Why Don't You Just Die!

Why Don’t You Just Die! (Papa, Sdokhni) (2018)

Runtime: 99 minutes

Directed by: Kirill Sokolov

Starring: Alexander Kuznetsov, Vitaly Khaev, Evgeniya Kregzhde, Michael Gor, Elena Shevchenko

From: White Mirror Film Company

This seems like a typical day in Russia to me! As there are a few mutuals on Letterboxd who write their reviews in Cyrillic because they are Russian, my comment is in jest. I’m OK with watching Soviet and Russian movies despite what’s happened in recent years-and I’ll say no more on that topic. 

In this special early Tuesday posting, the reason I saw this movie on Arrow’s streaming platform: director Kirill Sokolov went to Hollywood & directed the upcoming They Will Kill You, starring Zazie Beetz & set to release late next month. That trailer has been seen a few times, although the trailer that I can't escape is the one for Scream 7.

Presumably, Kill won’t be quite as dark and acerbic in its pitch-black comedy, as this was DARK-and honestly, the movie just turned me off so I’m not as over the moon for it like most are. I was a fan of the opening act-a young dude with a hammer goes to the apartment of his girlfriend’s parents. Dude and dad (the latter the most Russian-looking middle-aged bald dude you’ll ever see; he plays a cop) engage in an extended brawl that wrecks several different parts/items in the apartment. The arrow description invoked several comparisons… Tarantino, Wright, and Raimi. Well, this is sometimes non-linear and the movie features blood spraying/plenty of blood lost, so this plus the dark comedy explains the comparisons.

At first the movie was interesting, full of creative moments and laughs were had. Then, for my esoteric, peculiar tastes, Die became too unpleasant, not that enjoyable, and deliberately ludicrous to boot. Of course, there are my biases against modern cinema so YMMV. The dad is a cop who you can call a bastard-in fact, “evil” is a better term; that character alone might be a problem for some.

I don’t hate Die and despite my complaints, the film overall was still fine due to its creativity and amusing moments. The movie at least wasn’t mainstream nor did it feel “safe” so that does deserve some credit in this modern landscape. Heck, there’s inventive camera movements done in place of constant cutting, which is another positive. However, if I ever do see They Will Kill You, more likely than not it will be reserved for streaming viewing.

Hi, Nellie!

Hi, Nellie! (1934)

Runtime: 75 minutes

Directed by: Mervyn LeRoy

Starring: Paul Muni, Glenda Farrell, Ned Sparks, Robert Barrat, Berton Churchill

From: Warner Bros.

This is another Mervyn LeRoy film that until this month-when it was added to the Criterion Channel-was difficult to track down. Someone on Letterboxd is probably waiting to hear what I thought of this film-that’s why I didn’t want to delay & leave them hangin’, you know.

The two most famous faces are the leads: Paul Muni (thankfully not playing an ethnic character this time) as the managing editor of a newspaper-one of several in New York City-and Glenda Farrell playing-as typical-a sassy, confident dame. He received “the ballyhoo sack” (i.e. fired) after he wants to stick up for a lawyer dude named Frank and refuses to believe he embezzled from a bank-his boss sacked him as every other paper had it as a big front-page story.

However, due to legal reasons he can’t be fired; instead, the boss has him replace Farrell as the writer of an advice column for lovers under the pseudonym Nellie Nelson. Everyone writes to the column w/ the phrase Hi, Nellie! That phrase is heard often so prepare to point at the TV like Rick Dalton. Muni’s character is a “stubborn bull-headed jackass” and he threw a temper tantrum in his new office one day but that made it hilarious that he got ribbed for his new job, even by the 1930’s version of Charles Hawtrey. That doesn’t mean he didn’t have his funny moments, such as apologizing to the “rat poison” hard liquor for Farrell insulting it along with him for his drunken ways.

Of course, he starts to take the job seriously and the column suddenly packs a wallop. And of course, a case related to the columns proves to be related to the Frank/alleged embezzlement scenario. Muni was good as the lead and among the supporting players, Ned Sparks was delightful as SHAMMY, the exact sort of guy you’d expect a Shammy to be. 

