Before I mention what was on those old as dirt VHS tapes that I talked about recently, here are some real brief comments on a pair of movies I saw recently via them appearing on TCM Underground.
I didn't see all of it, but I watched Ghoulies, a ridiculously cheesy 80's film from low-budget master Charles Band. It's just not a good film. But, it did produce a scene I saw which left me in disbelief: a dorky and strange white guy breakdanced!
Yes, it's true.
And yeah, the brunette is actually a young Mariska Hargitay, in a role I'm sure she doesn't brag about. But wow, that scene will never fail to make me laugh.
The second movie is The Boogens, which I had heard good things about. Well, if it wasn't for characters that were really grating and annoying, then maybe I would have enjoyed it; but alas... the creatures were like rabid turtles, believe it or not.
Now, to copy and paste from elsewhere... the first tape had on it Sharky's Machine, then Thief, then Ordinary People.
After the credits for Sharky's Machine ended but before Thief began, there was a brief promo for something called "The Shogun Warriors: Gaiking", and it was ID'ed as "Animated Space Thriller", and I had no clue what in the shit it was. Turns out, it sounds like some old anime with giant robots; think Transformers or Power Rangers.
After Thief ended, there was the final 2 or so minutes of some celebrity interview show. Mark Hamill was the guest on there. After that, it was stated that coming up was Ordinary People, then something called Aerobicise. I was flummoxed as to why Showtime would be showing some exercise show.
Well, was I in for a shock.
I fast-forwarded to the end of Ordinary People, as I figured there would be a few minutes left on the tape before it ended. I was correct, and much to my surprise, I found out what Aerobicise was.
Basically, it was a few "exercises" in a half-hour block, and they even had a long warning in the beginning about being careful with doing these exercises, but it was obviously a soft-core sort of thing!
I managed to find one of the two segments that I saw before the tape ended.
But I am pissed I can't find the second segment I watched. THAT is totally WTF worthy. It's a "cooldown" with a guy and girl. Both are wearing the same unitard! It starts out and you can't make out what it is yet, but once you do, it looks as if the girl is giving the guy a BJ as they're spread-legged facing each other. She gets up, and they do some sort of synchronized routine. You then see that the guy looks almost exactly like Kenny Loggins... if he wore eye-liner. It's so preposterous, I can't believe it's not online, like many clips of Aerobicise are.
It turns out that one of those clips appeared in the 4th Friday the 13th movie; it was watched by that sleazy doctor Axel, remember.
The second tape had The Deer Hunter then Excalibur on it, and the third the strange trio of Bonnie & Clyde, Peggy Sue Got Married, then Ishtar.
The second tape had Deer Hunter and Excalibur. Before the Cimino film, there was an ad for the various shows that Showtime had on as original programming. Holy Christ, they looked SO low-rent and rinky-dink, as if it was public-access quality. Dexter and Californication, they are not; it's not even the same stratosphere. I do have to note that one show was entitled THE SHAFT OF LOVE, and it didn't look to be an adults-only program. In fact, it's a soap opera spoof, of all things.
After the first movie, there was free time before the second. I saw ads for the likes of Student Bodies, Shogun Assassin, and greatest of all, The Burning.
I saw some clips of Excalibur, and "what a wacky-looking movie" was my main impression, but one of these days I will watch it.
After that, there's quite a bit of free time; for some reason, that VHS tape was more like 7 hours on SLP rather than 6. So anyhow, they actually showed a music video, and much to my amusement, it's Donald Fagen (the lead singer of Steely Dan) and New Frontier. It's a Steely Dan-esque jazzy sort of tune about possible nuclear war. I'm not afraid to admit I like the song anyway, and I've seen the music video for it on YouTube before, but it was still an amusing thing to see. I had no idea they even showed music videos way back when.
After that, it was advertising some upcoming programs, including a RYAN O'NEAL DOUBLE FEATURE of Partners and So Fine. Partners looks like a comedy version of Cruising!
After that, it cut out before returning to what I presume was parts of Quest of Fire, before the tape ended. I've never seen that either, but it just looks so damn strange. I did notice one moment where it sure looks like one of the native guys gets a hummer from a chick!
The third tape was even less eventful. Not too much was on it at all. I can say it was from late '88 and was taped off of Cinemax. The first movie was Bonnie & Clyde. After that it went almost immediately into Peggy Sue Got Married. While fast-forwarding, I discovered that even back 25 years ago, Nic Cage had some awful hair pieces. After that, I saw some cheesy ads and graphics. Not too interesting, although I also saw the end credits for some Cinemax TV show called Norman's Corner, and it meant having to see (and hear) a young Gilbert Gottfried. What a sight that was. I did laugh that they advertised that coming soon was the famous misfire known as Walker.
Before the last movie, Ishtar, started, they had a "behind the scenes" deal with Overboard, of all films. After the other famous misfire, the tape pretty much ended there. Disappointing.
So yeah, I should have bought all the tapes that guy was offering for only 20 bucks, as it would have meant seeing some 80's strangeness on the premium cable channels back in the coke-fueled 80's.
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