Halloween H20

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)

Runtime: 86 minutes

Directed by: Steve Miner

Starring: Jamie Lee Curtis, Josh Hartnett, Michelle Williams, Alan Arkin, Jodi Lyn O'Keefe

From: Dimension Films

Somehow, I had never seen this before last night. Turns out, my life wasn't ruined by not seeing it at the time. I explain why in my Letterboxd review:

Would you believe that I had never seen this movie before last night? Tis true. That is despite being a teenager in high school when it came out and I had already watched the first two flicks by the time it came out, which is all you needed for the continuity of this film. Here's another old story from my past: back when it came out in '98, I remember hearing some people I know talk about the movie and one noted that he wasn't a fan. I am sure everyone knows by now the killcount of this wasn't high, and they didn't like that. I did not argue but I thought, “Hey, that's just like the first Halloween.” Still, I never felt like checking it out, as I had heard many negative opinions of it since '98. Well, I thought those people were right.

I am sure everyone knows that Laurie Strode returns and only the first two Halloween movies are canon in this universe. That's all well and good... except that this movie is dull. The original is slowly paced, but it's always interesting as there are memorable and characters you can relate to. Here, there's plenty of dialogue that just made me shake my head and sigh. The Kevin Williamson effect was obvious and even if I hadn't heard he did uncredited rewrites I would have figured it out. In the future I'll do longer reviews of the Scream movies but as a whole they are fine. I would have preferred it if this movie wouldn't have come off as wanting to be a Scream sequel. Heck, you see part of Scream 2 on a television, and instead of using John Ottman's score, much of it is replaced, some of it by music from Scream and Scream 2. This SO seems like a product of the late 90's, and that is even if you exclude the CREED song you hear in the end credits.

I thought some of the dialogue was really bad & made me cringe in how it failed to be “hip” for “the kids”, and that's not even taking into account the obvious references present. Jamie Lee's mom Janet Leigh appearing is fine and all, and her name being “Norma” is cute. However, they hammer in the references to Psycho and that got old. The thing is, the cast was decent, there were some creepy moments and the final showdown between Laurie and her brother had some cool moments. Then, it got over the top... of course, there being no John Carpenter or Donald Pleasence definitely hurts. You couldn't do anything about either; Carpenter always felt like he got ripped off by the Akkad family.

The long wait for me to see this, it made me realize I did not miss much by not watching this bland, flatly directed mostly forgettable flick. I can say that two moments made me laugh real loud: Joseph Gordon-Levitt and his friend saying that they'll get “wasted” after Levitt pilfered one beer for the each of them (as it does sound like something that teenage boys would do) and then there's the subplot of LL Cool J and him writing what's supposed to be serious novel but instead it's pretty much smut and had he been in 2016 he would have quite the library of stories on either AO3 or Fanfiction.net! It's so strange and doesn't fit with the movie, I just had to guffaw.

The Reunion

The Reunion (2011)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Directed by: Michael Pavone

Starring: John Cena, Ethan Embry, Michael Rispoli, Boyd Holbrook, Gregg Henry

From: The wonderful WWE Studios

This movie... it sucked. I'll explain why below: 

This is one of the movies about to vanish from Netflix Instant at the end of the month and as many of the movies I have in my queue can be found elsewhere but this one isn't so I decided to go with this obscure WWE Studios production, where the one wrestler in the cast is John Cena, before he became an Internet meme. Well, this is one movie not really worth seeing so its leaving Instant is no big deal.

The plot has Cena, Ethan Embry, Michael Rispoli and Boyd Holbrook as half-siblings. Their terrible father just died and they have to work together to get 12 million dollars. Embry is a bail bondsman and the guy he had a bond on went to Mexico... after kidnapping billionaire Gregg Henry. The three half-brothers work together to try and get that reward money. Goofy, but I was willing to go with it... unfortunately, all the siblings just love bickering with each other and they are all somewhere on the scale of being an asstagonist, and I can tell you for certain that Embry as Leo is a gigantic asstagonist, someone who I could not stand at all.

Then again, the villains are petty annoying too. There are various story issues to boot (there are plenty of unanswered questions, such as the audience never having any club just what exactly the billionaire does for a living and how he became a billionaire) and the ending made me want to throw something at the screen. There is some alright action but that's no reason to see this. Cena gets shot in one scene but that ends up barely even slowing him down... meaning he was just like his pro wrestling character. In addition, I knew I was in trouble when the movie began and Holbrook is being released from prison... and all the prisoners give him a standing ovation because they love him! Um, what?

