Buddha's Palm

Buddha’s Palm (Ru Lai Shen Zhang) (1982)

Runtime: 97 mesmerizing minutes

Directed by: Taylor Wong

Starring: Derek Tung-Sing Yee, On-On Yu, Kara Ying Hung Wai, Alex Man, Lo Lieh

From: Shaw Brothers

Featuring: CUCKOLD KUNG FU, dragons named Dopey, animated effects shooting from hands, multiple narrators that are never identified, swastika fireballs, lightsabers, an important character that always announces his (fashionably late) arrival, boils that shoot out acid, moments ripped off later in Big Trouble in Little China, and more.

For those that enjoy the WTF nature of the legendary The Boxer’s Omen, Buddha’s Palm (also from Shaw Brothers) is on the same street. Note that Omen is more coherent than Palm, relatively speaking. I couldn’t really tell you what was going on in Buddha’s Palm but perhaps that was by design. Notwithstanding, I was perversely entertained by the spectacle that played in front of my eyes via Arrow’s streaming service.

This has characters w/ names like Blazing Cloud Mad God and items w/ such names as Ever-Faceted Pearl Orchid. If a plot description must be given… a mediocre dude in a menial job suddenly is trained by a long dormant God in a world full of Gods who have supernatural powers and train human disciples to use those powers. Our hero encounters both people he’ll befriend along with various enemies.

I dare not give away the rest of the bugnuts insanity on display in Buddha’s Palm; people may not believe me anyhow. As you’d expect from Shaw, the sets were immaculate, the action crisp & well-choreographed. What was unexpected: a score that usually sounded like one “inspired” by Isao Tomita; that is meant as a compliment as it was a rather pleasant electronic score which managed to work for this setting.

Buddha’s Palm is a must for those that love the bonkers, outrageous martial arts movies.

M3GAN 2.0

M3GAN 2.0 (2025)

57% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 204 reviews) 

Runtime: A full two hours

Directed by: Gerald Johnstone

Starring: The returning cast members, plus the likes of Ivanna Sakhno, Aristotle Athari & Jermaine Clement

From: Universal/Blumhouse/Atomic Monster 

If they HAD to make a sequel, at least it wasn't a rehash of the original. That is my opinion of M3GAN 2.0. The OG M3GAN was silly yet rather entertaining in its tale of an AI doll gone wrong as a tech aunt just doesn't know how to raise her little niece. Social media (in particular TikTok) loved the title character, her wacky dancing, and her sarcastic dialogue. Theatrical audiences don't feel the same now; it is 2 1/2 years later & releasing in the summer rather that in the doldrums of January like the original also played a factor.

While watching the film, how ludicrous the plot was: obvious. Further scrutiny would beyond question make the story look even worse. Be that as it may, this tale of M3GAN tech's usage in the creation of a military weapon known as AMELIA which of course goes awry which of course requires an upgraded M3GAN to combat the threat... Terminator 2: Judgment Day was an obvious inspiration; more surprising to me was the references to a certain disgraced action star of the past along with other nostalgia points from my childhood.

The bold idea to make 2.0 a sci-fi action-thriller w/ few horror elements and some comedy when horror-comedy-science fiction was the first's genres: if not always successful, the decision to not make a Xerox (or Xenox in this film's universe) copy but instead change genres and create a big plot w/ end-of-the-world stakes was at least an inspired one. It was even low-budget, at least by modern standards. The action & the modern way it was filmed: not spectacular yet not terrible either. The cast was fine although Jermaine Clement as the billionaire tech bro was the funniest character.

Not a surprise that the reception to this film was as mixed as the first, despite the bountiful amount of differences between the two. As much of a dumb modern movie as M3GAN 2.0 is, somehow I was able to laugh along with it and 2.0 was enjoyable poppycock.

BloodRayne

BloodRayne (2005)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: Uwe Boll

Starring: A cast full of famous faces who I hope were paid well

From: Several different companies

RIP Michael Madsen

I realize how inappropriate it is to pay tribute to a popular actor in cinephile circles by discussing an Uwe Boll film. That said, Madsen spent most of his career in the world of B-movies, I’ve reviewed Reservoir Dogs before (his performances was a key component of making that so memorable) and long ago, I actually saw BloodRayne—not that more than a scene or two were remembered. Plus, what a madman Boll is. At the end I’ll say more about that crazy German. Regrettably, Madsen looked like he did NOT want to be there. With any luck, he and all the other famous faces at least enjoyed being in Romania.

