Somehow, 81% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 310 reviews)
Runtime: 119 incredibly long minutes
“Directed” by: Fede Alvarez
Starring: Cailee Spaeny, the former Isabela Moner, and actors I've never seen before... David Jonsson the only one that left a good impression
From: Poor 20th Century Studios
Imagine if idiots made a lame pastiche that combined Alien & Aliens…
This will be another of those polarizing reviews where I just don’t get why so many love a new movie. It was only my schedule that prevented me from seeing this sooner. Sure, there always was hesitation with the movie-besides the trend of lousy sequels/reboots/whatever to popular films that has dominated the cineplex in recent years, the director gave me pause. Don’t Breathe was bad and his version of The Evil Dead is just atrocious, sorry to say. By this point, I did understand that not only was there plenty of fan service, the most (in)famous example was spoiled days ago.
That said, I went into this w/ an open mind as there was near-unanimous acclaim, not just on Letterboxd. The mind was still open even if there was puzzlement at why all the characters appeared to be young adults. There’s an explanation… which crumples apart if you examine that plot point even with a modicum of logic. Romulus is exquisitely stupid, which is one of several ways that this exemplified the worst of modern movie-making. The way that effects are used on the (redacted) character was in fact rather bad, and just a poor idea from the start. Of course, characters whose every 4th word is an F-bomb is usually a turn-off, although not as much as those that are just insufferable caricatures; Romulus has both. The few occasions that Cailee Spaeny dropped an F-bomb meant MUCH more than stupid pillocks who uttered it 100 times!
Too many films now seem to have a 4th act that seems wholly unnecessary; this notably has one, and Lord was that 4th act just laughably dumb. What was miraculous to me: how dark the movie was. No, not as bad as AvP:R but dark in the way that too many modern pictures are—to hide mediocre CG, fake-looking sets or what have you. Compared to how the grungy ship and other areas appeared in Alien, it’s no contest which one is better to look at or feel like I’d want to visit. Heck, this is a film which not only needed more establishment shots, too often the viewer is jarred because the character jumps from Point A to Point B without having any idea what happened… AND there are moments where characters are shown doing something that looks to be important yet there’s not even a line of dialogue to explain beforehand what they’re doing so the viewer has to wait while being confused until it’s finally explained.
Quite frankly, I am baffled as to why Alien: Romulus is receiving so much love. It was not all that enjoyable, fun, or even scary aside from a moment or two. The fan service-including the infuriating use of legendary lines-and general stupidity were further demerits that made me SO happy for the end credits to hit. Some performers certainly tried (whether it be those I know like Spaeny and the former Isabela Moner or the new to me David Jonsson) and at least it sounded rather good. Otherwise, this would receive an even lower score; as is, it is probably a wise idea to just avoid Fede Alvarez for the rest of time as his popularity is just incomprehensible to me.
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