Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

33% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 225 reviews)

Runtime: 136 minutes

Directed by: Rob Marshall

Starring: Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Penelope Cruz, Ian McShane

From: Walt Disney

Well, this would have been better if I would have manned up and watched the first three movies in this franchise again, as I was thinking about doing last month. It didn’t come together, although sometime later this summer I may do just that. I could do a lot of ranting about the second and especially the third. I can’t believe how badly the franchise got botched considering that the original film is a blast and a lot of fun to watch… if having a plot twist or two too many. The second movie started the whole deal of it being way too convoluted and bloated, and the third movie was nothing but it being convoluted and bloated, and also with them destroying the character of Captain Jack Sparrow, who saw multiple versions of himself and in a scene that almost made me walk out of the auditorium back in ’07, that scene in “white space” with him moving stones around. I haven’t even seen that movie since I watched it on a big screen-and got enraged-so now I wish I would have watched all three last month so that I’d have a more accurate (and maybe changed) opinion on the entire franchise.

Despite my feelings on the previous two films, I was a dope so I went to Downtown Disney to watch this movie in 3D on their giant screen and fancy sound system. The movie at least looked and sounded nice with it being filmed in Hawaii, but overall… it was sure as hell better than the third-At World’s End-as it wasn’t so damn long, long-winded, complex, poorly told, or aggravating, but it still doesn’t hold a candle to the first movie.

In short (even though I’m sure most know the plot by now) Captain Jack Sparrow ends up being involved with former (or current… actually, their relationship changes on a whim like 50 times during this flick) love Angelica (Cruz) as they search for the Fountain of Youth, which is also the target for the likes of Blackbeard (McShane), now Privateer Barbossa (Rush), and even some Spaniards. Along the way, the likes of mermaids and zombies (!) get involved, only it’s not as exciting as it may sound, and in fact is rather stupid at times.

My problems were that it was just too stupid and while the plot is a lot less confused than the previous two motion pictures, it doesn’t mean it is a GOOD plot. Let’s start from the beginning, where you find out that not only does a major London court not know what Captain Jack Sparrow looks like, but the real Sparrow can disguise himself as the judge, even though he was as convincing as a judge as Bugs Bunny is in camouflage. That turned me off right away, and you see stupid things like that throughout up to the very end. There’s enough action, but it can be hard to follow at times as it wasn’t filmed too spectacularly. You can’t tell where the various factions are in their trip to the Fountain in relation to each other and their positions throughout don’t make a lot of logical sense… there’s even a pair of new characters who are supposed to be romantic like Elizabeth Swan and Will Turner were before… it doesn’t quite work out that way. I really shouldn’t be surprised that I’ve seen some rave reviews for this, even on messageboards where I figured people would know better. I think the plot stupidity annoyed me just as much as it did in TRON: Legacy.

So yeah, while I didn’t hate this as much as I did At World’s End, it’s not a good movie and it’s starting to become amazing to me that the series ran around so badly after such a memorable original flick. I guess that they’ll never make another good Captain Jack Sparrow movie. Figures.

I'll be back Monday night with a new review.