It's a long story but I am completely discombobulated today and among other things I woke up later than expected & something unexpected happened with my cable service so I had to spend time with that and it doesn't work at 100% but considering they're likely extremely busy with many other people experiencing that issue or other issues today, I won't even worry about it until tomorrow or later.
Anyhow, like I said I am really out of it today and hopefully when I return tomorrow night I'll have some sort of review up.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Monday, July 7, 2014
Murder Party/Blue Ruin
Murder Party (2007)
Runtime: 79 minutes
Directed by: Jeremy Saulnier
Starring: Chris Sharp, Macon Blair, Stacy Rock, Paul Goldblatt, William Lacey
From: The Lab of Madness
Blue Ruin (2013)
Runtime: 90 minutes
Directed by: Jeremy Saulnier
Starring: Macon Blair, Devin Ratray (yes, Buz from the Home Alone films), Amy Hargreaves, Kevin Kolack
From: The Lab of Madness
Yes, this is a double shot where I review two movies at once. They are from the same director and these are the only feature length films he's done so it makes sense. The bulk of this is from my Letterboxd reviews, by the way. Note that I only gave Murder Party 1 star out of 5. The plot description from IMDb: "A random invitation to a Halloween party leads a man into the hands of a rogue collective intent on murdering him for the sake of their art, sparking a bloodbath of mishap, mayhem and hilarity." The last part of it I cast into doubt...
Someone I know on a messageboard has heavily pimped the film Blue Ruin and I was one of the few to show interest in it so for his sake I figured I should finally watch that film... but not before checking out the first film from the director, where Blue Ruin's star is a co-star here. I actually had heard of it before way back when on a horror podcast. It was mentioned briefly and it was said that someone dressed like a Baseball Fury from The Warriors, which is in fact true.
Well, this unfortunately didn't inspire hope in me that I'll enjoy the highly regarded Blue Ruin, as I thought this was another film I saw this weekend that was intolerable and just pretty bad. The central conceit of a random person being killed in the name of art is rather dumb logically but I hoped I would still enjoy it as I understood it spoofed and made fun of hipster pretentious art student douches, people who I have little experience with but I imagine are the sort of people I couldn't stand. I now wonder if the filmmakers were actually douchey pretentious art students themselves.
Sad to say, this seemed like a short stretched out WAY too long just to make it 80 minutes. All the talking bits among characters that were just stupid and dragged on and on and on... and I barely laughed at all at what was allegedly a “comedy”... sorry but this is another film where I do not understand the hype and praise at all.
Good job, this guy made it with his buddies-some of who are atrocious actors-and it poorly spoofed what should have been an easy target and almost put me to sleep like it was a Ti West film... I don't get it.
Now, onto Blue Ruin, a movie I only gave 2 1/2 stars. I hope I don't sound like a "hater" now with my last few reviews. I am just being honest here. The plot description for that, again from the IMDb: "A mysterious outsider's quiet life is turned upside down when he returns to his childhood home to carry out an act of vengeance. Proving himself an amateur assassin, he winds up in a brutal fight to protect his estranged family." That outsider is a homeless guy who lives in a crappy car, which was interesting. I was amused that a bit role was played by Eve Plumb. Yes, Jan Brady.
By now some people that follow me probably think I'm starting to turn into Armond White. I swear that's not the case. It's just that as of late I've been baffled by the films that have gotten a huge amount of praise. For a few months now, here and elsewhere I've heard about how great this movie is, and finally tonight I saw the director's first film (Murder Party) then this one. Murder Party was pretty bad in my opinion and I did not understand the praise it's gotten since it came out. Still, I had hopes that the director made a massive improvement and I'd love this tale and I'd feel the same way about it that everyone else does.
Sad to say, this movie full of preposterous moments, shit that don't make sense, dumb convenient plot twists, padding to make it feature length (just like in Murder Party; this had some Ti West glacial pacing too), characters I didn't like due to them acting nonsensically-I am looking at you, Dwight's sister-and a cypher of a main character I was never given any reason to care about... it really left me cold. I can't say I hate it as Blair's performance as the homeless guy lead was fine, there were some memorable moments, the Virginia scenery sure looked nice and the general idea of a man looking for revenge on the man who killed his parents only for it to go horrifically wrong is a good one. I just feel very disappointed by this and not because it didn't turn out like how I expected.
