Resident Evil

Resident Evil (2002)

Runtime: 100 minutes

Directed by: Paul W.S. Anderson

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Eric Mabius, James Purefoy, Martin Crewes

From: Several different companies, including Constantin Film 

Would people be APPALLED that a Resident Evil movie has not been seen by me until just now? If not, I know many will be up in arms that no RE game has ever been played by me. Cultural osmosis meant I knew the basics, character names, themes, etc. but I’ve never felt like diving into any of the movie or streaming timelines.

That finally changed due to messageboard discussion concerning Milla Jovovich (more on that later) which made me realize that most of her movies have been unwatched, the news concerning Zach Cregger’s upcoming film in the franchise-that presumably will once again not be satisfying for the game’s fans that wish it’d simply follow the B-movie horror the games were based on-& the first installment leaving Prime Friday meant this finally felt like the time to hit “play.”

Yeah, “Raccoon City” and “The Umbrella Corporation” are silly names, nevermind LICKERS; no offense, game fans. However, this film as a whole… it’s fine. If I was familiar w/ the games, my tune likely will be different. As something stand-alone… most people likely know the plot-a description won’t be provided by me. An asset in this case is that the movie is slick early 2000’s entertainment & I always laugh at how films in the late 90’s to early 2000’s have a style all their own that’s different from before & hasn’t been replicated since.

Another point in its favor: I unfortunately have viewed Ultraviolet before and that is far worse than Resident Evil ’02. Are there blatant info dumps and characters sometime stating obvious information for the benefit of the audience? Sure, but the cast was fine (including Milla, Colin Salmon and Michelle Rodriguez playing the exact sort of Michelle Rodriguez action heroine character you’d expect), the production design was fine, and I enjoyed the electronic score from Marco Beltrami and… ahem, the now-canceled Marilyn Manson.

Note that the movie won’t be punished because the first installment in the franchise SHOULD have been directed by George A. Romero but those plans weren’t finalized due to nonsense reasons.

RE ’02 isn’t that scary, unless you’re frightened by CG that usually hasn’t aged well. At least there’s zombie action-sometimes involving dogs-explosions, moisture-filled utility tunnels, and jumping spin kicks to zombie dogs to make the movie inoffensive. Not that I ever need to see the other movies in this timeline, mind you.

Now, as to how Ms. Jovovich was recently discussed in a messageboard thread, someone mentioned that her new movie Protector was bad. Someone else replied, “I thought you said that Milla Jovovich was in a Predator film!” Given the quality of the majority in that franchise… why not have her star in one as a badass woman? Her husband’s direction wasn’t terrible here—that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have serious reservations about him having another crack at the Predator alien!

Girl Shy

Girl Shy (1924)

Runtime: 89 minutes

Directed by: Fred C. Newmeyer/Sam Taylor

Starring: Harold Lloyd, Jobyna Ralston, Richard Daniels, Carlton Griffin, Nola Luxford

From: Pathe Exchange

Harold Lloyd… INCEL?!

Last night this film played late at night on Turner Classic Movies; I’m always down for Lloyd, whether it be his shorts or feature films. The conceit of the movie is great by 2026 standards.

He plays a literal stuttering fool who is petrified of women, yet he has an author persona he created for a non-fiction manuscript he’s attempting to shop around where he cosplays as a lothario who tells other young men how to woo women. So yes, just like many males on Twitter and Reddit… once he meets Jobyna Ralston, his demeanor changes and the viewer desires for those two to eventually start a relationship. There are complications along the way, including her having a much-older suiter. 

No one should be concerned over Lloyd’s character as a loathsome creature like an actual incel; he’s as charming as ever so is frequent collaborator Ralston. The first hour sets the table; there are funny moments weaved throughout but the focus is on the story & the romantic angle, which includes actual dramatic moments for Lloyd. The rest of the film has a ticking clock he’s racing against and the biggest laughs are saved for the finale. It has the creative moments & slapstick I always enjoy from Ol’ Harold.

This isn’t my favorite from Lloyd overall; however, the final act is tremendous, well worth viewing the setup as the payoff was (motioning w/ my hands) chef’s kiss. It couldn’t be done exactly this way 102 years later, because of reasons I won’t spoil. However, I’d love to see a modern version of it, an epic rush to reach a destination involving many perilous moments.

Chernobyl Diaries, Revisited

What better way for me to acknowledge the 40th anniversary of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster than finally giving this movie a better review? Yes, that happened on April 26, 1986.

After taking a break from watching films both Friday and Saturday, this film was watched for the first time in about 13 years earlier today; the only thing I recalled before today was a moment or two… and a hysterical Russian named URI. He was more enjoyable than the goofball irritating quartet of young American adults who are on a European vacation and the biggest jackass of the group randomly meets Uri, who does “extreme tours” of Pripyat, the city right by the nuclear power plant.

I had no memory that the quartet of Americans were joined by a New Zealander and a Norwegian, who weren’t quite as frustrating. But man, was Uri great. He’s exactly what you’d imagine “middle-aged former member of the Russian military who does tours in an old UAZ military van” to look and sound like. After wandering around the ruins in the abandoned town (to the film’s credit, they did create or find reasonable facsimiles of Pripyat as they filmed in Hungary or Serbia, including the Ferris wheel in the town’s amusement park that’s one of the most famous images of the ruin), things go wrong as they have to sneak in but are stuck in town, because reasons.

