Mortal Kombat Annihilation

Mortal Kombat Annihilation (1997)

Runtime: 95 agonizing minutes

Directed by: John R. Leonetti

Starring: Robin Shou, Talisa Soto, James Remar, Sandra Hess, Brian Thompson

From: New Line Cinema

This was as bad as I always heard! Movies I suspect will be poor aren’t viewed as often as they were in the past; they at least make even OK to fine motion pictures look better in comparison. The 1995 Mortal Kombat-for example-was far more enjoyable than Annihilation.

The story is the biggest Achilles’ Heel; it is utter bollocks that is an illogical mess, changes franchise lore, shoehorns in all the characters from Mortal Kombat 3 in the most inelegant way possible, contains putrid dialogue, and is not an enjoyable motion picture to partake in as a result. The replacements for the cast (only Robin Shou and Talisa Soto returned) are fine, I suppose… the plot is just impossible to give a darn about. Another fatal flaw: the villains are 1/100 as intimidating or memorable as Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa in the first movie.

Without a doubt, the CG and how horribly it has aged could be roasted by me as well—how visually-unpleasant those effects were even took me aback. At the same time, other movies around the time had a similar issue and many people at the time likely would have done better if the technology of the time and budget would have better matched their ambition… plus, if rumors mentioned on sites like Reddit and a random Letterboxd reviewer are anything to go by-of course, I can’t confirm or deny these allegations-the CG was rushed & unfinished! If true, those involved w/ that aspect will be looked at by me w/ a less-critical eye.

Mortal Kombat Annihilation was so unsatisfying as a motion picture, the viewer never received another live-action theatrical film until about quarter-century later. Yeah, it’s neat that they filmed in different exotic locations (such as the country of Jordan) and the period soundtrack was cool. However, that was not enough for this awful film, featuring a hogwash story concerning “the merging of two realms” that featured stakes best described as “feeling inconsequential.” No matter my opinion of Mortal Kombat II, the quality of the finished product will be superior to that of Annihilation.

 

Mortal Kombat (The Original)

Mortal Kombat (1995)

Runtime: 101 minutes

Directed by: Paul W.S. Anderson

Starring: Robin Shou, Linden Ashby, Brigitte Wilson-Sampras, Christopher Lambert, Talisa Soto, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa

From: New Line Cinema

Yes, this is prep for me checking out Mortal Kombat II sometime in the next few days. I have played some of the games on console, put some quarters in the arcade machine, and saw the 2021 MK; a die-hard fan is not a category I belong in. That’s why this is a first-time viewing.

Even I can admit the threadbare plot, the CG which at least is funny-bad, and goofy moments shoehorned in. Filmmaking in general has changed so much in the three decades since release that I can praise PAUL W.S. ANDERSON for filming on real sets, lighting and using the proper color in scenes, editing, the filming of the action scenes, blocking, & visually stunning images, yet that’s the state we’re at now. Of course, filming in scenic Thailand was a feast for the eyes.

The 1995 Mortal Kombat is silly nonsense where the martial arts ain’t always spectacular-to say the least-yet to the film’s credit they still presented much of what the viewer wanted: the recognizable characters interacting with each other as they fight in a big tournament. The PG-13 rating is the big detail that will hang in the craw of many, although considering that as a kid I remember how HUGE the controversy was concerning the OOT gore of the fatalities in the game, not presenting those in the movie I reckon was the right decision for the time. Otherwise, they said “the lines” and featured trademark moments from each fighter.

It was always nice seeing the likes of Christopher Lambert (or CHRISTOPHE LAMBEAR, to present how his name is pronounced); arguably, Robin Shou and undoubtedly Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa-a belated RIP to him-were the highlights. Also delightful was the period score and soundtrack, especially the techno theme that’s still iconic today.

Heaven knows the movie isn’t immune to valid criticism. At the same time, those that even have some familiarity w/ the property might be charmed by the film. Me, I can appreciate that the lead was a Pacific Rim Asian man born in Hong Kong, the statuesque Brigitte Wilson-Sampras did her own stunts, and Linden Ashby as the egotistical Johnny Cage learned practiced some martial arts disciplines for the part. I’m sure the movie looks even better when compared w/ Mortal Kombat: Annihilation…

 

Olivia

Olivia (1983)

Runtime: 82 minutes

Directed by: Ulli Lommel

Starring: Suzanna Love, Robert Walker, Jr., Jeff Winchester, Bibbe Hansen, Amy Robinson

From: Ambassador/New West

I was sold on this as “Ulli Lommel does De Palma” and that was the case. In the past I scoffed at Lommel as a director, due to how worthless his 21st century output was, according to popular opinion. However, the 1980’s-when he was married to DuPont heiress Suzanna Love-were a different story. I say it was her that made him not a bad director.

Like w/ De Palma, Olivia was obviously inspired by Hitchcock, only this was much sleazier than what Hitch was allowed to show. The opening scene is the titular Olivia (at the age of FIVE) viewing her prostitute mother in London through a keyhole-now, I know this is a director’s trope!-servicing her Johns, including an S&M creep that accidentally kills Mom during a sex game gone wrong. Fifteen years later, Olivia secretly walks the street herself as her husband is a pillock. There she meets Robert Walker, Jr.-which is hilarious casting-and has an affair.

In this sordid tale that also featured steamy explicit sex scenes, sexual assault and exhibitionism, would you believe that this is an alternate history where the old London Bridge was moved to Lake Havasu City, Arizona in the 80’s instead of 1971. You see, Walker is an American in London who was responsible for the relocation of the bridge instead of American entrepreneur Robert P. McCullough. The first half is set in London, the rest in Lake Havasu City. The Hitchcock references are that adult Olivia hears the voice of her dead Mummy and… well, I won’t spoil the obvious movie the film was “inspired” by, except that De Palma made his version before 1983.

Yes, the movie is improbable nonsense at best, even if it was evidently inspired by a Guy de Maupassant story not named in the flick’s Wiki article. No surprise that this was a movie released by Vinegar Syndrome in 2020 & was viewed on the esoteric streaming service Eternal Family. As odd as the story was, Olivia was still amusing trash that possessed dream-like vibes. I can’t rate this as highly as some-one issue is that the Hitch film this rips off is not one I love like everyone else does.

A rather unique quirk is that Olivia can open a bottle cap with just her teeth-sounds like a veiled reference to some sort of oral fixation to me! In any event, this product that also has giallo vibes was at least something different, whether it be at the time or now. Love was charming as the title character. The creepy score from Joel Goldsmith (yes, Jerry’s son) was an asset.

One final note: this did come out before the infamous 1985 TV movie Bridge Across Time, also involving the relocated London Bridge, and Jack the Ripper somehow resurrecting a century later, starring DAVID HASSELHOFF… no, not as Jack! Perhaps that will be viewed sometime in the far-flung future; even if bad, hopefully it’d be hysterically so.

Rage

Rage (1995)

Runtime: 95 minutes

Directed by: Joseph Merhi

Starring: Gary Daniels, Kenneth Tigar, Peter Jason, Fiona Hutchison, Mark Metcalf

From: PM Entertainment Group

My return to the world of PM Entertainment Group was LONG overdue, although not as long as my knowledge-thanks to a messageboard thread-that British martial artist turned actor Gary Daniels had a trilogy of worthwhile direct to video films in the 90’s: Rage, Recoil, and Riot. They share nothing in common aside from the star, studio, and titles starting with “R.”

The plot is hogwash concerning a right-wing militia, evil cops, and a corrupt tech company who experiment on illegal Mexican immigrants to create a “super soldier”-insert your own comments if you wish! “Limey” Daniels (portraying a 2nd grade teacher) becomes involved solely because one of the Mexicans carjacked him and he’s a ripped dude. There’s the hero, his friends, the villains, and a television reporter who is one of the few that believes our hero is innocent.

The plot and characters-even the one portrayed by Peter Jason for a few scenes-are as deep as a puddle but that’s irrelevant for B-movie fans. Daniels is a Man on the Run and this allows for an onslaught of action scenes. PM Entertainment Group focused on this aspect, specifically giving stuntmen & stunt coordinators steady work by presenting OOT beats where you swear that those stuntmen were maimed or killed on screen.