Like I said, this suddenly being hard to find in the streaming world is no great tragedy.

Lady Vengeance (i.e. Sympathy For Lady Vengeance)

Lady Vengeance (Chinjeol Geumjassi) (2005)

Runtime: 115 minutes

Directed by: Chan-Wook Park

Starring: Yeong-Ae Lee, Min-Sik Choi, Shi-Hoon Kim, Yea-Young Kwon, Tony Barry

From: Several South Korean companies

I thought that this would be a busy weekend full of movie-watching. Well... there's an issue with my air conditioning so that's why I am not focused on films. Still, I'll try to see some today and tomorrow, and those reviews will be popping up who knows when. As for this movie, it's 0-2 when it comes to Park's films, as I disliked this as much as I did Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance. I explain why in my short Letterboxd review below:

You know, I have to make a controversial statement here. I typically enjoy watching South Korean movies, which is something I should do more often. However, I have discovered that the films of Chan-Wook Park just are not for me. Sympathy for Lady Vengeance was relentlessly ugly and brutal, not pleasing at all for me. This movie, it will be gone from Netflix Instant at the end of this month so I figured I should give it a shot.

After all, the general story sounded interesting: “a unjustly convicted young lady is freed from prison and is looking for revenge against those who created the plot to put her in prison”. It sounds like something I'd dig. However, the story... not only did I also find it incredibly unpleasant but it was just preposterous and nonsensical. The movie has its moments (this does not include all that cake/Tofu stuff; is this a cultural thing I have no knowledge of or was this just a failed attempt at being “amusing” by being “wacky”?) but they were few and far between for me. Instead, I was just turned off by much of what I was seeing, and boy does it get worse as it progresses.

I think I am done with Chan-Wook Park's movies for good. Yes, that means never seeing the much-beloved Oldboy. If I have major tonal issues/think what he does is too off-putting with what I've seen so far, with what I know about Oldboy I am pretty sure that is something else I won't like at all. Sorry, everyone.

Savage Beach

Savage Beach (1989)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: Andy Sidaris

Starring: Dona Spier, Hope Marie Carlton, John Aprea, Bruce Penhall, Al Leong

From: Malibu Bay Films

The past few days I have rewatched the Andy Sidaris movies Malibu Express, Hard Ticket to Hawaii and Picasso Trigger; all of them are goofy yet endearing due to the type of films they are and them targeting a certain demographic. I did that so I could give them better reviews on Letterboxd. Well, this isn't as good as those; this one actually tries to be serious! I explain all that below:

Here is my last Andy Sidaris movie for at least a few weeks, as seeing too many of these in too short a time could be harmful to my brain. Plus, this just wasn't up to snuff compared to the director's previous three movies. Andy Sidaris actually tried to be serious here, and talk about not playing to your strengths. Sure, there's still some bare breasts, but it's certainly not as wacky or goofy as the previous three he did.

Instead, it's all about the two lead ladies trying to fly medicine to a far-away island or else some sick children there will die (that plot point was pretty much forgotten about, BTW) but they crash on a different island, one where “buried treasure” from the Japanese in World War II is said to be located, and several different people are looking for it.

Yeah, it's not that exciting, aside from such hilarity as a Japanese actor obviously in his 20's having on bad old age makeup to look like someone who has lived on that island since World War II. Plus, I've seen plenty of movies with B movie legend Al Leong (he's also a stuntman) in them. Most of those roles were like the one in Die Hard, where the part is small and he doesn't speak; at least in that film you can remember that he's the one who grabbed the candy bar to eat. Well, here he has a larger part, and he actually has dialogue to say.

Even with that, most people would probably be fine with skipping this, as there are other Sidaris pictures to see if you want to check out the sort of entertainment he's best known for. I understand that after this Mr. Sidaris returned to what he is best at, and I'll discover that on a later date. At least now I can focus on “actual” movies, or at least ones that are more intellectually stimulating than the last few I have seen.

