Three More Stooge Shorts

Hot Ice: 

(Short # 165 in Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk: The Columbia Shorts of The Three Stooges) 

I'll have a review of a feature film tonight... it will be posted a few hours later than usual, due to the cockeyed schedule I have this week.

Perhaps I am a little generous in just giving Hot Ice a passing grade. After all, it sort of awkwardly combines the opening few minutes from The Hot Scots (the Stooges apply to be “yardmen” at Scotland Yard, not knowing it means “they pick up the trash in the yard” with Crime on Their Hands, a short which had film noir elements-you see someone murdered, an event that never happens in the Stoogeiverse-and this version lost most of those elements. Heck, their wardrobe between the new and old footage obviously doesn't match if you're paying even a bit of attention.

Yet, I still laughed again as they looked for the Punjab Diamond, and still laughed that Shemp accidentally swallowed it, and still laughed that a gorilla somehow became involved. That old footage felt sillier in this context and the new ending was so oddly flat... yet that unintentionally made me laugh and there was a quality new bit where they search a lady's purse & pull out various weapons, including dynamite, a hatchet and poison. Sometimes, something as simple as that can win me over.

Blunder Boys: 

(Short # 166 in Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk: The Columbia Shorts of The Three Stooges)

The last worthwhile Three Stooges short starring Shemp. I can’t proclaim this with 100% accuracy as there’s only 4 more after this he appears in. However, there’s a strong degree of certainty just from the fact this the last wholly original Shemp short-there’s no stock footage and it’s a new story. Heck, it could be the final very good effort period, given the few Joe Besser efforts I’ve seen and the poor reception the Besser era has among fans.

Furthermore, this is a spoof of Dragnet. At least some will be familiar from the 1987 comedic spoof of the property; while it’s unimportant for the viewer to know this to enjoy Blunder Boys, Dragnet was originally a police procedural drama revolving around LAPD Detective Joe Friday, who investigates cases in a realistic milieu. Friday is attached to the phrase “Just the facts, ma’am”… although that is a misquotation and he never said that exact phrase anywhere. It was a TV show on several occasions, most prominently from 1951 to 1959, then from 1967 to 1970.

Instead of star-franchise creator Jack Webb as a master of his craft, we first see the trio in the Army; they bungled their way to success. Then, off to college to major in criminology; despite their usage of fancy $10 words, they in fact blundered their way to barely passing, then more blunders occurred w/ their first case, involving a slippery cuss known as The Eel.

Along the way there are funny pun names, new routines, some running gags, absurd scenarios (such as the boys entering a women’s Turkish bath), and more magic that reminded me of the Good Old Days with these good old boys, no matter who the third Stooge was. This featured a few other lasts; that includes the final appearance of Al Thompson-a supporting actor who appeared in several dozen shorts for the preceding 20 years-and the last short released when Shemp was alive. This was filmed in early ’55 but released November the 3rd of that year; he died from a heart attack 19 years later. I’ll give a better eulogy once his final appearance is reviewed soon.

The final few years of the Stooges at Columbia don’t have a great reputation; at least Blunder Boys is well worth seeing for those that like Howard, Fine & Howard yet haven’t tackled this yet.

Husbands Beware: 

(Short # 167 in Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk: The Columbia Shorts of The Three Stooges) 

Believe it or not, they even remade Brideless Groom. As that’s one of the most famous Stooge shorts (partially due to its public domain status and partially due to Groom being one of the best they ever did, full stop) an explanation of how it was “inspired” by Buster Keaton’s Seven Chances and permanent bachelor Shemp was forced to marry a lady to earn a huge inheritance. 

This was less than the sum of its parts. The first almost seven minutes are Moe & Larry marrying Shemp’s sisters. They are best described as “fuller-figured” and in stereotypical fashion, they suddenly turn into shrilly harpies who demand their husbands cook them a meal. Them attempting to cook a turkey that still has its feathers on (don’t worry, those feathers were removed… via shaving them off!) was as wacky as expected. That said, an entire short where Moe & Larry suffer further abuse from their new wives could have been a lot of fun.