I wish it didn't have those problems and have the stench of “pretentious indy movie bullcrap” but I guess most people love it so I'm in the wrong... I really wish I knew why most film fans love it; I just can't comprehend it. Maybe the film was too built up for me but I felt that in the end it was really pointless and a waste of time-as I was never given a reason to care-and like I said, disappointing in my eyes.
I'll return tomorrow night, hopefully with something more positive.
Runtime: 79 minutes
Directed by: Jeremy Saulnier
Starring: Chris Sharp, Macon Blair, Stacy Rock, Paul Goldblatt, William Lacey
From: The Lab of Madness
Blue Ruin (2013)
Runtime: 90 minutes
Directed by: Jeremy Saulnier
Starring: Macon Blair, Devin Ratray (yes, Buz from the Home Alone films), Amy Hargreaves, Kevin Kolack
From: The Lab of Madness
Yes, this is a double shot where I review two movies at once. They are from the same director and these are the only feature length films he's done so it makes sense. The bulk of this is from my Letterboxd reviews, by the way. Note that I only gave Murder Party 1 star out of 5. The plot description from IMDb: "A random invitation to a Halloween party leads a man into the hands of a rogue collective intent on murdering him for the sake of their art, sparking a bloodbath of mishap, mayhem and hilarity." The last part of it I cast into doubt...
Someone I know on a messageboard has heavily pimped the film Blue Ruin and I was one of the few to show interest in it so for his sake I figured I should finally watch that film... but not before checking out the first film from the director, where Blue Ruin's star is a co-star here. I actually had heard of it before way back when on a horror podcast. It was mentioned briefly and it was said that someone dressed like a Baseball Fury from The Warriors, which is in fact true.
Well, this unfortunately didn't inspire hope in me that I'll enjoy the highly regarded Blue Ruin, as I thought this was another film I saw this weekend that was intolerable and just pretty bad. The central conceit of a random person being killed in the name of art is rather dumb logically but I hoped I would still enjoy it as I understood it spoofed and made fun of hipster pretentious art student douches, people who I have little experience with but I imagine are the sort of people I couldn't stand. I now wonder if the filmmakers were actually douchey pretentious art students themselves.
Sad to say, this seemed like a short stretched out WAY too long just to make it 80 minutes. All the talking bits among characters that were just stupid and dragged on and on and on... and I barely laughed at all at what was allegedly a “comedy”... sorry but this is another film where I do not understand the hype and praise at all.
Good job, this guy made it with his buddies-some of who are atrocious actors-and it poorly spoofed what should have been an easy target and almost put me to sleep like it was a Ti West film... I don't get it.
Now, onto Blue Ruin, a movie I only gave 2 1/2 stars. I hope I don't sound like a "hater" now with my last few reviews. I am just being honest here. The plot description for that, again from the IMDb: "A mysterious outsider's quiet life is turned upside down when he returns to his childhood home to carry out an act of vengeance. Proving himself an amateur assassin, he winds up in a brutal fight to protect his estranged family." That outsider is a homeless guy who lives in a crappy car, which was interesting. I was amused that a bit role was played by Eve Plumb. Yes, Jan Brady.
By now some people that follow me probably think I'm starting to turn into Armond White. I swear that's not the case. It's just that as of late I've been baffled by the films that have gotten a huge amount of praise. For a few months now, here and elsewhere I've heard about how great this movie is, and finally tonight I saw the director's first film (Murder Party) then this one. Murder Party was pretty bad in my opinion and I did not understand the praise it's gotten since it came out. Still, I had hopes that the director made a massive improvement and I'd love this tale and I'd feel the same way about it that everyone else does.