I Talk The Unrated Producer's Cut

As I promised in the last review I posted here, here are my thoughts of the alternate version of Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers. My thoughts are below. Note that I'll be back on Friday as I'll be rewatching some old things for Letterboxd:

Two days ago, I reviewed the theatrical version of this movie for Letterboxd, and noted how it was awful and thus it deserved the one star it got. I had never seen this version before, which was a popular bootleg for years as it was the workprint version of this film. Finally, it was put out on disc for people to see. To be perfectly honest, this is certainly better than the Theatrical Cut, but in no way would I call this “good”... unless you're comparing only the movies in the franchise to each other.

I was surprised to see it wasn't as different as I was led to believe. Basically, it was edited better and material was added in or sometime excised and that made it not so incoherent to watch, that is for sure. There is more footage of both Jamie Lloyd and Dr. Loomis, and to mention what I thought were two big keys, Alan Howarth's score was restored and the ending wasn't the disaster we saw in the theatrical cut; sure it's goofy but it's better.

However, what's the old adage about making chicken salad out of chicken shi... well, you know? As I said in the other review all the problems during production ruined whatever story screenwriter Daniel Farrands came up with and while the changes here usually were for the better (but not always; a thing or two they made more explicit than I thought they should have) the story still has its issues and the performances weren't always up to snuff. It makes the theatrical version something that you can skip past by watching this instead, but it's still not a good horror picture.

Snake Eater...

is still a bad yet hilarious movie; I confirmed this by watching it last night on the El Rey Network. I reviewed it back in 2011 here.

Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

Runtime: 88 minutes

Directed by: Joe Chappelle

Starring: Donald Pleasence, “Paul Stephen Rudd”, Marianne Hagan, Mitchell Ryan, Bradford English

From: Dimension

Yes, I finally got back to watching Halloween movies, and as I had remembered long ago, this is pretty awful. In a few days I'll see the “Unrated Producer's Cut” of this for the first time and I understand it's not as bad. What they put out theatrically... it's pretty appalling. I explain it all in my Letterboxd review copied and pasted below:

NOTE: This is the theatrical cut I am reviewing; in a few days I will watch and review the Unrated Producer's Cut that I haven't seen before but has to be better than this, or at least not as rancid.

Last fall I rewatched the first five Halloween movies; talk about a mixed bag. As I had seen this bad movie once before (and believe it or not this is the newest Halloween film I have seen. The rest of the sequels I actually haven't watched yet, which I understand is probably a good thing if I wish to avoid seeing bad motion pictures) I knew that a second viewing probably wouldn't change my opinion, and I was right. This is pretty awful.

The general story seemed OK in theory. The screenwriter of the fifth film randomly included that man in black who busted him out of jail and never explained it so the filmmakers here decided to tie it in by going with the Celtic and Druid angle, which was at least mentioned before in the franchise. However, due to reasons not entirely known by me, there were many production issues during filming and there were plenty of reshoots and what ended up in the theatrical cut is an incoherent almost incomprehensible mess. A bunch of random things happen haphazardly that you couldn't possibly care about and rather than end, the movie pretty much stops and doesn't resolve much of anything. What a limp and flaccid finale it was, and even more of a mess than the rest of the film.

As for the performances, meh. Even Donald Pleasence did not deliver a great performance; then again he was hardly in this version of the film anyhow. What an insulting end to that character, by the way. “Paul Steven Rudd” makes him movie debut here and the lasting memory of his performance is that while his character appeared earlier in the series, it did not mean much anyway and he was a creepy voyeur who somehow became one of the heroes. They did not bring back Danielle Harris to reprise her role of Jamie Lloyd and the studio first acted like they did not want anything to do with her then gave her an insultingly low amount of money to do the role. The actress they cast instead was OK but the fans naturally were not happy with that.

To mention an aside, a few years ago I listened to a now defunct podcast where screenwriter Daniel Farrands (yes, the guy who later produced the Nightmare on Elm Street documentary Never Sleep Again and wrote Crystal Lake Memories) talked about the badness of this and the two tidbits I remember was that the role of the “shock jock” (which ended up being a pointless diversion) was going to be played by HOWARD STERN but he wisely turned it down and Farrands wished that Mike Myers would have appeared in the movie-for obvious reasons-even if it was just a cameo and yet the in-joke never happened.


Anyway, due to the troubled production I understand that most of the people involved have disowned this, and unless you want to see every movie in this franchise I suggest that you do the same and not bother wasting 1 ½ hours on this claptrap.