Meg 2: The Trench

Meg 2: The Trench (2023)

28% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 152 reviews)

Runtime: 116 minutes

Directed by: Ben Wheatley… although you might not be able to tell

Starring: Statham, some other returning faces, along with new ones like Wu Jing and Sienna Guillory

From: Warner Bros. and some Chinese companies 

Today I'll catch up here... this is the first of two reviews to be posted through the night: 

I get why many didn’t like this, yet… I saw The Meg theatrically in ’18, but never again. That was fine, although part of the entertainment was that I sat by a random family which included a dad that acted like this was an MCU entry for him, a young son that went “yay!” softly a few times, and a young daughter who got scared a few times but it was never distracting. I wish I had that family this time in the crowd, but alas… another factor was that after I posted that review 5 years ago, Mom ended up becoming a big fan… of The Meg, not my review of it. She saw it at home more than once before she became sick then passed away. It’s a shame that happened; probably, she would have been over the moon (or rather, the sea) for it.

Statham and some others from the first return in an adventure that includes a Meg in captivity (!), three Megalodons on the rampage, secret mining operations and swerves that were telegraphed from a mile away. Truth be told, the movie has some issues; besides some obvious moments, the humor could be sigh-inducing, some moments were old-hat decades ago & this is just a dumb blockbuster. That said, it wasn’t a movie I hated—in fact, there was enjoyment to be had.

Perhaps it was because I saw a 3D showing and a few gags were explicitly for that format, but I had fun with this nonsense, including the goofy OOT setpieces, guys getting wrecked/killed, the presence of other creatures, villains getting their comeuppance… it was just enough to be acceptable. The fact that Chinese star Wu Jing was fine in his Hollywood blockbuster debut was another asset.

There was an abandoned plot thread or two and didn’t really seem like a Ben Wheatley picture—that will be irrelevant for some when there’s all that silly action in the third act. In other words, if you liked the first one for whatever reasons, there’s a chance you’ll feel the same way about The Trench.

Island of Death

Island of Death (1976)

Runtime: 106 minutes

Directed by: Nico Mastorakis

Starring: Bob Behling, Jane Lyle, Jessica Dublin, Gerard Gonalons, Jannice McConnell

From: Omega Pictures

Yeah, this was an endurance test! For awhile now I’ve known of this infamous Greek movie, filmed in English with plenty of English-speaking market by a Greek director for export. This literally was made only for money, because director Nico Mastorakis saw The Texas Chain Saw Massacre-the opening here blatantly rips of that off-and wanted to create something even more shocking. On that account, he succeeded. However, heaven knows this isn’t as good or well-regarded as Tobe Hooper’s classic.

A young British couple (Christopher and Celia) go to the Greek island of Mykonos for what seems like a honeymoon. In actuality, they are murderous sociopaths who do all sorts of heinous things along with an unusual kink or two. This includes:

Bestiality
Watersports
Blasphemy
Sexual assault
Homophobia
Voyeurism; oh, there’s plenty of that
Racism
Drug abuse

And more I won’t spoil. The movie was written in only a week and it shows. It’s far more about being appalling rather than appealing, more about offending than writing a compelling story and the acting talent varies wildly.

As I’ve alluded to in other reviews, shock movies like this aren’t usually my thing. That doesn’t mean I’ve avoided them entirely: I’ve seen A Serbian Film, for crying out loud. I’ve only seen this Mastorakis movie because it was my first and the others I check out from him will be less outrageous. By the third act (where for some reason we start hearing Christopher’s narration when that wasn’t a device used beforehand) this really started to run out of steam. Not even nice cinematography of what looked like a charming little island and an interesting score from Nikos Lavranos that goes in unexpected directions could keep my interest throughout.

This wasn’t as bad or punishing as I expected; at the same time, it was obvious why this was a Video Nasty in the UK that was actually prosecuted. Not that many people have probably done so, but undoubtedly this is one I won’t ever revisit.

 

Wild Style

Wild Style (1982)

Runtime: 82 minutes

Directed by: Charlie Ahearn

Starring: Many hip-hop and graffiti legends

From: First Run Features

Watching the first hip-hop movie on the 50th anniversary of hip-hop was only natural. August 11, 1973 is seen as the day that this phenomenon was born when DJ Kool Herc spun his two turntables and played breaks nonstop until the break of dawn at his younger sister’s back to school party in a Bronx apartment rec room. Friday had all sorts of celebration for this momentous day; while modern rap is just as rotten as modern music is in general, the classics are still great, even from the first few years rap was formed. The Criterion Channel has a collection called Hip Hop which has this and several other pictures from the 80’s through 2013.

The key note for this production: it was amateur in nature, given that the performers are actual people in the NYC hip-hop scene at the time, whether they be DJ’s, rappers, breakdancers or graffiti artists. All of those roles were important in that scene, at least at the time. We follow a graffiti artist named Raymond (Lee Quinones) who has a Zoro alter ego; he has issues with his fellow tagger girlfriend Rose (Lady Pink) & eventually strengthens his relationship w/ Phade (Fab 5 Freddy), which is beneficial for him. Yeah, the action, staging, direction, the plot construction and other technical aspects often aren’t great, to be charitable.

