House of Wax (The Remake)

House of Wax (2005)

Runtime: 113 minutes

Directed by: Jaume Collet-Serra

Starring: Chad Michael Murray, Paris Hilton, Elisha Cuthbert, Brian Van Holt, Jared Padalecki

From: Warner Bros…. and Village Roadshow Pictures… and Dark Castle Entertainment

You know, my stance on Paris Hilton has softened since this film was released almost two decades ago. Even back then, I loathed “reality” TV so there was no time for that phony, staged persona that held zero appeal for me. That was why I never gave this film the time of day. In essence she was forgotten about for many years. Now, I realized she’s done plenty of activism so even though Hilton had some legal problems way back when, there was no pushback when someone recently recommended that I see the film. The fact that “reality” TV has become WAY worse and everyone in the Kardashian-Jenner family is a totally irredeemable repugnant human being…

On a lighter note, I always knew that this shared little in common w/ the Vincent Price House of Wax nor the 1933 Mystery of the Wax Museum that the original House of Wax was a remake of. A variety of goofballs-some of whom were at least designed to be gigantic A-holes-drive to a big college football game but end up stuck in a po-dunk Louisiana town which has the titular house. In the first act, I did laugh that several not-so-subtle allusions to Hilton IRL were made, including yes, her being filmed having sex… although I shouldn’t have laughed at that unless she secretly leaked that tape herself instead of some gross person revenge-porning her.

The film does take its time to get going. It wasn’t dull to me but others may feel differently. As far-fetched as it became, it was still entertaining nonsense. After a relatively staid first hour, the rest becomes rather graphic at times. It was nice seeing familiar faces like Chad Michael Murray, Elisha Cuthbert & Jared Padalecki. Hilton as an actor wasn’t terrible, at least. As this wasn’t a bastardization of a famous genre effort and did its own thing to a satisfying degree-featuring some decent setpieces in a distinctive setting featuring nice wax statues-this gets a passing grade, more than one preposterous conceit & idea aside.

I hope director Jaume Collet-Serra isn’t in Director Jail due to Black Adam flopping both critically & commercially; without having seen it, The Rock’s influence on the project may be to blame. He’s done at least alright with horror, Liam Neeson movies, and Rock’s films. He did a fine job w/ House of Wax.