The Transporter

The Transporter (2002)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: Corey Yuen… and Louis Leterrier

Starring: Jason Statham, Shu Qi, Francois Bereland, Matt Schulze, Ric Young

From: Several European companies, including Eurocorp

 I had a STATHAM SATURDAY by revisiting The Transporter, not viewed in many years. The sequels have never been viewed full-stop (including The Transporter Refueled; who even remembers that was a thing?) yet 2026 seemed like a good time to discuss this nonsense here. Yes, the movie is flashy, absurd, bold… like either the Hong Kong pictures of old or Indian films of recent times.

Now, I can appreciate such things more than at the time. Statham is Frank Martin, former Special Forces dudes who transports people or items in a sweet 1999 BMW 7-series. He has a list of rules… first is “never change the terms of the deal.” Trouble begins once he discovers the contents of a duffel bag is a young lady, Shu Qi. Yes, he does start breaking his rules; the plot isn’t complex but it did not need to be one.

Monsieur Frank was an entertaining badass, wrecking dudes in a fun fashion. I recently mentioned that it’d be nice for Statham to be in more films that were comedic, or at least were light in time… The Transporter is the latter. Now, Americans can only experience comedic Statham… by seeing him in Discover credit card commercials! Shu Qi was fun in her role, as was Francois Bereland as the police Inspector Frank is pals with. It was also nice seeing reliable faces like Ric Young & Matt Schulze. 

These days, I have more respect for the early 21st century action as presented here-perhaps it was a bit TOO flashy at times but it feels fresh in ’26 between the editing, funky score from Stanley Clarke, and the slippery final act. The action beats still satisfy. This was fun poppycock set & filmed in the south of France. Luc Besson as a person evidently has a terrible flaw or two; him in cinema has created distinctive films, whether as a director, writer, or producer—he has the latter two roles here.

Perhaps one day in the far-future the sequels will finally be given a shot by me. On its own, The Transporter is a fun slice of Euro-action, barely over an hour and a half.

Martin

Martin (1977)

Runtime: 95 minutes

Directed by: George A. Romero

Starring: John Amplas, Lincoln Maazel, Christine Forrest,  Elayne Nadeau, Tom Savini

From: Laurel Productions

As I plan on viewing a few George A. Romero movies from now until Halloween, perhaps the first film should have been viewed & reviewed before the latter half of September. Regardless, I’m glad to have “found a copy” of Martin awhile ago. I don’t know if producer Richard Rubinstein is responsible for there not being a copy of the movie available for streaming like he famously does w/ Americans not being able to domestically stream or own a physical media HD release of Dawn of the Dead unless you import it, but…

The titular Martin is a gangly youth who believes he’s a vampire. He sexually assaults then kills a lady on a train as he travels to Pittsburgh. That’s awful, but tragic is that Martin behaves this way as his elderly relative TATA CUDA not only believes in the old tradition of vampires, but that it runs in the family & Martin is one, often referring to him as Nosferatu! What misfortune then that Martin is now living w/ Tata and his relative Christina.

There is ambiguity… black-and-white footage is seen; after it’s used the first time as a fantasy, the rest is either other fantasies or Martin’s actual flashbacks. Whether he’s actually a vampire (one not in a traditional sense… he walks in the daytime and consumes food & drink) who was born in the 1890’s or a youth losing his battle w/ mental illness, his drugging victims, sexually assaulting women, slicing their wrists, & murdering them is utterly horrifying, totally monstrous behavior from him. Also certain is that Martin is socially awkward, a lonely isolated person wishing to connect, to have normal relationships with human beings.

This is a unique take on the vampire mythos-unromantic-where the gritty low-budget filmmaking was an asset, presenting the gritty Pittsburgh suburb of Braddock as a dreary, depressed area. The cast of locals all did fine, especially John Amplas as the title character, Lincoln Maazel as Tata, & Elyane Nadeau as bored housewife Abbie, who Martin develops a relationship with. Tom Savini also had an acting role which coincided w/ the effects he provided for the film, early in his career.

Martin’s a downbeat, somber 70’s film concerning a depressed character. I never wavered in my interest concerning the plot; the attack scenes plus the potent ending made this journey a rewarding one. More than one Romero zombie picture will be reviewed in the upcoming weeks; I was happy to finally check out a movie that will be different from the others that will be on this year’s Spooky Season list.

Used Cars

Used Cars (1980)

Runtime: 113 minutes

Directed by: Robert Zemeckis

Starring: Kurt Russell, Jack Warden, Gerrit Graham (RIP), Frank McRae, Deborah Harmon

From: Columbia 

RIP Gerrit Graham

I did not view any films last night; nothing was planned for this afternoon so a planned watch was set up… until looking at Twitter & seeing the announcement that he passed away on Tuesday at the age of 76. Some of his films have been viewed over the years; it was always a delight to see him in a Child’s Play 2 or a Demon Seed. Personally, him as BEEF in Phantom of the Paradise was hysterical. Despite knowing of Used Cars for years, it had never been seen by me. However, the movie’s free for me on Prime so it seemed an apt choice as Graham had a major role.

