-yet that is no reason to check out a film. To quote someone not on Letterboxd who have seen the Resident Evil movies (I haven't), it's like Marshall was trying for his version of the franchise and couldn't even clear that low hurdle.

The Burglars

The Burglars (Le Casse) (1971)

Runtime: 113 minutes

Directed by: Henri Verneuil

Starring: Jean-Paul Belmondo, Omar Sharif, Dyan Cannon, Robert Hossein, Nicole Calfan

From: Columbia

A movie that thankfully lived up to my expectations once I learned some details. I don’t recall where first knowledge of this came from but this seemed to be right up my alley: a heist film starring Jean-Paul Belmondo, Omar Sharif and Dyan Cannon where there’s one heck of a car chase choreographed by Remy Julienne, a Morricone score and there’s an exotic setting (Greece)-yes, please. the movie played on TCM earlier in the year and finally it was watched last night. There is also a copy on YouTube but you didn’t hear it from me… to clarify, bot that and what I saw were the English version of the movie; there’s also a French cut which I haven’t experienced before but know it’s a bit longer than this.

The first 20 minutes are the credits then an almost wordless stretch where the actual burglary takes place with quite a contraption that is used to pull it off—it would take too long to explain how the dog chased the cat that chased the rat, anyhow. Belmondo is the head burglar, while Sharif is the police officer looking for the stolen loot-although he does not belong in the “heroic cop” category. The titular burglars are cursed by fate and are stuck in Athens for a few days; indeed, there’s more than one or two confrontations between the two leads.

There’s a charming and at times lovely score from Morricone, eye-candy from Cannon, simply astounding 70’s décor (not the first time I’ve seen that in a 70’s or 80’s European film), Belmondo doing his own stunts that at times were buckwild (again, something I’ve experienced before; one day, we may see either Tom Cruise fall out the back of a dump truck or tumble down the side of a giant hill), the sort of retro crime thrills that are typically a hit with me, a bit of sleaze… the high marks I gave this were well-deserved. When there’s action, it satisfied those desires so the movie was a win.