Dead Man's Eyes

Dead Man’s Eyes (1944)

Runtime: 64 minutes

Directed by: Reginald LeBorg

Starring: Lon Chaney, Jr., Jean Parker, Acquanetta, Paul Kelly, Thomas Gomez

From: Universal

ACQUANETTA is a much better name than AWKWAFINA

After a needed day off from watching cinema on Sunday, this entry in the Inner Sanctum series played on the Universal Monsters streaming channel (found on the likes of Pluto TV) last night. I’ll copy and paste what I wrote concerning that brief series from Universal from my review of Calling Dr. Death, written two years ago:

“This includes the Inner Sanctum series done by Universal, based on a radio show that in turn was based on a series of novels. The studio made a sextet of low-budget mystery movies under the name, all starring (Lon Chaney, Jr.) as a respite from all the horror he frequently did at the time.

The opening was a random disembodied head in a crystal ball giving an introduction. I understand this was a constant in the series; The Cryptkeeper wasn’t the first to do such a thing by any means.”

Dead Man’s Eyes concerns Lon as painter David Stuart (that’s Stuart; he’s not in the Eurythmics!) who has an exotic lady known as Acquanetta-yes, that’s what the actor billed herself as; it’s not a character name-as his subject. She apparently has the hots for him but he’s going out with Jean Parker. Stuart accidentally blinds himself; Acquanetta’s Tanya takes the blame-long story, and also women be crazy, right? Let’s be frank here: homeboy David kept a bottle of his eyewash right next to an almost identical-looking bottle of eye-destroying acid together by the sink in his apartment! Before he was blinded, Stuart should have looked in the mirror above the sink at himself for such a baffling decision.

He doesn’t take the blinding well; to be frank, his character is a jerk, especially after the accident. At least that allows Chaney to ACT, mainly by yelling. There’s romantic entanglements and the absurdity of a blind man killing his girl’s father so he could have dad’s eyes. A wacky B-movie, this was. This picture barely over an hour long is not really a revenge tale that you might presume-Eyes is still a fine, watchable mystery even if complaints that some reviewers have, re: the acting are valid. Like in Dr. Death, we hear Chaney’s internal monologue a few times. Unlike that movie, it isn’t whispered, robbing us of another LON CHANEY, JR. ASMR film.

Another frank admission: Acquanetta’s life story sounds more fascinating than Dead Man’s Eyes. After all, she may have been born Mildred Davenport in Pennsylvania, she claimed to be born Burnu Acquanetta in Wyoming, but no one knows for certain what name’s on her birth certificate. We don’t even know her ethnicity. She may have been Native American, Hispanic, Black, or perhaps some combination of those. She’s a performer most don’t know or have forgotten yet it’s crazy her origin is such a mystery.

 

Go

Go (1999)

Runtime: 102 minutes

Directed by: Doug Liman

Starring: An ensemble cast including Sarah Polley, Katie Holmes, Taye Diggs, Jay Mohr, Scott Wolf, & William Fichtner

From: Columbia 

This review is being posted a day late; my bad.

Would you believe this was a first-time-watch for me? There’s no good explanation here; I was at the age of 18 when this released in ’99, after all. My subscription to Netflix ending in a few days + someone elsewhere having also watched this for the first time recently meant that going with Go was long overdue.

Those that were as in the dark as me, many specifics will be avoided. The action begins when supermarket cashier Sarah Polley-desperate for quick cash to avoid eviction on Christmas Day-steps in to do a drug deal w/ Timothy Olyphant. Things of course go awry; then, the film goes in different directions but it all eventually leads back to this main throughput.

I’m glad Sarah Polley transitioned well into a directing career; still, it’s a surprise her acting career did not have more sustained success. The cast is stacked, full of familiar faces—everyone from Katie Holmes and William Fichtner to Jay Mohr & Taye Diggs. The plot always intrigues as the tale is told non-linear, the characters become involved in absurd OOT scenarios & encounter no shortage of criminals and bad people in general. The segment in a famous American city made me laugh the most although I am sure many would disagree. I can’t call it the “best” section.

The movie felt like something from the late 90’s/early 2000’s. That is no insult; this is when I changed from a teenager to a young adult + entertaining from this era totally felt like no other. The film is one of MANY that were “inspired” by Tarantino during this era. It stands out from most of those due to its story, the dialogue, the flashy visuals, and the strong cast. That brought me back, as did the soundtrack. There was more than one song I hadn’t even thought of in years, let alone heard.