This is a rather dark comedy concerning feuding used car dealers that are across the street from each other in the Phoenix, Arizona region. Roy Fuchs (Jack Warden) is a high-end sleazy dealer while his brother Luke (also Warden) is more honest but their cars are piles of junk so his employees-Kurt Russell… no relation & Graham-are sleazy. There’s unethical behavior from the beginning, which increases tenfold after a major event. Roy is obsessed w/ acquiring his brother’s land while Russell’s Rudy Russo really wants the cash to enter an even more dishonest profession.

Used Cars is absurd, vulgar, crass… and often hysterical in its absurdity. It was a delight to see these disreputable characters engage in increasingly outrageous scenarios. The important detail is that these characters are all enjoyable rather than irritating A-holes that you can’t stand… even during the picture’s most off-color moments. The quality of cast happens: Russell, Graham & his superstitious character, Jack Warden, the foul-mouthed Frank McRae, Joe Flaherty, Michael McKean, Michael Talbott, Dub Taylor, & others. There’s an awesome dog named Toby, + a cameo from a beloved cult actor.

It's wild that the film is from Robert Zemeckis. He and Bob Gale learned of a script about used cars from John Milius; they modified it to this insanity. That’s why the two executive producers were Milius… and Spielberg! This is the type of comedy that of course we haven’t seen made in many years. The charm of Russell and the yelling of McRae were of course great assets but so was the crazy character Graham brought to life. He’s someone who was on screen, on stage, wrote scripts, and even co-authored the song Victim or the Crime, which appeared on the 1989 Grateful Dead album Built to Last. He knew Bob Weir for years, you see.

While I’m bummed he passed away, this was a great way to tip my cap to the late Gerrit Graham. I recommend you do so if you aren’t allergic to vulgar comedies.

 

Onslaught

Onslaught (2026)

59% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 128 reviews) 

Runtime: 95 minutes

Directed by: Adam Wingard

Starring: Adria Arjona, Reginald VelJohnson, Eric Wareheim, Drew Starkey, Dan Stevens

From: A24 

Those that don’t live in America… no, they don’t have official green signs on the highway telling you how far you are from a trailer park!

While Blair Witch wasn’t too good, I’ve enjoyed Adam Wingard’s You’re Next, The Guest, & his wacky Godzilla films. Thus, I was hopeful for Onslaught; the one time I saw a trailer, I was non-plussed but trailers don’t always accurately convey a film’s quality anyhow.

My opinion: boy, did they try REALLY hard to create a motion picture in the style of an 80’s cult classic. Don’t get me wrong, that is preferable to the glut of bland, flavorless films released on the big screen or (especially) streaming for years now; however, the strangest moments and oddest character quirks felt incredibly try-hard. A major problem is that I never warmed up to the lead character; it’s not the performance of Adria Arjona but rather the bad parent/stereotypically damaged soldier character that just wasn’t likable or enjoyable.

The character I disliked the most, though, was the stereotypical incompetent cop portrayed by Eric of Tim & Eric fame. My belief that drinking bleach is a more pleasant experience than watching even a minute of Tim & Eric’s anti-humor is irrelevant; it’s the irritating buffoon character that was a turn-off. I couldn’t believe when the lead noted his faults but concluded by proclaiming, “…but you’re a good man.” What? No, he wasn’t!

That, the rampant cursing, and a conclusion that was at least a little underwhelming are valid gripes. Even so, I didn’t hate Onslaught. The synth score was awesome; a highlight was the opening-featuring text in what I call “the Carpenter font”-and a tune that sounded like the opening song from Morricone’s score for The Thing. As expected from the director, the soundtrack featured uncommon songs you don’t hear in films. The trio of super-soldiers that invaded the trailer park are part of the film’s most “aura farming moments,” to paraphrase a line from others.

They at least attempted mood & atmosphere; some images did look swell. So did the bloody action scenes. Getting to see both Michael Biehn and Reginald VelJohnson is always a treat. When 2026 has had too many bad movies seen theatrically, I can’t be too disappointed that this movie was a letdown in parts when fun was still had.

Doctor Who: Terror of the Autons

This is the 1971 serial from the Jon Pertwee era: 

In this special late Wednesday posting, I’ll admit that one thing new to me this Spooky Season is having more than one Doctor Who serial on the list. Besides Autons coming as a recommendation, I knew from a cursory search that this had a bit of a reputation at the time for causing “kindertrauma”… i.e. containing moments that were frightening to children. That is understandable… there’s an inflatable chair that kills (long story), plastic daffodils that also kill, an evil troll doll, plastic men, and other men with giant fake heads.

It was nice to be introduced to the renegade Time Lord known as The Master-serving as the main foil-the introduction of Jo Grant as the Doctor’s companion, and the first time Captain Mike Yates of U.N.I.T. appeared in the show. I was happy to learn about The Master, the titular autons, and the non-corporeal entities known as the Nestenes. The Master enacts a plan to have the autons bring the Nestenes onto Earth and he’ll destroy all of humanity, because he’s a villain.