Rage featured: Defenestrations, more broken glass than in Another 48 Hrs., kicks, punches, gunfights, squibs, people hanging off helicopters, people hanging off of skyscrapers, explosions, a dominatrix (!) and two wild stunts. The first is an original Chevy Blazer corkscrewing in the air as it launched over a semi on its side as it explodes. Even more brain-melting is that when a school bus hits a tanker truck head-on, a stuntman standing on top of the truck is lit on fire and flies through the air, out of control!

The stunts are impressive even compared with what was seen in Hollywood at the time. Motion pictures like this are naturally only appealing to a niche audience-thankfully I’m part of that crowd. The finale’s setting of “90’s mall” is expressly pleasing for an Old Man like myself.

The Ghost of Frankenstein

The Ghost of Frankenstein (1942)

Runtime: 67 minutes

Directed by: Erle  C. Kenton

Starring: Cedric Hardwicke, Ralph Bellamy, Lionel Atwill, Lon Chaney, Jr., Bela Lugosi

From: Universal 

The Monster was Ygor’s Ride or Die…

For the first time since this past fall, I viewed a movie on the streaming channel Universal Monsters, which can be found on platforms like Pluto TV. In the past, I’ve viewed the third movie in Universal’s Frankenstein franchise (Son of Frankenstein) and the fifth (Frankenstein vs. The Wolf Man) so it was overdue for me to close the loop by checking out this, the fourth.

The people of the village are still miffed about the impact of Frankenstein and his son & all the trouble they’ve caused. His castle is destroyed but because circumstances, Ygor has been obsessed w/ the corpse of The Monster and it is suddenly revived. Conveniently, there is ANOTHER son of Henry Frankenstein that is a scientist; it does not take much cajoling to convince Ludwig Frankenstein-including a ghostly apparition from his late father-that The Monster needed a new brain; at least that’s a logical step to take in this universe.

Ghost is flawed and not as good as the first three in the franchise; nitpicks could be made, including the obvious inclusion of a little girl in an attempt to humanize The Monster. That said, the movie was still a good time between the cast, the sets, the mood, the atmosphere, the interesting musical score, and the love that Ygor has for The Monster, which isn’t necessarily reciprocated.

Lon Chaney, Jr. replaced Boris Karloff as The Monster; he was fine, but naturally wasn’t iconic in the role like the man whose shoes he attempted to fill. With the right expectations going in, you may also feel that The Ghost of Frankenstein is fine.

The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze

The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze (1963)

Runtime: 94 minutes

Directed by: Norman Maurer

Starring: The Three Stooges, Joan Freeman, & Jay Sheffield

From: Columbia

After a day off from reviewing cinema, I am now back in the saddle as I revisit a film watched both as a kid & as an adult. Moe Howard did pass away on May 4, 1975; while of course I tipped my cap to the Stooges often last year when viewing all 190 of their shorts at Columbia, it was a nice change of pace to view a comedy after the serious cinema witnessed the past week.

The film established a wacky conceit immediately: the implication is presented that Around the World in 80 Days from Jules Verne was a non-fictional account of Phileas Fogg accomplishing the task. Long story, but the detail to note is that a fraudster (who disguises himself by… wearing a goatee) wages the great-grandson of Fogg to accomplish the same task in a scheme to frame him for the crime of embezzling-again, long story. I’ve never read the novel but from Wiki, I know some details were retained, including The Reform Club and living a life to mathematical precision.

This time, Phileas Fogg III is required to make the trip “without spending even a farthing,” and his servants-the Stooges-volunteered to go on this trek w/ their boss. Through movie magic, those characters go around the world while the movie was filmed in California. Along the way, they meet Joan Freeman; in an interesting bit of trivia, the character has the same backstory as the actress: both are from Council Bluffs, Iowa.

The film can certainly be nitpicked; sometimes, Fogg III is said to be the great-great grandson, for some bizarre reason; how was this mistake left in? Some white people portray ethnic characters and there’s dated humor that is blatantly racist by 2026 standards. Be that as it may, I was still entertained by this nonsense. Some lines of dialogue and routines were “borrowed” from the Curly Howard era; that’s fine with me as they’re still funny.

To mention a random detail: there’s a sumo wrestling subplot when they’re in Japan; that wrestler… he was portrayed by pro wrestler Curtis Iaukea, who wrestled around the world way back when and was briefly a manager in 1980’s WWF and 1995 WCW.

For most viewers, they’ll prefer a traditional take on the legendary Wells novel. However, if you’re a Stooge fan, this effort from director/producer/writer Norman Mauer (Moe’s son-in-law) is well worth a look.

Who'll Stop the Rain

Who’ll Stop the Rain(1978)

Runtime: 126 minutes

Directed by: Karel Reisz

Starring: Nick Nolte, Tuesday Weld, Michael Moriarty, Anthony Zerbe, Richard Masur

From: United Artists

Viewing another downbeat 70’s thriller wasn’t in the cards… but I’ve known of this movie for awhile and when someone in a messageboard thread mentioned their viewing of the movie yesterday-they were a fan-and opined if anyone else had seen it, no better time to cross this off the list. I gave positive thoughts in my subsequent post, mentioning the positives I’ll list below. 

Turns out, running drugs for Michael Moriarty was a poor idea. He and Nick Nolte are in Vietnam for the war; Moriarty convinces Nolte to run a large shipment of smack to his wife Tuesday Weld back in California. Of course, when drugs are involved, what should have been simple turned out quite complicated & the duo of Nolte/Weld go into hiding as he attempts to get themselves out of that quagmire. If you’re reminded of True Romance, you’d be like me; I’ll just presume that Tarantino is a big fan of Who’ll Stop the Rain.

I won’t reveal much more of the plot-case anyone wants to be as surprised as I was by the events that transpired. The movie is downbeat even by 70’s standards & has a pace that may be seen as “too laconic” by some. Myself, I was riveted by the journey, the score, the cinematography-sections of the film take place outdoors, featuring stunning vistas-the characters… Weld’s Marge is addicted to pain pills, a sadly relevant plot point.

I was also happy to see other familiar faces (e.g. Richard Masur, Ray Sharkey, Anthony Zerbe). The main players did a swell job-Moriarty is a real-life lunatic but boy could he act. Nolte in the 70’s was quality, and like many, I wish Weld acted more often. In addition, the title does reference the Creedence Clearwater Revival song; the source material was a novel titled Dog Soldiers but that was changed for its United States release. Appropriately, that haunting song was heard on a few occasions-setting the proper mood for the film-along with two others from CCR, and random tunes from other genres. Turns out, country artist Hank Snow’s Golden Rocket is a rad tune.

There is an exciting action scene in the third act; otherwise, much of the movie’s a serious drama which might be too depressing, too laid-back for some. Myself, 70’s cinema can be quite intoxicating, its dark themes sometimes enveloping me. I wouldn’t want a steady diet of serious, somber pictures-especially if they had gut-punch endings like this did-yet once in awhile is quite satisfying.

The Man Who Knew Too Much (The Remake)

The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956)

Runtime: 120 minutes

Directed by: Alfred Hitchcock

Starring: James Stewart, Doris Day, Brenda de Banzie, Bernard Miles, Ralph Truman

From: Paramount

Que Sera, Sera

My second review of the day (after revisiting the original Man) is finally seeing the 50’s remake for the first time. I have the film on physical media & it’s been too long since any Hitchcock’s been tackled by me. I don’t even have to ask—some will be dismayed that this is my first Doris Day movie. Shame on me-in the far-flung future, more of her work will be seen.

The general plot is the same as in the 1934 movie: the young child of a married couple is kidnapped in a foreign country, the villains want to keep them quiet so an assassination plot isn’t revealed, etc. This time, James Stewart, Day, and their young boy Hank is in Marrakech, Morocco. That provided scenery unique even by 2026 standards. The other 60 or so percent of the movie is in London as Ol’ Jimmy attempts to crack the case.

