Runtime: 82 long minutes
Directed by: Byron
Quisenberry
Starring: Pepper Martin,
Hank Worden, Ethan Wayne (yes, his dad is John), Ann Bronston, Julie
Marine
From: Several no-name
companies
Thursday night I went and saw the 1970 Woodstock documentary theatrically. I've already talked about that in the past so no need for another review. Last night I saw something far, far worse:
The s--- in the middle of a s--- sandwich.
I make such a claim as this rubbish is in the middle of two great pieces of bread... Thursday night on the big screen I saw the 1970 Woodstock documentary; I'd seen it before but it was awesome seeing all 224 minutes of the Director's Cut in a giant way. Sunday night I'll talk about what I'm seeing tomorrow, which I suspect will be another grand theatrical experience. In the middle of this block is a movie I heard was quite bad, and what a set-up I had to create in order to watch it in good quality. I'll talk about that at the end.
The general premise is not the issue here. People rafting down a river spend the night in a Texas town abandoned since the Wild West days, but are killed by an unseen force. One problem is that on a few occasions, characters are seen sleeping somewhere then suddenly a scene or two later are walking around or somewhere else and that is confusing as the rafting party has like a dozen people in it-which is too many-and hardly any characterization is gifted to these random men and women so that does not make it an engaging watch. One dude sort of resembles Dick Miller and another Chris Kattan but the most memorable character is a chubby dude named Lou and that is only because he is portrayed as possibly mentally handicapped and wears a SWEET Houston Oilers hat. That isn't even the best hat in the movie: an old bearded dude has a powdered blue one where on the front is a crocheted scene of someone golfing.
The biggest sin isn't even that the few kills we get are all lame and incredibly weak; no, it's that Scream is incredibly boring; those that say this is the dullest slasher ever created are probably correct. I've used this line before, but even Ti West would find this movie to be sleep-inducing! Ethan Wayne (yes, The Duke's son) is in the cast yet is as forgettable as the rest. Woody Strode is also in this which is great... except that his role is that of a cameo, and his appearance is to deliver a monologue that is a total non-sequitor that does nothing to advance the plot, then he literally rides off into the moonlight. I don't even want to get into the “killer” or how it's portrayed, nor the befuddling ending.
The musical score isn't bad but neither that nor the unintentional laughs make this worthwhile. Now, the way I saw this was unusual; to be honest, this was viewed on YouTube-quite a few copies of it are on different channels-and I had to use the audio from one video and sync it up to the one copy that has a nice picture... but that audio is in Spanish. Much of the movie is set in low lighting so at least I could now view nothing happening better than the horribly washed out VHS rips that are the way most have viewed this crap. If anyone ever cares to have this on disc, Code Red put it out long ago as part of the series they did which had two movies on one disc & was hosted by WWE personality Maria Kanellis; that one was paired with The Barn of the Naked Dead (usually known as Terror Circus) and I imagine that one has to be better just because it's directed by Alan Rudolph (!) and if it's bad, it's likely a funny sort of terrible instead of something that'll cure your insomnia like Scream will. Besides, some will definitely enjoy looking at Maria.
I make such a claim as this rubbish is in the middle of two great pieces of bread... Thursday night on the big screen I saw the 1970 Woodstock documentary; I'd seen it before but it was awesome seeing all 224 minutes of the Director's Cut in a giant way. Sunday night I'll talk about what I'm seeing tomorrow, which I suspect will be another grand theatrical experience. In the middle of this block is a movie I heard was quite bad, and what a set-up I had to create in order to watch it in good quality. I'll talk about that at the end.
The general premise is not the issue here. People rafting down a river spend the night in a Texas town abandoned since the Wild West days, but are killed by an unseen force. One problem is that on a few occasions, characters are seen sleeping somewhere then suddenly a scene or two later are walking around or somewhere else and that is confusing as the rafting party has like a dozen people in it-which is too many-and hardly any characterization is gifted to these random men and women so that does not make it an engaging watch. One dude sort of resembles Dick Miller and another Chris Kattan but the most memorable character is a chubby dude named Lou and that is only because he is portrayed as possibly mentally handicapped and wears a SWEET Houston Oilers hat. That isn't even the best hat in the movie: an old bearded dude has a powdered blue one where on the front is a crocheted scene of someone golfing.
The biggest sin isn't even that the few kills we get are all lame and incredibly weak; no, it's that Scream is incredibly boring; those that say this is the dullest slasher ever created are probably correct. I've used this line before, but even Ti West would find this movie to be sleep-inducing! Ethan Wayne (yes, The Duke's son) is in the cast yet is as forgettable as the rest. Woody Strode is also in this which is great... except that his role is that of a cameo, and his appearance is to deliver a monologue that is a total non-sequitor that does nothing to advance the plot, then he literally rides off into the moonlight. I don't even want to get into the “killer” or how it's portrayed, nor the befuddling ending.
The musical score isn't bad but neither that nor the unintentional laughs make this worthwhile. Now, the way I saw this was unusual; to be honest, this was viewed on YouTube-quite a few copies of it are on different channels-and I had to use the audio from one video and sync it up to the one copy that has a nice picture... but that audio is in Spanish. Much of the movie is set in low lighting so at least I could now view nothing happening better than the horribly washed out VHS rips that are the way most have viewed this crap. If anyone ever cares to have this on disc, Code Red put it out long ago as part of the series they did which had two movies on one disc & was hosted by WWE personality Maria Kanellis; that one was paired with The Barn of the Naked Dead (usually known as Terror Circus) and I imagine that one has to be better just because it's directed by Alan Rudolph (!) and if it's bad, it's likely a funny sort of terrible instead of something that'll cure your insomnia like Scream will. Besides, some will definitely enjoy looking at Maria.
No comments:
Post a Comment