War of the Worlds

War of the Worlds (2025)

Runtime: 90 agonizing minutes

“Directed” by: Rich Lee

Starring: Ice Cube, Eva Longoria, Clark Gregg, a bunch of random actors

From: Universal!

Well, this was even worse than what I’ve been hearing for the past 36 hours!

Thursday, this suddenly popped up on Prime, free for any & all members to see. The description promised “a fresh take” on the H.G. Wells novel; note that I’ve never read the novel nor seen any of the cinematic adaptations—what a grievous error I made in making this the first! It wasn’t until Thursday night that I not only saw the bad reviews trickle in on Letterboxd, but learned more about the film.

This was a “screenlife” movie; that’s one entirely or almost entirely seen on a computer screen a la Searching, Unfriended, or 2020’s Host. The key thing to note: this was to be released by Universal (!) and was made in the late fall of 2020 (!!) but for reasons that became obvious to everyone after this suddenly appeared on Prime, this sat on the shelf and was dumped to streaming as even in the months after the theaters opened up when the pandemic was still a huge threat, this would have been lambasted and destroyed to the point of ruining Universal’s reputation.

Now, I can’t say if the CG looks so horrendous because this was a “first pass” at it and once the decision was made to keep the movie locked up for years there wasn’t any further money spent to make it look better. That’s the better scenario, although why would anyone think this was OK even on streaming, especially in 4K HDR quality. Well, after viewing all the Amazon product placement (especially during a finale that was SO bad and stupid it even staggered me at what an illogical nightmare it was) that answered my question.

The crazy MF’er named Ice Cube is an officer for a Department of Homeland Security and besides him doing everything instantaneously on his desktop no matter how illogical it is, he’s a real abusive A-hole who constantly spies on his young adult kids (to the point of peeking in his daughter’s fridge and deleting games from his son’s computer despite him being a gamer!) and I really did not like his Will Radford.

As he and some others coordinate a mission to stop hackers releasing a MacGuffin, the giant robotic aliens that have been in every adaptation since the 50’s attack. They want… data. Yes, all the data that humanity produces; it’s even more illogical than described. Even worse, despite the movie revealing that the aliens knocked out satellites to surprise humanity, “cyberattacks” and “data drains” occur, and many other examples that should have stopped the omniscient powers of Ice Cube, of course it don’t.

Honestly, despite the cyber attacks crippling the world’s military forces and electric systems collapsing, Cube can still spy on news broadcasts and any camera in the world, communicate with his family & colleagues, etc. The plot is such a disaster even before “the big twist” is revealed; I could write paragraphs on how appallingly bad the plot is but that’s more effort than this megabomb is worth. Ice Cube can’t carry the film and elevate the movie by his presence-a problem as much of the film is just him on screen. That said, Meryl Streep couldn’t elevate a catastrophe like this!

Several jaw-dropping moments notwithstanding, not even a short runtime of only 90 minutes could make me recommend this even as a bad movie experience. The idea of such a movie filmed during a pandemic was doomed from the start; the execution was so poor the filmmakers should feel blessed this was ever released… or perhaps it should be “escaped.” A ½ star rating is almost never given by me; however, it was not hyperbole for me to dish this out for War of the Worlds. The film was also garish to look at visually, the editing poor, the “political commentary” pathetic. The dumbest moment is that it appeared Cube was the only person working in that DHS building! He’s the sole person attempting to save the world via methods that truly were staggering in its illogic.

Don’t watch this, bad movie fans! It’ll be a struggle for even you folks. Even worse, this is the first War of the Worlds adaptation I’ve seen! My apologies to H.G. Wells.

Young Mr. Jazz

I viewed a 1919 silent starring Harold Lloyd: 

It’s been awhile since a silent short and due to the combination of “I want to see something from Harold Lloyd” and “I did not have the time/inclination for something longer than 10 minutes,” Young Mr. Jazz was selected.

Lloyd romances Bebe Daniels but as her father (Bud Jamison of many Three Stooges shorts during the Curly era supporting player) disapproves, after a run-in at the beach, she sneaks out of the house to The Bowery Café, a place described as so tough, “sandpaper has to wait in line.” Snub Pollard-who appeared in a few Stooge shorts himself-runs the joint. The cops show up, dad flirts with one of the “female employees,” Pollard orders others to pickpocket Harold & Bebe… plenty happens in just 10 minutes. 

It’s only at the end during a barroom brawl that Lloyd does most of his physical comedy & pratfalls. There are better Lloyd efforts, for sure; that said, it was an easy watch that still entertained me. The copy that can be streamed on the Criterion Channel (also available as an extra on the Safety Last Blu Criterion released, or so I’ve read) is of high quality and has an appropriate jazz score appropriate for 1919. I'll view at least another silent during the month of August.

Twins

Twins (1988)

Runtime: 107 minutes

Directed by: Ivan Reitman

Starring: Arnold, Danny De Vito, Kelly Preston, Chloe Bell, Marshall Bell

From: Universal

Yet another movie I saw as a kid but never revisited as an adult until now. It leaving Prime in a matter of hours after posting of this review is the main reason why. The memories are hazy on whether this was a theatrical experience at the age of 7 or not but I did see the movie on VHS at least once. Years ago, my parents were discussing the film and I was asked if I recalled the scene where Arnold looked at a giant advertisement for Rambo III and mocked Stallone’s physique… no I did not. Now, the feud they had at the time is silly considering they have been bosom buddies for literal decades now.