If I was the insufferable CinemaSins type, some aspects could be nitpicked. However, I am not a turd so I’ll state that those nitpicks didn’t ruin the film. This is not the best from Hitch-mainly because he’s an all-timer who directed at least 6 films I’d put in the “great” category. No shame in this “just” being a very good cinematic experience. The villains here aren’t as memorable as Peter Lorre in ’34—otherwise, this was a nice improvement on that. The direction, the score from Bernard Herrmann, the setting, the cinematography, the VistaVision, the climactic scene featuring the attempted assassination-that was all aces.

Sure, there’s no hysterical chair-throwing brouhaha like in ’34 but there is a great, long scene without dialogue that features an operatic tune. Of course, Timothee Chalamet wouldn’t appreciate that song-in contrast, I did!

I was delighted to see something else from Hitchcock, see Doris Day for the first time, see a new delightful Jimmy Stewart performance, and develop an even further appreciation for what an incredible run Sir Alfred had from 1954 through 1963.

 

Drunken Angel

Drunken Angel (1948)

Runtime: 98 minutes

Directed by: Akira Kurosawa

Starring: Takashi Shimura, Toshiro Mifune, Reizaburo Yamamoto, Michiyo Kogure, Chieko Nakakita

From: Toho  

Shamefully, I hadn’t seen any Akira Kurosawa new to me in about 2 ½ years; this was a major oversight so when Turner Classic Movies played this movie late last night, the choice was obvious. Not only was this the director’s breakout hit, it was the first collaboration w/ Toshiro Mifune & the other lead was Takashi Shimura.

The tale isn’t upbeat: the setting is a slum with an open cesspool shown often. Shimura is talented doctor Sanada, crippled by a severe case of alcoholism; this is why he is stuck treating patients like Yakuza member Mifune (Matsunaga), who he first treated for a hand injury. He then discovers that Matsunaga has a bad case of TB; the doctor attempts to change the self-destructive nature of his patient-or even have him believe the illness is legitimate-but that might be an impossible task.

Despite the flawed lead duo-along with other troubled characters like Sanada’s nurse Miyo (whose abusive ex is a Yakuza member about to release from prison), there are moments of optimism throughout, including a young high school lady who is having her TB treated by the doctor. Sanada’s bedside manner is rather gruff yet he does care about his patients, even bad actors like Matsunaga. This relationship also allows Sanada to examine his own flaws.

I don’t need to explain how well Kurosawa did in the director’s chair or that the cast did a swell job-and not just the famous names. Worthy of mention is that the cesspool is a metaphor representing Japan struggling in its attempts to recover from World War II, a lingering theme throughout Drunken Angel. The film is mature yet thankfully not overwhelming in its grim nature. After all, Matsunaga is fatalistic, believing he’ll eventually die anyway… props to the makeup that augment Mifune’s performance, representing the deterioration of his body. I will also give props to Shimura for his role that wasn’t the good-hearted pleasantness I’m used to him embody in his typical parts, whether it be in Kurosawa or multiple Godzilla films.

I will not be a fool that waits this long before viewing then reviewing another Kurosawa picture.

The Man Who Knew Too Much (The Original), Revisited

I was glad to have revisited this film; despite an irritating opening, the movie is still better than I gave it credit for when first viewed almost 9 (!) years ago. I’m happy this randomly played on the Criterion Channel’s 24/7 service last night. Besides writing a brand-new (& better) review, this will be the first of two reviews I post today; the second will be in fact the 1956 remake of The Man Who Knew Too Much.

It’s been far too long since checking out any Hitchcock. Regarding this motion picture, a murder occurs at a bucolic little Swiss ski resort. Despite being French, Louis keeps a stiff upper lip like he was a Brit as he explains to the leading lady friend where a MacGuffin is located that is related to a major crime-before dropping dead from a rifle shot. It’s a MacGuffin as it’s not important to us why a European Head of State would be assassinated-aside of a hint that they want to start another World War. The lead couple’s young teen daughter Betty is kidnapped in an attempt to silence the lead couple.

The movie was better than I recalled. This had quite the duo of lead guy Bob Lawrence paired w/ detective Clive as they attempt to find Betty. Their trek includes a visit to the dentist (reminding me of Marathon Man) and a sun-worshiping cult; are those even around now, almost a century later? The assassination attempt is at a famous London location still in existence today, quite the juxtaposition that a death is planned at such an establishment.

My carping at the opening aside, it still established key points that would be relevant in the final act. The film isn’t without flaws yet had enough shootouts, suspense, intrigue, well-timed moments of humor to offer a brief respite, and quality editing to make this version of The Man Who Knew Too Much a pretty good time. The cast was fine although Peter Lorre as the villain was the highlight-impressive, as he had just left German and barely knew any English at the time, speaking most of his lines phonetically. 

I’m excited to check out the 1956 remake, generally regarded as an improvement.

An Update

Tomorrow, I will post FOUR reviews. After then, I'll finally be caught up here.

Man on the Roof

Man on the Roof (Mannen Pa Taket) (1976)

Runtime: 108 minutes

Directed by: Bo Widerberg

Starring: Carl Gustaf-Linstedt,  Sven Wolter, Thomas Hellberg, Hakan Serner, Ingvar Hirdwell

From: SF Studios

The task of fulfilling all movie requests: the task of Sisyphus! Still, I never mind receiving them.

A little more than two years ago, I tracked down a copy of 1973’s The Laughing Policeman, a cop drama starring Walter Matthau & Bruce Dern set in San Francisco & loosely based on a novel in the series of Martin Beck books, written by Swedish authors Maj Sjowall & Per Wahloo. I found the movie pretty good; a mutual left a comment referencing this film, made by Swedish filmmakers & adapting another book in the franchise. I’d known of it before; despite tracking down a copy w/ English subtitles, it took this long to finally pull the trigger; my apologies to that mutual.

The opening: a police Lieutenant (Nyman) is murdered while in the hospital; the crime was far bloodier than expected. Martin Beck is a Detective in the homicide squad; he and his colleague-including one that vaguely resembles Giovanni Ribisi-investigate the crime, using logic and reasoning to narrow down the list of suspects. Note that Nyman was soon revealed as a dirty, abusive cop… insert your own comments if you wish.

The first half has a laconic, methodical pace—I was still riveted due to the characters and plot, along with the Swedish/European flavor, which includes “random male full frontal nudity” in one scene. Eventually, the tenor changes in the second half, when the titular man on the roof appears, w/ automatic weaponry and firing at any & all police officers. This and the protagonist’s attempt to neutralize this threat was edge-of-your-seat gripping.

The minimalist jazzy score, the cold, austere setting, the matter-of-fact investigation, the bold narrative choices, the solid performance of the cast (especially the older, fleshy Carl-Gustaf Linstedt as Beck, a world-weary cop increasingly downtrodden due to revelations made throughout) … shame on me for not firing the shot and viewing Man on the Roof much sooner.

Thankfully, Radiance Film has a region-free Blu of the film-perhaps this will be a future purchase.

Fuze

Fuze (2025)

73% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 88 reviews)

Runtime: 98 minutes

Directed by: David Mackenzie

Starring: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Theo James, Sam Worthington, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Saffron Hocking

From: A number of different British companies

This fuse did not light a large bomb-at least the movie wasn’t a bomb. Last fall I gave a shot to the then-newest film of David Mackenzie (of Hell or High Water fame): Relay. That was a lot of fun, a wise decision to check out theatrically as there should be more modest genre efforts on the big screen. When I learned he had a new film out this week, there was no reason for me not to grant it the same courtesy.

In the Paddington area of London-I’m a Yankee, so Wiki was needed to give the exact location-an unexploded World War II bomb was found at a dig site; in came the bomb squad, led by Aaron Taylor-Johnson. Concurrently, in the same area now cordoned off is a heist of a bank led by Theo James and Sam Worthington. Meanwhile, Gugu Mbatha-Raw is the Chief Superintendent officer in charge of this scenario.