Sad to say, this movie full of preposterous moments, shit that don't make sense, dumb convenient plot twists, padding to make it feature length (just like in Murder Party; this had some Ti West glacial pacing too), characters I didn't like due to them acting nonsensically-I am looking at you, Dwight's sister-and a cypher of a main character I was never given any reason to care about... it really left me cold. I can't say I hate it as Blair's performance as the homeless guy lead was fine, there were some memorable moments, the Virginia scenery sure looked nice and the general idea of a man looking for revenge on the man who killed his parents only for it to go horrifically wrong is a good one. I just feel very disappointed by this and not because it didn't turn out like how I expected.
I wish it didn't have those problems and have the stench of “pretentious indy movie bullcrap” but I guess most people love it so I'm in the wrong... I really wish I knew why most film fans love it; I just can't comprehend it. Maybe the film was too built up for me but I felt that in the end it was really pointless and a waste of time-as I was never given a reason to care-and like I said, disappointing in my eyes.
I'll return tomorrow night, hopefully with something more positive.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Snowpiercer
Snowpiercer (2013)
93% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 102 reviews)
Runtime: 126 minutes
Directed by: Joon-ho Bong
Starring: Chris Evans, Jamie Bell, Tilda Swinton, Kang-ho Song, John Hurt
From: It was distributed in the United States by The Weinstein Company, a source of controversy
I tell you, I haven't had a good week. It's been big things and little things. The latter is Letterboxd not operating properly for me for the past 24 hours. I just may not look at the site for a few days until I am sure they can actually get their shit together. I say that as I am glad I was actually able to copy and paste over my review of (or rather, rant against) this movie.
The plot description, from me for once: In 2014, a chemical is used to combat global warming. It goes haywire and causes a new Ice Age. The few people that do survive are on a massive train that goes around the globe once a year. Really. It's a class system and the lower classes are finally willing to rebel. The rest of this is from Letterboxd:
2014 is really “the year of disappointing movies”, at least in my opinion. From Sabotage being a thoroughly unpleasant film to The Raid 2 being quite a bit worse than the the first film, I am thankful I thought this year's Godzilla was awesome. I know those last two opinions are drastically different from what most people online (especially this site) think, but that's honestly what I think.
I sure as hell know that most people will be disgusted with my rating of this film or just be flabbergasted. Honestly, I am flabbergasted too I feel this way. The few Korean films I have seen have been high quality, stuff I really dig (such as The Good, The Bad, The Weird or War of the Arrows) and while I haven't seen The Host since I watched it on the big screen back when it played the arthouse joints, I thought it was good... not great, but good.
While I did see some opinions that say the movie was about average, most rate it as great, so of course I presumed that I'd enjoy it and I was happy to see it considering The Weinstein Company's mishandling of it and how they came real close to being D-bags and cutting the movie themselves, something that I am glad did not happen for artist integrity reasons. There are three spots around Orlando to see the film so I was surprised the auditorium of about 100 was almost completely full, and it included some people who I was surprised to see had even heard of the movie, to be honest. I couldn't really tell what they thought of it.
Unfortunately, while I am in a very small minority here I thought that much of the movie is just horrible and also insufferable and “illogical” doesn't even begin to describe it. I am sure everyone knows its plot by now so I won't waste time giving it, except that I did know beforehand what it basically was and yes, I did think the general idea didn't make a whole lot of sense. I thought that wouldn't be a big deal as if you have a fun story populated with interesting and fun characters. I don't know why it didn't work for me like it has with just about everyone else, but I HATED most of the characters; they were just illogical A-holes and acted dumb, no matter if they were “the good guys”, “the bad guys” or innocent parties. I don't know what the hell it was that Tilda Swinton played, except it was an atrocious caricature of something or another and not something you'd actually find on planet Earth, no matter if it's a new Ice Age or not.
Besides the characters I couldn't give a damn about, there's the story. In simplest terms it makes sense. How it plays out, though... nope. It's a confused mess & the further along it goes the more I got angry with all the surreal and ridiculous and intelligence-insulting shit I saw on screen. I could go on and on about it and give spoilers but I won't. The movie seemed to think it would be “funny” to throw out all sorts of bizarre shit on the screen as it'd be entertaining. I say “nope” to that in this film's case.