However, of course it was that little dynamo Farrell who was the highlight, a bold, confident blonde who was more than just a pretty face and always adept at delivering witty banter/snappy patter. Another highlight: the Merry Go Round Club, a hip joint which has a rotating bar in the middle that goes 360 like a merry go round.

This was the typical solid WB programmer that was an easy watch, especially at only 75 minutes.

Psycho Killer

Psycho Killer (2026)

0% on Rotten Tomatoes; yes, zero percent (out of 24 reviews)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: Gavin Polone

Starring: Most of this is just Georgina Campbell and James Preston Rogers, although there’s also Malcolm McDowell for a few minutes

From: 20^th Century Studios

“Qu'est-ce que c'est?” is my review of the film! In 2026, I saw the trailer for Psycho Killer on the big screen more than once-it seemed decent and hey, the script was from the writer of Se7en. Then, I saw that it received a rare 0% on Rotten Tomatoes & even the audience score was only 35%. As there’d be no reason for review-bombing, that left me perplexed as to what went so wrong. I should have faced up to the facts… as a random aside that'll be of interest to only a few readers, I was astonished that a co-producer was Constanin Film, the German company around for ages and who made all those 60's krimi and Winnetou movies I've reviewed in the past.

The first two acts weren’t that bad. Sure, it is silly that the Satanic killer is a hulking brute who is conspicuous and wears either sunglasses or a distinctive mask yet the FBI can’t track homeboy down (but a vigilante cop from Kansas who is looking for revenge due to PK killing her cop husband) & the CG is rather putrid & those looking for creative kills will be crestfallen. But, the movie was at least watchable, had some suspense (if still predictable; I wasn’t tense nor nervous) and such decisions as never fully showing PK’s face-often, there are reflections from his sunglasses-was fine, along with the unexpected potshots at modern Satanism. It then made me realize that the final act must have soiled the bed—it did!

When I heard a line of dialogue proclaiming that it was “the 28th anniversary” of a famous event that occurred in 1979 yet the movie had modern tech & cars (although some period cars also), I was massively confused. No matter the explanation, that’s just bad. A key detail is that the script is like 20 years old-in the multiverse, FRED DURST would have directed this in 2009, no lie. If you were expecting PK’s killing spree where a few dozen were off’ed to lead to, say, an epic ceremony to bring demons to Earth or a similar cataclysmic event… nope.

What the viewer saw instead: lame, bewildering, and pathetic. I honestly wasn’t sure why the murders happened, unless it was for funsies! The final scene was especially insulting. I won’t make a joke about “run, run, run, run away” from Psycho Killer yet I couldn’t believe how badly this fumbled the bag. Malcolm McDowell was fine in his small role, as was Georgina Campbell in the lead. No one else will agree, but Barbarian also had a terrible third act; it wasn’t her fault that both movies left a sour taste in my mouth.

I can’t end the review without addressing the obvious question: no, the song isn’t heard in the film, whether the original or a modern cover I would inevitably find to be atrocious.

Crime 101

Crime 101 (2026)

88% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 163 reviews)

Runtime: 140 minutes

Directed by: Mark Layton

Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Halle Berry, Barry Keoghan, Monica Barbaro

From: Amazon MGM

Did the film’s name hurt its box office performance? Even I admit that out of context, I was a little puzzled… at least to me it sounded like some sort of reference to a college class, and a basic one at that. Of course, in context it does make sense-the movie is set & filmed in Southern California and the title references the famed Highway 101 where all the heists are located by. The main reasons for me checking out the film: I felt bad it’s doing poorly at the box office, the idea of it being a heist film intrigued, and the comparisons to Michael Mann oeuvre was especially compelling.

