Creature

Creature (2011)

Runtime: 93 minutes

Directed by: Fred Andrews

Starring: Mehcad Brooks, Serinda Swan, Dillon Casey, Sid Haig

From: The Bubble Factory

First off, the rest of this month is going to be rather active for me. There's a lot to see and watch in April, that is for sure. For example, I'll be back Friday night and then Saturday afternoon. Now, onto the usual review...

Here's a movie I'm surprised I didn't see on the big screen if only for historical reasons; if I would have it would have been the worst thing I ever saw theatrically, for sure. Somehow this got a 1500 screen release and it made an all-time low amount of money for that big of a release (327,000 bucks!) and it turns out, it's a good thing not too many people saw it, as it's a terrible movie.

The plot is that a group of six people are on a road trip and they end up in rural Louisiana. They find out about a local legend about a creature known as Lockjaw, a half man/half alligator creature (and boy, what a great title this film has) and they get told where they can find the critter. They oblige as they don't believe it; they are proven wrong.

Lord, this movie... what a disaster. Lockjaw isn't a CGI creation but instead a guy in a rubber suit. That's cool and all as that's how it used to be done. The costume looks pretty lame, though. The main problem is that most of those six people are quite loathsome, and as I'll explain in a spoiler-filled section, they can be pretty disgusting too. You won't want to cheer most of them on, trust me. I couldn't believe how unlikable they were. Sig Haig only appears for a few minutes. You don't get much in the way of gore at all. The lame story is so poorly told that at times I was befuddled as to what in the hell was going on. And the ending... rather unsatisfying, to say the least. To think that THIS got such a wide theatrical release when there were so many movies from recent years that deserved such attention.

The rest of this will give out some spoilers so if for some reason you actually want to watch this (you really shouldn't, no matter what; even if you think that Serinda Swan is hot-like me-that's not a good-enough reason. She's the one girl you don't see nude and the nudity you do see is not so spectacular you have to see it), then you can feel free to not read and I'll remind you I'll be back on Friday night.

Now, the spoilers. The first one involves the most unlikabe two of the six, and they happen to be brother and sister. The bro is watching Serinda Swan and her African-American boyfriend making out, so he grabs a photo camera to take some pictures (it doesn't have flash but they still turn out fine; hmmm...) and he's masturbating at the same time. If that wasn't lovely enough you then get something really gross. The sister appears and not only does she kiss him but she then gives him a handjob so that he can use both hands to take pictures! I swear this happened, as disgusting as it is, and remember they were amongst the heroes you were supposed to cheer! I still can not believe I saw that, and I have no explanation as to why they thought it was a good idea.

Second and last, Serinda and her boyfriend are the only survivors. At least it was a nice change from the norm that the black person was the one who lived instead of dying first. He kills Lockjaw... but it happens off-camera! That's right, you don't see the title monster get offed by the hero. How incompetent can you get? Now you can see why I thought this was such a waste.