BloodRayne was one of those movies from Boll loosely adapted from a videogame and financed due to loopholes in German tax laws that were closed soon after this picture was released. Kristanna Loken is a dhampir; around here, explaining that she is half-vampire/half-human probably isn’t necessary. The particulars of the plot aren’t necessary either-it is nonsense. Note that Boll took the first draft (yes, first draft) of a script that Guinevere Turner-yes, of American Psycho fame-wrote and filmed that. Of course, the finished product was far different than the script. Unfortunately, the plot progression is best described as “lurching forward” mixed w/ general incoherence and an amazingly bad final act. Despite some funny moments & bloody gore, the overall experience isn’t great.

I hope that the likes of Madsen, Loken, Michelle Rodriguez, Udo Kier, Ben Kingsley (naturally, he was the villain), Geraldine Chaplin, Meat Loaf (who delivered the only deliberately campy performance) and Billy Zane were paid well. The performances in general are best described as “phoning it in” or “only OK at best, probably due to inexperience.” Yes, Meat Loaf’s wig was the most guffaw-worthy, although the ones that Madsen and Zane donned were also a riot.

Ultimately, Bloodrayne also looked/felt cheap so the sets that looked OK were a nonstarter for my appreciation for the picture. There are worse/funnier Boll movies out there, and the same goes for Michael Madsen movies with the addition of actual good films. Godspeed to Mr. Madsen; there are gems out there waiting to be discovered. Possibly one day…

There likely aren’t that many gems from Uwe Boll out there; yet, I can’t hate the man. He isn’t great at his job yet he became infamous for being so antagonistic against his (many) critics, he once fought against some of them in boxing matches! His wild, brash personality still amuses me… not enough to see more of his movies when more than one was SO bad they couldn’t even be finished and none I would even call “good,” mind you. For certain, neither sequel to BloodRayne will ever be tackled by me-those are allegedly even worse.

Frogs

Frogs (1972)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: George McCowan

Starring: Ray Milland, Sam Elliott, Joan Van Ark, Adam Roarke, Judy Pace

From: AIP

The 4th of July setting was the main reason why the film was watched last night. To explain fully, yesterday afternoon I was participating in a YouTube stream when someone else brought up this motion picture and how it was appropriate for the holiday. As Frogs is yet another one I’ve known of for years and the cast featured several familiar names (Joan Van Ark, Ray Milland, Sam Elliott sans mustache), why not view some eco-horror last night?

Elliott is a freelance photographer doing a piece on pollution. He meets the rich Crockett family, who just love polluting the environment. At first I thought it mainly the fault of Milland’s character, the irritable patriarch of the family… then I realized that they’re all rotten people, totally dysfunctional. No wonder his Jason Crockett is ill-tempered. Nature decides to get revenge on that A-hole family-Ray even calls him & his family “the ugly rich.” To steal a line from a mutual, the other family members wish that Jason… would croak.

Frogs has a mixed reception; I get it. There are many different species that do the attacking, and the biggest role those amphibians had was “their croaking is constant background noise and there are many shots of them sitting or moving about.” Of course, more than a few people will be steamed that a movie entitled “Frogs” doesn’t have killer frogs. Why hasn’t there been a killer frog movie? Seems like a missed opportunity.

The first half is methodically-paced; some find it “slow” which is valid, although they usually don’t bother me that much & it didn’t here. Present is decent atmosphere-especially at night-and is filmed in a lovely part of rural Florida… the panhandle, to be exact, which is more like the Deep South than the palm tree area of Florida I am a resident of.

Ultimately, I was won over by the combination of a soundtrack full of “electronic sound effects,” the period fashion, the swampy setting, the abundance of different animals, the enveloping atmosphere, and low-budget AIP charm. Many won’t be won over by that and in fact will feel this is disappointing; I can’t argue with that opposing viewpoint.

Elio

Yep, the new Disney/Pixar joint: 
 

It wasn’t my original plan to see this film last night; however, circumstances beyond my control happened. Thus, what I was going to view will instead be tackled sometime next week. Elio fit my schedule best; I went into the film relatively blind. Sure, I’d seen the (lousy) marketing efforts & knew the premise, along w/ its status as Pixar’s biggest flop at the box office. Otherwise… what a surprise it was to return home and discover the turmoil behind the scenes; there’s a reason this has three credited directors. The detail that this was an original story from Disney rather a sequel or another rehash was a nice change of pace.

Eventually, the movie did win me over as it recounted the titular character, raised by his Air Force cadet aunt due to his parents passing away… he’s obviously “on the spectrum” without being ID’ed as such. He has his own language he spoke w/ his late parents, after all. Like me when I was real little and more than one of my nephews, space is a big deal. As he’s a misfit w/ no friends, contacting aliens seemed like a swell idea. Well, that happens and he’s in a utopia… but a war-mongering species is a looming threat.

