Shortcut

Shortcut (2020)

Runtime: 80 minutes

Directed by: Alessio Ligouri

Starring: British actors that no one would have heard of before

From: Several Italian companies

Believe it or not, I saw this random-ass movie theatrically last night; this poor film is actually playing on over 600 screens this weekend: 

I feel REALLY bad for cinema chains right now.

Late last night while viewing Box Office Mojo, an article stated that because people are not returning to American cinemas quickly enough for their tastes-not that I can blame Americans-many big releases that were supposed to come out soon got pushed back either until December or all the way to sometime in 2021. To fill screens in the meanwhile-and this is presuming they stay open rather than shutting down again-I would greatly prefer more classic releases rather than this dreck, which is a real oddity that somehow got put on more than 600 screens with zero advertising and zero knowledge by me that this existed until this past Tuesday, when I looked up what in the hell was even coming out this weekend.

Get this, Shortcut (not to be confused with the Scary Madison production The Shortcut from a little more than a decade ago) is a “horror” movie which is an Italian production obviously filmed in Italy-among other things, the characters are on an old Fiat bus-but the cast is clearly from the UK. The plot: five teens that know each other are on a bus... and that's all the setup we get. Where in the hell are they going is one of many questions that arise; they are driving out in the woods. Debris is in the road so... a shortcut is not taken! Rather, it's a detour on a rural road. Even the title of this movie is F-ed up. They run into a serial killer who is just not an enjoyable or believable character at all; at least I did chuckle that he looked like a British Chris Elliott if he was playing a Rob Zombie character. I wish this doofus would have been dispatched far sooner... the big bad is some sort of bipedal creature which someone on Letterboxd described as resembling the alien that burst from John Hurt's chest in Spaceballs-and that is not inaccurate!

Someone else on Letterboxd proclaimed (to paraphrase) this is like if John Hughes directed Jeepers Creepers 2, only it sucked. I've never seen any of the Jeepers Creepers pictures-yes, the director is one reason why-but they all have to be better than this, and I am sure The Creeper would kick the ass of this movie's villain! It is tied in some way to lunar eclipses in one of the many plot threads not fully explored. There are many problems with this movie: the characters are one-note stereotypes I could not care about... it's not scary at all... you see the creature too often... and there is hardly any gore. The insanity and over the top graphic moments from the old Italian genre pictures, this ain't it. If it wasn't for all the F-bombs, this would have easily been a PG-13. Then again even teens probably would think this was a stupid movie filled with stupid characters and stupid situations... oh, and a stupid way to dispatch a big bad that makes the big bad look like a giant wimp. Heck, this even has a sound mix which is sometimes so putrid, it was like I was viewing a Chris Nolan joint.

What the point of the movie was, that is uncertain. What a waste of what could have been a fine idea: teenagers having to work together in what looks like old underground military barracks. To not be entirely vituperative, the setting itself looked fine-it was just the story and execution that stunk. I imagine the young cast would have done better w/ better material, but alas... a halfway-decent synth score and practical effects are two drops in the bucket when compared to all the problems this movie had. If cinemas can still keep going for the next few months and the odds increase of them being forced to show dreadful new movies like this that popped up out of nowhere, might as well shut the whole thing down for awhile again!