Godzilla vs. Space Godzilla

Godzilla vs. Space Godzilla (Gojira vs. Supesugojira) (1994)

Runtime: 108 minutes

Directed by: Kensho Yamashita

Starring: Megumi Odaka, Jun Hashizume, Zenkichi Yoneyama, Akira Emoto, Towako Yoshikawa

From: Toho

Um, is this really how telekinetic powers work?

It did not take long to discover why many say that this is the worst among the Heisei series; I do not quite agree but this is for certain a lesser entry and a downgrade from the previous year's Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II.

What a muddled, confused mess this was. I mean, this has everything from an anti-pollution message and the YAKUZA (mind control is a big subplot and they want to control The Big G as a means of exerting power... um, isn't the Yakuza powerful as a hidden entity? Doesn't that go against everything they stand for?) to telekinesis and an obsessed dude wanting to kill Gojira via... firing off a bullet filled with blood coagulant from a regular submachine gun? Um, I don't think that's gonna work if entire armies and futuristic firepower couldn't stop him!

Besides the fact that most of these subplots are underdeveloped, the characters make giant leaps of logic and they are somehow right. The origin of Space Godzilla is rather outlandish and heck if I know how one of the leads was able to surmise how it was created. The advent of HD doesn't help this out but even more so than usual, this movie had a bad case of “you can see the wires.” What kept me going through this was seeing all the lunacy on display and at least the kaiju battles were fun... but I was not a fan of Space Godzilla as a crystal-infused creature which has a bunch of goofy powers-at least it looked kind of cool, I suppose...

Oh, and Godzilla Jr. was redesigned and here looks doofier... not to mention there is a different giant robot operated by our heroes-M.O.G.U.E.R.A., inspired by a robot of the same name in the 1957 Toho movie The Mysterians. I haven't seen that, but it doesn't matter as I know they only borrowed the robot's look for this movie and none of its backstory. The robot itself is rather goofy and to quote a mutual here, like something out of Power Rangers.

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II (Gojira vs. Mekagojira) (1993)

Runtime: 108 minutes

Directed by: Takao Okawara

Starring: Masahiro Takashima, Ryoko Sano, Megumi Odaka, Yusuke Kawazu, Daijiro Harada

From: Toho

You know, the Heisei era Godzilla films were pretty weird.

This is the first time in a few years I've seen one of those but while The Return of Godzilla was relatively straightforward, Biollante was off the wall and good, vs. King Ghidorah was off the wall and not so good, and Mothra had a human subplot where they boldly ripped off Indiana Jones. This continues the zaniness: there is more psychic ability from Miki Saegusa-a character introduced in Biollante-a guy who stans Pterandons (those are flying dinosaurs; I am not sure why everyone scoffs at him for this when I know that Rodan* exists in this universe because Rodan is one of the kaiju creatures in this film), and yes... Godzilla Jr.! That's what I called him in the Showa era so I'll continue the tradition here. Thankfully the origin is not as goofy and aesthetically the appearance is much more palpable. I won't

Even with some befuddling moments, I had a pretty good time with this. The human stuff at least kept me entertained and all the kaiju action was very well done... explosions, many miniatures being destroyed, and everything else you'd expect from this sort of motion picture. Plus, you can insert your own jokes concerning a term that is used in this film: G-Crusher!


* The version I saw on Amazon was subtitled. From looking at multiple reviews I see that the English dub called him Radon, which upset some people. Thing is, its Japanese name is... Radon! It was changed to Rodan (because of silly reasons) for the English version of the original 50's film and that always stuck, despite it not being accurate.

The Big Parade

The Big Parade (1925)

Runtime: 151 minutes

Directed by: King Vidor/George W. Hill

Starring: John Gilbert, Renee Adoree, Robert Ober, Tom O'Brien, Karl Dane

From: MGM

The past few days I've seen some real old things. The last time, I mentioned 1932's Jewel Robbery. There was a Keystone Cops short I saw (1915's Love, Speed & Thrills) which was only OK but at least I finally saw the originators of a phrase still used today) and Monday night was this famous silent: 

“Justyn” as a name for a girl seems like a millennial trend, not something from a century ago.

