Somehow, 80% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 108 reviews)
Runtime: 97 minutes
Directed by: Josh Ruben
Starring: Olivia Holt, Mason Gooding, Jordana Brewster, Devon Sawa, Gigi Zumbado
From: In the United States, at least… Screen Gems
This was a movie I wanted to like… for the newer Letterboxd mutuals, those pretentious “elevated horror” movies aren’t for me. A slasher is more to my esoteric than that elevated BS, although there of course are other subgenres within horror I like. The trailer for Heart Eyes (both the standard and the redband) made it appear to be a fun modern slasher. I’m someone who enjoyed Hellfest more than most, for example. Another note for the newer mutuals: I really don’t like modern comedy.
Unfortunately—this movie is more like a bad parody of a romantic comedy w/ slasher elements. The performances from Olivia Holt and Mason Gooding are not to blame for my low opinion of the film. I wish their lead characters wouldn’t have been so annoying, although that was mild compared to all the other characters, who were varying degrees of loathsome, from mild to insufferable. The friend of lead girl Ally—I despised that hideous caricature.
It’s the “humor” that sinks the movie—like most modern “humor” anywhere, it just isn’t funny to me. Also, why I don’t view modern horror-comedies in general. The opening scene alone was a warning I didn’t heed at the time. Irritating characters, bad comedy, frequent F bombs… not a good recipe for me. However, the gory moments then happened and there was little complaint w/ the violence and gore—oh wait, there is the detail that the movie in general should have been lit better but that’s an industry-wide problem, unfortunately.
What a disappointment Heart Eyes was. The idea of a masked killer whose hood has heart eyes that occasionally light up randomly killing couples each February in random cities across America-it’s an idea w/ great potential. However, despite my enjoyment of the gruesome moments and the presence of a few laughs, overall the film was dumb in the first two acts-filled with awful dialogue-then it became worse in the final act.
The movie presented even more modern tropes I am not a fan of; perhaps a new trope for me to carp about should be “stupid and baffling villain motivations.” It’s never a good sign when on several occasions I went, “Wait, what? Huh?” when it came to the heel and/or why they were evil. While it was nice to see Jordana Brewster and Devon Sawa as detective partners, their names and how that “comedy” was mined for laughs only served to remind me why I reject modern comedy.
There is a mid-credits scene I knew about beforehand; I was done with the movie by then so I didn’t stick around. Wiki later told me the correct decision was made by me. That said, many liked this at least a little more than I did; perhaps you’ll find this new release… heartwarming. Maybe you can educate me then why it’s clearly established the movie is set in 2025 yet it is also clearly established February 14th is on a TUESDAY in their world instead of Friday like it is in our world!
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