There is a thing or two I could nitpick about-including the denouement-yet overall I still had fun. As mentioned before, Jon Pertwee was entertaining as The Doctor; he even admitted to his at-times childish behavior. Katy Manning was swell as Jo, as was Roger Delgado as The Master. The typical action I expect from the franchise (which I’ve now seen a grand total of three serials of) was present. There’s some fine action, the standard cliffhangers between each chapter, and a tremendous roll down a hill by a stuntman.

I know there are other Doctor serials which are more horror-coded; research has told me which way to go to view one starring Tom Baker between now and Halloween.

Ghostkeeper

Ghostkeeper (1981)

Runtime: 87 minutes

Directed by: Jim Makichuk

Starring: Riva Spier, Murray Ord, Sheri McFadden, Georgie Collins, Les Kimber

From: Badland Pictures

This motion picture played last night on one of the five streaming channels on the Eternal Family platform. It was characters on a pair of snowmobiles in the Canadian wilderness. As that snowy landscape was resplendent, I was intrigued to watch Ghostkeeper-which is also a great title-in full.

The platform’s description compared it to The Shining. While it’s an apt comparison (for reasons I can’t reveal), it also is writing a check the movie couldn’t possibly cash. Ghostkeeper isn’t an all-time genre classic, after all. That doesn’t mean this is not a cozy, chilling motion picture where a couple (that have a contentious relationship) and a lady friend leave their friends in a cabin to ride around the wilderness before two of the three decide to trespass on private property despite the third being the voice of reason & protesting the decision.

Of course, a snowmobile breaks down right by an abandoned deer lodge… only they meet an older lady caretaker, and there’s others… oh, and I almost forgot: there’s an opening blurb which reveals that this motion picture features a Wendigo.

I understand why there are many who feel this is lacking in incident, a pace too languid, that they’d prefer a certain type of horror thrill which isn’t what this movie is offering. Evidently, the production ran out of money so that resulted in an ending that had to be modified. At the same time, for those that enjoy slowly-paced spooky moody tales, this could be satisfying for you. The creepy vibes are strong, the lodge setting providing an evocative mood, the snowy landscape providing a pastoral beauty.

A critical asset: the Paul Zaza score. The frequent Bob Clark collaborator (also scoring Prom Night and My Bloody Valentine) presented a chilling violin-based score.

For a certain segment of Letterboxd, they will love Ghostkeeper even more than I did, a journey quite rewarding for them.

Bananas

Bananas (1971)

Runtime: 82 minutes

Directed by: Woody Allen

Starring: Allen, Louise Lasser, Carlos Montalban, Nati Asbacal, Jacobo Morales

From: United Artists

It’s been awhile since viewing any Woody Allen; an apology for doing so probably isn’t necessary on Letterboxd when people still view his films, they’re still on television, and other controversial figures haven’t been banished either. Of course, I’m separating the art from the artist whenever viewing one of Allen’s pictures… some have been reviewed here and Bananas was seen by me once—like 20 years ago. Time for a revisit, right?

Woody portrays… yes, the standard Woody Allen character w/ the great name Fielding Mellish. He tests products for a conglomeration, including a multi-faceted setup at a desk which looks like something that’d be marketed today. Heck, there’s a potshot at the National Rifle Association that many would agree with… anyhow, he meets Louise Lasser-as mentioned a few months ago, RIP to her-who is an activist. They break up but he decides to visit the fictional South American country of San Marcos. 

An overthrow of the government occurred, a dictatorship now ruling. Mellish meets both them & rebels looking to overthrow the dictatorship. Bananas was a comedy featuring satire, pratfalls, absurd moments, the tragic humor of banana republics, sight gags & wordplay. While not my favorite from Allen, I was still entertained by his brand of comedy. Spoofing major events in the film by having sportscaster Howard Cosell (I won’t dwell on him or how he’s best known for his interactions w/ Muhammad Ali. I imagine many would know him from Michael Mann’s Ali) commentate on them as if they were sporting events… those were a highlight. 

Some moments I did not recall from that first viewing. In the latter half, there’s a scene which is comparable to the whole “55 burgers, 55 fries, 55 tacos…” thing I’ve never seen but know is a meme. Much more horrifying is a reprise of a shocking moment that was in Hannan and her Sisters. Early on, Allen mentioned… CHILD MOLESTATION. 

This is a detail worth mentioning for both movies lest someone would react poorly to being blindsided by that comment for whatever reasons. That does make it difficult to separate the art from the artist; otherwise, I was happy with this second viewing; it was done on YouTube rather than the copy that is on Amazon and is a few minutes shorter. The assumption is that a scene early on featuring adult magazines was excised for whatever reasons, if other scenes weren’t also trimmed or excised. 

I imagine the one scene featuring Sylvester Stallone as a thug wasn't removed.