Last night I saw another film from Turner Classic Movies, ran as part of their annual block of war pictures for Memorial Day. World War I was the theme of this storied movie and as I've enjoyed the pictures about that topic I've seen in the past (including They Shall Not Grow Old) so checking out a famed silent seemed like the right thing to do.

This does show the horror of wars and how harrowing trench warfare was but this wasn't as bleak as similar movies like All Quiet on the Western Front or its German equivalent, Westfront 1918. Several Average Joes excitedly enroll in the military when the United States enters The Great War, only to realize it isn't quite so glamorous (to the point that they have to find a barrel to attempt and make a crude version of a shower)... but the focus is on the relationship that develops between James and a French dame named Melisande-this is despite James being engaged to a girl oddly named Justyn. It's a cute relationship as they bond over such things as her being introduced to chewing gum. The first half of the movie is amusing as multiple guys want Melisande... including Slim. This actor just looked like a yokel named Slim... a tall gangly dude who always had a giant wad of chewing tobacco in his mouth.

It isn't until the last hour that you see any battles, but that is fine as I cared about the characters by then due to all the time spent w/ them; you feel bad when the lovers have to split as his troop is finally called to combat and they are devastated at this separation. The action is effective; it shows the chaos of war and it is easy to see why the main players would get frazzled then defy orders when one of their buddies is out there alone, feared injured.

This silent is still beloved now and at the time was a gigantic hit; it's not hard for me to see why. The love between the budding couple was captured perfectly. They were able to start a romance despite the language barrier and the movie shows this with gestures and not using many intertitles during those scenes. Said intertitles were effective in other moments, sarcastically explaining how tedious or numbing it was waiting for war. This is a melodrama, done very well-the viewer goes through many emotions as the movie ranges from lighthearted to intense. Those that also enjoy motion pictures about The Great War should seek this out, a more humanistic approach to what soldiers went through but still one w/ intense combat scenes and an effective portrayal of how horrific it must be to engage in battle.

Jewel Robbery

Jewel Robbery (1932)

Runtime: 68 minutes

Directed by: William Dieterle

Starring: William Powell, Kay Francis, Helen Vinson, Hardie Albright, Alan Mowbray

From: Warner Bros.

The reason for this rare late night review: the preceding week I've not only been pretty busy, but my health was not always 100%. However, things should be back to normal now. This film was just on Turner Classic Movies and I had the free time to watch then immediately review.

This is a breezy farce (barely over an hour long) where Kay Francis plays a baroness in Vienna who is robbed in a jewelry store by a gang of bandits led by William Powell. She leads an incredibly pampered life but she is bored so of course after the theft the two become smitten with each other. It helped that it was the most chill robbery I've ever seen, complete with The Blue Danube Waltz being played on phonograph, and Powell acting like a gentleman despite his line of work. Jewel Robbery-based on a contemporary Hungarian play, of all things-develops a more and more exaggerated style until it becomes quite theatrical in the final act but I can see why this was nice escapist entertainment for Great Depression.

I mean, I was also charmed by this film. It was a nice way to kill time tonight. This was Pre-Code so among other things a character is given “a funny cigarette” and later on other characters unwittingly toke up-as many people do when given that, they act silly & giggle uncontrollably... or so I've heard. The movie manages to be likable because the two leads are a nice duo and deliver the best performances-furthermore, Francis was a dish.


As an aside, the same year's Trouble in Paradise was based on another Hungarian play, and it was by a different playwright. I am not sure what's more surprising... Hungarian plays being hot at the time or the fact that thieves were a popular topic in them.

