The Expendables

The Expendables (2010)

42% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 69 reviews)

Runtime: 103 minutes

Directed by: Sly Stallone

Starring: Sly Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Eric Roberts, Steve Austin, etc.

From: Lionsgate/Millennium/Nu Image

Yep, I got back from this a little before 2 AM but I’ve been tied up with other stuff, including talking about this on various messageboards.

For about the past two years now I’ve been looking forward to this; back then was when this was announced as being a film that would be made, and as all the big-name action guys got cast, anticipation for this in certain places and messageboards grew and grew. Even as it got bumped from April to August for the wildly disappointing Kick-Ass, it didn’t damper anyone’s spirits and in fact they grew more and more excited for it. They were hoping it would be what was promised, and I’ll give my opinion on whether it did or not, without trying to spoil anything.

Overall, this was an 80’s action movie, warts and all. Lord knows they weren’t always perfect (but what movie that’s ever been made has been perfect?), with goofy dialogue, macho posturing, simplistic plotting and what have you. There are pompous hipster types out there who are bashing the movie for being this very thing. Talk about missing the mark entirely. They’d rather fellate themselves over a ridiculous movie based on a comic book-that I’ve never heard of-that’s total hipster garbage and has no basis in any sort of reality at all even though it tries to be. Not to stress on this again, but Scott Pilgrim looks totally awful and really stupid! I have no idea how that sort of style can be deemed as entertaining at all, and yet you have douchebag critics/bloggers out there who are gushing all over it and leveling ridiculous platitudes upon it, like it’s “a gamechanger” or “it totally tells the story of this generation” or “a milestone” or “it’s important for the film industry” or other things that just make me laugh due to how pompous and overwrought it is. No offense to any of my films who are eagerly anticipating that film… I just totally don’t get it. Don’t expect me to ever watch that film; instead I’ll stick to good old time films like this when I want to see quality action and a grand old time.

Anyhow… the film is about the title group in question, filled with the manliest of men. You see them in action at the beginning and you understand why they have such a great reputation. The main plot starts once Sly meets up with 80’s action icons Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger (the roles of the latter two are mere cameos, despite what the advertising wants you to think); Bruce makes it known that there’s a case in an island off the coast of South America where a local general there is ruling things and he’s backed by a rich American type (Roberts) and his bodyguard (Steve Austin). Sly and Statham go there to check things out… and I won’t spoil the rest of it. There’s some sidetracks but it goes along with the story very well and nothing felt shoehorned in or tacked on.

The story isn’t anything revolutionary but it works for this movie. The important things here are the performances (no complaints there), the action (a lot of stuff gets blowed up real good, plus there’s a variety of action in other ways-from weapons to hand to hand combat and other things-and there are many satisfying moments, some of which seem to be designed to get the audience to mark out, which is exactly what happened; also, the way the action is filmed has some people griping, and yeah it’s fast-paced but it’s not hard to follow at all and it’s far better than something like the Bourne films or Quantum of Solace, for example), and how satisfying it is… it is indeed something I enjoyed, as did the small but enthusiastic crowd I saw it with at midnight. They buzzed afterward and most of it seemed to be positive.

It’s gloriously violent at times, and I appreciated it. It captures the spirit of old-school action movies very well-even if it isn’t an exact copy; after all, where’s the nudity?-and if you enjoy those types of films and don’t really care for the wussified action movies we seem to be getting on the big screen in recent years, well this is the tonic and cure for what ails ya. Don’t listen to the mainstream critics who don’t like the genre anyhow or the pompous bloggers out there who are smug hipster idiots and you know will cry and bemoan “That Mayflower Movie” bombing at the box office while The Expendables kicks its ass not by trying to be anything new with a stupid-looking style and an awful combo of videogames and comic books, but rather by being testosterone-filled and being crowd pleasing with funny one-liners (some of which aren’t great, but that’s again the style of 80’s action movies) and quality action. I highly recommend you check this out.

I’ll be back by Saturday night with a new review.