American Psycho II: All American Girl

American Psycho II: All American Girl (2002)

Runtime: 88 LONG minutes

Directed by: Morgan J. Freeman

Starring: Mila Kunis, Geraint Wyn Davies, William Shatner, Robin Dunne, Lindy Booth

From: Lionsgate

Hey Mila.

If you’re wondering why in the world I would view a motion picture that has had a toxic reputation for the past 23 years… for some reason, recently I thought of the first American Psycho. There’s a film only seen once; shamefully I was a dumb yuppie who waited until 2 ½ years ago to finally see it… turns out, American Psycho is a great, dark satire of the 1980’s & consumerism as most people learned far before I did. There’s something I won’t live down; hopefully I can still get a reservation at Dorsia!

Of course, this “sequel” is a script originally with no connection to the first film whatsoever and due to the filmmaker of The Rules of Attraction not wanting to add a serial killer subplot to that film, Lionsgate decided to make this bad movie a “sequel” during filming. That required new scenes, including the opening… what an opening it was.

Mila Kunis is Rachael; at the age of 12, she is brought on a date w/ her babysitter; that’s already strange enough. Well, the date is with PATRICK BATEMAN and they’re tied up. She escapes after he (of course face obscured) murders the babysitter, and Rachael stabs Bateman! No one figures out who killed him. Um, what about Rachael’s parents? Shouldn’t they know… ah, forget it. The movie hopes you don’t examine that scene with any logic or deductive reasoning whatsoever. They especially don’t want you to think about their constant assertion that Patrick Bateman was a serial killer; those who’ve seen the first film will of course object to that for a variety of reasons.

Now 18, she’s in college; enrolled in a class relevant to her studies in acquiring her criminology degree, that class is taught by former FBI agent WILLIAM SHATNER. If she becomes his teaching assistant, she’s a shoe-in to the FBI academy. She decides to… kill the competition!

Yeah, this is bad. Some will be upset from hearing that someone’s cat is stuck in a microwave; no, the cat doesn’t die… that was done as a distraction but that image alone is probably too much for a least someone reading this review.

Even if this was just called All American Girl and had no ties to another movie, the film would be awful. The dialogue, the scenarios, the logic… all rotten. An epic meditation on intangibility, this is not. The music I guess is OK although it especially pales in comparison to anything from the Sports album, for example. The score was light and sounded like the intro to a modern true crime podcast; I guess this played up the “comedy” aspects although the movie wasn’t all that funny aside from some prime Shatner acting.

There was a scene involving someone looking for a condom which reminded me of one night during my college days… out partying one Saturday night, a random dude ran out of his apartment in only his boxers, asking me and the people I was with if we had any rubbers! Note that in the film, a dude is strangled by a condom; no, really.

American Psycho II: All American Girl does not have a clear, crisp plot or a new sheen of consummate professionalism that gives the story a bit boost. The picture is atrocious compared to the OG product; fans will be thoroughly insulted. Not even the kills are worthwhile if you attempt to find something redeeming about a movie that both Bret Easton Ellis and Kunis denounced.

There’s no need for you to even bother w/ All American Girl. Of course, I’m perplexed as to why Luca Guadalcanal is remaking this; I can’t wait for him to ruin the film the same that he ruined Suspirira w/ that God-awful remake, but that’s another story for another time.