And as noted the CGI was pretty bad, which surprised me as I've seen older Korean films where it was clearly better than what's present here. And as I haven't seen too many complaints about it yet, I thought too much of the action stuff was a shaky-cam nightmare to where I had difficulty making it out; I pretty much can't stand such a thing so that didn't help my opinion of the film.
Then the final act-like some I thought the first act was tone-deaf and overlong and that helped start things off on a bad foot, or maybe it should be bad arm-most of it was particularly bad as it gave more exposition which make it even more illogical, characters became even more intolerable, and how they chose to end the movie... I wasn't expecting it but it doesn't mean it was good or the right way to end that story; it just made me feel like the train ride I took was a real waste of time and it seemed kind of pointless. It does not get an even lower rating as there was a rare moment or two I thought was cool.
What a MASSIVE disappointment in a year that has already had more than I expected. I hope to see more more movies I actually like or my Top 10 for the year will be pretty weak compared to the past few years.
I'll return tomorrow night.
93% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 102 reviews)
Runtime: 126 minutes
Directed by: Joon-ho Bong
Starring: Chris Evans, Jamie Bell, Tilda Swinton, Kang-ho Song, John Hurt
From: It was distributed in the United States by The Weinstein Company, a source of controversy
I tell you, I haven't had a good week. It's been big things and little things. The latter is Letterboxd not operating properly for me for the past 24 hours. I just may not look at the site for a few days until I am sure they can actually get their shit together. I say that as I am glad I was actually able to copy and paste over my review of (or rather, rant against) this movie.
The plot description, from me for once: In 2014, a chemical is used to combat global warming. It goes haywire and causes a new Ice Age. The few people that do survive are on a massive train that goes around the globe once a year. Really. It's a class system and the lower classes are finally willing to rebel. The rest of this is from Letterboxd:
2014 is really “the year of disappointing movies”, at least in my opinion. From Sabotage being a thoroughly unpleasant film to The Raid 2 being quite a bit worse than the the first film, I am thankful I thought this year's Godzilla was awesome. I know those last two opinions are drastically different from what most people online (especially this site) think, but that's honestly what I think.
I sure as hell know that most people will be disgusted with my rating of this film or just be flabbergasted. Honestly, I am flabbergasted too I feel this way. The few Korean films I have seen have been high quality, stuff I really dig (such as The Good, The Bad, The Weird or War of the Arrows) and while I haven't seen The Host since I watched it on the big screen back when it played the arthouse joints, I thought it was good... not great, but good.
While I did see some opinions that say the movie was about average, most rate it as great, so of course I presumed that I'd enjoy it and I was happy to see it considering The Weinstein Company's mishandling of it and how they came real close to being D-bags and cutting the movie themselves, something that I am glad did not happen for artist integrity reasons. There are three spots around Orlando to see the film so I was surprised the auditorium of about 100 was almost completely full, and it included some people who I was surprised to see had even heard of the movie, to be honest. I couldn't really tell what they thought of it.
Unfortunately, while I am in a very small minority here I thought that much of the movie is just horrible and also insufferable and “illogical” doesn't even begin to describe it. I am sure everyone knows its plot by now so I won't waste time giving it, except that I did know beforehand what it basically was and yes, I did think the general idea didn't make a whole lot of sense. I thought that wouldn't be a big deal as if you have a fun story populated with interesting and fun characters. I don't know why it didn't work for me like it has with just about everyone else, but I HATED most of the characters; they were just illogical A-holes and acted dumb, no matter if they were “the good guys”, “the bad guys” or innocent parties. I don't know what the hell it was that Tilda Swinton played, except it was an atrocious caricature of something or another and not something you'd actually find on planet Earth, no matter if it's a new Ice Age or not.