The movie has a found footage flavor-everything is shot on handheld cameras-without actually being found footage except for one scene. Not a surprise, given that a co-writer and producer was Oren Peli, of Paranormal Activity fame. At least he has that franchise along with Insidious, although when it comes to his limited writing credits, the first PA is by far the highlight. The Chernobyl Diaries is the standard nonsense w/ expected jump scares & goofball young adults you probably want to see suffer gruesome fates.

The setting being decently brought to life and the Uri character (I was saddened when it was just learned that actor Dimitri Diatchenko passed away around this time 6 years ago) were not enough to make this standard, predictable film better than average. There’s no need to check out the film unless you have at least a small obsession w/ what happened at Chernobyl… and you might shake your head at how the victims of the tragedy were portrayed.

Body Bags

Body Bags (1993)

Runtime: 94 minutes

Directed by: John Carpenter/Tobe Hooper

Starring: Many familiar faces, including Robert Carradine (RIP)

From: Showtime

A belated RIP to Robert Carradine. While it took two months, this does not mean that I wasn’t bummed to hear about his death. The circumstances are especially rough; no hate on him or anyone else who struggled that much with those particular personal demons. It was always nice seeing him in a role, whether it was in Revenge of the Nerds, The Long Riders, or Escape from L.A. Of course, I never watched Lizzie McGuire but I’m glad that Carradine was able to work for decades & more importantly, had a loving family & judging by random Instagram posts that were in my feed two months ago, had many friends.

This is a Showtime TV movie which originally was to be that network’s version of Tales from the Crypt, but the show wasn’t picked up. A shame; John Carpenter was a hoot as the host, The Coroner. Like w/ The Cryptkeeper, he looked decrepit as terrible lines & puns were uttered.

The first segment was The Gas Station; me and many others find this to be the best. Carradine was Bill, who clocked out as new employee Anne clocked into the overnight shift at a 24 hour gas station convenience store in the middle of nowhere. He gives her the basic info then it was peace out for him as Anne works alone. Several customers are met, but there are reports that a serial killer is loose…

The Gas Station was the highlight in the eyes of me & many others. Several wacky guests visited the station (those were fun cameos) and chuckles were had. However, once the killer made their presence known, the suspense was cranked up and the experience became a fun ride. For many, the scenario of being stuck alone in an isolated location at night w/ a serial killer is utterly terrifying, but it has to be 10 times so for those that identify as female.

For those that identify as male, Hair will be chilling on its own if you experience thinning hair or otherwise are losing those follicles. There’s plenty for me to be neurotic about but at least what's on top of my head isn't. Stacy Keach is so hung up on this, he doesn’t listen to his girlfriend Sheena Easton’s proclamation that it isn’t a big deal to her. He visits a clinic seen in a commercial; yes, he does get new hair (holy cow, was it a hysterical look for him) but the other shoe drops, and suddenly he regrets his vanity. Hair is the most outwardly funny segment but the horror moments still do hit.

Unlike Carpenter’s The Gas Station and Hair, Eye was directed by Tobe Hooper. Mark Hamill (w/ mustache & Southern accent!) is a minor league baseball player likely to be called up to Major League Baseball. However, he loses his eye in a nasty car accident; luckily for him, doctor John Agar proclaims he can perform an eye transplant. As it’s from John Agar, of course Hamill and his girl Twiggy soon regret the transplant. The biggest surprise wasn’t even the Biblical subplot; rather, it was a fully-nude Hamill!

As with all anthologies, the bits vary in quality but thankfully all were at least good and provided variety. The practical effects were a breath of fresh air in 2026 as was the score from Carpenter, w/ Jim Lang. I was happy that the cast was full of familiar faces, no matter how small their role; everyone from Buck Flower and Charles Napier to David Warner, Debbie Harry, & Roger Corman.

While I wish it wouldn’t have taken a sad death from a legendary acting family for me to finally tackle Body Bags, this was a good selection for me to tip my cap to the late Robert Carradine.

Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects

Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects (1989)

Runtime: 97 minutes

Directed by: J. Lee Thompson

Starring: Charles Bronson, Perry Lopez, Juan Fernandez, James Pax, Peggy Lipton

From: Cannon

This was as sleazy as I’d always heard for years. That means “very” in this case. Curiosity got the best of me; I’m always happy to see something from Golan-Globus, and/or Charles Bronson. Wow, is it ever trashy & offensive. Most likely, “they don’t make ‘em like they used to” is a good thing in this case.

I knew this would be quite the film immediately; the opening featured a guy opening a briefcase, the contents of which included latex gloves, a whip, a jar of Vaseline… and a DILDO. What followed was Bronson as a Lieutenant in the Vice Squad of the LAPD who does some funny unethical things in dealing with child traffickers but is also racist, especially against Asians in general.

