Runtime: 100 punishing minutes
“Directed by”: Dave Wascavage
“Starring”: A bunch of people you rightfully have never
heard of
From: Why was this even released to the public, exactly?
Trust me, this movie’s reputation as one of the worst in the 21st century is not unjustified. As for why I saw something so shaggy, it came via request! Some may think I would want to cuss out and damn the person who dare suggested I check out what proved to be one of the most inept motion pictures I’ve ever seen. I will not do that. After all, this person thought it was so bad it needed to be witnessed by me, an individual who has a list of Bigfoot movies they have reviewed on Letterboxd. Indeed, this is at the level of a student movie filmed on VHS camcorders made with the director’s friends in the outskirts of Philadelphia… as this has to be what actually happened. How this piffle managed to be released to the public is beyond my comprehension.
Ostensibly, the plot is that a “Native American” (actually, played by a Hispanic lady) is tasked with defeating the teleporting creature that is impervious to bullets-no, I’m not joking-while there’s also a dips--- newspaper reporter-no kidding, he pronounces “Pulitzer” as “Poolitzer”-and a “police force” which consists of two people who look far too young for the job. It can’t be forgotten that this sasquatch just doesn’t look right with a bare chest and stomach; the creature looks as if it has giant exposed breasts!
To proclaim the pacing as “lackadaisical” would be awfully charitable on my part. The storytelling, cinematography, internal logic, dialogue, characterization, and all the rest: atrocious. Only afterwards did I realize Rifftrax unleashed their magic on this movie; that would have been more tolerable although there is bragging rights in finishing this overlong 100 minute dumpster fire which was a pile of painfulness. Even shorter is Red Letter Media’s vivisection of the smelly beast. However, if you’re the type that can watch Birdemic on a constant loop…
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