Monday, March 19, 2012

Hamburger: The Motion Picture




Runtime: 90 minutes

Directed by: Mike Marvin

Starring: Leigh McCloskey, Dick Butkus, Randi Brooks, Chuck McCann

From: Busterburger Limited Partnership (yes, that's who produced this)

As embarrassing as it is to admit, not only have I seen a movie with that title, but this is my second viewing of a movie with that title. WAY back when I rented it on VHS and I thought it was pretty terrible and also much stranger than you'd expect given it's a sex comedy from the 80's. Then, last week I was reminded of this film and I decided to try and track it down, mainly because I did not remember too much about it and plus I imagine it'd provided me plenty to write about, and boy was that true. I managed to find it via an obscure streaming site and as this is the only way most people will be able to see it...

The plot is rather simple; a kid who's supposed to be in his early 20's but looks to be at least 30 is not likeable at all but he's still the protagonist... anyway, he flunks various colleges because he's a shithead who would rather have sexual intercourse all the time rather than study. His parents get pissed (and they're a rich family too) so he gets sent off to Busterburger University to finally get a degree. He gets taught by Dick Butkus, who acts like a drill sergeant. The other people in the class are a motley crue, including the fat guy, a nun, and a Rick James ripoff who is played for laughs. Sad to say Rick James was a has-been by the time this movie came out. And Lord knows, this movie makes me think of “Cocaine is a hell of a drug”, as “mountains of coke” come to mind when thinking about this film.

For example, characters have such names as Nacio Herb Zipser (he plays a nerd, believe it or not), Drootin, Dr. Mole, Lyman Vunk, Fred Domino, Prestopopnick, and Magneto Jones. Drugs have to be the explanation for those names. Also, the movie gets so strange I wonder if this is supposed to be a parody or not; how else can I explain Nacio get turned into someone who acts like a chicken by Dr. Mole? Oh wait, drugs! Drugs has to explain it all.

Anyhow, Dick Butkus feuds with rich boy, romance happens, and yawn. Weird moments aside, the movie is just really stupid and juvenile, which doesn't work as there's plenty of cursing, sexual situations, and topless women. It's pretty predictable too. While I did laugh at some of the humor, overall it was just a poor and amateur example of a wacky 80's sex comedy; there are so many others worth seeing before watching this, its greatly distinctive title aside.

To give an example of some of the humor you get, an old woman argues with someone at a drive-thru, she has a heart attack and dies... and that's the punchline! Yikes. There's also humor related to homosexuality, fat jokes and fat people eating a lot of food and passing gas, and see what I mean about this being juvenile? Not even a 13 year old would laugh, or at least they shouldn't.


I'd recommend not seeing this movie, even if to say that you saw a film with such a title. Maybe if you did some coke beforehand, but otherwise...

I'll be back Wednesday night with something that should be better than this.

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