1492: Conquest of Paradise

1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992)

Runtime: A long 150 minutes

Directed by: Ridley Scott

Starring: Gerard Depardieu, Michael Wincott, Armand Assante, Frank Langella, Sigourney Weaver

From: Paramount

This was an appropriate movie to see last night... just not a good one: 

What better day to watch this film than last night, which was both Columbus Day and the 69th birthday of Sigourney Weaver? I figured going in this wouldn't be among her best movies-it certainly was not-nor one of Ridley Scott's best... this is not awful but it has its problems and yes I do have to bring up the modern controversy over Columbus and whether or not he should be celebrated.

I cannot speak worldwide but in the United States, there has been a modern controversy over Christopher Columbus and whether or not his landing in “The New World” should be celebrated. The people that lived here already certainly wouldn't, due to how their peoples were forever changed by Europeans coming over here. Admittedly, it would have happened eventually and probably also the rape/murder/genocide that Columbus did during his voyages, but I do understand why there are plenty that wish for an Indigenous Peoples Day to replace Columbus Day. The events of 1492 are an important moments in world history yet between the Vikings having a brief settlement in Canada a few centuries prior and rumors of others (Chinese, Polynesian, Irish, etc.) having done so decades prior... what was taught in schools to kids like me was not entirely accurate.

Of course, this film lionizes him and says he was just an explorer who was a dreamer and he treated the people of the Caribbean very well; furthermore, it was only a creepy-looking Michael Wincott who committed atrocities and Chris tried to stop him. Um, no. What was incredibly bold was a moment late in the film where it was explained why Columbus was replaced as the leader in the region and the charges-which were true-were mentioned but couched in such a way that 1492 made it look as if they were false charges. Talk about rich...

Another big problem is that this 2 ½ hour epic movie is too often not that exciting and at times is downright boring. Those issues with 1492 is disappointing as it has nice cinematography, has a quality score from Vangelis and I can't complain about any of the performances from the cast full of famous faces; Weaver's role is small yet still memorable as Queen Isabella of Spain. I do not know if there's been a good movie made about Columbus... I understand that the same year's Christopher Columbus: The Discovery sure as hell ain't it as apparently that competing film is clearly worse. At least there's various books-or heck,even Wikipedia-that provide plenty of accurate information about Chris and why this movie is an incredibly romanticized version of history.

The Food Of The Gods

The Food of the Gods (1976)

Runtime: 88 minutes

Directed by: Bert I. Gordon

Starring: Marjoe Gortner, Pamela Franklin, Ralph Meeker, Jon Cypher, Ida Lupino

From: American International

At least this is entertaining cheese: 

Believe it or not this is not the first time I've seen this cheesefest before; as sometimes occurs, messageboard discussion spurned me checking this out again. It is quite silly but then again what else would you expect from Bert I. Gordon? 

As was popular at the time, this was a man vs. nature movie which deals with ecological horror and has such things as animals and nature itself rebelling against humanity due to humanity's abuse against Mother Earth. In this case, a mysterious substance is causing all animals that consume it (but only those that are not adult) to become giant-sized. There are giant chickens and wasps but it's mainly huge rats-brought to life by either giant puppets or miniaturized sets-that is the bugaboo of the cast, from those that are visiting the small British Columbia island or the residents, such as Ida Lupino.

The effects are rather quaint and at times the opticals don't look very good; that and the movie itself is inoffensive so even though there are some long stretches where you wish that other things were happening or that different animals would be used, I will say this movie is OK. The cast is fine (including the guy I'll call “Not Breckin Meyer”) although stereotypical-the young couple, the A-hole that causes a lot of problems, etc.-and at least the animal attacks elicit a little bit of terror; I know others will be most terrified that rats were obviously hurt and probably killed during the making of this motion picture-viewer beware.

Even with that element, I still say this has camp value and the overall message is still a good one-tenuous connection with the H.G. Wells story aside. Also, the landscape of the island they filmed on (Bowen Island, in British Columbia; looking at Google, it's still a pretty place) provided nice sights and it looked like a pleasant locale to visit... as long as giant chickens aren't around.

Something Evil

Something Evil (1972)

Runtime: 74 minutes

Directed by: Steven Spielberg!