Chris Hemsworth is an implied person on the spectrum who is a master at heists without hurting anyone (well, at least physically). Problems arise when he doesn’t want to do one for Nick Nolte-whose voice now resembles him regularly gargling razor blades but can still act-so Barry Keoghan enters the picture. Meanwhile, Halle Berry isn’t happy as an insurance adjuster and Mark Ruffalo is a schlubby cop-who can still afford a beachfront apartment-and aside from Nolte (who only has a few scenes) their paths will cross when Hemsworth decides to rob a rich A-hole on his wedding day.

Yes, I didn’t love how a certain word was used often, or especially the unfortunate detail that it’s a word Keoghan’s character yells in almost every sentence of dialogue. If Hemsworth as someone on the spectrum is easy for you to swallow, HALLE BERRY as someone who is deemed as not viable in a job predicated on attracting horny men just because she’s 53 years old will be. For her position in the credits, I was astonished that Jennifer Jason Leigh’s role amounted to only one small scene-that couldn’t have been the size of her role before filming began.

Those details noted, I still had a pretty good time w/ Crime 101. For the rest of time I’ll be biased towards new films that don’t feel like the modern gruel we get now. It was nice to experience those Michael Mann vibes and watch a mature story w/ veteran and promising younger actors not on a green-screen but rather sets and a sunny So Cal setting. Seeing Hemsworth and Ruffalo in such a movie is MUCH preferable to comic book baloney I couldn’t care less about. There’s also fine action beats, including a nice vehicle chase that wasn’t unintelligible due to crackhead editing.

It's a shame the movie hasn’t done better theatrically; perhaps at home it’ll attract an audience. There’s been criticisms of Hemsworth as an actor-everyone will be APPALLED at this revelation but I’ve NEVER seen him as Thor (!!!) so I can only say he was fine at the start of ’09 Star Trek, I enjoyed him in the Extraction movies and even managed to pull off the role of computer hacker in Blackhat, a movie I always dug before it was cool to do so, including the theatrical version. He did a good job w/ his role. Talk about aspirational as someone on the spectrum; he drove cool cars, dressed spiffy, got to hook up w/ Monica Barbaro… she did a good job too but I wouldn’t have minded at least one more scene featuring her.

 

Cold Storage

Cold Storage (2026)

76% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 68 reviews)

Runtime: 99 minutes

Directed by: Jonny Campbell

Starring: Joe Keery, Georgina Campbell, Liam Neeson, several names I wasn't expecting to see

From: Several different European companies, plus one from Morocco

This was the first of two theatrical movies I saw on Thursday; the second review will be posted Saturday afternoon. Praise I heard elsewhere + the premise of “killer fungus causing people to explode” was intriguing. Both movies I saw were R-rated original ideas, which I of course in theory prefer to all the gruel that’s clogged multiplexes for years now.

I never saw a trailer for Cold Storage and only knew the premise. The germ of the idea being that a piece of Skylab falling from space in ’79 fell in the outback of Australia but it contained the fungus, and it was captured and stored in Kansas but it was decommissioned & now resides a storage facility… that was unknown to me, as was the cast including Sosie Bacon, Lesley Manville, Richard Brake, & even Vanessa Redgrave.

Yeah, you don’t want to scrutinize the plot too hard, the CG usually
didn’t look great, and to use a word from the movie, the characters were too loquacious in general… meaning everyone was real talkative, especially Joe Keery’s lead character. My criticisms aside, the movie was still a fun time. The fast pace never lagged, the gross-out moments entertained me, and there were some laughs. While not a classic and not the sort of 80’s splatter horror-comedy I’d most likely prefer, Cold Storage provided enough entertainment to satisfy me. Much of the film is in one large setting, used decently well.

There are enough bad things happening to reprehensible characters and the team of Keery/Georgina Campbell was quaint-enough for my tastes. Plus, Liam Neeson (who portrayed a realistic old man w/ back issues instead of an old badass that was his motif for years after Taken) got to talk on the phone in a menacing fashion as if he was Bryan Mills again for a scene.