The first act was quite exciting as Fuze cut between the police station, the bomb site, and the robbers committing the heist underground. The rest of the movie… the scenarios are more standard in the field of “crime drama” and the movie did not feel as unique as is beginning. In addition, what I feared would happen in this British crime drama did occur: a certain overused swear word (especially in that country’s cinema) was heard only a few times in Act 1 but was much more frequent the rest of the picture, much to my dismay. Then, there was the conclusion—this did not nail the landing, for more than one reason that won’t be elaborated upon.

I’m always down for modestly-budgeted adult movies being released into cinemas-more should be viewed by me. It’d be better if the characters didn’t curse like they were John Davidson, but… Fuze was fine & competent, whether it was the acting, the characters, the score, the setting, the scenarios, the action beats, etc. I don’t regret the theatrical viewing; in fact, that may have made me rate the movie a bit higher than if this had been saved later for home viewing—it’s just that Relay is more my style, more my style of entertainment.

However, those that wish to see a bare-assed Taylor-Johnson taking a shower…

Resident Evil

Resident Evil (2002)

Runtime: 100 minutes

Directed by: Paul W.S. Anderson

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Eric Mabius, James Purefoy, Martin Crewes

From: Several different companies, including Constantin Film 

Would people be APPALLED that a Resident Evil movie has not been seen by me until just now? If not, I know many will be up in arms that no RE game has ever been played by me. Cultural osmosis meant I knew the basics, character names, themes, etc. but I’ve never felt like diving into any of the movie or streaming timelines.

That finally changed due to messageboard discussion concerning Milla Jovovich (more on that later) which made me realize that most of her movies have been unwatched, the news concerning Zach Cregger’s upcoming film in the franchise-that presumably will once again not be satisfying for the game’s fans that wish it’d simply follow the B-movie horror the games were based on-& the first installment leaving Prime Friday meant this finally felt like the time to hit “play.”

Yeah, “Raccoon City” and “The Umbrella Corporation” are silly names, nevermind LICKERS; no offense, game fans. However, this film as a whole… it’s fine. If I was familiar w/ the games, my tune likely will be different. As something stand-alone… most people likely know the plot-a description won’t be provided by me. An asset in this case is that the movie is slick early 2000’s entertainment & I always laugh at how films in the late 90’s to early 2000’s have a style all their own that’s different from before & hasn’t been replicated since.

Another point in its favor: I unfortunately have viewed Ultraviolet before and that is far worse than Resident Evil ’02. Are there blatant info dumps and characters sometime stating obvious information for the benefit of the audience? Sure, but the cast was fine (including Milla, Colin Salmon and Michelle Rodriguez playing the exact sort of Michelle Rodriguez action heroine character you’d expect), the production design was fine, and I enjoyed the electronic score from Marco Beltrami and… ahem, the now-canceled Marilyn Manson.

Note that the movie won’t be punished because the first installment in the franchise SHOULD have been directed by George A. Romero but those plans weren’t finalized due to nonsense reasons.

RE ’02 isn’t that scary, unless you’re frightened by CG that usually hasn’t aged well. At least there’s zombie action-sometimes involving dogs-explosions, moisture-filled utility tunnels, and jumping spin kicks to zombie dogs to make the movie inoffensive. Not that I ever need to see the other movies in this timeline, mind you.

Now, as to how Ms. Jovovich was recently discussed in a messageboard thread, someone mentioned that her new movie Protector was bad. Someone else replied, “I thought you said that Milla Jovovich was in a Predator film!” Given the quality of the majority in that franchise… why not have her star in one as a badass woman? Her husband’s direction wasn’t terrible here—that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have serious reservations about him having another crack at the Predator alien!

Girl Shy

Girl Shy (1924)

Runtime: 89 minutes

Directed by: Fred C. Newmeyer/Sam Taylor

Starring: Harold Lloyd, Jobyna Ralston, Richard Daniels, Carlton Griffin, Nola Luxford

From: Pathe Exchange

Harold Lloyd… INCEL?!

Last night this film played late at night on Turner Classic Movies; I’m always down for Lloyd, whether it be his shorts or feature films. The conceit of the movie is great by 2026 standards.

He plays a literal stuttering fool who is petrified of women, yet he has an author persona he created for a non-fiction manuscript he’s attempting to shop around where he cosplays as a lothario who tells other young men how to woo women. So yes, just like many males on Twitter and Reddit… once he meets Jobyna Ralston, his demeanor changes and the viewer desires for those two to eventually start a relationship. There are complications along the way, including her having a much-older suiter. 

No one should be concerned over Lloyd’s character as a loathsome creature like an actual incel; he’s as charming as ever so is frequent collaborator Ralston. The first hour sets the table; there are funny moments weaved throughout but the focus is on the story & the romantic angle, which includes actual dramatic moments for Lloyd. The rest of the film has a ticking clock he’s racing against and the biggest laughs are saved for the finale. It has the creative moments & slapstick I always enjoy from Ol’ Harold.

This isn’t my favorite from Lloyd overall; however, the final act is tremendous, well worth viewing the setup as the payoff was (motioning w/ my hands) chef’s kiss. It couldn’t be done exactly this way 102 years later, because of reasons I won’t spoil. However, I’d love to see a modern version of it, an epic rush to reach a destination involving many perilous moments.

Chernobyl Diaries, Revisited

What better way for me to acknowledge the 40th anniversary of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster than finally giving this movie a better review? Yes, that happened on April 26, 1986.

After taking a break from watching films both Friday and Saturday, this film was watched for the first time in about 13 years earlier today; the only thing I recalled before today was a moment or two… and a hysterical Russian named URI. He was more enjoyable than the goofball irritating quartet of young American adults who are on a European vacation and the biggest jackass of the group randomly meets Uri, who does “extreme tours” of Pripyat, the city right by the nuclear power plant.

I had no memory that the quartet of Americans were joined by a New Zealander and a Norwegian, who weren’t quite as frustrating. But man, was Uri great. He’s exactly what you’d imagine “middle-aged former member of the Russian military who does tours in an old UAZ military van” to look and sound like. After wandering around the ruins in the abandoned town (to the film’s credit, they did create or find reasonable facsimiles of Pripyat as they filmed in Hungary or Serbia, including the Ferris wheel in the town’s amusement park that’s one of the most famous images of the ruin), things go wrong as they have to sneak in but are stuck in town, because reasons.

The movie has a found footage flavor-everything is shot on handheld cameras-without actually being found footage except for one scene. Not a surprise, given that a co-writer and producer was Oren Peli, of Paranormal Activity fame. At least he has that franchise along with Insidious, although when it comes to his limited writing credits, the first PA is by far the highlight. The Chernobyl Diaries is the standard nonsense w/ expected jump scares & goofball young adults you probably want to see suffer gruesome fates.

The setting being decently brought to life and the Uri character (I was saddened when it was just learned that actor Dimitri Diatchenko passed away around this time 6 years ago) were not enough to make this standard, predictable film better than average. There’s no need to check out the film unless you have at least a small obsession w/ what happened at Chernobyl… and you might shake your head at how the victims of the tragedy were portrayed.

Body Bags

Body Bags (1993)

Runtime: 94 minutes

Directed by: John Carpenter/Tobe Hooper

Starring: Many familiar faces, including Robert Carradine (RIP)

From: Showtime

A belated RIP to Robert Carradine. While it took two months, this does not mean that I wasn’t bummed to hear about his death. The circumstances are especially rough; no hate on him or anyone else who struggled that much with those particular personal demons. It was always nice seeing him in a role, whether it was in Revenge of the Nerds, The Long Riders, or Escape from L.A. Of course, I never watched Lizzie McGuire but I’m glad that Carradine was able to work for decades & more importantly, had a loving family & judging by random Instagram posts that were in my feed two months ago, had many friends.

This is a Showtime TV movie which originally was to be that network’s version of Tales from the Crypt, but the show wasn’t picked up. A shame; John Carpenter was a hoot as the host, The Coroner. Like w/ The Cryptkeeper, he looked decrepit as terrible lines & puns were uttered.

