Thursday, January 13, 2022

New York Ninja

New York Ninja (2021)

Runtime: 93 minutes

Directed by: John Liu... and Kurtis Spieler

Starring: Liu along with unknown random people, but features many familiar voices

From: Vinegar Syndrome Pictures!

If you love Miami Connection or Samurai Cop... before I talk about the quality of the movie (which I rate highly in the “so earnest in its poor quality that it is fun” the same that I do Miami Connection or Samurai Cop) its unique backstory has to be explained for those that don't know. In 1984, Taiwanese actor John Liu made his only American film in New York City, a silly effort revolving around a presumably Taiwanese man who has his pregnant wife killed by hooligans who are involved in a prostitution ring so he engages in the Japanese art of being a ninja... or rather, the cliches of that art that are far different from the covert spying or mercenary work that comprised the art of ninjutsu of a few hundred years ago.


Only, for reasons unknown to me, the movie was never finished. All the details that I know is that they filmed enough footage but none of the sound existed... there isn't even any record of who most of the cast & crew were so that's why most of those credits are an absolute mystery. Vinegar Syndrome (yes) found this footage so they went through the act of trying to figure out what everyone was saying-as who knows where the script is and they didn't work w/ Liu himself on figuring everything out-then had to hire actors to dub it-some of them famous, and more on that later-then include the appropriate sound effects, then finally a synthwave score that sounds modern instead of from the 80's yet that is OK as this can't possibly be taken seriously.

Thing is, Vinegar Syndrome played it straight, and they didn't need to add any humor or wackiness as even if this was finished in 1984 and was subsequently released on a VHS label like Media Home Entertainment, it'd be a bad low-budget 80's B-action movie with a screwy plot, questionable acting, a villain so bizarre he might as well come from a TROMA movie and other pratfalls of filmmaking so cheap. That said, at least the original movie also played it straight, actually presenting this nonsense w/ a straight face no matter how often it delves into material you suspect came out of a mind fueled by coke and amphetamines. I don't want to give away all the magic so here are just a few highlights:

* They hired some famous actors to voice the characters here. That includes Don “The Dragon” Wilson, Cynthia Rothrock, Linnea Quigley, Leon Isaac Kennedy, Ginger Lynn, and Michael Berryman. So yes, exactly the sort of people whose films are liked by the type that enjoy Vinegar Syndrome and its dozen or so sublabels/partner labels, and would happily watch a just-completed movie from the 80's called New York Ninja.

* Even if I described the villain, people would think me as speaking utter gibberish. He looks like Elton John (or Huey Lewis, as I saw one person say) and at times his behavior is meme-worthy. Thus, Berryman voicing him was perfect.

* Quickly, we hear that NYN becomes popular, although it's mainly shown via all the children marking out for him. Hell, more than once the kids actually help out the Ninja.

* Among the weapons NYN uses are... ninja stars w/ his name on them and what looks like hard-boiled eggs filled with powder?

* Vinegar Syndrome did have the freedom to name most of the characters. As the villain had a chauffeur whose most distinguishing feature was a rat tail, why not name him RATTAIL?

* NYN has one scene where he does martial arts while... riding around on rollerskates?!

* A highlight is the 80's hair and clothing; speaking of that, the hooligans wear the strangest mix of clothing and their “masks” include gauze wrapped around their faces in haphazard fashion. Imagine wearing a metal protector cup that some athletes wear around their “twig and berries” for protection, except that you sport it outside of your underwear and pants.

* Many times before I've mentioned “The Bad New York City of Old”, those days before the city sanitized Times Square and at least tried to fix the other seedy/run down areas. Boy, are there many scenes set in lousy areas, from Time Square itself (the hooligans walk past a grindhouse joint playing... Ninja III: Domination; that was perfect) to a subway utterly emblazoned w/ graffiti.

* Besides a villain who can be described as Not Elton John, there's a friend of the hero who I'll call Not Willie Aames.

This is solid gold for those that love so bad it's good efforts like Miami Connection or Samurai Cop. Sometime later in the year I'll finally check out Dangerous Men, another 1984 movie not released for decades and apparently far more incompetent/gonzo than even this. As is, this was a lot of fun & praise will be given to Vinegar Syndrome for discovering this then putting in all the time & effort to complete the film, despite big limitations.

No comments:

Post a Comment