What I remembered of Twins: only a few fragments. Thus, the key subplot of Marshall Bell, Delivery Man of an expensive item in the trunk of a Cadillac which is stolen by Vincent and is to be delivered to someone named BEETROOT MCKINLEY--there was no memory of that whatsoever. After all these years… while not an 80’s classic, Twins was still a good time. Naturally, the wacky gimmick of “Arnold and Danny De Vito are twin brothers thanks to genetic engineering gone wrong” is amusing throughout; you couldn’t cast better for a genetic marvel than Schwarzenegger and of course De Vito can play “sleazy character” in his sleep.

There aren’t many surprises as Julius leaves his tropical island to finally find his twin yet I still laughed. Of course the naïve Julius changes as he finally is introduced to The Real World and of course the streetwise Vincent changes as he finally experiences brotherly love. Twins is an affable time as the main characters go on their journey which includes a road trip, romance, and some violence. I do laugh now that this was rated PG with all the shootings that occur. At times this was busy w/ subplots but I was still engaged with the film, the madcap premise, and Kelly Preston/Chloe Webb as the love interests. Given a few moments (including what I’ll describe as “a mating pose” from Preston) the movie obviously wasn’t viewed during my teen years!

I did hear years ago that Heather Graham played their mom in the opening; what did surprise me: the soundtrack was more fire than expected. Little Richard, Philip Bailey, Herbie Hancock, The Spinners, and several songs from Nicolette Larson/Jeff Beck/Tony Bozzio, who appear on camera playing music for a few minutes in a club. This was one reason why I was happy for this revisit long overdue, but it had been ages since a review of an Arnold movie also and I thankfully was entertained by something that hadn’t aged too poorly.

Mirror

Mirror (Zerkalo) (1975)

Runtime: 107 hypnotic minutes

Directed by: Andrei Tarkovsky

Starring: Margarita Terekhova, Alla Deminova, Ignat Daniltsev, Oleg Yankovsky, the voice of Arseny Tarkovsky

From: Mosfilm

After a needed day off, I was inspired to finally tackle a movie that hearsay told me was “dense” and “difficult.” Yes, this movie from Andrei Tarkovsky is nonlinear and has an ethereal quality-but the “story” was about the vibes rather than specific plot points, it was not difficult to decipher the points Tarkovsky was trying to make, and just a bit of reading made this unique experience not daunting or something that I should have put off for years. I rate Solaris and Stalker quite highly, so a chance should have been taken much sooner. Alas…

To give a few basics that will help new viewers: the life of Aleksei-a man in his 40’s who is never shown on screen as an adult until we see his right arm during the conclusion-is followed, along with some family members. Interspersed is footage of the Soviets at war; presumably this was to set the mood and establish the time period. Note that elements were taken from Tarkovsky’s life-at least a few plot points, important life events, guilt over past decisions. Furthermore, the director’s wife Larisa and mother Maria had small roles and poems from his poet father Arseny are read throughout by Arseny himself.

In addition, the same actress (Margarita Terekhova) portrayed both Aleksei’s mom and his ex-wife; the Oedipal message is obvious, although I hope that is just a character trait and not a feeling Tarkovsky dealt with personally! Armed with this knowledge, the viewer should also not go into Mirror expecting a traditional plot; instead, focus on the journey as the fragmented memories of a character are examined. Visually and aurally, Mirror was top-notch, a singular achievement.

Writing a review for Mirror, attempting to coalesce my thoughts into coherent words that accurately represent my thoughts concerning this masterpiece: a massive struggle. Instead of spending hours attempting to find the right phrases to describe the feelings, the mood that the picture gave me, I’ll say a few more things. The camera movements, the usage of water, mirrors, wind, and other motifs were all masterly. A few shots and moments will be etched into my memory for ages. What a lyrical look at a flawed character in Aleksei; whether or not this was Andrei Tarkovsky looking into a mirror and presenting a version of himself that is a 100% accurate version of himself-warts and all-is unknown.

Logically, of course a non-traditional picture like this that is lyrical and about emotion rather than a traditional plot/story won’t speak to everyone and they’ll be bumfuzzled by the presentation. Despite my logical mind, the motion picture was a stunning experience that could make you feel the same if viewed at the right time, i.e. you laser-focused and concentrating on the journey.

A Trio of Stooge Shorts

As I posted no proper review today, time to catch up with my Stooge reviews. I haven't seen any in a few days; however, two will be viewed then reviewed on Wednesday.

Corny Casanovas: 

(Short # 139 in Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk: The Columbia Shorts of The Three Stooges) 

Another minimalist Shemp effort. I say that as there are only two sets (apartment, house) and the only other person in the cast is Connie Cezan, who 50’s TV fans will know as Perry Mason’s secretary. The gimmick is that Cezan is dating all three at the same time without them knowing her ruse. To assuage any fears, she’s a heel because she wants to receive diamond rings, then she’ll skip town from all three Stooges. Don’t worry, no slut shaming to be done here! She is the victim of a pratfall, though.

The opening half is the trio cleaning their bachelor pad apartment as they talk to each other about their fiancés; eventually, they do discover that they all know Mabel… but not before the mayhem they caused to each other. They didn’t need much more than a mop, bucket, bed, davenport (which they reupholstered via sticking tacks in a rifle, which then fires like a Tommy Gun Al Capone would have used), paint, shoe polish and other items you find in a standard home, at least at the time. Some of it echoes moments from the past but I didn’t care as Casanovas was still riotous to me.

The laughs continue when Moe, Larry, & Shemp all meet Mabel, a few minutes after one another. They (the Stooges, I mean) beat the tar out of each other; I mean, more so than typical. As the denouement was quite memorable, Casanovas proved that sometimes you didn’t need a lot to earn belly-laughs for a theatrical crowd.

