War

War (2019)

Runtime: 154 minutes

Directed by: Siddharth Anand

Starring: Hrithrik Roshan, Tiger Shroff, Vaani Kapoor, Ashutosh Rana, Anupriya Goenka

From: Yash Raj Films

There are no Low Riders in this movie, but this Indian product is as zany as I predicted: 

Homoeroticism has found its way into Indian cinema.

I have only viewed little in the way of the output of action movies from India, yet I already knew-no matter if the language is Hindi, Telugu, Tamil or something else-what to expect going in:

* Little in the way of subtlety or restraint
* A long runtime... actually, that's for all Indian movies irregardless of genre
* At least one musical number

That is exactly what I got here from this Hindi movie (there are two musical numbers, which were incredibly bombastic yet still well-done) and War (what is it good for?) is incredibly indebted to many Hollywood movies of the past; I won't give specific examples but I can mention a few franchises that were obvious inspiration: James Bond, Mission: Impossible and the Fast & Furious films. This is rather far-fetched even for modern big budget action but I was still gleefully entertained.

The plot is rather simple when you look at a bare bones synopsis: Kabir (Hrithik Roshan) is a great Indian agent who suddenly has gone rogue; Khalid (Tiger Shroff) was trained by Kabir and is tasked with trying to stop the madness he has created. Of course, things aren't as they seem... which actually also applies to the War movie that Jason Statham and Jet Li did years ago, but this is MUCH better than that. I don't lightly bring up the accusation that this is amazingly homoerotic, almost to the point of being A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge... yet I have to because it is. The way the two stars are filmed separately, then together... they seem to be more than friends & colleagues. No exaggeration, when Khalid first meets Kabir, Khalid stares and reacts as if he is sexually aroused!

While the plot is ludicrous, overall this was rather enjoyable for what it was. There are plenty of action scenes and all were filmed in an interesting way, were in settings that were unique to me, had beats that were different than usual, and/or otherwise not filmed badly. There is martial arts, fistfights, shootouts, explosions, automobile chases, & more. Another element that was present and not a shock to me: melodrama. There is some, although not to the degree that I've seen in other movies. 

Personally, I do appreciate that for how cheesy and goofy this can get, it at least feels different from the typical modern Hollywood big budget blockbuster action movie; I've complained before how due to studio interference, focus groups and the like, they all seem too much alike or are not bold enough. I am glad I got to see this theatrically, even if the auditorium was freezing cold. Among the locations you get to see in this movie are Morocco, Portugal (this is what I meant when I said there were locations that were uncommon to see on film), Australia... and a setting full of snow & bitter cold, so during those parts of the film it was like a 4D experience.

Oh, and director Siddharth Anand & star Shroff are teaming up again to create... RAMBO, which is not based on any specific movie from the franchise but I know will have plenty of insanity and probably be a gas to watch.

The Crazies (The Remake)

The Crazies (2010)

Runtime: 101 minutes

Directed by: Breck Eisner

Starring: Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell, Joe Anderson, Danielle Panabaker, Christie Lynn Smith

From: Overture/Participant

Probably the only movie where characters WANT to reach Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

August, I watched then reviewed the original The Crazies, the 1973 low-budget outing from George A. Romero. While obviously made on a budget and having local actors which were not always up to snuff, it was still good overall as it was quite bleak and showed what happened to the residents of a bucolic little town in Pennsylvania after a horrible government-made biological weapon is accidentally unleashed... along with the incompetent, bureaucratic federal government attempting to contain and create a cure, which was nigh impossible due to the quagmire of controls and protocol that were needlessly set up.

As the original movie isn't seen by most people to be a classic but rather an enjoyable lark, I was not offended that this was remade as something different could be done with the idea and/or there would be benefits to having more experienced actors and a higher budget. Well, this motion picture did just that and I do rate it the same as the original-it was not something I regretted viewing, in other words. This time, the focus is only on a few people trying to survive (chiefly, the sheriff of a rural town in Iowa and his wife) and the point of view of the government is never shown. The action is ramped up, along with the horror elements.

