A Quick Update

Unfortunately the past few days have me preoccupied with things so I'll be back with a normal review on Tuesday night and tonight I'll say that on February 1 I'll finally unveil the Top 10 list for 2012. That should give me enough time to see any films on DVD and also one or two on the big screen. At least this week I should have the opportunity to see a film on the big screen.

Hanzo The Razor: Sword of Justice

Hanzo The Razor: Sword of Justice (Goyokiba; 1972)

Runtime: 94 minutes

Directed by: Kenji Misumi

Starring: Shintaro Katsu, Yukiji Asaoka, Mari Atsumi, Ko Nishimura

From: Toho

A few days ago I decided to sign up for a free month of Hulu Plus. It was due to an offer I got when I purchased an Xbox 360 last month. They have quite the selection of foreign/Criterion films so I think for at least the next month (I might pay for an additional 30 days) that will be the majority of what I review here. Last night I decided to go with this movie, the first of a trilogy, based off of a manga, and it's an infamous movie... I'll expain why in a bit if you are unfamiliar.

The film is about a samurai warrior named Hanzo (Katsu) who is a real loose cannon. He always talks back and mouths off to his superior (Nishimura), but that's because said superior is corrupt and Hanzo is almost Puritanical in following the way of the samurai to the letter. The main plot is him investigating a case of corruption, but that isn't the important thing here. Besides him being an awesome badss (great skills, his take no shit attitude, him openly laughing uproariously when he discovers the true reason for the plot) and the film having an AWESOME funky 70's score that fits him well, Hanzo is well-known for one thing...

He has an enormous penis!

Yes. This is stressed often. You see it demonstrated with visual humor and even with some brief real blurry shots of an actual large dick. He does self-torture to make himself tougher... and this also gets him aroused. He also makes his schlong tougher by laying it down on a piece of wood and literally beats his meat with another piece of wood. Oh, and there is also him having sex with a bag of rice. Yep, yep.

Unfortunately, there is one aspect to Hanzo that is incredibly uncomfortable. More than once on the case, Hanzo has to interrorgate a female suspect and he does so by... pretty much RAPING them. They end up enjoying it due to his sexual virility. Extraordinarily creepy. The way I was able to rationalize it is, the entire film is so over the top (from the violence to everything else) and that aspect is so disgusting it becomes laughable. But boy do I wish that wasn't a part of the entire film series as it just skeeves you out, you know. What happens to a woman who is trapped nude in a net is best seen rather than described, but WOW.

Oh, and an important plot point of this movie set in feudal Japan is a woman who is “shaved down there”, to put it cleanly. A random character has to spy on her using the bathroom to confirm this fact. See what I mean about this being over the top?

As long as you can stomach the whole rapey aspect, this truly one of a kind samurai film is worth a look. No wonder it has the reputation it does in some circles of the Internet. I should watch the two sequels to see what further strangness they pull off. I'll be back Monday night.

Darker Than Amber

Darker Than Amber (1970)

Runtime: 93 minutes (IMDb is wrong)

Directed by: Robert Clouse

Starring: Rod Taylor, Theodore Bikel, Suzy Kendall, William Smith

From: Cinema Center Films

Here's an entry in the file of “Extraordinarily rare films”; this time, I am not quite sure why it has never been on DVD; heck, even VHS copies are rare. For most the only clip they have ever seen of it is of the finale, which is an incredibly brutal fight between the hero (Taylor) and the bad guy (Smith). 

I don't know if it's apocryphal or not but I have heard several similar but not exactly alike tales on what happened in this fight; basically, it was a staged fight that turned legit after things got heated, or so they say. Either way, it turns into a bloody brawl and it is quite intense. Earlier in the week a website talked about the clip so I decided to go looking on YouTube and much to my surprise someone had uploaded a copy of the film; sure, there are hard-coded Dutch subtitles but I am sure this is the best way for the vast majority to check this out, at least without paying fifty bucks for a used VHS tape from Amazon!

The plot: Beach bum Travis McGee (Taylor) is on a boat with a pal when they see a young lady (Kendall) thrown off a bridge with weights on here to ensure she would drown. She doesn't want to cooperate so he and his pal (Bikel) try to find out why she was thrown over. It turns out... it's not explained in full until far in the movie, but the young lady (Vangie, short for Evangeline) is involved with a scam gone bad and getting Terry Bartell (Smith) upset is a bad idea; besides him being a bleach-blonde bodybuilder, he is quite insane, especially if you get him upset.