Considering my low opinion of many modern movies, it’d feel fresh now if there was a return of motion pictures such as Go. Perhaps for that reason it was good I never gave this a shot at the time.

Dark Ride

Dark Ride (2006)

Runtime: 94 minutes

Directed by: Craig Singer

Staring: Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Patrick Renna, David Clayton Rogers, Alex Solowitz, Andrea Bogart

From: Lionsgate 

Does everyone else remember After Dark Horrorfest? Yesterday, a discussion about this was held between me and a Letterboxd mutual in the comment section of a review. From 2006 to 2008, then 2010 then 2015, Lionsgate would distribute independent horror films theatrically in a group of 8 at the same time. After the fact I saw Dying Breed (a bad movie), Frontier(s), an insufferable movie I hated but many seem to like, and this was how Lake Mungo debuted in the United States. That film is only OK in my eyes. However, this of all films was the only one I saw theatrically. Yeah, shame on me for not checking out more on the big screen… perhaps it would have lasted longer then. I was gonna wait to revisit but the person I was talking with recommended a pair of After Dark movies which can be watched during Spooky Season.

The reason WHY this was a theatrical experience was forgotten long ago. After an opening where a pair of twin girls were murdered on the titular dark ride in Asbury Park, New Jersey back in ’89, the rest of the film is college asstagonists on their way to New Orleans for Spring Break but via circumstances, end up at the dark ride a few nights before it reopens while riding in their 70’s van. Yes, it opened again even after those murders done by a serial killer. This killer escapes from the mental health facility; this is one of many familiar horror plot points. The killer as a vegetarian (!) at least gives him Vegan Points which some will appreciate…

The two names in the cast: Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Patrick Renna. The latter is not only implied to be on the spectrum (although that doesn’t explain how he is handed a condom and DOESN’T KNOW WHAT IT IS) but the film’s “humor” is that he loves making movie references to the disgust of his buddies—everything from Cimino’s Heaven’s Gate and Midnight Cowboy to The Deer Hunter & Psycho. I hope Renna’s character does NOT resemble anyone on Letterboxd reading this review!

Note that those goofs decide to spend the night at the dark ride so they don’t have to pay for a motel-no, really. Before the killer targets them, expect plenty of putrid dialogue, humor that usually doesn’t land well-if at all-and buffoonish behavior—including someone taking ‘shrooms while they’re driving. Now, the unnamed dark ride itself was pretty cool; I have no info on if it was an actual ride or not. All I know is that they filmed at the Santa Monica pier in California.

There are gory kills early on-the girls then the disorderly orderlies in the mental health facility-yet it is a LONG time before our villain starts going after the asstagonists to deliver more bloody deaths; while the movie doesn’t look bad visually (including the occasional use of bold colors) the plot and characters just stink so the ride isn’t an enjoyable experience.

Actual spooky dark rides are FAR more entertaining than Dark Ride. Watch 2018’s Hell Fest if you want to see a small segment of a horror movie devoted to a dark ride (I like it more than most but it’s undoubtedly better than this film)-heck, Tobe Hooper’s The Funhouse is far more fun if you want a carnival sort of setting. Plenty of time is spent w/ the characters--they were far more interesting than the tools here. I can’t even recommend this to the gorehounds.

I’ll be happy in the future to recommend a film from the After Dark Horrorfest; to reiterate, at least two are expected to be viewed in the upcoming months.

 

Doctor Who: Invasion of the Dinosaurs

Yes, I'm talking Doctor Who here! Would you believe I've never seen any of the episodes from modern times or the serials of the past? It's true. I talk about how I selected this 1974 effort of the Third Doctor (Jon Pertwee) below: 

This is the first time I’ve watched ANY Doctor Who episode, let alone a series of them.

I know some-especially in Europe-will be GOBSMACKED at this declaration. As a kid there’s no memory of it being on TV in the United States (even the local PBS station, unless it was late in the evening); the interest was low as an adult when the show skyrocketed in fame here during the David Tennant era. Through cultural osmosis I of course knew the Time Lord lore concerning T.A.R.D.I.S., regeneration, the Daleks, the Cybermen, the Doctor having a female companion, the dope theme music… heck, even K9! I’ll mention in a bit why I finally saw a serial of episodes, these particular six episodes specifically.

