Empire Of The Sharks

Empire of the Sharks (2017)

Runtime: 89 minutes

Directed by: Mark Atkins

Starring: A bunch of random people I had never heard of before... and some of them I hope to never see again

From: The Asylum

Yes, there is a reason why I watched a random (and terrible) The Asylum film: 

I avoid SyFy Channel movies for a reason, and have always done so for many, many years now. They are low budget unexciting cliché pieces of crap, and from what I have heard the SyFy Channel actually prefers it if those movies are braindead and don't have too much imagination. I wish I could tell you why but I am unable to. The fact that their CGI is always TERRIBLE does not help matters. And no I have not seen any of the Sharknado movies; I could write paragraphs as to why... I'll spare you the rant about those douchy motion pictures.

Instead, I'll mention that the only reason why I even saw this: a person I was with had this on and as the movie would be viewed by us as dinner was consumed, I figured I should see something I would suspect was bad and I could also reveal more about my movie tastes by elaborating upon why a certain segment of movies are repelled by me. Now, the plot description for Empire of the Sharks may sound incredible... it is Waterworld, except that a hammy warlord has devices implanted on sharks and he uses a Not Nintendo Power Glove to control them... it may sound like solid gold cheese, yet this was just awful and no fun. Not even the heroes finding randos to overthrow the warlord and rescue the girl inspires any thrills. Instead too much of this-even with some chuckles from me due to absurd moments-was dreadfully dull.

There is diversity among the cast (even if it is people I have never heard of before) and that's all well and good... regrettably, there is some bad acting here. Of course this is from The Asylum so the effects are atrocious and the fact that this was waterlogged and a slog to get through instead of fun BS... of course I wouldn't expect anything more or less from The Asylum. At least there are plenty of other choices to see rather than this: Empire of the Ants, Waterworld, and The Meg... this makes The Meg look like Jaws in comparison.

Empire is actually a sequel to something called Planet of the Sharks; I'll assume that is just as soggy as this was.