I Experienced Things

That is Things as in the infamous 1989 no-budget "horror" movie from Canada that has earned a sour reputation the past several years. I finally saw it earlier in the week and... Holy Cow:

Never a good thing when you are reminded of The Room, Birdemic, AND Manos: The Hands of Fate.

So far in July, I have been all out of sorts due to a variety of factors. A few days ago I mentioned how the air conditioning went out on the 4th of July; well, eventually I'll list some of the other things that have gotten me down as of late. The fact that it will get worse before it gets better... there is a reason why in my attempt to get back in the swing of things (pun intended) something serious was not selected. Instead, it was a motion picture that has earned a bit of infamy since it became known in the online film fan community several years ago. Some of the buzz I knew yet a lot of it was in the dark for me.

To be honest, after seeing the movie... its story is still something I cannot logically explain! Ostensibly it concerns several men in a rural house who have to deal with unholy creatures-in execution, it was seemingly made by people who have never SEEN a motion picture before. It's like it came from an alternate dimension (“From the third, fourth, or fifth dimension!) or was made by aliens that created pod people out of everyone in the production. Almost everyone is done wrong... storytelling, acting, logic, scene to scene transition, editing, even the credits, etc. The creatures and the few moments of gore aren't atrocious considering the zero dollars this had for a budget, the odd electronic music wasn't unlistenable and there was a line or two that actually elicited some chuckles.

Otherwise, the movie is so surreal due to how alien everything is... how it is unnatural because things are done so piss-poorly. I understand why this has legit fans-there can be much hilarity derived from how terrible the audio is... as with Manos, all of it was recorded after the fact, and like with Manos it wasn't done all that well. To list a cliché, it's better seen and heard rather than described. All the atrocious line readings, the lines themselves, the attempt to insert a dream logic storytelling trope in the plot that falls flat on its face, and all the rest... those that have Prime and love awesome bad films, it must really seen to be believed how much of a botch job this was; at least I hope the script wasn't so confounding, although as it came from the producers/director...

One last thing: one of the panoply of perplexing decisions was having a few random news segments where an anchor was adult film actress Ginger Lynn; they don't contribute much aside from a plot point or two. I'd normally assume that the segment after the film (as it appears on Prime) where Lynn discusses w/ crew her time on the 52 Pick-Up wasn't officially part of the movie and instead was an extra from Intervision, who put this out on disc; here, who the heck knows for certain.