Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (1983)
Runtime: 84 minutes
Directed by: Charles Band
Starring: Jeffrey Byron, Michael Preston, Kelly Preston (no relation), Tim Thomerson, Richard Moll
From: Universal!
I watched this for a specific reason… which I can’t elaborate on. It wasn’t even something I saw-rather, it was what I heard via Twitter. By now, some will know the exact reason why it was topical to finally see a movie I first heard of years ago—not to mention be amused that the film’s tagline is “It’s high noon at the end of the universe.” The movie was originally released in 3D but the print I saw-requiring a trip to The Bowels of the Internet as for some reason it can’t be streamed legally nor on YouTube-was in 2D.
The general idea sounded promising. This is a Space-Western where it might as well be a post-apocalyptic tale as our hero travels to a rocky planet to take out an evil warlord who is attempting to fool the locals into slavery for the purpose of acquiring their precious crystals… meanwhile, Kelly Preston (! This was one of her first roles) tags along as an SOB w/ a metal arm killed her father. However, in execution the movie drags from the very beginning and lead Dogen (what a name) is a rather blank character. Tim Thomerson and Richard Moll play personalities quite a bit more memorable but those are just supporting roles.
There is B-movie charm that naturally comes from a Charles Band production and the action isn’t shabby—there’s explosions, lasers, magical green goo, a vehicle best described as a 1980’s version of a Cybertruck… however, the exciting, thrilling moments only come sporadically and the film is not something I ever need to experience again. That said, the nostalgic love that some have is understandable if it was a childhood favorite; Scream Factory does have it on Blu and I am sure they did a swell job. Personally, when it comes to ripoffs of Mad Max-or more specifically, The Road Warrior-I’d much rather check out Italian nonsense like 1990: The Bronx Warriors.
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