The Good Doctor and his companion Sarah Jane Smith land in 70’s London-Central London, to be exact-only to discover it abandoned as if the Rage Virus had taken ahold of the city. They encounter looters, run into trouble with soldiers during martial law, and as the first episode was only entitled Invasion, there’s mystery until the dinosaurs are shown. Yes, I’ve also known that especially in the early decades, the budget was rather low. Those dinosaurs… well, they looked hilariously fake! I do know that the critics and even the producer weren’t too pleased with how cheap they looked, but they greatly amused me. Evidently that was among the nadir of the effects for the entire franchise.

Why was this chosen by me when (judging by the average rating of these serials) this was far from the best pick for my first Doctor? On Pluto TV I finally looked at their classic Doctor Who channel to see what they were playing. For awhile I thought of finally giving this legendary property a shot; more than one Letterboxd mutual have reviewed various serials through the years. The last few episodes of this were showing; I laughed at the thought of Doctor Who interacting w/ dinosaurs. I then did a Google search and discovered that the property has a strong YouTube presence, including those classic years.

I can say that Jon Pertwee was a charming, sarcastic cad as the Doctor. He certainly wore some great 70’s clothing. Sarah Jane Smith did experience sexism emblematic of the era but in hindsight that wasn’t too shocking. Neither was there the various moments where characters drank tea! But to be serious, Elisabeth Sladen also deserves credit portraying the audience surrogate who did get to participate, and independently of the Doctor. It was nice to learn lore unknown to me before… UNIT, the Venusian Neck Pinch, Smith, Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, Mike Yates, the WHOMOBILE.

No, I am not planning on becoming a Whovian. However, I was greatly entertained by the bonkers story. The low budget was charming; I definitely enjoyed the sets, the music, the characters, and how damn bizarre this 2 ½ hour tale was, often going in unexpected directions. It sure felt like the serials of the 30’s and 40’s. That’s why I’d be happy to check out other serials, other doctors. I know Tennat and Tom Baker in particular are popular. Thankfully there’s organizing lists on Letterboxd and the power of search engines to offer recommendations on where to go.

As an aside, Paddy Russell (no relation) did a fine job as director. She was one of the first female directors they had at the BBC. Furthermore, she directed that No Such Thing as a Vampire-an episode of an anthology-“too scary” for TV which was lost media until just earlier this year.

I also know about the missing episodes (and how with this serial, the first episode was only saved in black and white. Their attempt to colorize that was why that episode looked worse than the others), how poorly received the show’s been in recent years-no comment on that-and how they’ll likely be on hiatus again for years. Let’s hope it’s not for 16 years (if you don’t count the movie) like it was last time.

The Professionals

The Professionals (1966)

Runtime: 117 minutes

Directed by: Richard Brooks

Starring: Lee Marvin, Burt Lancaster, Robert Ryan, Woody Strode, Claudia Cardinale, Jack Palance

From: Columbia

Thank goodness that this film of all films has been on Netflix for years. This was back when they rarely had movies of this age and now in recent times, the platform cycles different vintage pictures in & out on a regular basis. The presumption is that someone high in the hierarchy of Netflix is a giant fan.

To me, that’s understandable; there is plenty to like. While not a masterpiece like some Westerns of old, what was then the new trend (Spaghetti Western) or ones that would come later like The Wild Bunch, this seemed like a nice bridge between them. The setting is the Mexican Revolution; the particulars of that don’t need to be known beforehand, except that the setting was the late 1910’s… both the dying days of the Revolution & the Wild West.

Ralph Bellamy hires Lee Marvin, Burt Lancaster, Robert Ryan, and Woody Strode for a daring mission to Mexico to rescue his kidnapped wife from Jack Palance-of course I’d enjoy such a motion picture. Yeah, Palance is in brownface but of course that was still common back then; at least it was a quality performance from him. As the wife was Claudia Cardinale, no wonder Bellamy wanted her back so badly! Of course, this scenario is more complicated than expected, they can’t trust everyone they meet on this trek, and not everyone on the team agrees with each other.

There is quality action throughout (mainly shootouts but the raid on Palance’s camp was great in a different way) between the great actors interacting w/ each other, the inherent drama of this dangerous journey, and the added dynamic once Cardinale starts interacting with our leads. The print Netflix has both looks and sounds great-a boon for the stunning cinematography of the desert landscapes and natural rocky features-filmed in the deserts of California and Nevada-which proved to be the biggest foe for everyone.