He Cooked His Goose: 

(Short # 140 in Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk: The Columbia Shorts of The Three Stooges) 

Deviating from the norm, this did. Only on a few occasions did we see the trio play different characters. In this case, Larry portrayed the owner of a pet shop who is also a philanderer, going out with both Moe’s wife and Shemp’s fiancé. His secretary Miss Lapdale… in fact sits on his lap. Larry in fact keeps his affairs as public as the now-former CEO of Astronomer!

I wanted to like this; however, this was more bizarre than funny. It’s set around Christmas and magically, because Shemp hides in a chimney, suddenly he materializes a Santa costume and wears it. Moe eats birdseed and suddenly starts acting like a bird. Yeah, the idea of Larry attempting to frame the other two so he can continue his cheating ways is a decent one but the execution didn’t really work for me. I also couldn’t tell you why on a few occasions, the viewer hears a musical stinger whenever Larry has an evil thought in his head.

Sure, there are some chuckles along the way; overall, though, it is lamentable that their attempt to not repeat themselves resulted in something I could not rate any higher.

Gents in a Jam: 

(Short # 141 in Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk: The Columbia Shorts of The Three Stooges) 

This was more what I wanted from the Stooges. They did not need more than an apartment set and another set consisting of two hallways to earn a number of belly-laughs. The premise is that the trio are living in an apartment but they’re in debt to their landlady, portrayed by Kitty McHugh. After mishaps attempting to paint their own apartment to earn some cash, they are still to be evicted… until Shemp’s rich uncle Phineas comes to visit. Of course he’ll pay that debt.

Complications arise when new neighbor Mrs. Duggan visits for a cup of sugar. Another mishap occurs and she loses some of her clothes! That’s a problem when her husband Rocky is “the world’s strongest man.” He was portrayed by Mickey Simpson of Giant fame; as he was 6 foot 6 (i.e. just under 2 meters) he looked like a giant compared to the diminutive Stooges. Many chuckles were had with such items as a bucket of paint, faucets that refuse to work correctly, and a radio.

That’s even before Emil Stika arrives as Phineas. Rocky and the Stooges constantly knock Phineas on his keister as the former attempts to chase down the latter. Arguably, the side players received more focus than the main trio… in this case that is OK. The pace is fast and the final two or so minutes are especially hysterical. McHugh passed away in 1954-I’ll say the circumstances are “upsetting.” On a note that may be humorous to some, even in the world of making Three Stooges shorts, there was drama behind the scenes. For reasons unknown to me, producer Hugh McCollum was dismissed; director Edward Bernds resigned from Columbia out of solidarity.

Jules White directed the rest of the almost 50 shorts left for the Stooges at the studio. He’s great himself yet Bernds deserves plenty of credit for starting out during the mediocre last few efforts from Curly then directing a number of very good or better Shemp shorts, including classics Brideless Groom and Who Done It? I’ll miss his contributions.

Stone Cold

Stone Cold (1991)

Runtime: 92 glorious minutes

Directed by: Craig R. Baxley

Starring: Brian Bosworth, Lance Henriksen, William Forsythe, Arabella Holzbog, Sam McMurray

From: Stone Group Pictures/Vision International

So, do people know that MICHAEL DOUGLAS was one of the producers of Stone Cold?!

Yesterday, discussion on a messageboard informed me that there was briefly a Starman TV show based on the film; there was no memory of that. While I was 5 and 6 when it was on, the show was one I’ve never seen discussed. I learned that Douglas was an executive producer; I went to the IMDb and discovered that he was also a producer for the Starman movie, which made me look at his other producer credits.

Of course I knew of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, and how his dad wanted to make it for years. I did not know that he produced this AND Double Impact… yes, the Van Damme movie! According to the database, he was credited on Impact but not on this. Who knew? No better time to finally discuss Stone Cold, I say. I rate it highly only because it’s a hysterical movie that’s technically bad yet has legit talent involved along w/ an amazing-looking former football player who became famous in college for his great look & personality… despite flaming out in the NFL, Brian “The Boz” Bosworth and his mullet appeared in a few 90’s movies.

Stone Cold gives the impression of a parody of a loud, stupid period B-action film, except that the constantly loud, absurd, aggro nonsense was entirely sincere. The Boz played Joe Huff, a loose cannon cop who is forced by the FBI to go undercover in an Aryan Brotherhood biker gang; he has many arrests of bikers, you see. Those bikers not only work with the Mafia, they want to assassinate the judges at the Supreme Court of Mississippi to save one of their members.

Everything about the film is absurd, including our hero and his spectacular head of hair; that’s why Douglas producing something so loud & filled w/ gratuitous nudity is incredible. Those that enjoy period B-action films, however… this is a must. It delivers on the entertainment, whether due to absurdity, the oversized personalities, the macho attitude, the scenarios, the action. No wonder the film is still a cult favorite in those circles. The talents of both Lance Henriksen and William Forsythe as the biker leader and his main henchmen-what a homoerotic relationship they have!-were key assets, especially with the inexperience of Bosworth.

There were some other faces I recognized, from “that guy” actors to Tom Magee, a powerlifter/strongman who had a great look/athleticism and tried pro wrestling but didn’t have the mind for it. He’s the guy who looks like Kenny Omega!

No matter what you think of the rest, action fans need to see the climax; the conclusion delivers in spades. That is OOT in the best ways. Amazing to think that The Boz later went into the world of religious film (it’s a world I probably should avoid; it might be like kicking a hornet’s nest!) and also appearing in Dr. Pepper ads themed around college football that I think are brutally unfunny & stupid yet many seem to love.

