Cosmic Sin

Cosmic Sin (2021)

Runtime: 88 minutes

Directed by: Edward Drake

Starring: Frank Grillo, Bruce Willis, and plenty of other familiar names who I hope got paid well

From: Various companies that I hope are ashamed of themselves

I finally saw one of those atrocious Bruce Willis direct to video releases... and atrocious it was. To be frank, all the bad buzz inspired me to rent it via Amazon; it is playing at one cineplex in Orlando and if I had seen it that way, this would have been the worst film I ever saw theatrically-excusing The Room, which at least is funny bad. Cosmic Sin did not feel like it dragged during its 88 minutes but otherwise was just dreadful all around.

In the year 2524 (if man is still alive...) first contact is made with aliens but of course they aren't friendly so our “heroes” are gonna bring the fight to them on a colonized planet. It's a wet dishrag of a story that is totally not engaging or interesting, filled with stock situations presented poorly, lame characters and putrid dialogue. It rips off many films of the past, from The Avengers-or so I heard-Independence Day, Armageddon, Stargate, and many others... including Ghosts of Mars! To think that this turd actually has other famous names: Frank Grillo in a role even smaller than the one Willis had, Costas Mandylor, Perrey Reeves, Lochlyn Munro, Johnny Messner, Adelaide Kane, and even Lana of WWE fame.

The biggest sin is how damn cheap this was. The micro budget shines even brighter than all the LED lights hung up that (unsuccessfully) try to disguise how much of this was shot in some warehouse somewhere. The “future” technology includes early 21st century automobiles and Glocks that aren't modified in any way... heck, early on is an obvious toy pistol. There are mech suits which look like cheap crap and feature helmets which obviously weren't designed to go with the suit. If that's not bad enough, Willis-who was comatose throughout-played a character who was a literal genocidal maniac yet he wasn't a villain. This was all just so worthless and a waste of time as it wasn't an enjoyable kind of bad movie experience.

Paragraphs could be written of how Old Bruce has ruined his legacy with each awful direct to video product he barely appears in, sleepwalks through and has a body double as often as 21st century Steven Seagal. I won't do that; instead, regret will be noted at how he's pissed away his legacy and doesn't care anymore (and not even when it comes to acting, considering his anti-mask stance) which is disappointing for the star of Die Hard and other memorable efforts. I know now to avoid his new films in general as if they were COVID.

The Death Of Mr. Lazarescu

The Death of Mr. Lazarescu (Moartea Domnului Lazarescu) (2005)

Runtime: 153 minutes

Directed by: Cristi Puiu

Starring: Ioan Fiscuteanu, Luminita Gheorghiu, Doru Ana, Serban Pavlu, Dana Dogaru

From: Mandragora

Somehow, my first Romanian movie. It's not a scene I have avoided on purpose-it just turned out that way. It is not something I am proud of, when there are directors like Cristian Mungiu making highly-regarded films. This effort from Cristi Puiu has been highly regarded for the past 15 years and as it is on Netflix, that is how last night was spent.

It is a rather dark comedy concerning the titular Lazarescu, a man about to turn 63 who lives alone in his shabby apartment, a trio of cats his only companions. He had surgery for his ulcer years ago and is a hard drinker; one night his health deteriorates. Neighbors do assist him and call for an ambulance, but they act condescending to him by berating him for abusing the bottle on a bad stomach. From there, a lady EMT is the only one who cares for him as his health falls at a rapid rate and he is shuttled around to different hospitals because the doctors are A-holes (including one guy who I'll describe as “Romanian Abe Lincoln”) who act deplorably even if it sucks that they are overworked and presumably underpaid.

It is 2 ½ hours yet did not feel that lengthy as we see our title character degenerate into a mess, the whole situation becoming more absurd the longer it goes. As the director was a hypochondriac for a few years and thus had much experience with the Romanian health care system, I can assume it is as bad as portrayed. Then again, there's a recent documentary (Collective) which I haven't viewed but I hear it's about how corrupt and dysfunctional the Romanian health care system is... if I ever visit Bucharest or Transylvania, I sure as hell hope I never get sick there. For all his faults, I did feel sympathy for how Mr. Lazarescu was treated.

I do regret not having done any sort of dive on Romanian film until last night; for certain more will be seen from this point on out. One detail I do have to share which brought the biggest laugh from me: our lead has a room in his apartment that has photos and posters of... Kim Wilde! It is established he has an adult daughter who lives in Canada so an assumption can be made that he's lived in the apartment for decades and that was her bedroom-and it hasn't changed since the 80's. It is a funnier scenario to mention that either this near senior citizen is a huge fan of Ms. Wilde or that she was still mega-over in Romania back in the early 21st century.

 

The Fist Of Death

The Fist of Death (El Punode la Muerte) (1982)

Runtime: I saw a version that was 87 minutes long

Directed by: Alfredo B. Crevenna

Starring: El Santo, Grace Renet, Cesar Sobrevals, Steve Cheng, Carlos Suarez

From: Victor Films

Not even C-3PO Oracle can save this El Santo picture.