On the other side of the coin, the movie feeling so raw and authentic can also be seen as an asset. What is most important for those that even have a passing interest in the subject: all the legitimate art, dancing, and raps. It was great getting to see all those people from that scene perform: there’s also tagger Zephyr along with a panoply of musicians: Busy Bee, the Fly Girls, Union Crew, Grandmaster Flash (literally spinning in his kitchen), Fantastic Freaks, Double Trouble, the Rock Steady Crew, and others. Someone who also contributed to the soundtrack: Chris Stein. No surprise then that there are two Blondie songs. 

For all its faults, Wild Style is an invaluable artifact to a specific time in a movement that was still seen by most as a fad at the time, years before it took over the world. Even those who have an interest in seeing the Bad New York City of Old… yikes did The Bronx look awful; technically, I’m referring to the South Bronx. If you’ve seen films like Fort Apache, The Bronx or Wolfen, there are entire blocks leveled, burned/abandoned buildings, and it just looked bad.

 

Serpent of the Nile

Serpent of the Nile (1953)

Runtime: 81 minutes

Directed by: William Castle

Starring: Rhonda Fleming, William Lundigan, Raymond Burr, Jean Byron, Michael Ansara

From: Columbia

It’s time to talk about William Castle before he made his own horror movies w/ outrageous gimmicks. By the time he was able to go independent, he had worked for (mainly) Columbia for years and made something like 50 B-movies, none of which are ever talked about even amongst nerds like us. Thus, when TCM played this late last night as part of their day devoted to Rhonda Fleming, it was an opportunity that had to be taken; most of those early films can only be found via some deep digging online, if they can be found at all… of course, this actually IS on YouTube, but more on that in a bit. The producer was Sam Katzman, who was a B-movie maven so he worked often w/ Castle.

Serpent of the Nile is a film about Cleopatra and Mark Antony, right after the death of Julius Caesar. Actually, it’s a love triangle as there’s also William Lundigan as Lucilus.Cleo was played by Fleming, an actress I’ve seen little of. Meanwhile, Antony was played by… Raymond Burr! I was surprised at first, but naturally Burr had enough talent to pull it off. It will sound crass to suggest that there was something between the two men given Burr’s sexuality, yet…

It’s for certain not a lavish production, even if you don’t compare it with the epic from the next decade w/ Elizabeth Taylor. Yet the entire effort is short-81 minutes-and every aspect is at least competent; the fact that this was a Technicolor production also helped. There are some rather grand matte paintings which help w/ the illusion. Also, it was shot on the sets of a big budget Columbia release (Rita Hayworth’s Salome) so at least those looked swell.

I read somewhere else that before last night, TCM only played this once… in 2009. The print typically did look nice, and looked better than what was on YouTube, which was ID’ed as from the last showing; who knows if there are enough dorks out there to purchase such a set, but if a label were to put out some of Castle’s early films… apparently, the actress who played Cleo’s sister (not a huge role) was unbilled and well, even now no one knows who the heck she was. On the flip side, we know that this was one of Julie Newmar’s early roles, again in a small part-albeit memorable as she’s painted head to toe in gold!

The film was fine; definitely not a must-see, but thankfully not a disaster either. Speaking of disasters… Netflix’s Queen Cleopatra has been avoided by me; besides the whole race aspect, it allegedly was even more historically inaccurate than this film was. It’s best if I say no more about Queen Cleopatra, as I’ve already stepped on a hornet’s nest just be mentioning it.

84C MoPic

84C MoPic (1989)

Runtime: The version on YouTube is 90 minutes

Directed by: Patrick Sheane Duncan

Starring: Plenty of unfamiliar actors but there is Richard Brooks & Glenn Morshower

From: New Century Vista Company

This is a Vietnam War movie… a found footage Vietnam War movie, that is! While that subgenre is mostly associated w/ horror, it is not exclusively. Before found footage became a fad for a few years in the 2000’s, there were a few even back in the 1980’s. 

This was from Patrick Sheane Duncan, a Vietnam War veteran himself. The gimmick is that the footage is officially shot for the Army by a soldier in the late 1960’s; his codename is the film’s title and MoPic stands for “motion picture.” A small reconnaissance team is being followed as they go behind enemy lines in territory control by the North Vietnamese. Plenty of time is spent getting to know all the personalities as they talk to each other & the camera. They are a tight-knit group where the leader being a Black man is irrelevant & conflict arises when a new soldier (not MoPic) butts heads w/ everyone else. Is it a spoiler to suggest that things go wrong?

This low-budget effort is far more about the setting and characters than any action; there are only a few scenes where weapons are fired. Getting to know the soldiers is key as when bad things happen and the result is dramatic moments & reaction, that hits harder. Found footage seemingly is used too often as a gimmick and/or a way to be cheap; this was an example where the technique fit the themes of how mundane war can be yet in a split-second tragedy can occur. The war-weary men who can’t wait to return to their families back home, the one soldier in contrast who wants to be a lifer, the little details to avoid detection… it was all fascinating and a different take on the war movie. Of course it was incredibly unfair for the movie to be released in the Philippines as PLATOON 2, but that’s not the fault of the filmmakers.