For a film that had to replace its director Bruce Malmuth due to allegedly him “being in no condition to direct” (yet his son is still in Stone Cold) and stuntman/director Craig R. Baxley serving as the replacement, I’m glad this was finally discussed by me. I’m also glad that sometime in the future, Stone Cold will be released in 4K.

Darkman

Darkman (1990)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Directed by: Sam Raimi

Starring: Liam Neeson, Frances McDormand, Colin Friels, Larry Drake, Nelson Mashita

From: Universal

Would you believe my late mother was a fan of this movie? Despite my seeing her viewing this picture on at least a few occasions, I never watched this until now, let alone ask her when I had the chance to why she was a fan. It is a surprise considering the director. Mom passed away on July 25, 2020, as I’ve mentioned a number of times by now. While I can’t believe it’s been 5 years already, I made it through yesterday alright. Not thinking about her lasting so long in hospice, slowly withering away… those are memories to push out of my mind.

Instead, it’s better for me to wonder what she thought of the bizarre visual flourishes that happened on a few occasions, or what she thought of the guy whose head got squashed by a semi-truck! Many people by now likely know the plot of Liam Neeson as a scientist attempting to create synthetic skin, which comes in handy after he’s horribly burned by Larry Drake and his goons. I didn’t know it was all about competition for riverfront development and a memo revealing bribes to the zoning commission. I know she was a fan of the romance between Neeson and Frances McDormand, without a doubt. She was a big fan of the Beauty and the Beast TV show w/ Ron Perlman and Linda Hamilton.

The story just strain credulity at times, to say the very least. Be that as it may, I was still rather entertained by this darkly comedic tale, by the means that the titular Darkman used synthetic skin not just to appear as himself but as his foes to cause trouble for them; he does a spectacular job of trolling… the entertaining action scenes, the talented cast and the exhilarating score from Danny Elfman. The effects were of their time-and are also charming. I enjoyed the tragic tale that took inspiration from various sources, including comic books & 30’s Universal horror; Claude Rains as The Invisible Man was blatant. There are also a few cameos, one obvious but the others not so much.

The Shadow is another property Raimi was inspired by—for years he wanted to adapt that property but wasn’t allowed to. Thankfully, both this and The Shadow are 90’s movies that should have been teenage favorites of mine that at least were seen by me in my middle-age years. In the future, I’ll finally get around to some other films that my dear old mother raved about or saw a decent amount of times. This includes the one John Carpenter picture I saw her view… no, not The Thing or In the Mouth of Madness! Of course it was Starman; many women likely were fans of the sci-fi romance.

3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain

3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998)

Runtime: 93 long minutes

Directed by: Sean McNamara

Starring: Three new kids, plus the likes of Hulk Hogan, Loni Anderson and Jim Varney

From: Tri-Star

Can I say “RIP” to Hulk Hogan the character but not Terry Bollea the person? I have no idea.

What a complicated legacy Bollea leaves behind. There are reasons for hardcore wrestling fans like myself to not like the man—it’s not just his political beliefs or those abominable racial comments he made where the N-word was uttered a few times (and there’s other racial statements from him) but I’ll address that at the end, along with some positives to the Hulk Hogan persona and why he became an 80’s icon and an important figure in the history of professional wrestling.

Bollea portraying Hogan was great; him doing other characters, not so much. This is why his movie career never really took off. This was selected because I referenced it in a recent review for 3 Ninjas, the title always made me chuckle, and it’s apparently terrible yet I wanted to see Jim Varney play someone else besides Ernest P. Worrell. He’s a villain here, his name an all-timer: LOTHAR ZOGG. I swear this is true.

Also true: Hogan was DAVE DRAGON, an actor who starred on a TV show where he lead bootleg Power Rangers! What a preposterous hairpiece he wore, but at least it was supposed to be a hairpiece. They, the titular ninjas, and Victor Wong are all at the titular Mega Mountain-actually, Denver’s Elitch Gardens Theme Park. The lead villain is a leather-clad Loni Anderson as MEDUSA. Their scheme: a dunderheaded juvenile PG version of Die Hard!

They take hostage of the entire theme park; their goons wear absurd late 90’s shades which only date this horribly. The biggest sins: this is dumber than a box of rocks, full of illogic, the kids can flip around and do splits as if they’re in a Shaw Brothers movie, the way technology and computers are used was offensively stupid even in the late 90’s, the park is still operating despite the hostage crises, there are three henchmen (who were best described as Temu versions of Ronnie Wood, Matt Frewer and an obese version of Bray Wyatt!) that made The Three Stooges look like MENSA members, a Black character that was this movie’s Theo and was thwarted by a 12 year old tomboy hacker plays an offensive Jamaican stereotype… need I go on?

The action wasn’t terrible and there were some wacky moments involving the cinematography-the camera spins around on several occasions. Otherwise, I am not surprised this was the last 3 Ninjas movie. Hogan gave one of the best performances, although that’s more a reflection on the other actors; Varney as LOTHAR ZOGG was the actual best performance.

Terry Bollea was a backstabber who used his clout to bury wrestlers that could usurp his reign at the top of the food chain, was a pathological liar, was not remorseful when his son Nick’s street racing resulted in Nick’s best friend becoming paralyzed… hardcore wrestling fans haven’t liked him for years. At the same time, Hulk Hogan the wrestler managed to be captivating; he was never a technical wrestling wizard like a Bret Hart or Ric Flair but his outsized charisma, his wacky blustery promos that appeared to be coke-fueled, the OOT bad guys, the way he sold punishment, his Hulking Up… no wonder he drew in audiences while Rock ‘n Wrestling was a fad then kept many of them interested, at least for a few years.

