Never Say Never Again

Never Say Never Again (1983)

Runtime: 134 minutes

Directed by: Irwin Kershner

Starring: Sean Connery, Kim Basinger, Klaus Maria Brandauer, Barbara Carrera, Bernie Casey

From: Several different companies

I've been busy the past few days, but I was able to squeeze this in last night; I hadn't seen it in years, and if I am lucky I won't see this again for many more, if ever. I explain why below: 

Talk about “never saying never again”, I had seen this movie before-years ago-and was not a fan. But, I figured this was the time for me to officially review it here and put it on my Bond list here, even though of course it's non-canon and to be honest, it sort of constantly craps on the entire 007 mythos. Everyone by now should know how there was a decades long legal battle between Kevin McClory and Eon Studios, and to make a long story short, as McClory only had the rights to the movie Thunderball (which he was a writer of)-although also the rights to SPECTRE and those characters-that is how he was able to remake the film here. Thunderball has never been one of my favorites but that is definitely better than this.

I imagine most know the plot to Thunderball so I won't go into detail on this film's story, aside from there being some changes. SPECTRE stole a pair of nuclear warheads and are holding the world at ransom; Bond has to go to the Bahamas to deal with Largo and stop this plot. Now, there are talented people involved ahead and behind the camera, from the director (Irvin Kershner; he did The Empire Strikes Back, for crying out loud) to the writer (Lorenzo Semple, Jr.) to several of the crew that worked on Raiders of the Lost Ark... and the cast including Max Von Sydow, Klaus Maria Brandauer, and some others I'll mention later. It sounds like that this would be a success then. Well, while it wasn't a box office bomb, it did gross less than Octopussy, the actual Bond movie which was released about 6 months prior.

The movie, like I said before it seems to crap on Bond quite often. Sure, Sean Connery was a middle-aged man at the time when he returned to the role, but it's no fun seeing MI6 constantly bash the Double-0 program and everything about it. The story doesn't have enough of Bond being the awesome suave badass secret agent; instead, he comes across as an old man who's lost at least a few steps and gets his ass saved by others a few times.

Then there's the arcade game element... talk about dating this movie rather badly. I am going to make an assumption here but for some reason I don't think there was ever a time where arcade machines were on any casino floor along with the slot machines and gaming tables, let alone what I presume is the fanciest casino in Nice, France on the French Riviera. Even more absurd than seeing Connery and Kim Basinger have a conversation by an Atari Gravitar machine was the big duel between Bond and Largo... over a fictitious arcade game where people in their finest clothes eagerly watch. It's silly and I imagine hard to take seriously then; now, it's a laugh riot. Let's not even talk about the poor score here or how not being able to use the trademark 007 songs really hurt the movie.

It's a shame as it's not all bad. The cast does try their hardest with what they're given. I wouldn't have minded it if Kim Basinger and Barbara Carrera would have been actual Bond Girls or if Bernie Casey could have been an actual Felix Leiter. There are some decent action moments and a pretty cool bike chase. Indeed there are worse in-canon Bond movies that have been made. All that said, never say never but I probably will never see this in full again.