Starring: Darren McGavin, Sandy Dennis, Ralph Bellamy, Jeff Corey, Johnny Whitaker

From: CBS Entertainment Production; this is a TV movie, you see

Here is something that would totally be forgotten if it wasn't for who directed this lousy picture. As is, most people don't know if its existence and the director prefers it that way: 

I am sure most people outside of the film world (and even some in it) have no knowledge of this TV movie even though the director is SPIELBERG. There's a very good explanation for the obscurity. I now see why even Old Steven was not a fan of how this turned out and why he probably would prefer that no one know about this, especially considering it came right after Duel and that is much better all around and from the one time I saw it many moons ago, it was way more terrifying also.

There were definitely some worthwhile horror TV movies in the 70's; this regrettably was not one of those, despite the director, a cast that had some familiar faces (Sandy Dennis, Darren McGavin, Ralph Bellamy), and a script from Robert Clouse. A family from New York City moves to a farm in “rural Pennsylvania”-obviously filmed in California judging by the hills-and they are a typical family with two young kids, the dad is in advertising and the mom is all about the arts & crafts. Spooky things happen, people die, and mom experiences odd moments connected to the barn. Yep, it's one of those things where the husband does not believe that his wife is experiencing those events as he does not witness them himself.

The plot may sound interesting; unfortunately for Something Evil, this was something that was not too good. It was only 74 minutes long and at times felt very disjointed, as if important scenes were not filmed. It is not really all that scary or frightening, and you can see how that is a huge issue. So is the film having too many shrill and irritating characters. Now, the directing is fine and there is some quality camerawork; the musical score is not bad. But when evil is manifested mainly by the wind as if it's The Happening and glowing jars... yikes. Then the final few minutes happen and while I can't say this wasn't hinted at, a twist happens and how in the blue hell did the characters figure it out? Talk about a revelation that will blindside you as it comes out of absolutely nowhere.

I won't crucify Spielberg for the movie's failings, as even the cinematic titans that are the all-time-great directors have had some motion pictures that did not turn out so well, for a number of different reasons. If you were to go through his entire filmography, this is one that should be saved until the very end as most of the rest are much better than this.

Happy Birthday, Rachael Leigh Cook

Yep, today is her birthday, and believe it or not she is now 39 years old. A lovely lady she still is, along with a funny lady and one that is very nice, as I talked about back in July when I was lucky enough to meet her.

Last night I did not see any film and tonight I'll revisit a film with Rachael in it (Antitrust, to be exact) so a better review of it can be posted on Letterboxd. Saturday evening expect a post here about something I've never seen before.

This Is Cinerama

This is Cinerama (1952)

Runtime: 124 minutes

Directed by: Merian C. Cooper/Gunther von Fritsch/Ernest B. Schoedsack/Michael Todd, Jr.

Starring: This is a documentary starring Lowell Thomas

From: Cinerama Productions Corp.

In the past I've talked about some other Cinerama productions; it was about time I saw the very first one; I watched the 2018 Flicker Alley Blu release. Unlike with their first release of the film, Flicker Alley had access to the original camera negative, resulting in a much-improved picture and sound. 

This is Cinerama is for certain a sizzle reel to the general public so they could experience something that was astounding for the time. Later productions from Cinerama are more impressive when it comes to visuals yet I do respect the hell out of this for what it did. After all, widescreen movies with stereo sound wouldn't be a thing if it wasn't for Cinerama, as they did it first. Audiences back around this time in 1952 must have been shocked to see a color movie in widescreen on a screen that wrapped 140 degrees around them (Flicker Alley replicated that using a simulated image known as Smilebox) with a 6 channel stereo soundtrack.

The movie starts off with a short prologue in black and white and fullscreen as the history of film is discussed. Then the rest of the journey begins, which includes the likes of a ride on a now long-defunct rollercoaster, the Vienna Boys Choir, a clip from an opera, footage from Venice, the former Cypress Gardens, and gorgeous scenery from the Western half of the United States. Lowell Thomas narrates this and also appears on camera; well, he is not a fountain of charisma. Then again, I am not one to talk there and besides, he was not only a veteran newscaster but filmed various sights in World War I, including T.E. Lawrence... that resulted in Lawrence of Arabia becoming popular. So who am I to diss him?