In the past year I have seen a few Santo movies, mainly due to a channel that is now defunct (the El Rey Network; a shame that it went away) and last night I happened to stumble upon-via YouTube, if we are to be frank-the second to last movie he ever starred in... although to be honest, his role seems more like a supporting one here. Like some of his movies beforehand (and plenty of Mexican television) this nonsense was filmed in South Florida.

From description it sounds like a gas: a woman and her sister (both played by Grace Renet, the sort of gal that Russ Meyer would have loved... so did the director of this, judging from her skimpy tops that somehow held on) are in a “Far East” country and both want a magic rock which is tied to a jungle girl named... Jungle Girl, and she has a wolf as a companion, actually a German Shepherd. I was not joking about the whole oracle thing: it is simply a C-3PO mask! The balls to do something so blatant... if that sounds appealing, then I am making it much more enjoyable than it was. The movie's low budget shines brighter than that C-3PO mask, whether it's the incredibly lame “action”-the nadir “fight” between a tiger and Santo where the tiger is OBVIOUSLY tied around the neck but it was supposed to be a free wild animal-and because this had an immediate sequel (The Fury of the Karate Experts) the ending is a giant popcorn fart that was not satisfying whatsoever. “Dreary” is the best description of this movie, even with all the cleavage and bouncing around on display.

Santo was around 65 when this was made, so him not doing all that much was understandable; at least he was in great shape for his age. I cannot defend his sidekick, informally known as Carlitos; he was a bald mustached buffoon who was odious comic relief and judging from other reviews, what he did here was actually tolerable in comparisons to other pictures. Another luchador (Tinieblas; he's large in comparison to other luchadors) is the villain's henchman and he does more in terms of fighting. I presume Fury is about as “good” so I'll note it was a sad end to Santo's movie career-he passed away two years after this was released.

Extraction

Extraction (2019)

Runtime: 116 minutes

Directed by: Sam Hargrave

Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Rudhraksh Jaiswal, Randeep Hooda, Golshifteh Farahani, David Harbour

From: Netflix

At least this wasn't Cherry.

I did not see this movie when it first dropped on a service that I only sign up for once in awhile; much of their lineup doesn't appeal to me and their interface becomes worse and worse each time. The fact that on my new 4K TV that is the only app which is sluggish... but I want to see a few foreign efforts on there this month and as my TV is able to use Netflix's Dolby Vision capabilities, that is why I'm signed up.... and recent messageboard/other site praise is why I finally gave this a shot. I know why many did not love this but at least it delivered on the R-rated action and did look nice in Dolby Vision.

TYLER RAKE (judging from how Cherry is apparently an appalling disaster, the Russo Brothers must have been the ones to name this character) is a mercenary who is tasked to rescue an Indian drug lord's son from a rival drug lord in Bangladesh but of course he is conflicted about his life and some of his past behaviors. It is not the most original story and the characters are not in-depth creations. Yet that was what I expected and the action scenes-which were plentiful-did satisfy with all the carnage & people getting wrecked. I did laugh that one scene had Rake literally shoving children down, but only because they actually wanted to kill him. Now, the complaint concerning how India and Bangladesh were tinted yellow and the recent phenomenon of those that aren't film fans noticing how certain foreign locations have that look and suspect it has nothing to do with portraying the warm temperatures of said location... I won't comment on that except to say that is a valid discussion and it's something I've noticed for years now and just have never mentioned in public before.

Anyhow, I can't complain about the cast as a whole-they were fine w/ the material they were given. Hemsworth, Golshifteh Farahani and David Harbour in his small role were the highlights. It gave me enough entertainment where I can say it was pretty good even with its faults and cliché plot points. It was nice to see the India and Bangladesh settings; I know there have been complaints over how both countries are portrayed; that's another thorny issue I would rather not dive in... but from that same messageboard, someone who would know about such things says that life in the latter's capital city of Dhaka is unfortunately as dangerous and corrupt as portrayed in Extraction.

Soleil O

Soleil O (1970)

Runtime: 98 minutes

Directed by: Med Hondo

Starring: Robert Liensol, Theo Legitmus, Gabriel Glissand, Bernard Fresson, Yane Barry

From: Grey Films/Shango Films

During each March Around the World event, many of the films I check out are from familiar countries which I have seen plenty from before. It is nice when I can view something from a less heralded filmmaking scene. In this case, it is a film from Med Hondo, from the west African country of Mauritania, not to be confused with the African island country of Mauritius. As many may not be able to locate Mauritania on a map, it is right below Morocco... or technically, the “disputed territory” of Western Sahara. Much of this was filmed in France but that was alright as there's YouTube if I want to see what life if like in the country; sadly, it's one of those African countries that have faced many struggles in the past few decades and are still mired in it now.

