Shanghai Surprise

Shanghai Surprise (1986)

Runtime: 97 excruciating minutes

Directed by: Jim Goddard

Starring: Sean Penn, Madonna, and other actors who presumably were embarrassed to appear in this trash

From: MGM/HandMade Films

A movie I’ve actually seen before… but will never view again. A mutual’s recent review of the film reminded me that this was seen long before joining Letterboxd. If nothing else, checking out a crummy film at least once in awhile adds variety plus possibly will be entertaining for those that like bad motion pictures being roasted.

This film is indeed bad, a de facto honeymoon for then-newlyweds Madonna & Sean Penn in Hong Kong where they weren’t the right choices for the parts of a 30’s-style adventure where Penn was a con-man (who looked like he hadn’t slept for about a week during his opening scene… which might have been method acting) who teamed up w/ missionary (!) Madonna in a wacky tale involving opium… but the details aren’t important. 

Penn was trolled to constantly lash out at paparazzi and they both acted like Ugly Americans; the production was a disaster for this and many other reasons. The current most popular review for the film on Letterboxd is from a Mr. Mark Cunliffe; he explained the problems quite well, based on a book about HandMade Films, the production company co-founded by George Harrison & Denis O’Brien. Those echoed the stories I heard about this film elsewhere. Penn was the keystone reason why this production turned sour. His review explains why quite well. 

The plot is an incoherent mess and perhaps it isn’t a surprise that the leads did not stay married given their lack of chemistry on-screen. Yes, I do know the horrifying allegations concerning Penn’s behavior towards his then-wife… Lord I hope they aren’t true but who knows. He wasn’t committed to this role and while Madonna isn’t always poor as an actress, she was out of her element here, & definitely not helped by her listening to her husband rather than director Jim Goddard-a veteran British TV director-when it came to acting tips & characterization. 

This is not all terrible; Maurice Binder styled the opening credits, the production design was fine and George Harrison sang a few new songs. Unfortunately, judging by their lyrics alone, I can only assume Harrison was high on opium when he wrote them! I hate to bash an ex-Beatle but My Sweet Lord and What is Life, those tunes weren’t. Then again, perhaps I shouldn’t be so harsh; the nightmare of this production caused him to increasingly become involved and started the riff w/ O’Brien that ended their reign at the company & caused it to be subsequently owned by some random entities for a few more decades, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels by far the sterling moment there.

Point is, Shanghai Surprise is another flick where the behind-the-scenes brouhaha is far more enthralling than what appeared on screen. Not even the presence of familiar faces in supporting roles-Professor Toru Tanaka, Victor Wong, Clyde Kusatsu, Paul Freeman, Richard Griffiths-could alleviate the pain, the confusion of this motion picture. Shanghai Surprise can be skipped by even bad movie fans—IMO, this disaster is a miserable sort of putrid rather than a funny putrid experience.

The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism

The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism (Die Schlangengrube und das Pendel) (1967)

Runtime: 83 minutes

Directed by: Harald Reinl

Starring: Lex Barker, Karin Dor, Christopher Lee, Carl Lange, Christiane Rucker

From: Constantin Film

Yes, I watched this movie as it’s called The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism. This West German production I’ve known of for years; nevermind how, but I found a copy 83-minutes long rather than the 80-minute cut that is usually found on platforms like YouTube. The plot is loosely based on The Pit and the Pendulum.

In 18th century Germany, Count Regula (Christopher Lee!) murdered 12 maidens in a failed attempt to achieve immortality; he’s captured, then drawn and quartered. Around 35 years later, Regula resurrects to seek vengeance on the children of those responsible for his demise. For those that love the Gothic vibes of 50’s and 60’s horror movies-especially those from Europe-you may be delighted by this also.

There’s fog, buildings in ruins, a charming little village, spooky scenes set at night, creepy images, riders clad in black cloaks on black horses, an old castle that’s an absolute delight, etc. There is also in fact a torture chamber and a pendulum in the castle. This does not rise to the heights of more familiar Gothic favorites yet was still a good time. After the opening, Lee does not resurrect until the final 25 minutes; that was alright w/ me considering the presence of several wacky side characters, along with the leads-Lex Barker and the always-lovely Karin Dor.