While there was a “wait a minute now” moment or two, otherwise this is a worthwhile remake which isn't an insult to the original and while much of the social commentary is gone, one aspect that this has over the original is the ability to connect more to the leads due to all the time spent with them, and that quartet ( Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell, Joe Anderson, Danielle Panabaker) all do a nice job; as others have noted, Olyphant just looks and comes across as a B movie hero. There are fine horror/thriller setpieces throughout and I was glad that this was an R-rated film which was not only bloody and had some nasty deaths, but that the tone was not drastically different from what Romero did in the early 70's. Thus, a genre remake that isn't a waste of time... which too many do fit in that category, regrettably.

I Talk The Thing, And More

Monday night I got to see the John Carpenter classic theatrically for the first time, and it was a transcendent experience; the movie is my favorite from him (no small feat) and it drew a nice crowd. I am glad that the Cinemark location at CityWalk on Universal Studios grounds is showing that and other retro horror during this spooky season; furthermore, there was no problem with the big audience, much to my relief.

Now, let me discuss the 1937 Disney cartoon Lonesome Ghosts:

Who you gonna call... Mickey, Donald, and Goofy?

The past week or so has been more hectic than expected for me so some days I haven't felt like or had the time for full movies, so a cartoon less than 10 minutes long is what I have to fall back on. But, after tonight things should return to normal and in fact, there may be a day or two where I can post multiple reviews. For now, a cartoon I did not even know the existence of until a few days ago.

The plot is simple: several ghosts are bored in a haunted house because no one explores their domain any longer. They decided to ring up ghostbusters-or as this short calls them, Ghost Exterminators-Mickey, Donald, and Goofy (!) and invite them over. As none of them have proton packs, the ghosts successfully troll the trio in a variety of ways, from making loud noises to tricking them. This is done in a house that looks to have been abandoned ages ago and as this was pretty funny & has lovely animation throughout, it was nice to see this during October.

To end this w/ a random aside, when I was a kid, “Bustin' makes me feel good!” from the Ghostbusters theme song did not leave an impression on me but as I became a little older and realized what it meant... much mirth and hilarity was had. If I said it still doesn't make me giggle a little, then I would be lyin' to all of you.

Skatetown, U.S.A.

Skatetown, U.S.A. (1979)

Runtime: 94 wacky, wacky minutes

Directed by: William A. Levey

Starring: Scott Baio! There is also the likes of Flip Wilson, Billy Barty, Maureen McCormick, Ron Palillo, and... the film debut of Patrick Swayze!

From: Columbia/Rastar

My schedule is now more back to normal, thank goodness. In the next few days I'll talk about another cartoon here but for now, an incredible time capsule: 

A.K.A. COCAINE: THE MOTION PICTURE

For a few years now I've known of this movie; unfortunately it never received any sort of official release so the one copy that was on YouTube was from who knows what source and the picture quality was decidedly not good so I was pleasantly surprised when I saw a few months ago that Sony would be releasing this from their own catalog. The disc is so bare bones that there's no trailer, but it looks far better than before and I am glad they paid all the money to have all the songs that are in this... and there are plenty of songs, many of which are famous and that had to be the hangup that prevented any prior releases.

The plot is simple: Scott Baio and friend are at the title business, the visual marvel that is a bright and colorful roller disco rink that even has an arcade area. It looks like an incredible place I wish I could visit in real life. His friend Stan is a great skater but they have never been to this joint before, so it will be a tough challenge to try and topple Ace, the head of a roller skating gang (?!) and played by PATRICK SWAYZE in this acting debut. A lot of other things go on in this insane movie, from a totally random cast (Ruth Buzzi, Flip Wilson, Billy Barty, Maureen McCormick, a bearded Ron Palillo somehow being second in command in the gang, Murray Langston, etc.) to random side characters and running gags... believe me, too much of the humor is not that funny or just plain bad. There's also The Unknown Comic, who does get some laughs. Incidentally, Wilson owns Skatetown and in a few scenes he also dresses in drag although it's not his famous Geraldine character.

I have no idea how to rate this so I guess I'll say it is pretty good as no matter the illogic of the script or how there are some pretty obvious moments of bad editing or the goofiness or the issues with the humor... the movie moves very fast as like with Thank God It's Friday it covers one night at a disco and it is never dull. You'll know right away as this starts in an astounding way: after the opening credits of people skating in Santa Monica to quite an earworm of an opening credits song (from Dave Mason, who also appears in the movie has himself and performs two songs), we enter the nightclub and we see the DJ rise up to the stage wearing an incredible sparkly outfits AND cape and we then notice he is a middle-aged mustached dude known as THE WIZARD who wears a fake bright white giant afro and... can shoot lightning out of his fingertips. 