After that, a truncated version of Brideless Groom which either excludes or edits down all the great moments & routines that made Groom legendary. Laughs are still present but the strongest feeling I got from Husbands Beware: I’d rather revisit Brideless Groom. There is a new ending to Beware, and… “confusion” was my main comment concerning that. At least Emil Sitka got to say The Line on several occasions.

The Invisible Man Returns

The Invisible Man Returns (1940)

Runtime: 81 minutes

Directed by: Joe May

Starring: Sir Cedric Hardwicke, Vincent Price, Nan Grey, John Sutton, Cecil Kellaway

From: Universal

Not only is classic Universal Horror great for this time of year, so is Vincent Price. For awhile now, I’ve heard several different sources praise this first sequel to The Invisible Man; while this doesn’t have as much gleeful joy from a Claude Rains that went bonkers from becoming invisible, this was still pretty good telling a different story that contained many of the same elements.

The younger brother of Rains is a doctor himself; he helped Price become invisible and escape from a hanging. He was falsely accused of murdering his brother. The doctor works on an antidote to make Ol’ Vincent visible again before going bonkers while Ol’ Vincent attempts to locate the real killer. Thankfully, the special effects are great for the time; there are new ways that law enforcement attempt to find an invisible person; likewise, such elements as rain create an obvious outline.

The only other recognizable face for me was Sir Cedric Hardwicke; he was a character that amused me although of course Price was the highlight. Not being able to see Price is irrelevant when he has That Voice; furthermore, it was a fascinating character as he attempts to prove his innocence while his mental health deteriorates. He was more an antihero than Dr. Jack Griffin in the first; this is as Price causes death himself.

There’s a bit of atmosphere in this tale which has a decent score & cast; it also made me realize that Austrian director Joe May is sadly unheralded as a pioneer of German cinema who emigrated to the United States. Probably a reason that he isn’t praised like Lang and Murnau: his work (especially the silent era) is far harder to track down, if it isn’t completely lost. May did a fine job here-in the far-off future I’ll check out more of his work.

While I wasn’t completely sold on the finale, The Invisible Man Returns was still a pretty good time between the revenge plot, some colorful supporting characters, the ticking clock attached to Vincent, the clever attempts to ensnare him. Who knows about the subsequent films in this series-at least the first sequel was solid.

Apaches

This is an infamous 1977 short from the United Kingdom: 

It is about the danger from children playing on rural farms, from the director of The Long Good Friday. During each Spooky Season, there’s been more than fictional movies that are reviewed. I’ve covered cartoon shorts, documentaries, other public safety films, etc. This fall there could be even more variety depending on if certain things can be fit into my schedule. Apaches obviously left an impression on none other than Edgar Wright; he’s recommended the short in the past.

What the title references: six children run around a random British village then mosey their way to a farm, while cosplaying as Apache Indians, to use a term from the time. The reason why this is infamous & traumatized many of the youth in the UK: the children are killed via accidents and no F’s were given. Example: the first kid is run over via falling off a flatbed towed by a tractor. Not only do you see the flatbed run over something, a toy rifle is shattered and there’s some blood shown! I won’t spoil all the deaths but there’s someone who accidentally drinks a mysterious liquid; their subsequent screams due to their poisoning… rather chilling.

As an adult, it is affecting to see children act like typical children on a dreary working farm (complete w/ adults along with cows and pigs) and suffer accidental deaths. During all this, a child narrates their parents holding “a party” & how they don’t like adult parties. The final scene explains what this “party” is. That along with a final text scroll noting actual deaths by children on farms in the UK… blunt, although at the same time the images and messages presented in Apaches were seared into the memory of all the children that viewed it at school.

As it was better-made production-wise than you’d expect from a random PSA, that made this fascinating for a dumb middle-aged American dude like me.

The Conjuring: Last Rites

The Conjuring: Last Rites (2025)

57% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 164 reviews)

Runtime: 135 minutes

Directed by: Michael Chaves

Starring: Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Mia Tomlinson, Ben Hardy, Rebecca Calder, Elliot Cowan

From: New Line Cinema

A good time… as long as you don’t believe this as reality. An uncomfortable truth is that IRL, Ed & Lorraine Warren surely seem like charlatans, dishonest in their purported claims of the alleged paranormal events they investigated. Ed & Lorraine probably shouldn’t be lionized like this… at the same time, I’ve seen all the films in The Conjuring Universe (the one about La Llorna apparently doesn’t count) and I at least liked most of them. Films in that style are preferable to most of that elevated nonsense or those new slashers that just feel so smug, as if the filmmakers are either trying way too hard to be “cool” or they feel above the material.

