Would you believe there was a failed TV pilot from 1981 that was supposed to be a teenaged version of the late 60's show Laugh-In? Well, there was. And, it happened to star a big name at the time (Jackie Mason) but also some names that would become famous later in the 80's and even today... that is 80's scream queen-and babe-Jill Schoelen, Crispin Glover and... Nicolas Cage! Those last two names appearing in the same TV show with their tremendous and unique acting abilities is pretty awesome. I had no idea that Best of Times even existed until I saw some clips from it on YouTube via a messageboard post.
I then looked online and saw that the entire hour-long TV pilot (well, 48 minutes without commercials, but you know what I mean; IMDb is wrong in saying it was a 2 hour thing) is actually on YouTube. I sat down and spent time watching it and... WOW is my best reaction. I really have to break it down in a detailed manner to report all the amazing things I saw and heard. It consists of such things as Jackie Mason not like the Talking Heads, someone being put in The Friend Zone in 1981, and Nicolas Cage dancing in a manner that you'd expect him to.
We start off with Crispin in a messy room, with a basset hound on his bed and wearing an astounding brown sweater that appeared to have a moose on a giant pocket on the front and on each shoulder, a gold star! Oh, and he also had long shaggy hair... hell, he could have been Shaggy if they ever would have done an 80's live-action version of Scooby-Doo.
Oh, and the show has a laugh track. And, Crispin's sweater isn't the most incredible, either.
There's humor concerning his messy room, then he introduces his 6 friends and you get to see them; of course, Nic's intro is him doing one-armed push-ups on a sandy beach, and he's only wearing shoes and cut-off jean shorts!
After that, Crispin actually gets all preachy about how teenagers always get disrespected but they shouldn't be because they care about the future and ARE the future... yeah yeah yeah.
You then see a dude named Kevin try to get a date with a girl who doesn't know who he is. The only interesting thing is that he compares himself to John Denver, and it isn't the worst comparison.
Out of nowhere, you see Nic Cage and another young male (David) and they look to be on Venice Beach, and as David is trying to eat a burger, Nic talks about how he loved in Rocky the scene where he punched a side of beef. This is done in the typical Nic Cage acting style... yes, he aways acted like that! Also, the humor in this pilot isn't always the best, to be honest.
You see a brief clip of three of the four ladies in the gang of seven talking about going all the way... to San Diego. Yeah, that was the joke. A few times throughout the show you briefly see those three doing their makeup and telling brief jokes. That's why people compare this to Laugh-In.
So, you then see Crispin go into a store and he gets a dime back off of an empty soda bottle; yeah, that dates things. Also, the store owner is Jackie Mason! The joke is that all of the gang come in with a shitload of bottles and they're looking for a shitload of dimes, to quote Blazing Saddles. Then something incredible happens.
I guess I forgot to mention that there are several MUSICAL NUMBERS. Yes. The first one begins and this actually begins what could be considered a precursor to Stomp, as the bottles and items across the store are used as musical instruments! Jackie had what looked to be a legit WHAT THE FUCK look on his face. Then the number really gets going and it's just so... strange, I can barely describe it. It really has to be seen to be believed.
You then get Jill talking for a bit. She wears another tremendous outfit, which is a white shirt that has several different-colored sunglasses on it! She talks about college, and it's actually serious stuff. Talk about tonal shifts in this pilot. Anyhow, even though she was around 18 at the time, she still looked rather attractive.
Another girl is Janet (Janet!), a 14 year old who hangs out with older men in a band who drive around in a total 70's van; gee, a 14 year old girl who is somewhat cute and hanging out with older men... nothing suspicious or creepy about that AT ALL...
Nic and Kevin talk about Kevin's love life. Nic works out almost the entire time. Kevin tries to pick up a chick, and bombs big time.
There's yet another girl (Lisa) who is only slightly chubby and yet there are quite a few jokes made about her weight. Sigh...
Jackie Mason returns, and he's with stockboy David. Now, the sweater David wears is dark red and in yellow are-among other things-a pair of guys on skis and several pine trees!
Our second musical number. It has everyone working at a car wash as Crispin (wearing a shirt and pants... and yellow suspenders) complains about how hard it is for teens to find jobs. You then hear a disco version of 9 to 5 (yes, the Dolly Parton song) being sung by a bunch of people and holy Christ is it wacky. Everyone's dancing around, a violin solo (!?), Nic Cage wearing only overalls and a hankerchief around his neck with no shirt on... it's pretty incredible.