The Strange Woman

The Strange Woman (1946)

Runtime: 100 minutes

Directed by: Except for the opening, Edgar G. Ulmer

Starring: Hedy Lamarr, George Sanders, Louis Hayward, Gene Lockhart, Hillary Brooke

From: This was an independent production, but it was picked up by United Artists

It was time again to watch a movie that’s been sitting on the DVR for months, along with it being a nice change of pace. I still haven’t seen enough Hedy Lamarr so that is another good reason to make this selection.

Lamarr is a wild, bold woman (especially for 19th century New England) who is wanton, a maneater, and calculating, even as a child in a scene shot by Douglas Sirk-who was obviously damaged as a kid by her misfortune of having an alcoholic father. As a dumb man like myself, I was amused by her scheming, how she romanced both an old man-the richest dude in town, a timber baron-and his son, by her bold manner. This occurs as in the background, there’s increasing chaos in the town of Bangor, Maine; a police force is needed to quell the drunken revelry and buffoon behavior of the area’s lumberjacks.

Lamarr famously left MGM and formed her own production company, this being the first film that was made. It performed alright at the box office although went over budget. The cast was fine and featured some names I’ve seen in other movies (like Gene Lockhart and Louis Hayward) but of course Hedy was the highlight as the titular strange woman. She was a devilish delight as Jenny. Some may think “good for her” or “YYYAAASSSS Queen!” at her duping multiple stupid men, including George Sanders.

The Hays Code made the conclusion obvious; that didn’t dampen my enthusiasm. This 40’s version of a tawdry melodrama was enjoyable, well-directed by Edgar G. Ulmer… the explanation for Sirk directing the opening: evidently, the original opening involving Ulmer’s own daughter was seen as “unsatisfactory.” The Strange Woman: more than satisfactory, at least in my eyes.

Der Fan

Der Fan (i.e. The Fan) (1982)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: Eckhart Schmidt

Starring: Desiree Nosbusch, Bodo Staiger, Simone Brahmann, Jonas Vischer, Helga Tolle

From: Barbara Moorse Workshop

This was quite the West German movie, even more so than expected: 

Well, this took a turn…

How I first heard of the West German horror film I’ll always know by its original title (Der Fan) is lost to the sands of time, except that it was years ago. The lack of availability when it came to (legal) streaming was why it was just now that this viewing occurred. Oh, I’ve had a copy “in my collection” for awhile but now was finally the inclination to check it out. Beforehand, of course I’ve heard those awful stories of celebrity stalkers and how some actresses in the 80’s were murdered by “fans” who killed them because if they can’t have her… how much was that an aspect in this movie? I dare not say.

I thankfully went into the movie rather blind. I knew the premise: a teen girl named Simone had a dangerous obsession with a New Wave dude known only as R. It’s more than a teenage crush, despite the naïve and silly beliefs she has that they’ll fall in love if only they ever met. She is never without her SWEET Sony Walkman and headphones. As I thankfully never had the second half spoiled and did not know what would occur-the references I saw to a movie by another director made years later meant nothing, as I’ve never seen that movie-I went “WTF?” on a few occasions as the film consumed me.

The key component that made Der Fan compelling: the performance from teen Desiree Nosbusch as Simone. It was a brave role, due to part for appearing more than 20 minutes in a row without any clothing on.

As Wikipedia and IMDb indicate she was born in 1965… the math tells me this may be a reason why American streaming isn’t a thing for the movie. So are some overtones for certain German things of the past… Bodo Staiger was amusing as the block of wood (intentional) that was the dolt known as R. Now, realize that the pacing is rather methodical and that won’t be for all tastes; however, I was mostly fine w/ the measured pacing.

Another key component along with the performances and the dreary (again, compliment) cinematography was the krautrock score from Rheingold, a New Wave band led by—Bodo Staiger. The unique tones inherent to those genres was perfect as a sonic soundscape that matched the tone of Der Fan. I found the score rather delicious, myself.

The movie won’t be for everyone and you have to know that Nosbusch’s later anger over that long nude stretch was something she was upset about—if that is not a deal-breaker, then Der Fan is perhaps something you’ll want to track down.