Runtime: Believe it or not, only 73 minutes
Directed by: The amazingly named Bozidar D. Benedikt
Starring: The all around amazing Lazar Rockwood, Bonnie Beck
From: Marvan Films
What an obscurity I decided to see last night. Peep the details below:
Here is something unusual for me: a movie I actually had heard of before because of Letterboxd but had completely forgotten about until it was mentioned in an online article. In this case, I stumbled upon a piece about Canadian genre films on the Film School Rejects website and the most praise was for this obscurity, and note that this is a “so bad it's good” sort of motion picture.
The plot isn't too complicated: a dude named Boris gets out of prison (for a robbery charge), he meets with his ex Wendy (or, because of his accent, “Vendy”), he finds out she works for a rich SOB who lives in a mansion that looks like a castle, they suspect the SOB has “treasure” hidden in the mansion, and once they break in... it's like Saw, Cube, or The Collector, except this was made long before any of those.
The important thing: many who have seen this in modern times compares the lead to the legendary Tommy Wiseau, and for good reason. He has the amazing name LAZAR ROCKWOOD, he is an interesting-looking human being, has an accent I don't know any other human being has ever had, and he delivers lines like he's an alien who has had little interaction with any humanoid. Appearance-wise, think a Brundlefly version of Jeff Goldblum, Moe from The Simpsons, Billy Drago, Wiseau, and an insect that is not a fly. Like I said, a strange-looking human being. The most amazing thing is that homeboy still acts, and even was a supporting character in that old Yancy Butler TV show Witchblade. Strange but true.
Me, while I recognize that I will say that this movie was like playing one of those puzzle videogames... like in Silent Hill, Lara Croft, or (to use an example I know first-hand) one of those puzzles in Skyrim. At least that's what the first few puzzles were; the rest they were given no hints by the rich SOB, who speaks via reel-to-reel tape... that's just not fair. Note that this rich SOB is confined to a wheelchair and yet he still engages in the type of behavior loved by people like Harvey Weinstein, John Lasseter... and apparently many other men working in Hollywood. It was awfully rich of the movie then to have Vendy spend most of the movie either in a sexy costume or have part of that sexy costume removed for a rather contrived reason and run around below with waist with only panties, a garter and stockings.
Even with the incredibly low budget and how this “basement” suspiciously looks like an abandoned foundry or factory, this does not fully succeed in its potential as an unusual yet intriguing plot. That is OK, though, as there are still plenty of inexplicable moments and bizarre bits that just about made me howl with laughter. At one point Boris and Vendy make love. Yes, they found time to do that. You don't actually see any lovemaking, which is perhaps for the best... because of the amazing fact that they got it on WHEN THERE WAS A CORPSE ONLY A FEW FEET AWAY FROM THEM. It was a random dude who recently failed in his attempts to get said treasure. Oh, there's more... such as Boris smoking a cigarette in most scenes, Vendy being “80's hot” and thus makes for a hilarious pairing with Boris, and an 80's synth soundtrack I of course enjoyed.
Oh, the treasures you can find about online and seemingly more often than not, can eventually track down.
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