Kevin still tries to get a date, and he fails. This happens a few more times so I'll be skipping that.
Crispin and David play a table-top videogame. They tell a joke that's not worth recapping.
Crispin runs into the store and asks Jackie Mason for a cassette tape, which is hilarious 31 years later but even better... he wants the latest the Talking Heads album! No shit. He was referring to Remain in Light, as believe it or not a part of one song gets played! As Crispin overacts to a tremendous degree you hear part of the song Houses in Motion get played on a small boombox. I swear, this is true. I tell you, I was NOT expecting to hear a Talking Heads song. And in short, Jackie Mason is not a fan of that new wave stuff.
You then hear a really strange song sung by the cast that almost sounds like rap! They complain about doing chores, but I was most fascianted by how bad and weird the song was. Then, it changes into something more traditional as they play around in a park, race go-karts, and that sort of jazz.
You have a brief bit where Julie (a blonde cheerleader girl) brags about having a letter to the editor appear in the TV Guide, and the letter was about Walter Cronkite retiring! I shit you not.
There are brief bits with corny humor involving Nic Cage doing situps in the sand and two of the girls seeing a bunch of boy swimmers naked (it's not worth getting into the explanation) and the third girl-i.e. “The Fat One” being upset that she couldn't see a bunch of naked dudes, and pretty much she had never seen a real life guy in the buff! Why all the picking on the chubby chick?
There are more brief bits, involving GIRL POWER and lonely Kevin trying to get a date with the operator on the line at the pay phone at the arcade (holy cow is this dated), along with the underaged chick being made to lug around the band's shit.
Oh, and the chubby girl has a crush on her male teacher; somehow, she has a black and white framed photo of the guy! These days, teacher/student sex relationships doesn't seem so funny...
Jill Schoelen bitches about teens being exploited because designer jeans are so damned expensive! I'm not kidding. Then, we get another musical number... and it's a disco version of Heartbreaker! Yes, the Pat Benatar song of the same title. The girls sing to Crispin and he looks as happy as a clam at the fact that hot teen ladies are singing to him in a clothing store. It's a dance number and oh man is it hilarious.
Crispin and Jill have a convo, and Crispin says that he had a dream where Jill is his girlfriend; I'll just presume it was a nocturnal emission sort of dream. He asks out Jill on a date, and this is extremely hilarious after this term got popular in the past year or so, but no kidding Crispin gets put in the friend zone! Literally that's what happens. She rejects the relationship because it'd ruin their friendship, and that sucks for him.
Jackie Mason and David talk again, and David arranges for Jackie to supply the food for the school dance. By the way, Jackie and David work at at 7-11! It gets referred to as that, and there's clearly a 7-11 garbage can visible in this scene. 7-11 food at the school dance, what a high class thing to do.
You see the band again, and you hear their music. It's a guitar and keyboard thing, and I can't even describe too well what to compare it to.
Nic Cage whines and moans about how he could be drafted due to the problems going on in the time with the U.S and Central America. No, I have no idea how this serious stuff (where Nic talks about his dad's life in the military too) fits in with the rest of the show.
Crispin is at the dance and he talks about his parents dancing and how they're squares and all that.
Sad to say, Crispin does NOT do any bizarre dancing like he's in a Jason Voorhees movie. However, Jackie Mason does! It's as wacky and robotic as you might imagine, him dancing to the band doing some funky disco tune.
You see some slow dancing, and Nic (wearing a leather jacket and Hawaiian shirt as formal ware) gets a date with a chick by lying to her and saying he's going off to war the next day; it's implied he's doing this just to get some action.
OK, so you get to see NIC CAGE DANCING, and it is every bit as glorious as you might imagine. Pretty much, if you've seen that white guy trying to break dance in Ghoulies, it's sort of like that. He throws his jacket to the ground and then does things like the splits and kicking his legs into the air and I legit lol'ed.
Oh, and he was dancing to that underaged girl playing guitar with the band; of course, she was jamming out.
I stand corrected, right before this ended, you do see a short wacky dance from Crispin, but it wasn't like in Friday the 13th Part 4.
The end credits roll, and of course Nic is billed under his real name of Nicolas Coppola.
Holy shit is my best reaction to that really strange product of the early 80's. I am not surprised it was only a pilot but I am so happy I got to watch something so wacky and hilarious.
I'll be back this upcoming Tuesday night as the next few days will be too busy for any film-watching from me.
No comments:
Post a Comment