Besides the characters I couldn't give a damn about, there's the story. In simplest terms it makes sense. How it plays out, though... nope. It's a confused mess & the further along it goes the more I got angry with all the surreal and ridiculous and intelligence-insulting shit I saw on screen. I could go on and on about it and give spoilers but I won't. The movie seemed to think it would be “funny” to throw out all sorts of bizarre shit on the screen as it'd be entertaining. I say “nope” to that in this film's case.
And as noted the CGI was pretty bad, which surprised me as I've seen older Korean films where it was clearly better than what's present here. And as I haven't seen too many complaints about it yet, I thought too much of the action stuff was a shaky-cam nightmare to where I had difficulty making it out; I pretty much can't stand such a thing so that didn't help my opinion of the film.
Then the final act-like some I thought the first act was tone-deaf and overlong and that helped start things off on a bad foot, or maybe it should be bad arm-most of it was particularly bad as it gave more exposition which make it even more illogical, characters became even more intolerable, and how they chose to end the movie... I wasn't expecting it but it doesn't mean it was good or the right way to end that story; it just made me feel like the train ride I took was a real waste of time and it seemed kind of pointless. It does not get an even lower rating as there was a rare moment or two I thought was cool.
What a MASSIVE disappointment in a year that has already had more than I expected. I hope to see more more movies I actually like or my Top 10 for the year will be pretty weak compared to the past few years.
I'll return tomorrow night.
Saturday, July 5, 2014
My Apologies...
I was going to post something this afternoon explaining why I didn't see anything last night but I ran out of time and it's a moot point aside from me saying that I did other things last night so there was no time for movie watching.
I'll return tomorrow afternoon with a review for a film most seem to love but me it left me totally cold (pun intended) when it didn't anger me with how bad it was.
I'll return tomorrow afternoon with a review for a film most seem to love but me it left me totally cold (pun intended) when it didn't anger me with how bad it was.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Colt .38 Special Squad
Colt .38 Special Squad (Quelli Della Caibro 38) (1976)
Runtime: 102 minutes
Directed by: Massimo Dallamano
Starring: Marcel Bozzuffi, Carole Andre, Ivan Rassimov, Riccardo Salvino
From: European Inc.
Last June for the Letterboxd website I followed the lead of many on the site and I did a month where I watched foreign films and put them on a list, as lists are popular on the site. I decided to do it again, as I got those foreign films from Criterion and I'll see at least one theatrically. I figured I should start off the list with a bang by doing an Italian poliziotteschi movie, as I had a feeling I'd enjoy this.
To steal the plot description from Letterboxd, modified so it's actually correct: “When his wife is killed by a local crime lord in a fit of revenge (Ivan Rassimov), a determined police captain (Marcel Bozzuffi) forms his own squad of rogue cops, each of whom wields a .38 Colt revolver, to combat all the crime in the city "
Runtime: 102 minutes
Directed by: Massimo Dallamano
Starring: Marcel Bozzuffi, Carole Andre, Ivan Rassimov, Riccardo Salvino
From: European Inc.
Last June for the Letterboxd website I followed the lead of many on the site and I did a month where I watched foreign films and put them on a list, as lists are popular on the site. I decided to do it again, as I got those foreign films from Criterion and I'll see at least one theatrically. I figured I should start off the list with a bang by doing an Italian poliziotteschi movie, as I had a feeling I'd enjoy this.
To steal the plot description from Letterboxd, modified so it's actually correct: “When his wife is killed by a local crime lord in a fit of revenge (Ivan Rassimov), a determined police captain (Marcel Bozzuffi) forms his own squad of rogue cops, each of whom wields a .38 Colt revolver, to combat all the crime in the city "
The rest of the review is taken from Letterboxd, with some added info: Turns out, I enjoyed it as much as I typically enjoy the works in this genre. Many of the hallmarks are there: dirtbikes, loose cannon cops, car and/or bike chases, a look at how the bad guys operate, sleaze, and general craziness and some shocking things you probably weren't expecting to see.
