No Holds Barred

No Holds Barred (1989)

Runtime: 93 minutes

Directed by: Thomas J. Wright

Starring: Hulk Hogan, Kurt Fuller, Joan Severance, Tiny Lister Jr.

From: New Line Cinema

I figured that the first review of 2012 should be something interesting, so why not go with finding a popular amongst many people my age pro wrestling film that has never even made it to DVD? Nevermind how I found it (oh OK, I downloaded it from here; it's rather clear it was a VHS rip from the old RCA Columbia Home Video tape, as the first thing you see in the file is the RCA Columbia Home Video logo); this was the first time in what had to be almost 20 years I had watched the movie.

To steal the plot from the site I got the download from: “Hulk Hogan, in an inarguably appropriate casting choice, plays a professional wrestler in this action-packed drama. Rip (Hogan) is a grappling star who is approached by Brell (Kurt Fuller), the new head of the World Television Network. Brell wants Rip to wrestle on his network, but Rip insists on honoring his commitment to another outlet. Brell responds by launching a show called "Battle of the Tough Guys," in which the beefy regulars of a particularly rough drinking establishment fight each other on camera. Zeus (Tommy "Tiny" Lister) soon emerges as the bad guy champion on this new show, and Brell uses Rip's friendship with his assistant Samantha (Joan Severance) to arrange a bout between Zeus and Rip. Rip is not at all interested until Zeus injures his brother and makes the fight a matter of personal pride.”

Yeah, that sums things up pretty well.

As for the movie and what I thought of it... it's about what you'd expect from a movie produced by Hogan and Vince McMahon. Despite it technically not being a good film, oh it's great in how ridiculous and cheesy in its 80'sness. Besides the star, there's also such things as the 80's saxophone-heavy soundtrack, for starters. Then there's the fashion...

Here are some of my other highlights:

* Fuller's performance. He was Snidely Whiplash in terms of subtlety. But it was so over the top he was great as the bad guy.
* Fuller's constant use of the term jock-ass, which was one of the things I remembered from watching the movie way back when.
* Hogan's near-constant growling, which goes with how many people in the cast growled.
* Hogan wearing an orange Speedo in one scene; also during the scene, it's seemingly implied at one point that he is furiously pleasuring himself! Only it's a gag as he's doing something else.
* Rip apparently owns a Lamborghini LM002, an SUV (!) the company made back then.
* In 2012, the comments about the Battle of the Tough Guys show being filth but yet Brell being fine with the negative publicity as it's still publicity... that sounds about right in this day and age given how much crap is on TV (usually “reality” television) and despite how much bad press it can get, it's still popular and that alone seems to be fine for the people who put that garbage on the air, Jersey Shore and most everything on TruTV now as prime examples.

It's that kind of movie. Sure it's not good but it was nice as a bit of nostalgia and as cheesy fun. It's certainly better than watching Zeus wresttle in the WWF in “real life”. Lister is awesome and all and even now he'd rip out my spine, but as a pro wrestler he was pretty bad.

I'll be back Friday night with another review.