Regrettably, the film is usually difficult to track down; thus, when I stumbled upon a print on YouTube that was just uploaded, it was an immediate priority for viewing. As of posting the video’s still up but it’s always a gamble on that platform as to what remains & what gets banished.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

TMNT: Mutant Mayhem (2023)

96% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 186 reviews)

Runtime: 99 minutes

Directed by: Jeff Rowe/Kyle Spears

Starring: Plenty of familiar voices, including some now controversial people and some I just loathe

From: Paramount/Nickelodeon

You know, modern comedies just aren't for me. I've mentioned this in other reviews but there are reasons why current examples of that genre are in essence never watched by me, as I usually don't find them funny. I had great concerns with how funny I would find this given how heavily Seth Rogen was involved in the production. Turns out, there was plenty of huge laughs from the big crowd I saw this w/ last night... personally, I am not a fan of “rambling, babbling humor”, characters talking over each other equaling “hilarity”, awkwardness being a source of jokes, or the apparent belief that I'm supposed to double over w/ laughter because the characters used some vomit-inducing modern words I refuse to even mention here & the Turtles have seen Adele in concert, not to mention play Forza Horizon!

That plus a story which in essence was yet ANOTHER tired plot we have gotten WAY too often in the past 15 years or so, and it took the strength of some other elements for me to give this a modest grade. Note that my opinion has nothing to do w/ this film's interpretation of April O'Neil. That controversy is pretty gross, typically because the biggest blowhards bellowing about it either are using what sounds like racist dog whistles to me or they think that character was “fat and ugly”... should you be saying that, grown man, about a girl in high school who apparently was 16 years old!

As someone who slavishly watched the OG cartoon as a kid and was taken to the first two movies on the big screen as a kid, I was disappointed that the “humor” was such a miss for me; I loathed a running “joke” this had, but the crowd disagreed. All the complaining aside, at least I can compliment the unique animated look this had & how grimy NYC looked. The score was impressive, because they somehow roped in Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross to do it; also, the soundtrack was either East Coast Hip Hop from the past or some deep cuts from other genres that I appreciated. Note that I was only bumfuzzled by the movie literally using a song cover from a MEME for a big scene. Yeah, that video is a classic... which really only works for the video the song was covered for!

Note that the presence of two actors who did not have a great July in the court of public opinion (Ice Cube, Jackie Chan) has nothing to do with my opinion. Neither did the presence of two others who I truly despise... Post Malone and MrBeast! At least I did not have to look at an Autotuned goof who has prison tattoos on his face or some grifter who gamed the YouTube algorithm and thinks it's a good idea to have images on their videos where they are mouth-agape as if their IQ was below 85!

It's disappointing that I didn't like more about this when so many are... off their shells for it. I'll just shrug my shoulders and move on.

Deal of the Century

Deal of the Century (1983)

Runtime: 99 minutes

Directed by: William Friedkin (RIP)

Starring: Chevy Chase, Sigourney Weaver, Gregory Hines, several "That Guy" actors

From: Warner Bros.

This is not the most dignified way for me to say “RIP William Friedkin”, but... to be brief, I've reviewed his most famous work already, I'll likely wait until October to revisit The Exorcist on its 50th anniversary, and Killer Joe is something I need to watch again yet that is NOT an easy watch—talk about a dark film full of unpleasant characters. In contrast, while this has a reputation as a bomb, a leading trio of Chevy Chase, Sigourney Weaver and Gregory Hines just sounded odd (and it was), & Friedkin being a director for hire also intrigued. Paul Brickman wasn't finished w/ Risky Business yet; at least that was a hit...

I discovered why Ol' William wasn't known for his comedies. He only did a few and this had to be his worst one; he didn't even write a single word about it in his autobiography. It concerns Luckup Industries-wonder what that rhymes with-and other arms contractors in a satire; Lord knows that is an industry that deserves scorn... selling weapons that kill to anyone willing to pay the price. However, this was too toothless (even w/ direct references to Reagan and & Bush Sr.) and aside from some chuckles, not that funny OR entertaining. That is, unless you think that suicide because someone is stringing you along for weeks is knee-slapping hilarious. What a misfire.

Not even the lead trio, Wallace Shawn, several “that guy” actors nor Ray Manzarek (yes, the keyboardist for The Doors had a small role for who knows what reason) could make this worthwhile. Dr. Strangelove this wasn't; at least that didn't treat Latin America in a snide, condescending manner. I know there were plenty of projects he wanted to do and they never came to fruition so it was a shame that in a career full of peaks & valleys, this was during a bad time so he had to take the job of directing a film that many don't know or remember existed 40 years later.

At least he made a few films that range from very good to classic, and even something flawed like Cruising is still worth seeing. As for Deal of the Century, I'm not really surprised that in 2023 this has not made its way into the HD era.