Phantasm II

Phantasm II (1988)

Runtime: 97 minutes

Directed by: Don Coscarelli

Starring: James Le Gros (controversially, as I'll explain below), Reggie Bannister, Angus Scrimm, Paula Irvine, Samantha Phillips

From: Universal

A few years ago, I watched and reviewed the OG Phantasm-of course I had seen it before that but it had been a long while. Even via streaming I enjoyed how the movie looked and sounded in its remastered form. As I stated in that review, “dream logic” and that sort of jazz usually isn't my bag as I am tried and true a logical sort of fellow... that said, Phantasm works because its obvious low budget nature and off-kilter style (and yeah, some bad acting performances) helps make it an intriguing watch and this weird journey always kept your attention as these siblings deal with all these surreal events.

The sequel is at least different and not a rehash. As many others have noted before me, this is like Aliens in that the action is pumped way up and the heroes bring it to the villains... including the usage of a flamethrower AND a specially-created quad barrel shotgun. The story at times utterly baffled me but as I've seen parts of the third one a long time ago (which is quite the story I'll tell once I review that) I know that is par for the course when it comes to the series. There's also psychic phenomena, as of course a horror film from the latter half of the 80's would have such a plot point. In addition, Reggie Bannister: Action Hero is great as he was a balding middle-aged guy at the time and in the first film his job was “ice cream man.”

Unfortunately, this was released by a major studio (Universal) and even back then there were stupid and useless “studio notes” which hampered the production. I mean, that is why this was more straightforward and not too surreal at all. The movie is watchable and at least I enjoyed the wackiness on screen but the weird magical world of the original was just not an element presented here and that did hurt. James Le Gros was fine as Mike but of course he was recast; Don Coscarelli was lucky in that he was able to have Reggie Bannister return as Universal wanted new and more experienced actors for both main roles and Bannister was a concession. At least Angus Scrimm is still a menacing figure as The Tall Man and there are other franchise hallmarks, such as the bootleg Jawas, the black Plymouth Barracuda, The Spheres and the unforgettable musical theme.

II ends up being as much of an “80's mainstream horror film” as possible for such an off-kilter franchise. It is eerie in different ways from the original, and at least it's not just a bigger budget rehash of the first Phantasm. The films after this revert to having Coscarelli having full control and doing whatever the hell he wanted, including having all the fan favorite actors reprise their roles. This was a weird detour which was a road movie, had big explosions, and unexpected moments which made me chuckle. Also, Reggie's BOOGIE DOWN trucker's hat is quite marvelous.

Loqueesha!

Loqueesha (2019)

Runtime: 98 very long minutes

Directed by: An atrocious human being in “comedian” Jeremy Saville. Watching this “film” makes me pretty sure I am not being overly dramatic here.

Starring: Saville and a bunch of people I've never heard of before.

From: The Best Movie, which is the worst name in history for a production company created for a worthless motion picture

Loqueesha unexpectedly dropped on Prime Video two days ago. Please do NOT ever watch Loqueesha.

Just earlier this month a movie trailer went viral on Twitter, and I imagine that was the intent of the disgusting human being responsible for this motion picture, “comedian” Jeremy Saville, who was the writer, producer, director and star of this. As presumably he would not create a misleading trailer for his own movie, many people were horrified to see that the plot was some untalented white guy becoming famous as the titular character after he gets a radio show and speaks with a “black woman voice” (even though no one in their right mind would think that his voice was anything but some A-hole man doing a piss-poor imitation of a bad stereotype) so that his snot-nosed kid could go to an expensive private school. Not that I've watched Sorry to Bother You yet, but this seemed like that if it was created by a bigoted A-hole with an IQ of about 80.