This tale about an older cop-who sometimes dresses like he's a grandfather but he's not actually that old-who forms a squad that carries a trademark gun-you can probably guess what it is-that goes after the worst criminals in a random Italian city (they were responsible for killing his wife) was a lot of fun. A large quantity of dynamite is acquired by the bad guys and it's used in a series of bombings. There are indeed some pretty gruesome moments among all the violence you get to see.
Also, some time is spent with a few of the underlings of the villain's gang, which was an interesting touch, especially considering one of them was a woman. Speaking of woman, a singer/actress who became famous in later years contributed two songs to the-groovy-soundtrack and even appears as a singer in a nightclub... Grace Jones!
It had been too long since I had seen a poliziottesci film and this satisfied that itch. I'll relax and not do a review tomorrow night. I'll save typing and posting the review for Saturday afternoon.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Criterion Sales At Barnes & Noble Are Pretty Great
I don't have time to say too much about that right now, but this month I do know I'll see some Planet of the Apes films, at least one highly regarded movie from this year, and for Letterboxd, some foreign movies. That's what I got from the Criterion sale they have at Barnes & Noble each July and November.
I think it'll be a busy month. I'll return tomorrow night and I am planning on reviewing... something.
I think it'll be a busy month. I'll return tomorrow night and I am planning on reviewing... something.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Foodfight!
Foodfight! (2012)
Runtime: 91 minutes
Directed by: Lawrence Kasanoff
Starring: The voices of Charlie Sheen, the Duff sisters, Eva Longoria, Christopher Lloyd
From: Threshold Entertainment
Yes, I finally saw this infamous computer animated film, the source of many interesting articles about its making (it took about a decade for it to come out!), from how hard drives containing the completed film were allegedly stolen thus necessitating them starting all over to other nonsense... also, there's 80 different brand logos that appear as characters-albeit minor background ones, from Mr. Clean and the California Raisins to Mrs. Buttersworth and Charlie Tuna. I heard from many reliable sources how atrocious this film was, but it's available for free on YouTube (you didn't hear that from me) so I couldn't resist. Oh, what a mistake I made!
The plot, modified by me from the IMDb: “Dex, a superdog sleuth (Dex Dogtective actually dresses like Indiana Jones), is the law of the land when the world's most recognized brands take on the forces of evil and the devilish Brand X.” Note that this takes place in a supermarket that has a life of its own when it's empty (hmmm, doesn't sound like Toy Story to me at all...) and this is actually basically a remake of Casablanca. Really. That includes the Nazi symbolism stuff, as horrifying as it is in a movie designed for children.
This is as bad as you may have heard. Let me list just a few reasons why:
* The animation. It's horrible. It's flat and looks like something made for a few bucks by a cheap outfit for-say, a car dealership or some other local organization that advertises after the mainstream commercial products and before the show starts back up. I heard it compared to the title character in The General ads and that is a fair comparison. It looks like they did the bare minimum and it looks like stuff wasn't even finished. It's appalling that this is animation you see in a feature length film with its cast released in early 2013. That doesn't even take into account how the characters move about or how the camera almost constantly moves for no real good reason... or how many look absolutely terrifying.
* This film is not for children! It's a PG rated thing for family but it's not something you should ever show your children; I have twin nephews who are around 18 months old now, and I would be horrified if they ever saw it, especially at that young age. There's double entendres all around, weird sexual stuff, an actual reference to Requiem for a Dream, Wayne Brady playing an odious comic relief chocolate squirrel who's basically a bad caricature that could be called offensive (he once uses the phrase “chocolate frosting” when talking to a female; that's not OK! There's far more examples of him saying such questionable things), and so much more. That's not even considering...
* The Nazi stuff. You see the SS Eagle symbol used as the Brand X (the villains of this picture), for crying out loud! There's even a cleaning agent involved and as disgusting as it is, you are supposed to think about “cleansing”.
* The story itself is just atrocious. Things make no sense and there's plenty of awful puns, many of which are more painful than funny. Although, I don't know what to think of the male vampire furry thing having what looks like a hunger for the chocolate squirrel; if he is gay, then that's alright with me.
* The music also is bad. There are some “songs”, and they stink.