Faults aside, I still had a pretty good time. It’s Pixar so there was no question that the animation would be stunning; the colors and the design were both impressive. As someone who was a little kid in the 80’s, of course the blatant nods to 80’s sci-fi (including specific films that won’t be spoiled here) and the 80’s in general were appreciated by me; no kidding, ham radios are a key plot point! So were the moments that were scary, at least by Pixar standards. Unfortunately for the studio and Pixar, this is bombing at the box office. There are several probable reasons why… the bad marketing, growing distrust of the brands, waiting for Disney+.

Compounding the problem was those production issues. Originally present was a queer subtext and a Hispanic flavor for the Hispanic leads. Original director Adrian Molina (who grew up on a military base as a kid; this was personal for him) left after changes were made, because reasons. Gone was that subtext and so was America Ferrara; thus, Elio and aunt felt more generic and two directors replaced Molina-Madeline Sharafian & Domee Shi. While it’s neat and all that they both are female, one wonders if the original vision would have been better and earned more at the box office—who knows for certain, given the firestorm that happens in America now when anything regarding homosexuality is presented or addressed.

Many people on Letterboxd seem to rate the movie highly; whether they knew of the problems beforehand and if that knowledge will later make them rate the movie lower… again, who knows. Is it among the best of Pixar, especially compared to the legendary run they had in this early 2000’s? Nope. Conversely, Elio the film could burn bright like a shooting star for you, especially if you like some combination of outer space, autism, aliens, pretty colors, and/or ham radios.

Hellzapoppin'

Hellzapoppin’ (1941)

Runtime: 84 madcap minutes

Directed by: H.C. Potter

Starring: Ole Olsen, Chic Johnson, Martha Raye, Hugh Herbert, Jane Frazee

From: Universal

How do I even begin to describe this movie? It is one that I’ve known of for years; the descriptions were so bizarre that there was always curiosity, yet the lack of legal streaming options prevented me from a review much sooner. Elsewhere, I saw footage of Whitey’s Lindy Hoppers, a Black swing dancing group who performed in the film. A random YouTube channel recently uploaded this in 4K quality, although there were no attempts to AI remove the specks of dust or what have you.

This was based on a Broadway stage production from Ole Olsen and Chic Johnson; from what I understand, the first 15 minutes of this were more like the stage production, which was totally zany and full of improv each night; they even had a performer interact w/ the crowd after each performance. Here, after the opening-which absolutely shattered the 4th wall; I knew that none other than Shemp Howard depicted the film’s projectionist-Olsen & Johnson were inserted into a random romantic musical, the plot of which wasn’t all that important. Instead, the non-sequitors, talking to the camera, wacky gags, and general anarchy continued. 

Not all the humor landed but plenty of it did; it wasn’t just that which make me enjoy a movie I was curious about for ages. Rather, it was the obvious influence it had on future movie parodists-while being a unique creation I’ve never seen replicated before or since. It is possible Hellzapoppin doesn’t compare to any other motion picture in history. Most of the musical numbers are good, although not spectacular… EXCEPT for a truly astonishing 5 minute segment where Whitey’s Lindy Hoppers play a hot jazz number then unleash some absolute bonkers dance moves. There was the highlight of the entire picture.

At the same time, I don’t want to diminish the hysterical role that Martha Raye played; she was the zaniest female part of note. For those wanting something singular unlike any other, one that shatters the 4th wall and pokes fun at the Hays Code while mentioning them by name, Hellzapoppin’ is-at the moment-thankfully easy to track down.

Curse of the Devil

Curse of the Devil (El Retorno De Walpurgis) (1973)

Runtime: 84 minutes

Directed by: Carlos Aured

Starring: Paul Naschy, Fabiola Falcon, Mariano Vidal Molina, Maritza Olivaras, Jose Manuel Martin

From: A few different Spanish and Mexican companies

It was finally time to see more Paul Naschy. He’s a famous European horror star who precious little has been seen of. There are more famous or well-regarded efforts but Devil was on Shudder; as for that, July is a time where more from Shudder and Arrow’s streaming site needs to be tackled. Getting my money’s worth out of constantly subscribing to them is only the logical thing to do.

As he was wont to do often, Naschy (who sometimes dressed like a prototypical Han Solo!) portrayed Waldemar Daninsky, who either already had the curse of lycanthrophy or an event would result in him becoming a werewolf. The latter happened here via a creative method. Yellow-hued flashbacks opened the picture; an old relative from long ago was a witch-hunter and killed a member of the Bathory family. A curse was placed on the lineage; Waldemar slaying a wolf that was actually a werewolf triggered the curse.

The film will be too languid and lacking in incident for some. Me, I can enjoy the film for doing various things decently. That includes the performances, the score, the sets, the score, the atmosphere, and for some, the presence of full-frontal female nudity! I find charm in such things, along with the presence of a random axe-wielding villain who is mainly present as a misdirection for the film’s characters, i.e. who is butchering random people.

No matter your opinion of the film, at least the Vinegar Syndrome print looks rather resplendent.