As there’s also a Maurie Jarre score that’s emotional-always fitting to the on-screen action-this is a movie well worth seeing, especially if you’re a Western connoisseur. This is far better than much of the gruel, the tripe that Netflix has on their platform. I’m sure most of those movies don’t have the amazing final bit of dialogue that this does.

The Frozen North

The Frozen North (1922)

Runtime: 18 minutes

Directed by: Buster Keaton/Edward F. Cline

Starring: Keaton, Joe Roberts, Sybil Seely, Bonnie Hill, Freeman Wood

From: First National Pictures

Buster Keaton once did a short as an FU to someone who insulted his friend! I’ll explain later but this friend in question was… Fatty Arbuckle, and yes in reference to the whole Virginia Rappe thing. It’s upsetting if you don’t know what happened to her and how Arbuckle’s career was ruined despite never being convicted of a crime against her. This was portrayed by fictional characters in Babylon.

Alaska is the setting, presumably in the last years of the 1800’s; it’s the Klondike Gold Rush, as also presented by Chaplin in The Gold Rush. Keaton arrives in a snowy landscape and comes across a gambling hall in town. He attempts a daring robbery but suffers a defenestration. His character is known as The Bad Man and is a coward robber who shoots people from behind, attempts to hook up w/ married women, and other shameful behavior.

The Frozen North was meant as a parody of William S. Hart, often said to be the first cowboy star in cinema. I’ve only seen one of his films & perhaps I’d find this even funnier if I was more familiar. As is, this was still amusing even w/o the added context. The reason why Buster wanted to give Hart the proverbial middle finger: the cowboy star repeatedly bashed Fatty Arbuckle to the press, presuming he was guilty. Apparently, Fatty presented this outline of a story to Buster. I’ve heard differing accounts of how long Hart avoided taking to Keaton after this released, but it was for at least one year and possibly many years.

This is not the best Keaton by any regards; that is more a testament to his legendary career than the quality of this short on its own. I laughed & was entertained; Buster in a snowy landscape was different from the norm. I was also amused that a few gags from The Frozen North were lifted for the 1940 Three Stooges short Rockin’ thru the Rockies. Such things happened back then-and who knows if those gags made their debut on celluloid here or if there were earlier examples-so I am not stating that as a negative.

Buster Keaton fans that are captivated by the thought of him depicting a character exhibiting villainous behavior will be well-served to check this out on YouTube.

Heroes of the East

Heroes of the East (Zhong Hua Zhang Fu) (1978)

Runtime: 105 minutes

Directed by: Lau Kar-Leung

Starring: Gordon Liu, Yuka Mizuno, Cheng Kang-Yeh, Ching Miao, Yasuaki Kurata

From: Shaw Brothers

Communication & compromise are important in a marriage.

I say that as a single dude but the arranged marriage of a Chinese man and Japanese woman in the 1930’s and their arguments over which country’s martial arts is “better” is the backbone of this motion picture. Now, there’s still nationalistic pride here and the wife doesn’t play a big role in the second half of the movie, but even with that noted, I still had a swell time.

Ah Tao & Yumiko are the young couple. The newlyweds appeared to be doing alright-despite some in town rejecting her due to her heritage & different customs-until they start beefing over which of their martial arts is superior. This escalates as both their fighting and weapons are compared & contrasted. This is all humorous, especially when Tao’s servant (the movie’s comedic role and a patsy) is stuck in the middle. Yumiko is so offended, she returns to Japan; via circumstances, several masters of the Japanese martial arts-mainly portrayed by Japanese actors who I’ve seen in Japanese movies before-come to China to all challenge Tao. What a quandary Ah is in.

Unlike what you typically saw from the Shaw Brothers, the Japanese were not portrayed as OOT villains and ultimately, their martial arts are respected. Let’s not dwell on the relations between the two countries as the fractious history they’ve had… as a nerd of course I appreciated seeing these different styles. Those arts from around the world are all fascinating, each having their strengths and weaknesses. Gordon Liu was unforgettable as Ah Tao, even if his character was a jerk and he did fumble the bag w/ Yumiko due to his haughty pride.

I wanted to watch an action film last night; this more than delivered with the number of fights and demonstrations, featuring all matters of weapons. Heck, there’s even a ninja, giving us a long creative segment where Ah Tao engages in trickery himself to thwart the art of illusion tactics of his ninja foe. It’s a relief that after having viewed a few dozen Shaw Brothers movies, all those action beats felt different and it never became hackneyed.