The movie versions of Ed & Lorraine Warren are still likable. The same holds true for them in Last Rites, where the focus is on them and their adult daughter Judy. It’s awhile before they investigate the Smurl family in the eastern portion of Pennsylvania. As always, those alleged hauntings as documented are FAR different than what was portrayed on screen. The Smurls claimed those events happened for FIFTEEN years; furthermore, they did not occur due to a haunted object (the identity of such made me how with laughter; who knew a certain low-budget 80’s horror flick would be influential?) that had previous contact with Ed & Lorraine.

The story they presented was ludicrous; the finale, laughable at times, to be frank. Even so, I still liked this film; an improvement on the third installment, it was. Liking both the Warren and the Smurl family did help—insert your own Vin Diesel joke if you wish. The music was nice, along with hearing 80’s songs that were either familiar or not overplayed to death like you get in most big-budget films of modern times that use them. As sappy as it may sound, both families were nice & charming in their own ways.

That’s why I earnestly enjoyed this movie, despite its flaws & implausibility. The present of some nice scares was of course the other critical reason why I can give this a passing grade. The first two Conjuring movies were better than this, but at least 4 was better than 3. This is the purported last Conjuring movie—but of course this did way better than expected at the box office so already, a prequel was announced. That’s not as bad a way to continue the franchise if they felt it was absolutely necessary. Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga will be missed in their roles.

Bad Timing

Bad Timing (1980)

Runtime: 123 minutes

Directed by: Nicolas Roeg

Starring: Art Garfunkel, Theresa Russell (no relation), Harvey Keitel, Denholm Elliott, Daniel Massey

From: Rank Film Distributors

I have the Criterion Channel’s 24/7 service for me finally tackling this film; before last night, it was one of seemingly thousands I’ve known of and have had at least a bit of interest in yet until last night the trigger was never pulled. More Nicolas Roeg needed to be seen by me anyhow. I was always curious over seeing Art Garfunkel in an erotic psychological drama. While he’ll always be best as a legendary musician (I’m hopeful that even the youngest readers will know Simon & Garfunkel), he was fine in the role and in fact casting someone like him was probably a good bold choice, for reasons I can't divulge.

In a nonlinear fashion, we see the passionate romance between psychoanalyst Garfunkel and the younger Theresa Russell-no relation-in Vienna, a pair of Americans who found each other. She OD’s in an apparent suicide attempt & is taken to a hospital; this is investigated, led by Harvey Keitel, dressed like Mr. White but sporting longer hair. The film has great hair between the three leads.

The movie is thankfully fair in treating lead girl Milena’s depression & general mental health struggles. Lead guy Alex has his own flaws; thus, it was easy to comprehend those personalities & why it was full of passion… sometimes love, sometimes confusion, and sometimes combustion. He’s the logical sort who wants to understand while she is a fiery, bold personality more about love.

The film had & has a controversial reputation; the film’s own distributor found it “sick,” the brief theatrical release in the United States was unrated, then it was only 2005 that it had any U.S. home release, via Criterion. I wasn’t quite sure why this was the case myself. A woman attempting to take her own life is always upsetting, along with seeing her deteriorating mental health. There’s a tracheotomy which was gruesome. Then, the final act happened… it all became clear. Remaining vague, I’ll just state that at least one appalling moment happens; for some it may be too much, for a variety of reasons.

I’ll give the movie credit for its boldness in broaching such mature topics and uncomfortable moments w/ an unwavering eye. The editing and how the story was presented played a large role in the movie’s success; so did the interesting score & soundtrack. I’ll always be mystified by the popularity of Tom Waits but as it was just one song from him & I enjoyed the rest… no complaints. While a challenging movie, the journey of experiencing Bad Timing that will be one worth taking for many. The outstanding performance of Russell alone is one reason.

Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter

Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter (1966)

Runtime: 80 minutes

Directed by: William Beaudine

Starring: John Lupton, Narda Onyx, Cal Boulder, Estelita Rodriguez, Jim Davis

From: Embassy Pictures

In my only review of the day, I revisited this nonsense for the first time in many years. Way back when I saw both this and Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, a pair of cheap quickies from One Shot William Beaudine-the nickname concerns his shooting style, not the alcohol he consumes. I revisited Billy when TCM (!) showed it one night eight years ago; Billy is bad nonsense yet there was campy charm, especially when John Carradine as Dracula seduced women by… bugging his eyes out and being bathed in Argento red light. Jesse James doesn’t have the luxury of a talent like Carradine but there was plenty to laugh at.

It's the Wild West, after April of 1882; that’s right, Jesse James wasn’t assassinated by that coward Robert Ford. James has a henchman named Hank, a big old goof who sounds like a goof and is best described as “a galoot.” They partner w/… The Wild Bunch; believe me, they are no Pike Bishop, Dutch Engstrom or Deke Thornton. Victor Frankenstein’s GRANDDAUGHTER (yes, despite the title) & her brother are also in the Wild West, and after several failed attempts, Hank appears to be the next candidate…

The opening half is mostly a lousy Western, featuring basic Western action. The back half has more horror elements; the entirety of the movie is claptrap which usually isn’t that exciting or well-executed. That doesn’t mean there aren’t some great campy moments, or that Estonian actress Narda Onyx (great name) wasn’t a hoot camping it up as Maria Frankenstein. Unfortunately, for me both Billy the Kid vs. Dracula and Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter have great titles and little else. There aren’t that many horror-westerns, relatively speaking; still, there are or have to be examples better than this.

Venom (The 1981 Movie)

Venom (1981)

Runtime: 93 minutes

Directed by: Piers Haggard

Starring: Klaus Kinski, Oliver Reed, Sterling Hayden, Nicol Williamson, Sarah Miles, Lance Holcomb

From: Venom Productions Limited

Oh, to be a fly on the wall during shooting…

Venom was one of the many movies I’ve known of for years yet waited to pull the trigger on. As much as I liked Venom, the off-screen antics had to be better. Oliver Reed and Klaus Kinski in the same film seemed like a risky idea full-stop. The latter is a madman w/ a volcanic personality and the former’s love of alcohol is still legendary; of course they didn’t get along and got into hellacious rows, according to hearsay. Then again, perhaps it’s a stroke of genius… they were two of the villains and their characters were supposed to hate each other. Well, the hatred they had for each other was obvious in the film-little acting had to be done by either performer.

Even wilder, Venom was yet another movie that Tobe Hooper began but did not complete, due to either his personal demons, “a nervous breakdown,” “creative differences,” or Kinski and some others drove him out… all scenarios were read via a Google search. Could you imagine all three on set together?! In addition, Sterling Hayden and Nicol Williamson were known for wild behavior—child actor Lance Holcomb could have grown up really fast surrounded by all those crazy people. Veteran Piers Haggard replaced Hooper; the finished product turned out well considering the production drama. The plot (based on a novel by Alan Scholefield) is wild: Reed, Kinski (yes, the two share many scenes together) and Susan George kidnap/hold hostage a young boy w/ asthma; his rich grandfather is a bearded Hayden. 

Problem is… little boy Philip has a menagerie of animals at home; the kidnapping occurs as he just picked up a purported African house snake; in the mother of all F-ups, he did not receive a common serpent pet due to its harmless nature… instead, it was a black mamba! A few minor quibbles could be made concerning Venom; that’d make the review more negative than desired for a film that was surprisingly pretty good. Several tense/terror scenes well-executed in the London setting went a long way, along w/ a cast full of famous faces. Arguably the highlight performances came from Williamson’s sardonic cop, the doctor played by Sarah Miles, Reed & Kinski. There’s a nice Michael Kamen score, also.

The movie managed to juggle many different balls between the decent-sized cast & the snake threat better than you might expect. While more a thriller than a horror movie and the mamba is usually a background threat, that was irrelevant when the human drama was so compelling. Some people may prefer the off-screen lore to what was filmed—such as Kinski famously turning down Raiders of the Lost Ark because he hated that script and Venom gave him a bigger paycheck. Personally, it’s now one of many films that should have been tackled much sooner.