Now that he’s passed away, I should try not to constantly think of him in a negative light and instead be amused by the Hulk Hogan persona or how I saw him wrestle live on two occasions, against Flair and the wrestler named after the Sex Pistols bassist, Sid Vicious. With any luck there won’t be any major deaths in the next few days that I’ll probably have to discuss here—several big names passing in the preceding week was a lot for everyone.

 

The Decline of Western Civilization II: The Metal Years

This is the 1988 documentary I watched for obvious reasons: 

RIP Ozzy Osbourne

Like many, his death on Tuesday was disheartening news, not to mention startling—his farewell concert just happened. I didn’t ever watch his “reality” TV show as I loathe how phony all “reality” television is (I know many that did, though). Rather, it was his music that I was a fan of; it was great discovering that long ago, whether it be Black Sabbath-they are one of the progenitors of an entire genre of music in heavy metal-or his solo work, it was songs I enjoyed listening to. In the future I need to hear more than just the hits but for now, a documentary about metal music.

Specifically, it is the glam era of metal, where the male musicians wore more makeup and had bigger hair than the women in the crowd. Some reviewers wished that harder metal would have been focused on; musically, I get it. That said, this was a nice time capsule of a specific era in the history of the Los Angeles music scene; many rock arts were attempting to become the next Poison. I was amused and bemused to hear a bunch of random young men bragging about their wild hedonistic lifestyles, usually deluded that they’ll make it.

Decline did mention some criticisms of the scene, from the purported “Satanic” elements to the more valid criticisms of misogyny and how groupies were taken advantage of. Bands that never became household names were shown, along with Poison, Megadeth, and a few elder statemen offering sage advice… Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley, Alice Cooper, Steven Tyler & Joe Perry, Ozzy. Osbourne was shown doing the mundane task of making breakfast as he talked of his struggles concerning drug abuse & alcoholism.

Right after his death was announced, on Twitter went around a clip that happened to be from this film… a moment that was staged. The viewer saw Ozzy unable to pour orange juice into a glass. I’m a cynic so that looked phony to me; years after release, this was admitted to be staged. That seemed cruel to someone that struggled w/ sobriety and after the fact would wage war against those demons on several occasions. That wasn’t even the only moment that wasn’t on the up-and-up. Director Penelope Spheeris (right or wrong) made it clear there was at least some mockery of this scene. As for Chris Holmes, then of W.A.S.P. I don’t know how much of “he gets ridiculously wasted on camera in a swimming pool as MOM is right by him as he talks of suicide & dying young” was legit but I hope he wasn’t pouring actual Smirnoff over his face. Holmes is still alive, believe it or not.

I’m glad Ozzy was able to make it to the age of 76; it’s a miracle given he consumed a staggering amount of substances during his life. In terms of WTF lifestyles, Keith Richards and Iggy Pop are still around; both seem indestructible. Laughing at how everyone looked in Decline did occur; at other times I did appreciating hearing how (for example) Tyler and Perry had recently become sober and they were happy to clean up their act. Famously, they are still sober in 2025. “Not needing to lead a debaucherous lifestyle” was a key theme in Civilization. As many others have noted in Letterboxd reviews & in general, no wonder grunge music would in a few years become a huge deal.

While much of the metal played was average at best, I still enjoyed the tunes; of course, the highlights on that front were the Motorhead opening credits song, the Alice Cooper end credits song, and Megadeth performing during the finale. While I’m sure there are better metal documentaries out there in terms of content and music, I’ll reiterate that this is quite the time capsule of a specific era, where you can laugh at the looks & fashion but there’s a cautionary tale to learn, whether explicit or not.

What a life John Osbourne had; playing a pivotal role in rock history, infamous for moments like urinating on the Alamo & biting the head off a live bat, somehow becoming beloved in the 21st century to millions of young people. His health problems the past few years were unfortunate; even so, I’m glad the tribute concert happened and the huge reaction to his passing away showed the mark he left on pop culture. For the rest of time I’ll enjoy the music of Ozzy Osbourne.

The Invisible Ray

The Invisible Ray (1936)

Runtime: 79 minutes

Directed by: Lambert Hillyer

Starring: Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi, Frank Lawton, Frances Drake, Violent Kemble Cooper

From: Universal 

I’ll have to thank my television (!) for recommending to me the Pluto TV channel Universal Monsters. As I’m like most others in being stricken w/ sadness over the Ozzy Osbourne news-I’ll pay tribute in about 24 hours-I decided to continue a mini-run of horror movies via trying out a channel that will be used during Spooky Season, which I’ll start in a little more than a month. 

My opinion on the channel will be given at the end of the review; as for The Invisible Ray, a sci-fi horror movie starring Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi was enough to entice me. The premise… please don’t ask me for a detailed explanation. Karloff is Hungarian astronomer Janos, who created a telescope that shows “light rays that show the Earth’s past” & via this telescope, he, scientists, and the viewer see a radium asteroid strike Africa approximately a billion years ago, so they visit Nigeria to find those remnants… nevermind that we see the asteroid strike what looks to be the region of either Botswana or Namibia!