The first segment was The Gas Station; me and many others find this to be the best. Carradine was Bill, who clocked out as new employee Anne clocked into the overnight shift at a 24 hour gas station convenience store in the middle of nowhere. He gives her the basic info then it was peace out for him as Anne works alone. Several customers are met, but there are reports that a serial killer is loose…

The Gas Station was the highlight in the eyes of me & many others. Several wacky guests visited the station (those were fun cameos) and chuckles were had. However, once the killer made their presence known, the suspense was cranked up and the experience became a fun ride. For many, the scenario of being stuck alone in an isolated location at night w/ a serial killer is utterly terrifying, but it has to be 10 times so for those that identify as female.

For those that identify as male, Hair will be chilling on its own if you experience thinning hair or otherwise are losing those follicles. There’s plenty for me to be neurotic about but at least what's on top of my head isn't. Stacy Keach is so hung up on this, he doesn’t listen to his girlfriend Sheena Easton’s proclamation that it isn’t a big deal to her. He visits a clinic seen in a commercial; yes, he does get new hair (holy cow, was it a hysterical look for him) but the other shoe drops, and suddenly he regrets his vanity. Hair is the most outwardly funny segment but the horror moments still do hit.

Unlike Carpenter’s The Gas Station and Hair, Eye was directed by Tobe Hooper. Mark Hamill (w/ mustache & Southern accent!) is a minor league baseball player likely to be called up to Major League Baseball. However, he loses his eye in a nasty car accident; luckily for him, doctor John Agar proclaims he can perform an eye transplant. As it’s from John Agar, of course Hamill and his girl Twiggy soon regret the transplant. The biggest surprise wasn’t even the Biblical subplot; rather, it was a fully-nude Hamill!

As with all anthologies, the bits vary in quality but thankfully all were at least good and provided variety. The practical effects were a breath of fresh air in 2026 as was the score from Carpenter, w/ Jim Lang. I was happy that the cast was full of familiar faces, no matter how small their role; everyone from Buck Flower and Charles Napier to David Warner, Debbie Harry, & Roger Corman.

While I wish it wouldn’t have taken a sad death from a legendary acting family for me to finally tackle Body Bags, this was a good selection for me to tip my cap to the late Robert Carradine.

Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects

Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects (1989)

Runtime: 97 minutes

Directed by: J. Lee Thompson

Starring: Charles Bronson, Perry Lopez, Juan Fernandez, James Pax, Peggy Lipton

From: Cannon

This was as sleazy as I’d always heard for years. That means “very” in this case. Curiosity got the best of me; I’m always happy to see something from Golan-Globus, and/or Charles Bronson. Wow, is it ever trashy & offensive. Most likely, “they don’t make ‘em like they used to” is a good thing in this case.

I knew this would be quite the film immediately; the opening featured a guy opening a briefcase, the contents of which included latex gloves, a whip, a jar of Vaseline… and a DILDO. What followed was Bronson as a Lieutenant in the Vice Squad of the LAPD who does some funny unethical things in dealing with child traffickers but is also racist, especially against Asians in general.

Some time is spent in Japan w/ a business named Mr. Hada (who has a family but is a perv who is an implied HENTAI reader and for certain enjoyed seeing a woman sexually assaulted on the subway) and it takes some time to discover how those two plots intersect. What followed included:

Multiple people snorting coke

Another example of a woman being groped

The unfortunate “all Asians look alike” stereotype explicitly mentioned

Other dated stereotypes are brought up, including against homosexuals

Bill McKinney portrayed… a PRIEST

A scene at an arena football game; the PA announcer states there’s a player known as WIMPY POWELL. This is also apparently a great spot for predators to hunt for their next victims.

Fears of the Japanese buying property & businesses in the United States which sound exactly like the fears that some have over the Chinese doing such things now.

A hysterical period score that screamed “late 80’s.”

And so much more. The most offensive moment might not even be a joking comment concerning a priest molesting someone’s nephew!

Especially in 2026, the movie is shocking with the number of moments and dialogue that are in questionable or downright poor taste. At the same time, there was enjoyment to be had at how outrageous the movie is, along with less controversial moments such as the few action beats there are, explosions included. As always, it’s nice seeing Charles Bronson.

This was the last film directed by J. Lee Thompson; for someone that was the director of Cape Fear, the Guns of Navarone & Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, what a note to go out on. Obvious editing during certain moments made it clear that Bronson was at the end when it came to the action films. No shame there; it wasn’t long before he would turn 70.

There are better collaborations between star and director, for sure. However, for those that seek out sleaze & trash and enjoy offensive cinema…

Heroic Times

In the first of two reviews I'll post tonight, I discuss what was seen on Tuesday night: a unique Hungarian animated motion picture.

Another post on Twitter gave me a push to see a film. I only heard of the Hungarian animated epic Heroic Times once Deaf Crocodile (a label I’ve been happy to discuss more often as of late) released the film on Blu in 2023. Last week I saw a Tweet from the account Old Media which proclaimed: “It took 6 years for a group of 10 artists to create over 40,000 oil paintings for the Heroic Times (1983) creating a unique animation style.” Thankfully, the esoteric Eternal Family streaming platform had this film available.

The film-narrated by our lead-is based on The Toldi Trilogy, a trilogy of poems by Janos Arany concerning a real-life 14th century Hungarian-Miklos Toldi-who became a folklore figure that went on a journey to become a knight. He was a working-class peasant due to circumstances but he rose up due to suck tasks as kicking a bull’s ass (no, really); this was what you’d want in an epic journey: love, battles, serving your King, a feud with your brother, capture, revenge, redemption, etc., all set to a loud, bold symphonic score from Tibor Erkel and Janos Decesnyi. 

As a story unknown to me until last night, I was always captivated. Naturally, the keystone reason for that was the marriage of the score and the awesome aesthetic of the oil painting animation. The film unfortunately wasn’t a box office smash; thankfully, this was restored by Hungary’s Film Institute and people worldwide can enjoy the efforts of those 10 artists, the composers, and director Jozsef Gemes.

Of course, I do know of 2017’s Loving Vincent and 2023’s The Peasants, both from British filmmaker Hugh Welchman, which uses a similar animation style of oil paintings. Neither has been seen by me (not yet, anyhow) but I’m happy that styles like this and stop-motion are still in use today. Computer animation is great and all-depending on the aesthetic style, at least-but I’m glad a wide variety of traditional animation has not gone extinct.

The Valley of Gwangi

The Valley of Gwangi (1969)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Directed by: Jim O'Connolly

Starring: James Franciscus, Gila Golan, Richard Carlson, Laurence Naismith, Frida Jackson

From: Warner Bros. 

“A Western featuring dinosaurs” will immediately capture my attention; so will “effects from Ray Harryhausen.” Ultimately, it was a Twitter post from a few months ago that praised the film & its aesthetics-especially the finale-which made me happy that TCM recently played Gwangi-the DVR was used.

The setting: “South of the Rio Grande, at the turn of the century.” James Franciscus-named TUCK KIRBY-literally rides into town; he works for Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show. The town has its own stunt show and Kirby’s ex naturally is a participant. Hidden away is a tiny horse from the prehistoric era; I mean “tiny” as in “the size of a small dog.” They and other colorful characters (including some stereotypes that were known then as Gypsies but I know they prefer the term “Romani” instead) discover that a valley is full of dinosaurs-the spotlight dino is the titular Gwangi… NOT a T-Rex as is the common misconception but rather an Allosaurus. That is captured & this turns out as well as you’d expect.

The first half establishes the characters & setting; the second half is when the dino action occurs, and it’s a blast due to the always-incredible stop-motion effects from Harryhausen. The movie is reminiscent of better efforts from the past, chiefly King Kong. That is appropriate; Ray’s mentor Willis O’Brien (who of course created the effects for Kong) wanted to make Gwangi for years but he passed away. His protégé provided the stop-motion instead.

Are there better Harryhausen movies? Indeed. That does not mean that The Valley of Gwangi isn’t a fun time nor is there a lack of fun to be had from Gwangi vs. an old elephant or Gwangi being lassoed by multiple cowboys on horses. This likely entertained audiences in ’69 & thankfully entertained me as a wacky B-movie in 2026.

