Woody Woodpecker

Woody Woodpecker (2017)

Runtime: 84 minutes

Directed by: Alex Zamm

Starring: Timothy Omundson, Thalia Ayala, Eric Bauza, Graham Verchere, Jordana Largy

From: Universal

Yes, this is a real movie and no, you should never watch it; track down the classic cartoons instead: 

Until recently, I had no idea that Universal released a live action Woody Woodpecker featuring a CG title character; the fact that most people got it DTV instead of theatrically did say a lot to me beforehand about the quality (or lack thereof) and some mutuals had some scathing reviews. Yet I still felt like this had to be viewed; when I was real little, I remember watching some Woody cartoons. I believe a revival TV show was on at the time but I also know my mom rented me at least one VHS tape that I saw. Until (Saturday) night (more on that at the end) I hadn't seen a Woody short in what may have been 30 years.

Truth be told, I am not sure if the people responsible for this movie have ever seen any Woody Woodpecker cartoons ever. The character you see here is not manic or screwball; rather, he comes off as psychotic, a monster that spouts “hip” dialogue, dumb one-liners and even references such things as Tinder! Good lord. As it's a modern feature for kids that is not by Disney, OF COURSE he both burps and farts. He also does such things as blowing up an RV with someone in it. Except for the trademark laugh, no way is this officially Woody Woodpecker. I'd start a #NotMyWoody hashtag, but it'd probably be a bad idea...

Anyhow, the “plot” has a rich buffoon, his attractive Brazilian trophy wife to be (I presume “Pica-Pau” is popular in Brazil, as it was one of the few places to get this in a theatrical release and there was even a Sega Master System game based on Woodpecker which only was released there) and his stereotypical dumb teenage son end up in the woods as buffoon wishes to build a property which he will flip for a profit. Woody does not like this so he causes havoc for the poor people who only wish to build a house, even if it is garish. There are other subplots not worth mentioning, except that there are also poachers and their look/demeanor is “PG versions of Rob Zombie disgusting white trash characters.”

This is just unfunny and not entertaining at all. I don't even know if children will enjoy this crap. As some of the old school cartoons are on Amazon Prime available for streaming (packaged with other cartoons done by Walter Lantz, such as Andy Panda; oh, and this movie has none of the other characters associated with Woody... you won't see Chilly Willy, Andy Panda, Wally Walrus, Buzz Buzzard, etc.) or you could just order DVD's of the OG cartoons, that will be enjoyed more by your children than this cynical creation. By the way, did you know that Universal released cartoon shorts featuring WW until 1972? That was a surprising recent revelation; I can't believe they lasted that long when by that point everyone else stopped making cartoons to show before feature films.

This does not factor into my grading of this but I was glad to see an actual Woody Woodpecker cartoon after the movie was finished; it was 1956's Niagara Fools; Woody tries to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel but a park ranger tries to stop him. Those cartoons aren't legendary like Disney or Looney Tunes but at least they are entertaining, which is far more than I can say about this poor motion picture.