While not a must-see, I was happy to have finally tackled this after years on my figurative watchlist. The sets and atmosphere alone made the journey on the horse-drawn carriage worth it.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: Robert Wise

Starring: Michael Rennie, Patricia Neal, Billy Gray, Sam Jaffe, Hugh Marlowe

From: 20th Century Fox 

As sometimes occurs, messageboard discussion steered me in this direction. Someone was discussing “smart sci-fi” as he didn’t love Project Hail Mary like everyone else. He listed the likes of 2001, Solaris, and They Live. I offered other suggestions—everything from Phase IV to obscure (at least in the West) Soviet sci-fi such as Nebo Zoyvot. He did reference this film but did not put it on his list as the last viewing was eons ago. Well, I am APPALLED at myself as this was a first-time viewing.

Of course, I knew the premise and one line of dialogue is part of the cultural lexicon, but I was happy to have finally checked out this classic. A UFO lands in Washington, D.C.; out steps Klaatu, a Christ parable-but not too overbearing in that theme-humanoid alien and GORT, a giant robot. Gort is a funny name but their message of world peace during the start of the nuclear arms race lest Earth destroys itself was powerful then… and unfortunately still potent 75 years later due to its relevancy, especially right now in April, 2026.

The film is correct in being cynical over how humanity would react to an alien, all negative emotions present. Yet, there’s still a nice message of hope, that we would ultimately not destroy our planet over petty squabbles or needless escalation. Scenes where child Bobby (thankfully a child actor that wasn’t too irritating) goes with Klaatu in visiting important Washington, D.C. only accentuated this point. 

Earth was well-directed by Robert Wise, featuring a compelling story and memorable, theremin-driven score from Bernard Herrmann. This motion picture is smart sci-fi… not just because scientists are viewed highly & play a critical role in the plot. Remember: Klaatu Barada Nikto.

The Caller

The Caller (1987)

Runtime: 97 confounding minutes

Directed by: Arthur Allan Seidelman

Starring: Malcolm McDowell, Madolyn Smith Osborne

From: Empire Pictures

What in the world WAS The Caller?!

I’ve known of The Caller for years, how it’s a true two-hander in that only two actors appear: Malcolm McDowell and Madolyn Smith Osborne, as she’s known as now. However, the details aside from the premise of “a man visits a woman out in the woods, looking to use her telephone as his car’s inoperable” was unknown. Seeing that this was an Empire Productions effort and Charles Band was involved was a major surprise.

I figured the movie was more than its premise… and it was. The first act was off-kilter as they met each other and talked in the house. The second half became bizarre, then the final act was absolute berserk. I’ve hearted some reviews that mutuals made in the past but I did not remember there even was a twist. Imagine my shock… 

The big twist (one that makes me proclaim, “Eat your heart out, M. Night Shyamalan!”) was not something that anyone could have predicted, the explanation for why The Caller is increasingly off-the-wall. It does raise more questions than answers, as others have noted… to clarify, it’s typically no issue with me if a movie’s ambiguous or requires the viewer to speculate on certain plot points.

Now, I admit that there are stretches where the movie is spinning its wheels, biding time. The acting was at least quality throughout; McDowell going all outré & bold wasn’t a surprise-I hadn’t seen as many films from Smith but she was BOLD herself, especially as the movie increased its bonkers factor. The picture was well-made in Italy, featuring an appropriate score from Richard Band and subtle moments you might pick up on eventually like I did; that’s one of a few points in its favor.

It'd be a crime to reveal any more; it’s only a lack of attention that it isn’t a bigger cult favorite, despite a Vinegar Syndrome release… which is out of print at the moment. A few mutuals on Letterboxd love the picture—you might as well.

American Pie 2, Revisited

A mutual’s recent review served as a reminder that I finally needed to post one of my typical reviews for this movie rather than one a sentence long that was posted during my first few days as a Letterboxd member, THIRTEEN years ago. The first movie in this franchise doesn’t need a new review & I know it well-enough where a revisit wasn’t necessary anyhow.

The set-up isn’t too complex: the leads of the first film decide to rent a beach house the summer after their first year in college so they can reconnect. It’s simply an excuse for more debauchery and OOT antics but as I first saw this movie on the big screen in August of ’01 when I myself was about to start my second year of college… of course I’ll be nostalgic for the film.