 

Rain

Rain (1932)

Runtime: 94 minutes

Directed by: Lewis Milestone

Starring: Joan Crawford, Walter Huston, Matt Moore, Guy Kibbee, Beulah Bondi

From: United Artists 

It’s been over a month since I’ve seen any Pre-Code movies from the 30’s, and quite awhile since one that chiefly was a drama. Rain was DVR’ed from a recent TCM showing; the cast and premise intrigued-this was the right choice to DVR, especially knowing that the channel used the new restoration print of the movie. Concerning Joan Crawford, those Mommie Dearest rumors are just that to me, allegations from a source that apparently is unreliable.

I was happy to see her play a fiery prostitute-whose opening scene was legendary-stuck w/ others in Pago Pago (the capital of what is now American Samoa); their ship was grounded due to fears of cholera. She eventually falls under the spell of a charismatic missionary portrayed by Walter Huston. He offers salvation but his Alfred Davidson represents the worst, the most devious stereotypes of religion. He schemes to control her and is overall a bad human being, who does a vile act late in the movie. His religious zealotry was a mask, a façade that hid his most base instincts.

It was easy to loathe Alfred Davidson, while it was easy to feel sympathy for Crawford’s Sadie Thompson & how she was manipulated due to her past and insecurities. The film features acres of interesting dialogue in a suffocating atmosphere-the film accurately portrays American Samoa as an area of constant precipitation; that detail is not just for metaphor purposes-shot well by director Lewis Milestone and cinematographer Oliver T. Marsh. Sound is key; the rain and native drums heard in the final act are great when the two leads have an important conversation w/ each other then he is impassioned & performs that vile act.

The cast delivered, whether familiar to me or not; it is always nice seeing Beulah Bondi & Guy Kibbee. This was a very interesting, compelling drama concerning religious hypocrisy-the type of movie you only could have witnessed in the Pre-Code era. One wild moment occurred in the final act-Kibbie’s character was a favorite, and not just because he had a fuller-figured Samoan wife and ran the town’s bar. A brief scene showed him reading aloud passages from a book written by Nietzsche. He goes outside on the porch during a rainfall-disappearing from camera view-but it definitely sounded like he… urinated! It would explain the telltale sigh he made.

I should never be surprised by the wild moments that are discovered in Pre-Code cinema.

The International

The International (2009)

Runtime: 118 minutes

Directed by: Tom Tykwer

Starring: Clive Owen, Naomi Watts, Armin Mueller-Stahl, Ulrich Thomsen, Brian F. O'Byrne

From: Columbia/Relativity Media

I shouldn’t have listened to the naysayers & watched The International much sooner. Ever since its release 17 (!) years ago, plenty of static has been heard over the movie having one great scene-and it was a great action scene-but the rest was a “dull” thriller that was flawed. Yes, International has its flaws & that one segment eclipses everything else—I was still enthralled with the movie.

Interpol agent Clive Owen & assistant New York DA Naomi Watts investigate a European bank based in Luxembourg that engages in many shady activities (money laundering, arms trading, and the like) but are untouchable due to their connections. The movie is methodically paced as the villains use clandestine activities to silence whistleblowers while the heroes use various tricks to track down associates of the evil bastards at the bank. The film doesn’t have much action aside from the one big scene (a famous NYC building that was recreated in Germany for the film) but there’s plenty of intrigue and thrilling moments.

As an aside, the film has a nice cast; Owen and Watts are both actors I still haven’t seen enough of. There are also some That Guy actors who have familiar faces. In addition, Armin Mueller-Stahl is still alive at the age of 95-I definitely haven’t seen enough of his work but that’s an issue I’d like to fix. I’ll give him props while he’s still alive-he and Owen had the best non-action scene and it was simply them having a serious conversation w/ each other.

Now, there are regrets that the movie wasn’t watched theatrically way back when-or at least sometime at home before last night. A film like this w/ a methodical pace that was nicely-done by director Tom Tykwer that had a nice score and shot in various locations across Europe (including a far better usage of Istanbul’s rooftops than the foolishness Taken 2 presented!-this is my sort of jam that aligns well w/ my tastes, even with valid criticisms that can be made, such as the decreasing presence of Watts & her character in the back half of the picture.

Thankfully there are resources I can use to find similar movies that should be viewed one day by myself.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

Runtime: 103 minutes

Directed by: John Hughes

Starring: Matthew Broderick, Mia Sara, Alan Ruck, Jeffrey Jones, Jennifer Grey

From: Paramount

Getting to see this film on the big screen was a delight. Yeah, I’ve viewed Ferris Bueller’s Day Off before-as a kid, meaning “decades ago” by this point. I was happy that several cinema chains are playing the film once a day for the upcoming week; this beats the pants off of the modern “comedies” that are releasing soon, at least judging by the trailers that played beforehand-more on that at the end.

Of course, for years I’ve known the belief that some find Bueller to be a “sociopath” or a similar negative presence who causes havoc & is annoying, especially to his hypochondriac friend Cameron. Yes, he’s a slacker teen who has a truancy problem & I do get why his sister and even his Principal-Ed Rooney-would be irritated by his antics.

Yet, character growth occurs and Ferris matures as he engages in those wacky antics in Chicago; more importantly, throughout the film you see that not only does he care about his girlfriend Sloane, he especially cares for Cameron & is willing to take the rap for him after a bad moment occurs in the final act. Likewise, Cameron matures and decides to be more assertive in his personal life.

The film is still quite funny 40 years after the fact; the lead trio are amusing as they engage in their antics across Chicago-everywhere from Wrigley Field to the Art Museum. Ferris & his constant 4th wall breaking as if he was Bugs Bunny-to steal a line from elsewhere-helped make this feel fresh even in 2026. Rooney made for a great foil; Jeffrey Jones is IRL a bad person-don’t ask me to explain why if you don’t know-but he was a highlight. Even the small parts from the likes of Ben Stein and Edie McClurg were unforgettable themselves, for different reasons.

As someone who lived about an hour and a half Northwest of Chicago in the 80’s and 90’s during my childhood, it was a delight to hear the music of that period and see the Chicago of 1985. Even now, several lines of dialogue and moments are iconic, including the unforgettable parade dance number done to a Beatles song. The film made me realize that John Hughes is still missed.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off looks even better compared to the modern “comedy” trailers that played beforehand. I Swear is award-winning & finally will play in the United States soon. Guy Ritchie’s new movie I hope will be fine, although the trailer didn’t entirely convince me. Otherwise, it was various degrees of atrocious, the nadir was something that looked like a bad Tubi film! It was a spoof film starring RuPaul & several other drag performers.

I hate to state that it probably made something like Epic Movie look tolerable, but a huge issue was that it undoubtedly was the worst trailer I’ve ever seen. It wasn’t just unprofessional and something that was worse than what one of us could have made… I don’t believe the trailer ever showed or stated what the TITLE OF THE MOVIE WAS! I swear this is true. No wonder I never view modern “comedies.”

Hickey & Boggs

Hickey & Boggs (1972)

Runtime: 111 minutes

Directed by: Robert Culp

Starring: Culp, Bill Cosby, Rosalind Cash, Vincent Gardenia, Carmen

From: United Artists

Finally, I checked out a movie that’s been on my figurative watchlist for years. As it’s a 70’s crime drama involving private investigators, there shouldn’t have been this long a delay, even if the lead is… ahem, Bill Cosby. Even with him, I can separate the art from the artist.

He and Robert Culp (who also directed) are Los Angeles private eyes who investigate the case of a missing woman, which of course is far more complicated than it first appears. A recent mutual on Letterboxd could write about this far better than I, but the script (from Walter Hill!) wasn’t written to have the pair be Black and white.

Cosby’s character was the focus, and it was refreshing for an early 70’s movie for him to not be presented differently due to skin color. He was an average Joe (or Al, in this case) who smoked stogies, ate chili dogs, had a fractured relationship w/ his girl-the same as his partner-and was an equal. There’s also a subplot involving a Black Power group; in addition, there are several “Chicanos,” to use the nomenclature present in the end credits.

