3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain

3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998)

Runtime: 93 long minutes

Directed by: Sean McNamara

Starring: Three new kids, plus the likes of Hulk Hogan, Loni Anderson and Jim Varney

From: Tri-Star

Can I say “RIP” to Hulk Hogan the character but not Terry Bollea the person? I have no idea.

What a complicated legacy Bollea leaves behind. There are reasons for hardcore wrestling fans like myself to not like the man—it’s not just his political beliefs or those abominable racial comments he made where the N-word was uttered a few times (and there’s other racial statements from him) but I’ll address that at the end, along with some positives to the Hulk Hogan persona and why he became an 80’s icon and an important figure in the history of professional wrestling.

Bollea portraying Hogan was great; him doing other characters, not so much. This is why his movie career never really took off. This was selected because I referenced it in a recent review for 3 Ninjas, the title always made me chuckle, and it’s apparently terrible yet I wanted to see Jim Varney play someone else besides Ernest P. Worrell. He’s a villain here, his name an all-timer: LOTHAR ZOGG. I swear this is true.

Also true: Hogan was DAVE DRAGON, an actor who starred on a TV show where he lead bootleg Power Rangers! What a preposterous hairpiece he wore, but at least it was supposed to be a hairpiece. They, the titular ninjas, and Victor Wong are all at the titular Mega Mountain-actually, Denver’s Elitch Gardens Theme Park. The lead villain is a leather-clad Loni Anderson as MEDUSA. Their scheme: a dunderheaded juvenile PG version of Die Hard!

They take hostage of the entire theme park; their goons wear absurd late 90’s shades which only date this horribly. The biggest sins: this is dumber than a box of rocks, full of illogic, the kids can flip around and do splits as if they’re in a Shaw Brothers movie, the way technology and computers are used was offensively stupid even in the late 90’s, the park is still operating despite the hostage crises, there are three henchmen (who were best described as Temu versions of Ronnie Wood, Matt Frewer and an obese version of Bray Wyatt!) that made The Three Stooges look like MENSA members, a Black character that was this movie’s Theo and was thwarted by a 12 year old tomboy hacker plays an offensive Jamaican stereotype… need I go on?

The action wasn’t terrible and there were some wacky moments involving the cinematography-the camera spins around on several occasions. Otherwise, I am not surprised this was the last 3 Ninjas movie. Hogan gave one of the best performances, although that’s more a reflection on the other actors; Varney as LOTHAR ZOGG was the actual best performance.

Terry Bollea was a backstabber who used his clout to bury wrestlers that could usurp his reign at the top of the food chain, was a pathological liar, was not remorseful when his son Nick’s street racing resulted in Nick’s best friend becoming paralyzed… hardcore wrestling fans haven’t liked him for years. At the same time, Hulk Hogan the wrestler managed to be captivating; he was never a technical wrestling wizard like a Bret Hart or Ric Flair but his outsized charisma, his wacky blustery promos that appeared to be coke-fueled, the OOT bad guys, the way he sold punishment, his Hulking Up… no wonder he drew in audiences while Rock ‘n Wrestling was a fad then kept many of them interested, at least for a few years.

Now that he’s passed away, I should try not to constantly think of him in a negative light and instead be amused by the Hulk Hogan persona or how I saw him wrestle live on two occasions, against Flair and the wrestler named after the Sex Pistols bassist, Sid Vicious. With any luck there won’t be any major deaths in the next few days that I’ll probably have to discuss here—several big names passing in the preceding week was a lot for everyone.