That is one of the reasons why I referenced drugs in the beginning: one of the 75 or so plots that this has deals with drugs being slipped into the place's mozzarella cheese that then went into their pizza (long story), drug use is synonymous with the disco scene and I think this movie is best appreciated if you are high! It would explain a lot, including the ending that is a blatant ripoff of a famous moment from a 50's classic. The tremendous soundtrack can be enjoyed by anyone, as long as you dig the disco music. It has Boogie Wonderland, Born to be Alive, Boogie Nights, Ain't No Stopping Us Now and other bona fide classics in the genre (mad props for the movie using the disco version of Shake Your Body Down to the Ground), John Sebastian singing about a Roller Girl he loves, and even some rock tunes from the likes of Eddie Money (RIP) and Cheap Trick. 

What an amazing night it would be if you saw this, Roller Boogie, Thank God It's Friday and Xanadu in an epic marathon.

The Fanatic

The Fanatic (2019)

Runtime: 88 minutes

Directed by: Fred Durst!

Starring: John Travolta, Devon Sawa, someone who was in one of those Degrassi shows, and a bunch of random actors

From: Many production companies, and probably all of them were embarrassed by how this turned out

Google gave me a 99 cent rental deal recently, and this was how I chose to spend it.

A few weeks ago the online movie community went gaga over this movie, and I did hear some detailed reviews so I wasn't really surprised by what I witnessed. Curiosity got the best of me and Lord is this ever a failed effort... except in providing unintentional laughs.

I mean, it starts right away with superfluous narration that is sometimes heard in the movie... it is always unnecessary and the narrator is a supporting character. Then there is a moment (which is seen a few times after) that reminded me of the Leonard, Part 6 opening credits! THERE is a movie you want to be compared to. And of course, there is how the titular fanatic is Moose, played by John Travolta... rather quickly, you realize that while it's never addressed in the movie, Moose is obviously somewhere on the autism spectrum. I realize that Travolta's late son Jett was on the spectrum, but this is NOT a nuanced, subtle portrayal of how someone who has difficulties w/ social situations suffers a mental breakdown after his favorite actor Hunter Dunbar (Devon Sawa, and it's been ages since I've seen him in anything) turns out to be an A-hole, and the audience would feel sympathy for Moose due to his different way of interacting with the world.

Instead, if you don't laugh, you'll cringe... or be offended. Subtle it is not; “over the top” is a better descriptor as Moose ends up stalking Dunbar, then goes way above even that so it's hard to root or even have an affinity for the lead. Dunbar is such a rude p**** that it's impossible to like him. I do not know what sort of messages this movie was trying to express, but it lead to an experience where laughter was the best way to make it through this movie, as a lot of fun can be had at The Fanatic's expense. Travolta's haircut, the Hawaiian shirt, shorts, high socks and backpack combo... not to mention the goofy plot that does not always make sense and minor characters that are also awful people. 

For years now I've known that Fred Durst is now a director-this isn't his first feature film-and after this, I plan on skipping the previous pictures he's done, along with all future ones. I mean, he was one of the people that wrote the script. Also, not very smooth having a Limp Bizkit song play at one point and Dunbar remarks how “great” the band was... to be frank, I was never a fan of that act (or any nu metal in general) and I am glad that was the case.

If the entire movie wasn't preposterous and absurd enough, the final act occurs and talk about being divorced from reality. Besides it suddenly becoming graphically violent out of nowhere, how everything is resolved makes zero sense. I've never seen Gotti, although I understand that is bad AND incoherent, especially if you don't know much about Gotti the person. This can be enjoyed by any and all bad movie fans (as long as you are not disgusted by how The Fanatic treats autism) as it missed the mark so badly it was sort of spectacular how much of a disaster this was.