I never saw the 60’s show I Spy-starring the two leads of this film-even in reruns as a little kid in the 80’s yet I understand the show was light in tone-in contrast, Hickey & Boggs was gritty and dark at times. Hill’s script was naturally changed for the film and he wasn’t entirely satisfied. Me, I enjoyed the movie for what it was.

There’s scenic SoCal locations, the usage of two iconic sporting venues (LA Memorial Coliseum, Dodger Stadium), shootouts, familiar faces in supporting parts-everyone from Isabel Sanford and Rosalind Cash to (briefly) Ed Lauter and James Woods-speaking of separating the art from the artist. If Cosby isn’t a deterrent to you watching the film, you’ll see that he did a rather good job in a dramatic role where he had to be mean & looking for revenge in the final act after a calamitous moment. Otherwise, this is the sort of 70’s movie I dig and should have tackled years ago.

Shanghai Surprise

Shanghai Surprise (1986)

Runtime: 97 excruciating minutes

Directed by: Jim Goddard

Starring: Sean Penn, Madonna, and other actors who presumably were embarrassed to appear in this trash

From: MGM/HandMade Films

A movie I’ve actually seen before… but will never view again. A mutual’s recent review of the film reminded me that this was seen long before joining Letterboxd. If nothing else, checking out a crummy film at least once in awhile adds variety plus possibly will be entertaining for those that like bad motion pictures being roasted.

This film is indeed bad, a de facto honeymoon for then-newlyweds Madonna & Sean Penn in Hong Kong where they weren’t the right choices for the parts of a 30’s-style adventure where Penn was a con-man (who looked like he hadn’t slept for about a week during his opening scene… which might have been method acting) who teamed up w/ missionary (!) Madonna in a wacky tale involving opium… but the details aren’t important. 

Penn was trolled to constantly lash out at paparazzi and they both acted like Ugly Americans; the production was a disaster for this and many other reasons. The current most popular review for the film on Letterboxd is from a Mr. Mark Cunliffe; he explained the problems quite well, based on a book about HandMade Films, the production company co-founded by George Harrison & Denis O’Brien. Those echoed the stories I heard about this film elsewhere. Penn was the keystone reason why this production turned sour. His review explains why quite well. 

The plot is an incoherent mess and perhaps it isn’t a surprise that the leads did not stay married given their lack of chemistry on-screen. Yes, I do know the horrifying allegations concerning Penn’s behavior towards his then-wife… Lord I hope they aren’t true but who knows. He wasn’t committed to this role and while Madonna isn’t always poor as an actress, she was out of her element here, & definitely not helped by her listening to her husband rather than director Jim Goddard-a veteran British TV director-when it came to acting tips & characterization. 

This is not all terrible; Maurice Binder styled the opening credits, the production design was fine and George Harrison sang a few new songs. Unfortunately, judging by their lyrics alone, I can only assume Harrison was high on opium when he wrote them! I hate to bash an ex-Beatle but My Sweet Lord and What is Life, those tunes weren’t. Then again, perhaps I shouldn’t be so harsh; the nightmare of this production caused him to increasingly become involved and started the riff w/ O’Brien that ended their reign at the company & caused it to be subsequently owned by some random entities for a few more decades, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels by far the sterling moment there.

Point is, Shanghai Surprise is another flick where the behind-the-scenes brouhaha is far more enthralling than what appeared on screen. Not even the presence of familiar faces in supporting roles-Professor Toru Tanaka, Victor Wong, Clyde Kusatsu, Paul Freeman, Richard Griffiths-could alleviate the pain, the confusion of this motion picture. Shanghai Surprise can be skipped by even bad movie fans—IMO, this disaster is a miserable sort of putrid rather than a funny putrid experience.

The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism

The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism (Die Schlangengrube und das Pendel) (1967)

Runtime: 83 minutes

Directed by: Harald Reinl

Starring: Lex Barker, Karin Dor, Christopher Lee, Carl Lange, Christiane Rucker

From: Constantin Film

Yes, I watched this movie as it’s called The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism. This West German production I’ve known of for years; nevermind how, but I found a copy 83-minutes long rather than the 80-minute cut that is usually found on platforms like YouTube. The plot is loosely based on The Pit and the Pendulum.

In 18th century Germany, Count Regula (Christopher Lee!) murdered 12 maidens in a failed attempt to achieve immortality; he’s captured, then drawn and quartered. Around 35 years later, Regula resurrects to seek vengeance on the children of those responsible for his demise. For those that love the Gothic vibes of 50’s and 60’s horror movies-especially those from Europe-you may be delighted by this also.

There’s fog, buildings in ruins, a charming little village, spooky scenes set at night, creepy images, riders clad in black cloaks on black horses, an old castle that’s an absolute delight, etc. There is also in fact a torture chamber and a pendulum in the castle. This does not rise to the heights of more familiar Gothic favorites yet was still a good time. After the opening, Lee does not resurrect until the final 25 minutes; that was alright w/ me considering the presence of several wacky side characters, along with the leads-Lex Barker and the always-lovely Karin Dor.

While not a must-see, I was happy to have finally tackled this after years on my figurative watchlist. The sets and atmosphere alone made the journey on the horse-drawn carriage worth it.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: Robert Wise

Starring: Michael Rennie, Patricia Neal, Billy Gray, Sam Jaffe, Hugh Marlowe

From: 20th Century Fox 

As sometimes occurs, messageboard discussion steered me in this direction. Someone was discussing “smart sci-fi” as he didn’t love Project Hail Mary like everyone else. He listed the likes of 2001, Solaris, and They Live. I offered other suggestions—everything from Phase IV to obscure (at least in the West) Soviet sci-fi such as Nebo Zoyvot. He did reference this film but did not put it on his list as the last viewing was eons ago. Well, I am APPALLED at myself as this was a first-time viewing.

Of course, I knew the premise and one line of dialogue is part of the cultural lexicon, but I was happy to have finally checked out this classic. A UFO lands in Washington, D.C.; out steps Klaatu, a Christ parable-but not too overbearing in that theme-humanoid alien and GORT, a giant robot. Gort is a funny name but their message of world peace during the start of the nuclear arms race lest Earth destroys itself was powerful then… and unfortunately still potent 75 years later due to its relevancy, especially right now in April, 2026.

The film is correct in being cynical over how humanity would react to an alien, all negative emotions present. Yet, there’s still a nice message of hope, that we would ultimately not destroy our planet over petty squabbles or needless escalation. Scenes where child Bobby (thankfully a child actor that wasn’t too irritating) goes with Klaatu in visiting important Washington, D.C. only accentuated this point. 

Earth was well-directed by Robert Wise, featuring a compelling story and memorable, theremin-driven score from Bernard Herrmann. This motion picture is smart sci-fi… not just because scientists are viewed highly & play a critical role in the plot. Remember: Klaatu Barada Nikto.

The Caller

The Caller (1987)

Runtime: 97 confounding minutes

Directed by: Arthur Allan Seidelman

Starring: Malcolm McDowell, Madolyn Smith Osborne

From: Empire Pictures

What in the world WAS The Caller?!

I’ve known of The Caller for years, how it’s a true two-hander in that only two actors appear: Malcolm McDowell and Madolyn Smith Osborne, as she’s known as now. However, the details aside from the premise of “a man visits a woman out in the woods, looking to use her telephone as his car’s inoperable” was unknown. Seeing that this was an Empire Productions effort and Charles Band was involved was a major surprise.

I figured the movie was more than its premise… and it was. The first act was off-kilter as they met each other and talked in the house. The second half became bizarre, then the final act was absolute berserk. I’ve hearted some reviews that mutuals made in the past but I did not remember there even was a twist. Imagine my shock… 

The big twist (one that makes me proclaim, “Eat your heart out, M. Night Shyamalan!”) was not something that anyone could have predicted, the explanation for why The Caller is increasingly off-the-wall. It does raise more questions than answers, as others have noted… to clarify, it’s typically no issue with me if a movie’s ambiguous or requires the viewer to speculate on certain plot points.

