Monday, June 19, 2017

The Assignment

The Assignment (2016)

Runtime: 95 minutes

Directed by: Walter Hill

Starring: Michelle Rodriguez, Sigourney Weaver, Tony Shaloub, Anthony LaPaglia, Caitlin Gerard

From: SBS Films

This movie... it may sound outrageous on the surface but boy is it not a lot of fun to watch. I explain why below: 

This assignment, I give it... a failing grade.

If I did one line reviews, this is what I would say. As that is not my style, I'll explain more why this really did not work for me. Ever since I first heard about this movie a few years ago (back when it was first announced) I knew that it wasn't the best of ideas in this day and age. I mean, this is a film set in modern times where a mad doctor character-yes, really-performs an unwilling sex change operation on a hitman and the now hitwoman is looking for revenge. Naturally, a segment of people would not be happy with that, and indeed they were not. But, despite all the bad things I had heard (including all the previous titles this had: Tomboy, Tomboy: A Revenger's Tale and (Re)assignment), I wanted to give it a shot. While I haven't seen all of the movies that Walter Hill has directed, the ones I've seen I have all thought they were at least good. That streak was broken in spectacular fashion.

Like I said, this is about a hitman named FRANK KITCHEN (which at least is acknowledged as a fake name) who runs afoul of some people, and mad doctor Sigourney Weaver performs the sex change, and the character now known as Tomboy is looking for revenge. Note that playing both Frank and Tomboy was Michelle Rodriguez. Yes. Frank wears a beard, and a bearded Michelle Rodriguez is absolutely preposterous and impossible to take seriously. Even worse, they went for shock value by showing Frank take a shower, and Michelle was a hairy dude, and you saw his penis! Her being hairy with a prosthetic wanger likely will get a few people's rocks off, but for everyone else it will inspire much laughter.

The worst sin of all: this movie is incredibly boring. I am not a member of the trans* community as I am a heterosexual white male but my personal tastes were not offended. I was more offended by how pointless the whole thing was. The sex change doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. It's just a cheap gimmick. The original story was from the late 70's, and it was far different: the surgery happened on a young punk who killed a surgeon's wife, and he did it as revenge, but the now woman is still killing people. That sounds more interesting than what we got here.

Hell, imagine if a movie from Hong Kong, South Korea, or Japan did the same premise. It wouldn't be politically correct but it'd be lunacy and definitely entertaining. Instead, this was a slog to get through as it was amazingly dull. It looks very cheap, and the CG blood was not realistic in the slightest. What action we do get was as basic and uncreative as possible; John Wick, Frank/Tomboy was not.

Even though I did get those unintended laughs and the cast had some other names I recognized (like Tony Shaloub and Anthony LaPaglia), no way could I ever recommend this. There are plenty of Walter Hill flicks to see for the first time or watch again before you watch this cinematic Ambien, where its premise is squandered-for example, Tomboy only uses her newfound feminine sexuality to her advantage once-and the movie is not as smart as it likes to think it is. Weaver being “wise” by quoting Shakespeare and Poe doesn't impress me much. Neither did the same comic book transitions that ruined the Director's Cut of The Warriors that regrettably is the easiest version of the cult classic to track down and watch. The nonlinear storytelling did not do anything to improve the bland plot either. Watch a Hill film like The Driver or 48 Hrs. instead.

No comments:

Post a Comment