This tale is of a young adult male from the country who is able to emigrate to France; however, he explains discrimination and racism, whether blatant or subtle. I do not want to give too much else away; even if it is familiar themes, it was told in an interesting way as many different techniques were used to keep it fresh & engaging. There's some absurdist moments, dark comedy, a docudrama feel, obvious French New Wave influences, and more. The final act does have a surreal dreamlike vibe to it. As I say too often, the themes presented here are still all too real in these modern times; I can't say how things are in France but in the United States... O broaches difficult subjects yet isn't a punishing or agonizing viewing experience.

For a motion picture that was made for a small amount of cash and filmed over the span of several years, it was an intriguing and thoughtful film which can be relatable to anyone. Thankfully, Scorsese's World Cinema Project was the driving force behind the efforts for a 4K restoration of Soleil O (Oh, Sun in English) and is easily found on sites like the Criterion Channel.

Guns At Batasi

Guns at Batasi (1964)

Runtime: 103 minutes

Directed by: John Guillermin

Starring: Richard Attenborough, Jack Hawkins, Flora Robson, John Leyton, Mia Farrow

From: 20^th Century Fox

Tarantino approved.

While it was released a few weeks ago, it was just this past Sunday night that I listened to The Empire Film Podcast where Edgar Wright and QT spent three hours discussing both the cinema experience and unheralded British film, inspired by a list that Scorsese compiled for Wright. I haven't loved everything either has done and QT has apparently done some bad things on set-although plenty of great directors fit into that category-it was still a fascinating listen. Both went down their own rabbit holes of exploring other UK works; Tarantino discovered this John Guillermin film starring Richard Attenborough.

Richard plays a Sergeant Major at a base in what is implied to be Kenya shortly after it becomes independent. He is rather uptight, fussy and obsessed with the pomp & circumstance of his position. Others mock him and in essence think he's a real dork. When things go bad, though... he is not an incompetent dunce way over his head but rather his knowledge and abilities will be quite useful in this scenario. As what happens often in modern Africa, governments are overthrown in cops on a seemingly frequent basis and because of circumstances, the Sergeant Major is in charge that night and suddenly he proves himself to be worthy. Complicating matters is that in the hall is both a member of Parliament (Flora Robson) and a UN secretary (Mia Farrow).

Naturally, there is talk of colonialism and how “right” it was that Europeans went to Africa, exploited it, and caused all sorts of problems, which is a big reason why there have been so many coups on the continent. This is more drama than action, but no complaints there as it was all riveting seeing how each of the Sergeants reacted to the siege while the Major was the most adept and kept his cool the entire time when the chips were down and clearly the others would have made a mess of things. The widescreen cinematography (from Douglas Slocombe) was quality but Attenborough was

On the podcast, both Wright and QT noted that after they went through Scorsese's suggestions, they went down their own avenues and saw other British obscurities. That was how Quentin came across this; through this and other pictures, not only did he reassess the career of Guillermin, he now finally appreciated Attenborough as an actor. Even filmmakers can change their mind on others in their field after increased knowledge. This was what QT's favorite British discovery from 2020; it is as of now available in 1080p on YouTube; it'd be something I would have been happy to pay for beforehand, and after last night, I would not have regretted the cost.

The Great Train Robbery

The Great Train Robbery (1978)

Runtime: 110 minutes

Directed by: Michael Crichton

Starring: Sean Connery, Donald Sutherland, Lesley-Anne Down, Alan Webb, Malcolm Terris

From: Dino De Laurentiis Company/Starling Films

This is also known as The First Great Train Robbery in the UK:

A movie I am not counting in my March Around the World list, for a specific reason I'll address at the end. That is no slight against this heist movie, seen early last night on Turner Classic Movies and was a first time watch. All the talent involved did inspire the viewing... after all, a Michael Crichton movie that he adapted to screen from his own novel, starring Sean Connery & Donald Sutherland, one of the last movies that Geoffrey Unsworth did cinematography on, a score from the legend Jerry Goldsmith (which was a delight) and it had an interesting premise loosely based on a real life event? Why the heck not?

The story of several thieves scheming to do an “impossible” heist of gold bars from a train in 1855 Victorian England and the movie itself does not rise about being “fine” yet that is no insult. Sometimes I am disappointed that something isn't better but otherwise I can't carp too loudly about a movie that is still good. After all, it was interesting to see all the steps that were taken to put the plan in motion. This requires such tasks as creating molds for all the safe keys... which means that both Connery and Lesley-Anne Down have to go undercover for this purpose. All those machinations were interesting, even if at times the movie did lag a bit.

It was all in good fun, especially at the sight of Old Sean doing most of his stunts, including on top (and side) of a moving train. I was entertained by that romp even if it wasn't a must-see in the genre. Originally it was going to be my UK movie for the month of March; that changed as after this movie I finally listened to that Empire podcast w/ Edgar Wright and Tarantino. I haven't loved everything Wright has done and the same goes for QT-that does not even take into account the allegations of on-set behavior. However, it was still a fascinating listen which I'll discuss more tomorrow. I'll make the excuse that this has an American director and was produced by an Italian to have a UK movie on the March Around the World list come tomorrow that I had no knowledge of until I heard the aforementioned podcast episode.