To reiterate, I can’t explain that premise; an unfortunate term or two that is said when the white people interact w/ the Black characters is more understandable to me, albeit lamentable. Definitely not a surprise: once Janos discovers “Radium X” that element does bad things to him, both physically and mentally. I could ramble on for paragraphs about radium IRL but I’ll attempt to be brief. In the early 20th century radium was popular in the application of watches and other devices that glow in the dark. Radium girls that would wet brushes w/ their mouths before applying radium paint—body horror would happen. Plenty has been written about the “Radium Girls.” Even worse is quack medicine where people would drink water w/ radium salts. If you want to see Cronenbergian horrors, look up Eben Byers, who literally lost the bottom half of his face for that reason.

Of course there’s no body horrors in a 1936 film. However, Karloff glows in the dark if he doesn’t consume a special antidote that Lugosi created for him. It was at least a little fantastical that Radium X is something that can cure blindness yet can also crumple giant rocks via a death ray a la what Nikoa Tesla was purported to have. Another “of course” is that Ol’ Boris has an attractive wife (Frances Drake) who he ignores due to his obsessions; when she falls for someone else… yes, the jealous scientist who loves working alone becomes the villain.

I could carp about some plot elements or other scientific moments that are ludicrous at best. However, I was still entertained by this handsome production, by the nice Universal sets, by the music, and by the two legendary leads. I don’t want to downplay the contributions of the women in the cast, such as Drake, Beulah Bondi, and Violet Kemble Cooper. I was OK w/ The Invisible Ray being merely “good” instead of a top-tier classic. At least Karloff… outshined everyone else; my apologies for the pun that was stolen from a Letterboxd mutual anyhow. The production wasn’t the easiest (Lambert Hillyer wasn’t the first director contracted to do the film) and perhaps that’s why a dead character obviously blinks at one moment; at least that didn’t ruin the experience for me.

As for the Universal Monsters channel—viewing commercials during movies is something I’ve come to increasingly dislike through the years (it’s a reason why it’s been more than a year since viewing anything on Tubi) yet I can’t complain otherwise about the channel or the picture quality. Looking through their schedule, it’s not just films from the Golden Era of Universal Horror; there’s also movies made during my lifetime, although I can’t say if they’re the theatrical cuts or ones edited for television. In any case, the channel is one I’ll at least keep an eye on for future viewing, whether or not they’re reviewed on Letterboxd.

Impulse

Impulse (1974)

Runtime: 87 minutes

Directed by: William Grefe

Starring: William Shatner, Jennifer Bishop, Kim Nicholas, Ruth Roman, Harold Sakada

From: Conqueror Films, Inc. 

A wild movie I was glad to finally see in HD quality. Many moons ago I saw this horror/thriller (hopefully no one minds me viewing more of those even though the time of year where I see many of those is barely more than a month away) from the infamous William Grefe even though the quality was best described as “barely better than potato-vision.” William Shatner is a gigolo (!) who wines & dines women for their money, then they die at his hands. This is due to childhood trauma… he walks in on a soldier making out with his mom, soldier assaults her, then child Matt Stone stabs him with the samurai sword the soldier brought over as a souvenir from Japan!

Of course this is a motion picture I’ve wanted to tackle with a better than poor picture. When I randomly discovered yesterday that the print Grindhouse Releasing used for their Blu release is now on the streaming sites… I hopped on that immediately. The crux of the plot: Matt Stone attempts to grift a lady named Ann, but her adolescent daughter sees through his chicanery. Tina is a bratty kid, although thankfully comically so instead of an irritant that drove me batty. I say that about a character who steals money out of her mother’s wallet and hitchhikes with people like Stone. There is Dead Parent Trauma, which is at least some sort of an excuse… both for Matt and Tina. 

Ruth Roman (as Ann’s chatterbox friend) is one of the two other famous names present. The other: Harold Sakata as the ex-con known as KARATE PETE. The reason the viewer knows his name: Pete lives in a Winnebago and has a giant banner on the side stating his name! A scene he has at a car wash truly is one for the ages. There’s plenty to laugh at despite how self-serious Impulse is. Shat’s period fashion sense is always delightful. The acting from him is as spectacular as you would hope. So is a moment early on where it sounded like Shatner let loose a FART and there wasn’t another take done!

People shouldn’t expect something serious from a B-movie where William Shatner portrayed a heartthrob that all the women swoon over. Be that as it may, it was still a sun-baked tale (filmed in & around Tampa, Florida) featuring a Shat performance like no other, plenty of yelling, a dog death-unfortunately-a few shocking moments and occasional lulls aside, was never boring. Thank goodness for Grindhouse Releasing restoring such trash.

The Steel Helmet

The Steel Helmet (1951)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Directed by: Samuel Fuller

Starring: Gene Evans, Robert Hutton, Steve Brodie, James Edwards, Richard Loo

From: Lippert Pictures

Yet another DVR special; while the DVR recording (made off of TCM) was only two months old, Samuel Fuller is a director I should view more of, plus a low-budget war movie but one about the Korean War was different from the norm.

Gene Evans was Sgt. Zack, who escaped a massacre of POW’s due to his titular steel helmet. He meets a South Korean boy who helps him; Zach calls the boy… SHORT ROUND. I had no idea that name was used before. After meeting a Black medic on his own, they join an inexperienced infantry unit. What a crew they were comprised of: various white people (including one that is bald due to childhood scarlet fever), a Black man, a Korean boy, and a Japanese-American. 

As a low-budget effort, Fuller (a veteran of combat himself) did not focus on the heroics and big battle scenes of war. Instead, the plot concerned the trauma of battle and the personal struggles of that motley bunch of soldiers. Both racism and what we now known as PTSD was presented, after all. The anti-war tale presented scenarios that had no easy answers, conflicts between the soldiers themselves where everyone is traumatized by the whole ordeal, and a Sgt. In Zack that has a crotchety exterior but that is to mask a troubled mind. 