Besides the people listed, the voice talent includes the likes of Chris Kattan, Harvey Fierstein, Ed Asner, Jerry Stiller, and Edie McClurg; they're listed on Wikipedia but not IMDb; I'm sure they're fine with that.
There are plenty of articles, YouTube reviews (the most popular one being from The Nostalgia Critic), and podcast episodes devoted to this atrocity. All of them are better than actually watching this, and they're all shorter too. It's a painful agonizing hour and a half. Never watch it and please please please never show it to children! It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen and that's no exaggeration.
I'll return tomorrow night, and if I see another film it'll be a guarantee it's better than this.
Runtime: 91 minutes
Directed by: Lawrence Kasanoff
Starring: The voices of Charlie Sheen, the Duff sisters, Eva Longoria, Christopher Lloyd
From: Threshold Entertainment
Yes, I finally saw this infamous computer animated film, the source of many interesting articles about its making (it took about a decade for it to come out!), from how hard drives containing the completed film were allegedly stolen thus necessitating them starting all over to other nonsense... also, there's 80 different brand logos that appear as characters-albeit minor background ones, from Mr. Clean and the California Raisins to Mrs. Buttersworth and Charlie Tuna. I heard from many reliable sources how atrocious this film was, but it's available for free on YouTube (you didn't hear that from me) so I couldn't resist. Oh, what a mistake I made!
The plot, modified by me from the IMDb: “Dex, a superdog sleuth (Dex Dogtective actually dresses like Indiana Jones), is the law of the land when the world's most recognized brands take on the forces of evil and the devilish Brand X.” Note that this takes place in a supermarket that has a life of its own when it's empty (hmmm, doesn't sound like Toy Story to me at all...) and this is actually basically a remake of Casablanca. Really. That includes the Nazi symbolism stuff, as horrifying as it is in a movie designed for children.
This is as bad as you may have heard. Let me list just a few reasons why:
* The animation. It's horrible. It's flat and looks like something made for a few bucks by a cheap outfit for-say, a car dealership or some other local organization that advertises after the mainstream commercial products and before the show starts back up. I heard it compared to the title character in The General ads and that is a fair comparison. It looks like they did the bare minimum and it looks like stuff wasn't even finished. It's appalling that this is animation you see in a feature length film with its cast released in early 2013. That doesn't even take into account how the characters move about or how the camera almost constantly moves for no real good reason... or how many look absolutely terrifying.
* This film is not for children! It's a PG rated thing for family but it's not something you should ever show your children; I have twin nephews who are around 18 months old now, and I would be horrified if they ever saw it, especially at that young age. There's double entendres all around, weird sexual stuff, an actual reference to Requiem for a Dream, Wayne Brady playing an odious comic relief chocolate squirrel who's basically a bad caricature that could be called offensive (he once uses the phrase “chocolate frosting” when talking to a female; that's not OK! There's far more examples of him saying such questionable things), and so much more. That's not even considering...
* The Nazi stuff. You see the SS Eagle symbol used as the Brand X (the villains of this picture), for crying out loud! There's even a cleaning agent involved and as disgusting as it is, you are supposed to think about “cleansing”.
* The story itself is just atrocious. Things make no sense and there's plenty of awful puns, many of which are more painful than funny. Although, I don't know what to think of the male vampire furry thing having what looks like a hunger for the chocolate squirrel; if he is gay, then that's alright with me.
* The music also is bad. There are some “songs”, and they stink.
Besides the people listed, the voice talent includes the likes of Chris Kattan, Harvey Fierstein, Ed Asner, Jerry Stiller, and Edie McClurg; they're listed on Wikipedia but not IMDb; I'm sure they're fine with that.
There are plenty of articles, YouTube reviews (the most popular one being from The Nostalgia Critic), and podcast episodes devoted to this atrocity. All of them are better than actually watching this, and they're all shorter too. It's a painful agonizing hour and a half. Never watch it and please please please never show it to children! It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen and that's no exaggeration.
I'll return tomorrow night, and if I see another film it'll be a guarantee it's better than this.
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