Runtime:
83 long minutes
Directed
by: Larry Bishop
Starring:
Larry Bishop, Eric Balfour, Michael Madsen, Dennis Hopper, David
Carradine
From:
Third Rail
Is
this the worst movie I've ever seen theatrically? Perhaps. I usually
avoid wasting money on things I suspect will be awful, so that list
isn't too lengthy. The Room doesn't count, as at least that is a laugh
riot. Yes, I saw this on the big screen almost exactly 10 years ago; it
was a double-bill I did with the midnight debut of Tropic Thunder...
I'll review that sooner rather than later; just know that's a lot better
than this crap. I stumbled upon this movie and as I admittedly
remembered little of why this was so putrid, it would be fair for me to
give this another shot and see if I thought any better of this. As you
can see with the rating, “not really” is my answer.
To make another admission, I haven't really seen too many “biker flicks” in my life, especially any featuring Larry Bishop. After I first watched this, I did not want to check out any of his movies so I could experience more of his bad acting or tan leathery skin! This motion picture, what a waste of time. I'd rather not even talk about the story, as it's not only simplistic, but it's dreadfully dull. You don't give a damn about the plot-which is about a pair of biker gangs restarting an old feud-or any of the dirtbag riders you follow. They are all misogynistic cretins and that alone is not a deal-breaker, but when they are all so boring and spout vile dialogue that often contains the F-bomb, why should I give an F-bomb about them?
And the dialogue overall, it is TERRIBLE. There's acres of bad lines and I did laugh at times from how ludicrous some of it was... somehow I had forgotten gems like “whopper of a chopper opera” and a lengthy dialogue about a woman telling Larry Bishop a part of her anatomy is on fire and metaphors are sprinkled in and it's so crude and laughable, I don't even want to repeat it here... just note that it includes “burning bush”, “fire hose” and “fire marshal.” I felt so bad for that actress, and not just for having to act like she's horny for a middle-aged goofus like Larry Bishop! Regrettably, there's another dialogue which revolves around a sex act and it's just disgusting.
Then again I felt bad for all the women in this, who are nothing but sex objects and most of them are seen naked. Oh, and the movie is pretty inept all around; what a waste of some worthwhile people, like Michael Madsen, Vinnie Jones, David Carradine, and Dennis Hopper. Honestly, the only reason why this doesn't get the lowest possible rating is that the music was usually cool. It was tracks from OG biker movies that I presume aren't as intolerable as this, along with popular ditties such as Jenny Take a Ride from Mitch Rider & The Detroit Wheels, and Funkadelic's Maggot Brain.
There is also plenty of female nudity but I can find that in 30 seconds on Google so that isn't a big draw for me. Honestly, I am sure the original films from the late 60's in the biker genre are more worthwhile than this puerile vanity project.
To make another admission, I haven't really seen too many “biker flicks” in my life, especially any featuring Larry Bishop. After I first watched this, I did not want to check out any of his movies so I could experience more of his bad acting or tan leathery skin! This motion picture, what a waste of time. I'd rather not even talk about the story, as it's not only simplistic, but it's dreadfully dull. You don't give a damn about the plot-which is about a pair of biker gangs restarting an old feud-or any of the dirtbag riders you follow. They are all misogynistic cretins and that alone is not a deal-breaker, but when they are all so boring and spout vile dialogue that often contains the F-bomb, why should I give an F-bomb about them?
And the dialogue overall, it is TERRIBLE. There's acres of bad lines and I did laugh at times from how ludicrous some of it was... somehow I had forgotten gems like “whopper of a chopper opera” and a lengthy dialogue about a woman telling Larry Bishop a part of her anatomy is on fire and metaphors are sprinkled in and it's so crude and laughable, I don't even want to repeat it here... just note that it includes “burning bush”, “fire hose” and “fire marshal.” I felt so bad for that actress, and not just for having to act like she's horny for a middle-aged goofus like Larry Bishop! Regrettably, there's another dialogue which revolves around a sex act and it's just disgusting.
Then again I felt bad for all the women in this, who are nothing but sex objects and most of them are seen naked. Oh, and the movie is pretty inept all around; what a waste of some worthwhile people, like Michael Madsen, Vinnie Jones, David Carradine, and Dennis Hopper. Honestly, the only reason why this doesn't get the lowest possible rating is that the music was usually cool. It was tracks from OG biker movies that I presume aren't as intolerable as this, along with popular ditties such as Jenny Take a Ride from Mitch Rider & The Detroit Wheels, and Funkadelic's Maggot Brain.
There is also plenty of female nudity but I can find that in 30 seconds on Google so that isn't a big draw for me. Honestly, I am sure the original films from the late 60's in the biker genre are more worthwhile than this puerile vanity project.
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