The cast is solid overall; this includes everyone from Gene Evans as Zack and Richard Loo as the Japanese-American soldier to Steve Brodie and as Short-Round, William Chun-who only had a brief career. Despite a budget barely over $100,000 and the usage of only a few locations (including Griffith Park in Los Angeles) Samuel Fuller was able to create a compelling treatise on the trauma of combat, filled w/ themes and beliefs that presumably would resonate w/ modern American soldiers today.

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

Runtime: 83 minutes

Directed by: John McNaughton

Starring: Michael Rooker, Tom Towles, Tracy Arnold

From: Maljack Productions

F*** the Bears!

Despite knowing of this movie for decades, it wasn’t until last night that I finally pulled the trigger. Its status as a controversial movie that couldn’t find distribution for a few years due to content plus online reviews describing Henry as “a tough watch” meant that it was easy to put off this viewing until the right time.

This follows serial killers Henry and his lackey Otis; I’ve also known for ages that they were loosely based on real-life serial killers Henry Lee Lucas and Ottis Toole. Despite only listening to a few true crime podcasts & viewing a rare related show, it is common knowledge that while Lucas confessed to literally hundreds of murders, he was an attention-seeker once imprisoned and the vast majority of those proclamations were utter hogwash. No one knows for certain how many murders that A-hole actually committed—it might just be a few. Both Lucas and Toole are long since deceased; no tears should be shed for them.

Henry, Otis, and the sister of Otis are followed; all three live together and the trio are all messed-up characters due to the shocking way they were treated as children, told to the audience matter-of-factly as the three talk to each other. The first act, the aftermath of murders are shown, although the images are presented alongside the echoes of what happened—thus, still haunting. After that, the deaths are shown-they are graphic and due to realism, the kills will chill you to the bone.

The viewer is disturbed to see the killers otherwise act like normal human beings in society, whether it be working as an exterminator or eating a burger and fries minutes after snapping necks. This “real” aspect was advertised as being different from the Freddy and Jason films. Not to mention, there are other alarming moments I dare not spoil; one in particular made it clear why the movie was rated X at the time and had to be released unrated a few years after filming concluded. Portrait succeeds as an upsetting film with some horrifying moments; it is one of those that may never be seen again by me…

That said, I’m still glad Portrait was finally tackled by me. What a wild low-budget movie filmed in and around Chicago that was originally planned as a documentary about 1950’s wrestling in Chicago (!) that the producers the Ali brothers plus director John McNaughton couldn’t do after the owner of the wrestling footage suddenly doubled his price… instead the producers wanted a horror movie and instead of a stock slasher, McNaughton brought the documentary vibes and 16mm footage to present a blunt, realistic take on Lucas, who he saw a TV program on. Amazing yet true. The presumption is that that Chicago footage was the matches that were uploaded to YouTube by the Chicago Film Archives.

Of course, Michael Rooker and Tom Towles were great as the leads but Tracy Arnold deserves credit also as Becky, the sister of Otis. Despite only having a few acting credits, she nailed her role. The filmmaking is solid and the interesting score was effective. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer is a raw, visceral experience which won’t be for all viewers; on the other hand, for those that are able to handle such media, the movie is well worth watching… even if only once.

By the way, I saw this on Prime; the runtime listed in the description is incorrect. The print they have is the full movie, in other words.

Many Stooge Shorts

Merry Mavericks: 

(Short # 133 in Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk: The Columbia Shorts of The Three Stooges) 

This is a Shemp remake of a Curly short; the original was 1943's Phony Express, which probably helps indicate to the reader that both were set in the Wild West. Like in the original, a pair of bankers use a “wanted for vagrancy” poster of the Stooges and proclaim them as new lawmen of the ironically-named Peaceful Gulch in an attempt to fool Red Morgan and his gang of ruffians.

There are humorous moments throughout—for example, the newspaper said they'd “clean up the town” so when the trio wish to sweep the saloon in order to work for a paycheck... the expected misunderstanding. What was strange: there was an inept cowboy hero role that was previously played by Jock Mahoney but instead was portrayed by someone else (Paul Campbell) who even resembled Mahoney-like I said, peculiar.

That said, this was a short I enjoyed more than many Stooge fans, at least judging by ratings elsewhere. This is not a shot-for-shot remake; the second half takes place at a spooky old house where the Stooges guard the money that Morgan's gang is after; they dress up in horror outfits (including a beheaded “Indian Chief”) and while not the best concerning the Stooges and that trope, it was still fine. No, what entertained me were some little moments along with plenty of amusing one-liners.

What killed me was Moe telling Larry not to be scared; he responded that he was apprehensive. Moe demanded an explanation for the word he didn't know. Larry's response? “'Apprehensive' is 'scared' with a college education.” I have to give Merry Mavericks a good rating for that alone.

The Tooth Will Out: 

(Short # 134 in Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk: The Columbia Shorts of The Three Stooges) 

In my only review for Sunday (I elected to do other things this weekend) I explain how this short was built around a deleted scene from the previous short. Yes, even in this realm there were sometimes deleted scenes. The last one-Merry Mavericks-featured a hysterical scene involving Shemp’s attempts at dentistry gone wrong but there was no room to include that in Mavericks. Instead of never using what was filmed, they built The Tooth Will Out around that footage.

