Runtime: 96 minutes
Directed by: Gil Bettman
Starring: John Stamos, Vanity, Gene Simmons, George Lazenby
From: Paul Entertainment
I realize this isn't what I promised I was doing yesterday, but last night I discovered this movie was on YouTube and I figured I should watch it before it gets taken down at a moment's notice. I have actually seen this twice before. I first found out about it via a review done by a website I used to frequent long ago but not anymore. I saw it in like 2003 then about 2006. Then, in late 2011 a podcast I listen to known as Bad Movie Fiends reviewed the movie themselves and I wanted to see it again ever since. Finally, last night I stumbled upon the YouTube link, and I was set.
To steal the plot description from the IMDb: “Secret agent Drew Stargrove is brutally murdered by the ruthless Von Ragnar. In this action-packed Bond-style thriller, the murdered secret agent's son, Lance Stargrove is thrust into the dangerous and intriguing world of secret agents and espionage when he seeks revenge against Von Ragnar. Danja Deerling teams up with Lance as his sidekick and love interest.” Yes, all of these names are real. Velvet Von Ragnar is Gene Simmons, and he is in the movie a he/she... Von Ragnar is a hermaphrodite! That is different, for sure.
This movie is a goofy 80's thing where Drew Stargrove is a James Bond-lite (appropriate given that Lazenby played the role) and his son Lance is a teenaged gymnast and with the help of one of Drew's ladies (Vanity) he becomes a secret agent of his own; he's an ass at first but he changes when he becomes a hero. Like I said it's goofy and yet there's strong violence at times, Vanity's boobs (but of course) and other things which clearly make it an R. It's not a movie you should take seriously, as technically it's not a good film. More than a few things don't make a lot of sense. However, there's a lot to laugh at and enjoy, so if you enjoy campy action films of the 1980's, then this will be great for you. Gene Simmons is SO over the top it's amazing.
The highlights include Von Ragnar being a bad guy that wants to ruin the water supply and yet he/she sings in a nightclub, Robert Englund appearing in a role, Velvet's lowly cohorts dressing like extras from The Road Warrior for no real good reason, typical hilarious 80's clothing, and bad 007-like gadgets.
Here are two clips from the movie. The first is of Velvet singing, and “bizarre sight” is a good way to describe it.
The second is of the hilarious opening credits song, entitled Stargrove. It's not very good but boy is it catchy. Believe it or not, the composer-Lennie Niehaus-ended up scoring some of Clint Eastwood's films since the 80's; no kidding.
I'll be back Saturday afternoon.
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