Now, I admit that there are stretches where the movie is spinning its wheels, biding time. The acting was at least quality throughout; McDowell going all outré & bold wasn’t a surprise-I hadn’t seen as many films from Smith but she was BOLD herself, especially as the movie increased its bonkers factor. The picture was well-made in Italy, featuring an appropriate score from Richard Band and subtle moments you might pick up on eventually like I did; that’s one of a few points in its favor.

It'd be a crime to reveal any more; it’s only a lack of attention that it isn’t a bigger cult favorite, despite a Vinegar Syndrome release… which is out of print at the moment. A few mutuals on Letterboxd love the picture—you might as well.

American Pie 2, Revisited

A mutual’s recent review served as a reminder that I finally needed to post one of my typical reviews for this movie rather than one a sentence long that was posted during my first few days as a Letterboxd member, THIRTEEN years ago. The first movie in this franchise doesn’t need a new review & I know it well-enough where a revisit wasn’t necessary anyhow.

The set-up isn’t too complex: the leads of the first film decide to rent a beach house the summer after their first year in college so they can reconnect. It’s simply an excuse for more debauchery and OOT antics but as I first saw this movie on the big screen in August of ’01 when I myself was about to start my second year of college… of course I’ll be nostalgic for the film.

Vulgarities are looked at differently now compared to a quarter-century ago yet this film still makes me laugh, even with its crude and sometimes OOT scenarios, along with at least a few moments that probably will be seen now as “politically incorrect.” It was nice to see the characters mature and change throughout the movie and compared to the first. The soundtrack also brought me back. More than one character reminded me of people I know, or at least knew at the time… even Steve Stifler. American Wedding wasn’t good, and one reason was that The Stifmeister was insufferable in that, while he wasn’t as unbearable here.

I was happy to see these characters & those actors return, including Eugene Levy as the awkward yet loving father. My age is a factor but I’ll likely always enjoy this movie, even if my senior high of high school and college life wasn’t the insane antics portrayed in this franchise. I was happy to reminisce about the good old days.

The Trip

The Trip (1967)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Directed by: Roger Corman

Starring: Peter Fonda, Bruce Dern, Dennis Hopper, Susan Strasberg, Salli Sachese

From: AIP 

This film was a trip, indeed. Last night, Turner Classic Movies played this Roger Corman movie; throughout the month of January, every Friday night is devoted to the late director/producing legend. I hadn’t seen this but knowing that some key figures (Peter Fonda, Dennis Hopper, and Jack Nicholson, who believe it or not wrote The Trip while not appearing in the movie as an actor) later went on to make Easy Rider greatly intrigued.

Fonda is a director who is experiencing the disintegration of his marriage; that naturally is a bummer, man. Thankfully for him, he knows such cool cats as Hopper and a fully-bearded Bruce Dern. The latter introduces him to acid, and the rest of the film is his first acid trip. As Dern’s a great friend, he coaches him on what to expect during his initial trip and stays around during the experience. Of course, there is more than one freak-out but Dern offers comfort while he’s around.

Through the usage of appropriate music, colors, camera effects, old sets sometimes redecorated in bizarre fashion, filming in locations that already had psychedelic décor and other tricks that presumably weren’t expensive (especially considering the director/producer), those trips were a delight. First, there’s the expected kaleidoscope effects; then, weird, surreal imagery appears off-and-on. Now, I’ve never tried LSD; however, Nicholson and Corman did! The presumption is that the film is not unauthentic.

As an aside, Dern will turn 90 in like 8 weeks; I hope he lives for many years to come but you never know at his age. While he’s still alive, I’m happy to acknowledge that it’s always a treat watching him act in everything from Nebraska and The Driver to Silent Running and The ‘Burbs.

A film devoted only to an LSD experience is unique even now; I was happy to have gone on this journey to the swingin’ 60’s and view the visuals, groovy music, and the Los Angeles of the era. I was also happy to see some other familiar faces, such as Luana Anders and Dick Miller, the latter wearing a funny purple & black ensemble as a bartender.

 

Felidae

Last night I saw a famed 1994 animated film from Germany featuring the voice acting of an old actor I've been familiar with for years: 

RIP Mario Adorf

I haven’t reviewed any of his movies in years aside from 1964’s Apache Gold but back in the day, me and someone on a messageboard enjoyed discussing him. That was chiefly for his roles in the poliziotteschi films Caliber 9 and The Italian Connection, both of which are highly entertaining and well worth tracking down. We both laughed that he resembled Bruce Campbell. He was far more famous in Europe than America but I’m bummed he passed away, even if he reached the age of 95.

I referenced this film in my recent review of Cat City, another European animated flick concerning felines; a mutual recommended I check this out… a movie I’ve known of for ages by this point. The setting is a world just like ours, except that cats of many different breeds speak to each other. Francis is new to the neighborhood; he investigates a series of murders. Note that the film is NOT for children; there are horror elements, nightmares, cat corpses mutilated, a sexy saxophone riff, cat sex, and references to Gregor Mendel.

Felidae is mature, a noir concerning plot points that are better represented by animals rather than human beings. Adorf provided the deep voice of Bluebeard, the closest confidant of Francis. The story was more mature & thoughtful than expected, featuring lovely animation, a score from a rare female composer (Anne Dudley), a title song from BOY GEORGE, and nice voice acting. The only other actor I knew was Klaus Maria Brandauer, but everyone was fine.

This was a nice way to pay tribute to Mr. Adorf. Hopefully sometime next week, I’ll see something live-action from him.

 

Nothing Sacred

Nothing Sacred (1937)

Runtime: 74 minutes

Directed by: William A. Wellman

Starring: Carole Lombard, Fredric March, Charles Winninger, Walter Connolly, Sig Rugman

From: David O. Selznick Productions

Getting to see the only accurate representation of this Technicolor movie as it looked in 1937-via a restoration from the Museum of Modern Art-was a delight. The Criterion Collection is the only way to see that print of a film long in the public domain. People may not exclaim, “Jumpin H. Sebastian!” in excitement over how early Technicolor looked compared to its 50’s heyday, but the look is still distinctive.

The movie concerns NYC newspaper reporter Frederic March-disgraced after getting duped by a fake sultan who was a Black man that-ahem-shined shoes-the performance from Black actor Troy Brown, Sr. was fine-he visits Vermont to visit Carole Lombard… not just because she’s Carole Lombard, who looked lovely in Technicolor. Rather, she’s a Radium Girl in a Vermont town run by a watch factory. 

I could write paragraphs on the real-life phenomenon of girls painting radium on watches in the early 20th century so the numbers glowed in the dark… then people realized that radium gave off radiation and those poor girls suffered horrible fates; however, you can use Google or Wiki for further information. Plus, the gag is that Lombard’s Hazel Flagg isn’t sick with radiation poisoning, but goes along with the story because she doesn’t want to be stuck in Vermont forever—not even she saw how much attention would be lavished on her only for the belief that this random people mentioned in a story was on her deathbed.

A biting satire of media and sensationalistic journalism, this was. In addition, the movie’s a funny screwball comedy featuring the expected wacky scenarios that escalate in ludicrousness, snappy patter, and a romance between the leads. The supporting cast also entertained: grumpy newspaper editor OLIVER STONE (yes, that’s the character’s name) as portrayed by Walter Connelly, Sig Rugman as-naturally-a Germanic doctor, and Charles Winninger as a sidesplitting Vermont doctor. Margaret Hamilton appeared for a scene as well.

In addition, there’s the expected quality David O. Selznick production design and such wacky choices as a squirrel appearing randomly in one scene, or the absurdity of actors appearing in the background of scenes behind such foreground props as flowers or a tree branch. 

While there are better examples of screwball comedies-and I’m sure not everyone will love a moment in the finale that plays differently 9 decades later-I was still charmed by Nothing Sacred. I was happy to see something new (to me) from the great director William A. Wellman along w/ the charming performances from the legendary leads.