The Stooges are shown as being too inept to work at jobs involving dishes; the expected happens. They literally run into a dentistry school to avoid Emil Sitka from murdering them w/ a meat cleaver (he was the second employer to fire them due to their clumsiness; as a gag, the first time he ran down the street, he cursed as if he was a Rob Zombie character!) and because it was that era’s version of a diploma factory, this was how goofballs like them graduated.

After wackiness involving such items as dentures, they are not so subtlety encouraged to go out West; now came in the deleted footage from Merry Mavericks. That includes the last time that longtime foil Dick Curtis ever appeared in a Stooge short. Their attempts to do dental work on him and another character (portrayed by the greatly-named Slim Gaut) is incredibly loud & chaotic; you can imagine what occurs when Shemp accidentally picks up a book named The Amateur Carpenter. Why was that in a dentist’s office? Who cares!

Despite a conclusion best described as “abrupt,” The Tooth Will Out was still a solid effort which entertained me both for the original footage and the new set-up they created to get us there.

Hula-La-La: 

(Short # 135 in Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk: The Columbia Shorts of The Three Stooges) 

As silly as you’d expect from “the Stooges are choreographers at a movie studio and they are forced to visit a South Seas island that the studio purchased to teach the cannibalistic headhunting natives to dance for an upcoming film.” The idea of white people purchasing an island full of natives is an ugly reminder of colonialism but Hula was too goofy to be offended by… although this wasn’t the first time that the Stooges visited a Polynesian paradise and the natives worship a Shivu-like figure.

Despite all that and the expected “white people cosplaying as natives” still common in Hollywood-at least Kenneth MacDonald was still able to be an entertaining villain-laughs were to be had. The tropical set was fine and there were chuckles between the one-liners and the presence of an alligator. The highlight: Shivu attacks both Moe (acting like his brother Curly) and Larry as they attempt to steal World War II grenades in a crate left over by American troops. For this being the only Stooge short directed by longtime producer Hugh McCollum: not too shabby although not one of the most memorable efforts either.

What earned the biggest laugh from me: looking online and discovering that the actress who portrayed this Shivu figure was billed as… LEI ALOHA, no lie. They only had a few credits; apparently, they had a bit part in John Ford’s The Hurricane. Lei Aloha sounds like the name that J.K. Rowling would give a Hawaiian character!

Pest Man Wins: 

(Short # 136 in Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk: The Columbia Shorts of The Three Stooges) 

Another Shemp short that is a remake of one years earlier during the Curly era. In this case, it was 1936’s Ants in the Pantry, where the trio have the blue-collar jobs of “pest exterminators” and they plant pests in a mansion for the purpose of earning a paycheck. Pantry was one viewed often as a kid as it was on a VHS tape my parents purchased for me. The stock footage from Ants that was used here was instantly recognizable to my eyes.

While there are lines and scenes that are copied, Pest isn’t a shot-for-shot remake. Pest was riotous with the changes made to make it fit Shemp instead of Curly and the inclusion of a pie fight which was mostly stock footage from other shorts. Instead of feeling hackneyed, this combination was still appealing to me. Funny one-liners and the appearances of such supporting players like Vernon Dent and Emil Sitka is always an asset.

A Missed Fortune: 

(Short # 137 in Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk: The Columbia Shorts of The Three Stooges) 

Yep, yet another Shemp remake of a Curly short… in this case, 1938’s Healthy, Wealthy, and Dumb. That featured Curly winning money in a contest and the boys live the high life, only to experience complications… especially those darn taxes. The plot is rather similar in A Missed Fortune; the beginning is still Howard, Fine, & Howard eating hotcakes and a mishap happens concerning glue, although the routine is changed a bit and the contest Shemp wins is different.

They still visit the Hotel Costa Plente and wreck the room. This includes the inevitability of them and the audience learning that something both fragile and costly is near them, which has been seen by me plenty of times this year. There’s still the trio of gold-digging women who have a monkey named Darwin, there are similar or even the same jokes, and a bit of stock footage from Dumb.

The uncomfortable truth is that for the rest of my run of viewing these Stooge shorts, there will be remakes of the Curly era, later Shemp efforts that remake early Shemp efforts (complete with some or a lot of stock footage), and then there’s the Joe Besser era which has more remakes plus some bizarre entries featuring talking horses or aliens… I’ll still rate those fairly and through a mix of good & bad, I’ll still miss doing these once I complete the final 60+ shorts.

Listen, Judge: 

(Short # 138 in Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk: The Columbia Shorts of The Three Stooges) 

This took elements of three different Curly shorts; they had a run-in w/ Vernon Dent, causing anger on his part and of course in the finale he unexpectedly meets them again, causing disaster as they attempt to prepare dinner. That is taken from 1941’s An Ache in Every Stake. Here, Dent is the titular judge; they have the blue-collar job of “handymen” and they run out of the courtroom after a mishap involving a stolen chicken. That’s from A Plumbing We Will Go.

They then wander around a fancy neighborhood & discover a house whose doorbell is out of order. That is as destructive as when they attempted the same task in 1943’s They Stooge to Conga. Some moments are copied but they usually are modified a bit so this effort did not seem like a needless retread. Combining those two old plots with a plot point from a third was also interesting, even if Ache. Conga, & Plumbing are even better than Judge. They even subvert a gag sometimes used through their history. The new moments include a great moment involving electrocution.

Besides Emil Sitka as the chef who quits due to frustration w/ Moe, John Hamilton had a small role. Hamilton had roles big and small in Hollywood for like 20 years by this point, usually as a judge, cop, or attorney. Hardcore fans of 50’s television will know him as Perry White in the George Reeves Superman TV show my father watched as a kid.