Some time is spent in Japan w/ a business named Mr. Hada (who has a family but is a perv who is an implied HENTAI reader and for certain enjoyed seeing a woman sexually assaulted on the subway) and it takes some time to discover how those two plots intersect. What followed included:

Multiple people snorting coke

Another example of a woman being groped

The unfortunate “all Asians look alike” stereotype explicitly mentioned

Other dated stereotypes are brought up, including against homosexuals

Bill McKinney portrayed… a PRIEST

A scene at an arena football game; the PA announcer states there’s a player known as WIMPY POWELL. This is also apparently a great spot for predators to hunt for their next victims.

Fears of the Japanese buying property & businesses in the United States which sound exactly like the fears that some have over the Chinese doing such things now.

A hysterical period score that screamed “late 80’s.”

And so much more. The most offensive moment might not even be a joking comment concerning a priest molesting someone’s nephew!

Especially in 2026, the movie is shocking with the number of moments and dialogue that are in questionable or downright poor taste. At the same time, there was enjoyment to be had at how outrageous the movie is, along with less controversial moments such as the few action beats there are, explosions included. As always, it’s nice seeing Charles Bronson.

This was the last film directed by J. Lee Thompson; for someone that was the director of Cape Fear, the Guns of Navarone & Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, what a note to go out on. Obvious editing during certain moments made it clear that Bronson was at the end when it came to the action films. No shame there; it wasn’t long before he would turn 70.

There are better collaborations between star and director, for sure. However, for those that seek out sleaze & trash and enjoy offensive cinema…

Heroic Times

In the first of two reviews I'll post tonight, I discuss what was seen on Tuesday night: a unique Hungarian animated motion picture.

Another post on Twitter gave me a push to see a film. I only heard of the Hungarian animated epic Heroic Times once Deaf Crocodile (a label I’ve been happy to discuss more often as of late) released the film on Blu in 2023. Last week I saw a Tweet from the account Old Media which proclaimed: “It took 6 years for a group of 10 artists to create over 40,000 oil paintings for the Heroic Times (1983) creating a unique animation style.” Thankfully, the esoteric Eternal Family streaming platform had this film available.

The film-narrated by our lead-is based on The Toldi Trilogy, a trilogy of poems by Janos Arany concerning a real-life 14th century Hungarian-Miklos Toldi-who became a folklore figure that went on a journey to become a knight. He was a working-class peasant due to circumstances but he rose up due to suck tasks as kicking a bull’s ass (no, really); this was what you’d want in an epic journey: love, battles, serving your King, a feud with your brother, capture, revenge, redemption, etc., all set to a loud, bold symphonic score from Tibor Erkel and Janos Decesnyi. 

As a story unknown to me until last night, I was always captivated. Naturally, the keystone reason for that was the marriage of the score and the awesome aesthetic of the oil painting animation. The film unfortunately wasn’t a box office smash; thankfully, this was restored by Hungary’s Film Institute and people worldwide can enjoy the efforts of those 10 artists, the composers, and director Jozsef Gemes.

Of course, I do know of 2017’s Loving Vincent and 2023’s The Peasants, both from British filmmaker Hugh Welchman, which uses a similar animation style of oil paintings. Neither has been seen by me (not yet, anyhow) but I’m happy that styles like this and stop-motion are still in use today. Computer animation is great and all-depending on the aesthetic style, at least-but I’m glad a wide variety of traditional animation has not gone extinct.

The Valley of Gwangi

The Valley of Gwangi (1969)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Directed by: Jim O'Connolly

Starring: James Franciscus, Gila Golan, Richard Carlson, Laurence Naismith, Frida Jackson

From: Warner Bros. 

“A Western featuring dinosaurs” will immediately capture my attention; so will “effects from Ray Harryhausen.” Ultimately, it was a Twitter post from a few months ago that praised the film & its aesthetics-especially the finale-which made me happy that TCM recently played Gwangi-the DVR was used.

The setting: “South of the Rio Grande, at the turn of the century.” James Franciscus-named TUCK KIRBY-literally rides into town; he works for Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show. The town has its own stunt show and Kirby’s ex naturally is a participant. Hidden away is a tiny horse from the prehistoric era; I mean “tiny” as in “the size of a small dog.” They and other colorful characters (including some stereotypes that were known then as Gypsies but I know they prefer the term “Romani” instead) discover that a valley is full of dinosaurs-the spotlight dino is the titular Gwangi… NOT a T-Rex as is the common misconception but rather an Allosaurus. That is captured & this turns out as well as you’d expect.

The first half establishes the characters & setting; the second half is when the dino action occurs, and it’s a blast due to the always-incredible stop-motion effects from Harryhausen. The movie is reminiscent of better efforts from the past, chiefly King Kong. That is appropriate; Ray’s mentor Willis O’Brien (who of course created the effects for Kong) wanted to make Gwangi for years but he passed away. His protégé provided the stop-motion instead.

Are there better Harryhausen movies? Indeed. That does not mean that The Valley of Gwangi isn’t a fun time nor is there a lack of fun to be had from Gwangi vs. an old elephant or Gwangi being lassoed by multiple cowboys on horses. This likely entertained audiences in ’69 & thankfully entertained me as a wacky B-movie in 2026.