Part of the high rating is due to historical significance but I generally was charmed by this fancy tech demo. Interesting sights and sounds are seen from... well, not around the world but the United States and Europe, and the score (mainly composed by an uncredited Max Steiner; he was a Warner Brothers employee at the time) was as majestic as was befitting such images. YMMV but even with the first one I can be charmed by what it is.

Hell Fest

Hell Fest (2018)

48% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 29 reviews)

Runtime: 89 minutes

Directed by: Gregory Plotkin

Starring: Amy Forsyth, Reign Edwards, Bex Taylor-Klaus, Christian James, Roby Attal

From: Several different companies

If only more people liked this or gave it a chance...

I get if someone doesn't care for the movie; Lord knows there are plenty who didn't, judging from sites like this and CinemaScore. Personally, I thought this was a lot of fun and while it doesn't have all the hallmarks of an 80's slasher, I was definitely reminded of one and this not doing so well at the box office probably means in the future we'll continue to get the same old same old at the box office when it comes to the genre... including PG-13 crap like The Bye Bye Man and other movies I understand are putrid, such as Truth or Dare and Slender Man.

The plot is rather straightforward and in fact they don't waste much time at all in getting to the titular Hell Fest. It is a traveling carnival which visits various wooded areas during the Halloween season. A group of friends attend this event one night and unfortunately for them, a masked killer is after them. Admittedly, you don't know too much about any of the leads as there isn't a lot of characterization with them aside from stereotypes-although that certainly can be said about many slashers from the past-such as the nice lead girl, the dude the lead girl has a shine to, the horny male characters, and a punk rock girl who is rather brash and is incredibly blunt.

Among the kills are only two moments that could be described gruesome (although they were definitely impressive) and unlike most 80's slashers you don't see any breasts... otherwise this did feel like one of those films. For me this had many assets. The cast was at least fine; those that were led to believe due to the advertising that Tony Todd would have a big role... he doesn't. Lead girl Natalie is definitely likable as someone who is too busy due to school/work and I am sure many can relate; Amy Forsyth did a swell job with the role. Hell Fest itself looked awesome with its rural setting and colorful haunted houses, along with all the costumed wonders scaring the patrons at any and all opportunities. The aesthetic and mood were great.


Mix in entertaining horror setpieces and like I said I wish this movie would have fared better in the court of public opinion. What they did with the villain and their identity was a neat twist; it certainly led to a chilling finale. Maybe this will earn more fans once it reaches disc and streaming.

The Houses October Built

The Houses October Built (2014)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: Bobby Roe

Starring: Bobby Roe, Brandy Schaefer, Zack Andrews, Mikey Roe, Jeff Larson

From: Room 101/Foreboding Films

Yep, this is another found footage movie, but this was another one that I thought was fine: 

What better film to discuss on October 1 than one with such a title? I am not surprised that something like this has scores all over the map on Letterboxd, but I found it to be fine. The camaraderie among the quintet we follow is a big asset, along with the general premise.

That premise: this is yet another found footage flick, but the idea is interesting. They are in a rented RV and they go to Texas in order to film various haunted houses/similar spooky attractions and some of that footage is from actual locations in the Lone Star State. They wish to experience an “extreme” haunted house known as the Blue Skeleton and as weird things escalate with various workers at those joints appearing to F with them... yes they do experience something terrifying. From Google I know that there are actually attractions like this (the McKamey Manor being the most infamous example, where you are made to vomit, eat cockroaches, are physically assaulted, etc. No thank you to any of that real life torture porn).

It is rather ludicrous how the group continues on with the winding journey to the Blue Skeleton experience despite all the threatening moments that happen to them. Still, this is a movie I thought was not bad. Sure, there are jump scares (and not just during the footage you see in real attractions) yet there are also chilling moments; like in Hell House LLC there are incredibly creepy clowns... also, what happens in the final act would be utterly terrifying to anyone & everyone.

As I previously stated, I am not stunned the scores for this movie on Letterboxd are all over the place; I can admit the characters can sometimes be pretty dopey and the ending is on the precipitous side. I also wouldn't have minded more footage from the actual attractions, although I know there are legit documentaries about the topic. That noted, there was enough to where I can give this a decent rating.