Lest you think I am being overly harsh against Mr. Saville, Loqueesha is actually worse than it appeared to be judging by the trailer. When more than one person has used Neil Breen's movies as a point of comparison... even I was taken aback by how bad everything was. To start off, as others have noted there appeared to be a rendering error in this finished product! The first few minutes were telling... the lead character (Joe) is a real tool by not only doing a bad routine where he talks with a weak South Asian accent, but we get the first of several “jokes” related to transgendered people. I can say that all of the jokes are more like “jokes” as the only laughs I got from this were unintentional. Of course this was a low-budget production; I won't automatically punish them for that. But this was at times on the level of Birdemic. Wait until you see some of the graphics that were rendered for the movie, or how poor the ADR was in one scene, where “iPhone” was said on set but due to concerns over legal threats, was dubbed over with “smartphone” so ineptly, I am pretty sure it wasn't the actors on screen who did the dubbing!

Besides the fact that this is an utter failure all around, this “wise sage advice” that the lead provides is incredibly basic-Yoda he ain't. The movie could have been satire in how mediocre white men take the place of more deserving minorities or how it was obvious that Loqueesha is actually a guy doing a bad voice but no one seems to notice... in actuality, this is deadly serious. Joe and his producer have to hire a black woman to play the role in public (and it was absurd how Joe and producer had to jump through so many hoops to do a show in studio... such as no one else being in the studio itself during recording) and besides that character being a garish stereotype AND also is implied to be the VILLAIN of the picture... when she speaks she sounds completely different than Joe's terrible Stephin Fetchit voice! The movie actually has that much contempt for its audience. There are many other instances of just being tone-deaf and clueless but I don't want to write a thesis here.

Already this has been compared to the likes of The Room and Birdemic. I get it, but those are far more worthy of bad movie love as those accidentally became bad movie gold and without being grossly offensive. James Nguyen wanted to deliver something with an environmental message and Tommy Wiseau sought to show the tragic downfall of an innocent character. At least those spectacular failures are not hurtful or present dangerous ideas. Let's not have other loathsome people suddenly decide that “being outrageous” and having a poorly made offensive motion picture is the way to get attention and make some dough. Lord, this is a flick where not only does mediocre white dude have a black woman tell him that his Loqueesha is a better black woman than she is, but the appalling message of “people who make public their suicidal intentions are only doing it for attention” is presented as fact. This in whole should never be watched-if you must, there are already several YouTube reviews up where this is rightfully skewered and the most egregious moments are shown.

Terror Of Mechagodzilla

Terror of Mechagodzilla (Mekagojira No Gyakushu) (1975)

Runtime: 83 minutes

Directed by: Ishiro Honda

Starring: Katsuhiko Sasaki, Tomoko Ai, Akihiko Hirata, Katsumasa Uchida, Goro Mutsumi

From: Toho

This was my initial viewing of the original Japanese cut; as a kid I saw the American version (via a 90's Paramount VHS release) which had a weird 10 minute opening which not entirely accurately gives the history of Godzilla and mentions what happened in the previous movie, then there are white credits that scream “late 70's” in appearance. As I have this on DVD and both cuts are on it... otherwise this would only be faintly remembered.

The plot: the aliens from Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla return and they rebuild Mecha; once again there are Interpol agents trying to stop them, aided by common folk. That isn't as interesting or as memorable as in G vs. M but this does have the interesting subplot of a genius scientist gone crazy (is there any other kind?) and his daughter, whom the aliens save from death and she has quite the secret that I won't spoil here, only because a random reviewer noted how they got mad that Wikipedia gave this plot point away. Anyhow, scientist and daughter actually have the ability to control another kaiju, an aquatic bipedal dinosaur-like creature known as Titanosaurus.

You're gonna have to wait a long while to see any of the kaiju fight each other (and even longer to see Mecha actually do anything) but overall this is fine. The human stuff is at least interesting. As others have noted, this is darker than usual for a later-era Showa film and once the action does start, it is a lot of fun. Many things are trampled on, knocked over, or just plain blown up. It should be good times for many that enjoy the kaiju action, and can appreciate how Ishiro Honda returned one last time and Akira Ifukube did the score once again.