Overall, I'll say this was good; not awesome, but still good. It was based off of a book and that was part of a series of books; I've never read any of them of course so I just have to go on people's word that it was a relatively faithful adaptation. This is mainly a drama/mystery as first you get to see Travis and Vangie get to know each other on his houseboat. Then, something happens and you get the mystery aspect kicked into overdrive. The movie takes its time but it doesn't mean it is boring. You don't get violence often but when you do... it is certainly intense. There's more than one fight scene, I'll put it that way. There's some hardcore things here; I mean, literally “digging your own grave” sort of thing. Harsh.

You also have Jane Russell (no relation) in her last fictional role, in what was a cameo as a character from the books; yes, even “fan service” was a thing way back when. It's a shame that this movie is so hard to find, the only full version available at all is the version on YouTube with the Dutch subtitles. The other versions are cut by a few minutes, including parts of the finale fight. If only this got the release it deserves.

I'll be back Saturday afternoon.

Tremors

Tremors (1990)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Directed by: Ron Underwood

Starring: Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, Finn Carter, Michael Gross

From: Universal

Here is yet another movie I saw and loved in my childhood, and turns out that I still enjoy it as an adult. I saw it various times on VHS, a few times on TV and probably at least once on DVD; I was able to view it again after borrowing the DVD set Attack Pack from someone I know; it has that movie and the three direct to video sequels; I've never seen any of them but in the future I may check them out as I imagine the percentage of fans of this haven't seen any of the sequels is high. Maybe one of them is even worth watching and doesn't ruin the memories of the original. Not to be cynical but most direct to video sequels are like that.

You probably know this by now, but the movie is set in the tiny middle of nowhere town of Perfection, Nevada, isolated from the rest of civilization. Val and Earl (Bacon and Ward) are two working-class stiffs who do odd-jobs around the town, including pumping septic tanks. Understandably they are anxious to move to a bigger city; the day they leave, several things happen, including the one road out of there being closed and the phone line being dead; so they have to turn back and stay in the area. What's causing all this... a disgusting worm creature known as grabboids who live underground and get their prey from vibrations aboveground. Several of them are out there and the residents are on their own to deal with those critters, and do so in various ways, including obvious NRA members Burt Gummer (Gross) and his wife Heather (Reba McEntire) using big big guns to kill one.

Like I said, this is still awesome. It is more consistently funny throughout than I had remembered. It's a real horror/sci-fi/comedy. It has quite the colorful cast of characters. The leads are a great duo as they are always entertaining; but, all the side characters are also fun, from store owner Walter Chang (the “that guy” known as Victor Wong) to Melvin the smartass teenager, and of course there's the seismologist Rhonda (Carter) who Val and Earl meet up with and despite her not meeting Val's rather ambitious rules for a date, romance is hinted at and the three together are definitely entertaining.

This is definitely a B-movie at heart-the idea of grabboids being a real creature is of course pretty wacky at best-and as long as you sit back and relax and want to have a good time along with the characters, then you should check this out, especially if you've somehow never watched this before. I'll be back Thursday night. 

King Frat

King Frat (or maybe it should be King $#%#% Frat) (1979)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Directed by: Ken Wiederhorn

Starring: John DiSanti, Charles Pitt, Roy Sekoff, Robert Small

From: Mad Makers Inc. (at least that's as much info as I have)

I apologize for this being up a day late. Things were out of my hands, and this wasn't what I was originally going to watch. But I was inspired by a few things (including a guy on a messageboard talking about this ultra-obscure film) and a podcast reviewing yet another movie (like Pinball Summer) where the heroes are referred to as “asstagonists” due to them being the people you're supposed to root for and yet they act rather repugnant and many people would end up loathing them. 

I've seen some clips from this after the messageboard mention, and those and the trailer below (where they act like this incredibly immature movie is called King Fucking Frat) seem to make those guys look like asstagonists.

Once I saw the movie (not that I'd tell you the less than ethical way to find it), THESE guys are asstagonists above most others in film history, I am going to reckon. I know I shouldn't expect much given that the college these asses go to is called Yellowstream University, but still...

To steal the plot from the IMDb: “Set on the quiet campus of Yellowstream University, this comedy follows the rivalries that build between two of the college's fraternities. When they're not mooning everyone they pass and throwing garbage on the lawns of rival frats, the members of the Pi Kappa Delta fraternity are mainly interested in drinking and... well, drinking. When a campus- wide farting contest is announced, Grossout, the leader of the Deltas, is all too eager to stand up, bend over and defend the honor of his fraternity.”

