Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022)

93% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 254 reviews)

Runtime: 140 minutes

Directed by: My “favorite”, Rian Johnson

Starring: Daniel Craig and an all-star cast

From: Netflix, although of course I saw it theatrically

2022: the year where movies don’t know when or how to end.

Yes, I went and saw this movie theatrically despite me not liking The Last Jedi (if I ever mustered the courage to see that and The Rise of Skywalker again, both most likely will be rated MUCH lower); sure, I enjoyed the OG Knives Out but that was only watched once, the alleged plot holes may be spotted by me upon a second viewing and the MVP of the movie-Ana de Armas-really was an asset. My willingness to see this theatrically (the last night it was available before it pops up on Netflix in a few weeks) is partially due the AMC A-List app and partially due to the high-profile cast.

To its credit, Glass Onion is different from the original; this time some seemingly unrelated people (except they all have money) are invited to the mansion on a private island of a billionaire. While Richard Branson is famous for having a private island, the billionaire-Elo… excuse me, Miles Bron-is clearly based on a certain someone who has been hated by many for a long time now but is now about as popular as COVID the past few weeks. Speaking of that, the movie is set May of ’20 so there are Zoom calls and a few gags related to quarantine then that disappears once everyone’s on the island.

I’d complain about misplaced humor, but that is not only expected with the director, that’s been a Hollywood problem for years now; as it only happened a few times that is not even my biggest complaint with the movie—there are some rather irritating running gags. What is: a more modern Hollywood problem of a movie not wrapping up at the right time/knowing how to wrap up the story. That’s happened a few times with 2022 movies and this may be the most flagrant example of that.

My entire rating went down a bit because the final 10 or so minutes before the credits ran were pretty bad. Talk about trite and eye-rolling sentiments wrapped up in a resolution that was lame instead of cute or clever or rousing. There was even an obvious point where it should have wrapped up and it didn’t; “subverting expectations” is probably an infamous phrase to some-including me-and I have to legit use it here instead of yet another troll-job done on my part against The Last Jedi.

Despite all that, the movie still will receive a “good” rating from me. After all, there were laughs, deserved criticisms against the out of touch elites, and a great cast. Amongst all the talent, Janelle Monae was the highlight, the reasons why I won’t reveal. An interesting mystery was presented and it had a nice soundtrack of 70’s songs, some of which I hadn’t even heard before; the highlight for me was the movie bringin’ the funk early on w/ a tune I was well familiar with. In addition, Beatles fans will be happy that their song Glass Onion is played during the end credits.

Even if I don’t love the movie like many do, no regrets in the theatrical experience. It was nice to hear a crowd laugh at the funny moments and the random young woman right by me was a delight. There were gasps at a few of the plentiful cameos and she actually snorted a few times at bits she found to be hilarious. If only I could see more movies with her… in hindsight, dammit why didn’t I make a move?