I Talk Old Spooky Cartoons

The past few days (when I haven't had the chance for movies) I viewed a pair of old 1929 cartoons made for Disney by legendary animator Ub Iwerks: The Skeleton Dance and The Haunted House. The two are below, in different fonts. SD will be first, then Haunted House:

Ub Iwerks is quite a name; so is his birth name: Ubbe Ert Iwwerks.

What a weekend... and not in a good way. It was not all bad but there were too many bad things so I'd rather forget about it. That includes the computer issues I had earlier today and I think are fixed (after a few hours of work) yet that is uncertain. If I peace out for the next few days-or heck, if it happens at any point in the future-you will know why.

Anyhow, at least I did have time to revisit this classic cartoon, and why not include cartoons in my annual Halloween season list? Sometime in October I'll talk about Skeleton Frolic, which was also directed by Ub Iwerks and was in essence an expanded color remake of this, the first of the Silly Symphonies done by Disney. In only 5 minutes, you can almost feel the chill of an autumn night (such as in Illinois, where I grew up) as various iconography connected to the Halloween season-black cats, spiders, owls, etc.-are seen in a cemetery graveyard, and a quartet of skeletons come out of the ground to dance and engage in creative sight gags as a jaunty tune plays in the background.

The animation and music are nice, so this is a short that is still effective 90 years later. In hindsight, I wish I would have viewed this and Skeleton Frolic around this time of year in autumns past as it sets the proper mood for the spooky season, and how can I not laugh at a skeleton using its own skull as a projectile, or another's backbone being used as a xylophone?

That Al Jolson reference has aged rather badly, I'll say...

I had little time last night and today so I could only squeeze in another Ub Iwerks cartoon but that is OK as it's in essence a remake of Iwerks' Skeleton Dance, recently discussed by me. This time, Micky Mouse is walking on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere when suddenly there are hurricane force winds so he seeks shelter in the haunted house, where skeletons force him to play his organ... er, I mean they force him to play a tune on an organ and some accompany him as a jaunty tune is played and there is more skeleton dancing.


As in the previous cartoon, various creatures tied into the spooky season (bats, spiders, etc.) appear and set the mood. I do prefer Dance but this is still an amusing and worthwhile cartoon. Note that I am not penalizing this for a brief gag which people wouldn't know unless they were familiar with Al Jolson. That alone wouldn't be controversial... except that it referenced Jolson in blackface. Times were different back then, yet it's no big deal as I've viewed entire musical numbers in blackface, which were much more awkward than this brief moment.

Torture Garden

Torture Garden (1967)

Runtime: 101 minutes

Directed by: Freddie Francis

Starring: Jack Palance, Burgess Meredith, Beverly Adams, Peter Cushing, Maurice Denham

From: Amicus

A few years ago I randomly purchased the Mill Creek Blu-ray set Psycho Circus, which had this film, The Brotherhood of Satan and The Creeping Flesh; the main reason was its low cost... and currently, it can be purchased dirt cheap from Amazon. As I am me, it was only last night that I finally watched the disc; as it is Mill Creek, it was a budget release where the picture and sound are not spectacular, and all three movies are on one disc. The only things that these three have in common is genre and Sony owning the rights to them in the United States.

This being an Amicus anthology directed by Freddie Francis and written by Robert Bloch piqued my interest; so did a cast comprised of the likes of Jack Palance, Burgess Meredith, and Peter Cushing. I discovered this was an interesting anthology which had more complex stories than you'd expect and a wraparound story that featured the likes of a sideshow run at a fairgrounds hosted by Dr. Diabolo (Meredith) and the shears of Atropos, a Greek goddess that cut through the strands of time. If that wasn't odd enough, another figure from Greek mythology shows up in the segment that has the most outlandish premise.


All the stories are interesting-not to mention chilling-with their various twists and turns, no matter how improbable they may get. They are all ghoulishly delightful and contain such things as satirical barbs against Hollywood & its stars and one tale is a love letter to Edgar Allan Poe. The other stories involve a greedy man's attempt to get an inheritance and a woman falling in love with a famous concert pianist.The movie was filmed well in lavish locations and whether or not I recognized the cast, all were at least fine. For those that love these old anthologies... however, I do have to give the warning that if you do purchase this Blu-ray in the future, do NOT read the plot synopsis on the back of the case: this is because it literally gives away the entire plot!