Yes, the main engine that propels the first half of this movie is a FARTING CONTEST. The rest of it is random vignettes... and the dean wanting to kick them off campus; sound familiar? Now, let me tell you about the first few minutes of this bold-faced Animal House ripoff where the Bluto character is interpreted by a character here named Grossout Grumbowski and looks-wise was obviously cast because of his resemblence to Belushi... over a terrible title song these guys drive around in an old herse with the license plate “Hey 4Q2” and not only do they drive the wrong way down the street under construction, they moon everyone from college chicks to a kid in a stroller, preppy guys to the president of the college, the shock of which gives him a heart attack! And remember, you're supposed to root for these guys. What a way to start off the film. 

Oh, and one of those aforementioned college chicks looks like a low-rent version of Reese Witherspoon. There's someone who not by coincidence looks like Tim Matheson did back in the late 70's.

The other people in the frat include the standard black guy with an afro, a Native American who looks to be in his 40's (no lie) and a stereotypical nerd who looks to be in his 30's. They love drinking Busch beer in a place that looks worse than that old house the Nerds moved to before they remodeled it in Revenge of the Nerds. Various stereotypes are abused in a rather juvenile way, from Native Americans to Chinese and other ones. But the character of Grossout... besides being badly acted (at least it matches most of the acting seen in the film) is really a giant villain, even more so than the other jokers you see here. I really hated how exaggeratedly disgusting he was, even more so than the other jokers you see here. He farts often and is just a slob of a pig. Not even him wearing a t-shirt advertising the original Howard the Duck comic redeems him.

Among the other atrocities from the asstagonists... two of them burn a hash brick into the ventilation shaft of the church where the service for the dead president is being held. Everyone ends up laughing; HI-larious, right? There are forced vomitings, they bilk the parents of a new pledge to get the money to enter the farting contest... They try to run over preps. Yep, these are truly terrible characters acting in a movie that is real low-budget and doesn't even live up to that; this is pretty terrible filmmaking.

Despite some genuine laughs and there being such things as a girl character named Bucky who isn't so bad and you getting to see classic posters from the likes of Frank Zappa, Ted Nugent and of all people Jim Croce... this was a struggle to get through this South Florida-filmed movie. Your mileage may vary but I wonder why that messageboard person enjoyed it so much. Stick with the more famous raunchy comedy classics set in college.

I'll be back Monday night.

Pray for Death

Pray for Death (1985)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: Gordon Hessler

Starring: Sho Kosugi, James Booth, Donna Kei Benz, Norman Burton

From: Trans World Entertainment

Here is the last film I watched in 2012 and the first one I am reviewing for 2013. It was on MGMHD, which had a Ninja New Year marathon; it might as well have been called Sho Kosugi New Year, as most of those starred the famed 80's martial arts star. I had seen this once before, on Hulu a few years ago. I figured I'd watch this again, a film where the villain you see the most is named LIMEHOUSE WILLLIE. I have no idea what a “limehouse” is and the movie never tells you what one is.

The plot: Businessman Akira Saito (Kosugi) and his family live in Japan; his wife is Japanese-American and she wants to move back to her home country and due to buisness reasons he agrees. They go to Houston and they open up a Japanese restaurant in the ghettos of Houston. The property they inherited has an attachment that is used by bad guys and crooked cops steal a valuable necklace from the bad guys, and they believe Akira has it. They thus do really evil things to the wife and kids and Saito (who by the way is also a NINJA) exacts revenge in a tremendous way.

Overall, this movie is corny and goofy and the kids (Sho's real-life sons) aren't always the best actors. But, this is also wildly entertaining, Akira does a lot of flipping, and things get pretty violent at times as he wrecks dudes. The villains are so, well, vile, that you really enjoy what they get coming to them. You also get a tremendous 80's-riffic soundtrack with a wacky ballad and the score itself is synth tones, with the drum machine getting used often. Plus, lol to one of the sons having a bike sooped up with gadgets as if he was James Bond in an Aston Martin DB5, a gadget-master as if he was Data from The Goonies. Not to be sterotypical but I got that comparison from someone else.

If you enjoy the silly but entertaining world of 80's martial arts films, then you should see this. I'll be back Friday night.

Some Quick Notes

In this, the last blog post I am doing for 2012, I just have a few quick things to say. I WILL be back Tuesday night with a review, though.

I still have not tried to do anything with the free trial of Epix; I wrote about it recently but I tried to watch one movie on there and I had massive problems in having the file stream with any consistency. Plus, just trying to scroll through all of their selections is a major hassle and how Hulu and Netflix (which is going through another extended outage now, from what I hear) does it is much more effective. And hell, their search function is incredibly broken. Yep, their online service is total crap, even though I imagine their cable channels are much better.

As for a Best of 2012 list, that won't come for another few weeks, I am predicting. I will eventually make my way to the theatre to see the likes of Django Unchained, for example. I probably will also rent a movie or two that I should have seen on the big screen but I failed to do so.

Like I said, I'll be back soon.