Vulgarities are looked at differently now compared to a quarter-century ago yet this film still makes me laugh, even with its crude and sometimes OOT scenarios, along with at least a few moments that probably will be seen now as “politically incorrect.” It was nice to see the characters mature and change throughout the movie and compared to the first. The soundtrack also brought me back. More than one character reminded me of people I know, or at least knew at the time… even Steve Stifler. American Wedding wasn’t good, and one reason was that The Stifmeister was insufferable in that, while he wasn’t as unbearable here.

I was happy to see these characters & those actors return, including Eugene Levy as the awkward yet loving father. My age is a factor but I’ll likely always enjoy this movie, even if my senior high of high school and college life wasn’t the insane antics portrayed in this franchise. I was happy to reminisce about the good old days.

The Trip

The Trip (1967)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Directed by: Roger Corman

Starring: Peter Fonda, Bruce Dern, Dennis Hopper, Susan Strasberg, Salli Sachese

From: AIP 

This film was a trip, indeed. Last night, Turner Classic Movies played this Roger Corman movie; throughout the month of January, every Friday night is devoted to the late director/producing legend. I hadn’t seen this but knowing that some key figures (Peter Fonda, Dennis Hopper, and Jack Nicholson, who believe it or not wrote The Trip while not appearing in the movie as an actor) later went on to make Easy Rider greatly intrigued.

Fonda is a director who is experiencing the disintegration of his marriage; that naturally is a bummer, man. Thankfully for him, he knows such cool cats as Hopper and a fully-bearded Bruce Dern. The latter introduces him to acid, and the rest of the film is his first acid trip. As Dern’s a great friend, he coaches him on what to expect during his initial trip and stays around during the experience. Of course, there is more than one freak-out but Dern offers comfort while he’s around.

Through the usage of appropriate music, colors, camera effects, old sets sometimes redecorated in bizarre fashion, filming in locations that already had psychedelic décor and other tricks that presumably weren’t expensive (especially considering the director/producer), those trips were a delight. First, there’s the expected kaleidoscope effects; then, weird, surreal imagery appears off-and-on. Now, I’ve never tried LSD; however, Nicholson and Corman did! The presumption is that the film is not unauthentic.

As an aside, Dern will turn 90 in like 8 weeks; I hope he lives for many years to come but you never know at his age. While he’s still alive, I’m happy to acknowledge that it’s always a treat watching him act in everything from Nebraska and The Driver to Silent Running and The ‘Burbs.

A film devoted only to an LSD experience is unique even now; I was happy to have gone on this journey to the swingin’ 60’s and view the visuals, groovy music, and the Los Angeles of the era. I was also happy to see some other familiar faces, such as Luana Anders and Dick Miller, the latter wearing a funny purple & black ensemble as a bartender.

 

Felidae

Last night I saw a famed 1994 animated film from Germany featuring the voice acting of an old actor I've been familiar with for years: 

RIP Mario Adorf

I haven’t reviewed any of his movies in years aside from 1964’s Apache Gold but back in the day, me and someone on a messageboard enjoyed discussing him. That was chiefly for his roles in the poliziotteschi films Caliber 9 and The Italian Connection, both of which are highly entertaining and well worth tracking down. We both laughed that he resembled Bruce Campbell. He was far more famous in Europe than America but I’m bummed he passed away, even if he reached the age of 95.

I referenced this film in my recent review of Cat City, another European animated flick concerning felines; a mutual recommended I check this out… a movie I’ve known of for ages by this point. The setting is a world just like ours, except that cats of many different breeds speak to each other. Francis is new to the neighborhood; he investigates a series of murders. Note that the film is NOT for children; there are horror elements, nightmares, cat corpses mutilated, a sexy saxophone riff, cat sex, and references to Gregor Mendel.

Felidae is mature, a noir concerning plot points that are better represented by animals rather than human beings. Adorf provided the deep voice of Bluebeard, the closest confidant of Francis. The story was more mature & thoughtful than expected, featuring lovely animation, a score from a rare female composer (Anne Dudley), a title song from BOY GEORGE, and nice voice acting. The only other actor I knew was Klaus Maria Brandauer, but everyone was fine.

This was a nice way to pay tribute to Mr. Adorf. Hopefully sometime next week, I’ll see something live-action from him.